What would your perfect club be like?

49 comments

• parodyman-->

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  19 years ago

  I'd also like to add NAKED SHOT GIRLS to my list. They could have camoflage face paint and carry shot glasses in those bandoliers. When they pour you a shot (burbon only) they would take the cork out of the bottle with their snatch. I would find this endlessly entertaining and probably get sloppy drunk because I enjoy the novelty of the whole thing. -- But then that's just me, Parodyman-->
• parodyman-->

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  19 years ago

  I'm probably going to one more thing everyone here to death but hrer goes. One more thing at my ideal club. I'd like Salma Hayek to reproduce her dance she did in "From dusk til dawn." Now there is the way to get your liqour served to you. (Almost makes me want to drink tequila again.) My whole ideal club would be more of a "Titty Twister" venue. (The bar in the movie.) The only thing I would avoid is having actual vampires. Getting exsanguinated at the end of the evening does not sound like so much fun to me. Yeah, definately fuck that vampire shit.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  My ideal place would be a friendly laid-back neighborhood bar like Cheers with a little stage and jukebox in the corner for some cute local college girls to dance topless, and a back room without supervision or cameras for private dances. No bouncers, no parking or bathroom attendants, no shot girls, no admission fees and generally reasonable prices. There actually are places pretty much like this here and there, mostly in smaller metro areas or small towns, or in some older neighborhoods of a few large older cities like Philly. Brad's Brass Flamingo comes pretty close to this description. As did a couple of places in Key West that no longer exist.
• DandyDan

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  19 years ago

  Believe it or not, I am against topless waitresses. If they are cute and they flash their boobies (even the not-so-cute ones would be good if they're big), that's one thing, but to spend all night topless, maybe it's just me, but I think the novelty would wear out quickly. I went to a place with a topless bartender, and maybe it was the wrong girl (she just didn't look like my type), but I thought it got old quick.
• AbbieNormal

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  19 years ago

  My favorite suggestions so far are: 1) Skip the gown concept, it's a strip club. 2) Quick pick. I was at a place in San Antonio that did this, they called it the "boom boom". Every dancer circulated throught the club for one song. If you left a single on the table they'd give tou about a 30 second sample. 3) Topless waitresses.
• parodyman-->

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  19 years ago

  A stab at a perfect club: 1. A near by location in a nice area. 2. Free parking in a fenced in and guarded lot. 3. Reasonable cover charge. 4. Reasonable drink and dance prices. 5. Topless waitresses. 6. Small private dance areas with a door. 7. Bouncers who are respectful, friendly and keep a low profile. 8. All beautiful women. 9. The club treats the dancers and support staff well.
• casualguy

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  19 years ago

  I would like it if strippers would give me money to tip the dancers on stage. Then some hot looking girl got a topless dance from another dancer when she was sitting in front of me. Then she takes off her top as well. Very nice tits. Then other female customers go up to tip dancers on stage and reveal some nice nipples and tits themselves. Then the dances I get are very good as well. I like it when the club is like a big party. Oh wait, that was my night. I guess the dancers could dance for me for free but I have to be somewhat realistic I believe.
• DandyDan

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  19 years ago

  I have no idea. I have been to clubs that I like which are small and large. Full contact lap dances with amazonian women in a private room would be great. A laid back atmosphere would be great. Of course, free beer would be great, too, but that's not realistic. Being I'm sort of a "Beers of the World" guy, a place that served stuff beyond Bud and Miller and Coors would be great. And if they played only the greatest rock of all time (no rap), that would be great as well.
• gatorjoe2

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  19 years ago

  Simple things matter Large, well lit free parking No line to get in 3 stages, 3 song performances (clothed, topless, naked) Sexy/Cute Outfits not evening wear Separate Bar and Table Seating with Bar being big enough to accomodate 2-3 barmaids Cute Waitress No Smoking(Mons Venus Tampa) or if Smoking is allowed really really good vents (high ceilings help) Cheap Drinks (currently paying 5 for a bottle, even 3 would be better) 20 dollars per dance no more I like my places to be jamming (Seating should be available most times, but not at peak capacity) No bathroom attendents (these guys still creep me out) Bouncers/Managers are better seen, but not instrusive (ie should protect the dancers from the damn cheap skates who pinch their asses) Shot Girls --- Only if they are cute and something cheaper than 20 dollars for a shot and a mini lapper and whip cream sucking DJs are fine, but are better if they are just announcing who the ladies are with bit of banter for the bachleor/birthday parties---- Telling me to clap is the firrst sign you need to go--- oh and a good mix of music (Oldies and Current--- Hip Hop and Pop and Rock) Not a fan of the pool/darts/rec rooms seems like girls running off and one place I went had a pool table the girls were never around Food---I can go either way, Doesn't impress me ever so, ehh...
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Parody, one more post like that and you will join RL on my "do not read" list.
• AbbieNormal

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  19 years ago

  No, no... parodyman is showing his tolerance! He respects ALL people, unless they disagree with him or they piss him off in some way. Let's limit the discussion to your PERFECT CLUB. GOD, NOW I am TYPING like RL! OH no I CAN'T STOP!
• corey

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  19 years ago

  The Sundowner in Niagara Falls is the perfect club. bar none.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Chitown, unfortunately I never get to Indianapolis anymore and the places around here just don't measure up. More money for less fun. My favorite place I rated a 7 on my last review. I only go because there's a girl there who is out of this world. Otherwise I wouldn't go there at all. Yuk.
• chitownlawyer

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  19 years ago

  FONDL, you took the words right out of my mouth. In fact, since I don't mind the way that the VIP room at Brad's is set up, I consider it to be the perfect club. Now I'm really looking forward to an upcoming visit...
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  My perfect club would be just like Brad's Brass Flamingo in Indianapolis. Fairly small in a safe neighborhood with a Cheers-type laid-back party atmosphere. Inexpensive - $10 laps and $50 per half hour VIP room. Young, cute, friendly girls who like to have fun. Little hustle. High contact. The only thing missing is private booths. But I still give it a 9+. Anyone remember Priate's Den in Key West, which was shut down about 10 years ago? Now there was a 10, the only one I've ever seen. Brad's with private booths.
• komey1970

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  19 years ago

  I propose the "quick pick". That would be where all the girls are out in the open and give a sample of what they would get in a lap dance. This would happen at a special time so all the dancers would participate for about 10 minutes.
• SuperDude

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  19 years ago

  Line of sight is important. No seats behind poles or so far away the customer can't see. No shot girls. No floor hustlers for trinkets. No tipping $20 for a decent seat. No features. Dancers on three stages at all times. A rec room off to one side so the customer could shoot pool, play darts or video games with dancers. TV monitors showing porn. Free condoms in mens room. Self parking in a secured lot. VIP pass for no cover entry.
• parodyman-->

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  19 years ago

  My ideal club would only let people like abbynormal in if they had a splintery wooden crucifix shoved in their ass. And tape over their mouths so they couldn't preach.
• Lil_Baller100

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  3 years ago

  Reefers and a dump truck azz
• Icee Loco (asshole)

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  3 years ago

  It would be all about the girls. I'd have a 3 strikes you're fired policy when it comes to club rules. But I'd pay $15 sn hour plus full benefits No extras Let girls take turns managing the club. Bartender. Waitressing. Djing Offer money management club management bartending courses to dancers for free Have a counselor come in once a week to see if girls want help with addictions abusive relationships etc Those who take courses or get help don't have to pay house fees or tipout. A free make your own taco bar for customers. Have different themed nights like studio 54, hustlers ball . A fetish night where customers can get whipped or spanked with a paddle. Most nights would play real gangster rap, regageton, Latin trap. Theme nights would have appropriate music. After hours parties every night. No bottle service. A $50 all you can drink beer and well drink special. $50 cover. Allow church and youth groups to use the premises for free for get togethers etc
• Icee Loco (asshole)

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  3 years ago

  It would be all nude and the girls would walk around topless. G strings heels and sexy tights or thigh highs fishnets would be the uniform. Other staff would wear electric blue shirts with iceys Angels written on them to make sure everyone knows they're staff lulz
• Icee Loco (asshole)

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  3 years ago

  I'd allow weed to be smoked inside.
• Icee Loco (asshole)

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  3 years ago

  Branch out to a topless dispensary
• Icee Loco (asshole)

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  3 years ago

  Free nonalcoholic drinks
• ilbbaicnl

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  3 years ago

  Being a social libertarian, I think strip clubs should be replaced by indoor pervert flea markets. Rent/security/cleaning paid for from seller (aka house) fees. Attached private booths/rooms with couches and/or beds, available for a fee. A few small stages with poles. The buyer cover charge would be to keep out freeloading gawkers, the buyer would get funny dollars that sellers could exchange for the real dollars. And yes lots of free, secure parking.
• Warrior15

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  3 years ago

  Read the Reviews on Hong Kong Gentlemen's Club. Now put that club and the Hotel Cascadas in a city near me. Hong Kong is referred to as a brothel. But it actually is the ultimate strip club that has the ultimate VIP choices.
• Warrior15

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  3 years ago

  ^ I might want a little more variety to the dancer selection though. I love Latinas. But it would be nice to have other options.
• TheeOSU

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  3 years ago

  Well since this 16 yr old thread has been bumped up I'd like to say that my perfect club would be any club that I could chill with my nigga phaticee and recruit stripper hoes for our winning team while we sipped our purple dranks.
• ilbbaicnl

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  3 years ago

  @Warrior15 a key factor is you get what you pay for. For most of us up on this site. a strip club is not a cool bar with oh by the way vagina. To get well-motivated attentions from a female, on a commercial basis, as big a percentage as possible of your $ has to go to said female. That doesn't seem to be the case with the TJ clubs.
• PinkSugarDoll

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  3 years ago

  I read a lot of these and many of them have one thing in common. Dancers do more for less money. We do a 2 song set on stage, it could be for $10, or $2. Stage is HARD on your body. Just being on your knees on a hard floor hurts and causes bruises, after only one night. And you want us to do 4 songs instead. ^^ one example. Best thing here was “You get what you pay for.” A club with a higher cover is usually a decently maintained club on the inside, as an example. K, cool thread.
• docsavage

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  3 years ago

  As a Indianapolis resident it was interesting to see the comment by FONDL above about why Brad's Brass Flamingo here in town is the perfect club with its cute, friendly, low hustle girls who offer high levels of contact for reasonable prices. Brad's isn't perfect but I have always thought it was the best club in town. In addition to being what I think is the best local club, Brad's is the most popular. I once asked a stripper who had worked in multiple local clubs including Brad's why the other club owners who were less successful didn't study Brad's and try to copy what they were doing right. Her reply was that it was an owner male ego thing. Most club owners think they are smarter than every other club owner and have nothing to learn from anyone else.
• Warrior15

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  3 years ago

  I just realized this was a 16 year old thread. I probably would not have commented if I had realized that before.
• AbbieNormal

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  3 years ago

  Think of it as timeless, not old.
• goldmongerATL

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  3 years ago

  Yes in 16 years many dancers have been replaced by their daughters. But either in 2005 or today my perfect club would be dark with tables all around the walls with floor length black tablecloths offering plenty of privacy for UHM lap dances. The tables in the center of the floor would be replaced by booth seating with similar tablecloths providing privacy. The booths would be arranged stadium style so you could see the stages but the would be sight blocked by the back of the booth in front of you. Dances would be the Atlanta standard $10. Dancers would all be 8's and up and none older than 30. Most would be enthusiastic about making "extra" money in the VIP rooms that have floor to ceiling walls, doors that lock and comfy bench seating along the wall. VIP would never cost more than $250 all in. I have found every one of these features at some club at some time. Just never at the same club.
• ilbbaicnl

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  3 years ago

  @Pink in my experience $2-10 is on the low end 2-3 songs on stage. I would guess the average is at least $30. But I general go Friday and Saturday nights. I did have one day shift ATF for a while. She was like yeah, they make me go on stage, so sure, I'll walk around and do a few butt pops. I'd prefer a club where dancers wear string bikinis, and only dance on stage if they choose to.
• nicespice

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  3 years ago

  Things I generally like… 1) professional enough staff members that avoids playing favorites 2) mileage standardized and everyone does about the same…and does at a level I don’t considered excessive (by my biased standards) 3) whatever the house/cut of dances and rooms/tip out to staff member is….doesn’t go above 20% 4) diversity in dancer body types, races, and age 5) diversity with clientele as far as types of jobs, ages, race 6) alcohol in the club but not a heavy drinking culture and feeling heavy pressure to drink to make a sale 7) money is consistent most shifts 8) laid back/lower stress environment 9) no excess rules like be here at this time, do scheduling, rules on acceptable outfits, etc But on the other hand, in my mind, the perfect club doesn’t exist. Nor is that possible, because I have add and just like being in different environments in general. I do have a general (very subjective) rubric. $40/hr average over three shifts is my bare minimum $ wise, and that is for a fun not-even-trying environment and can come and go as I please. The further a club is from what I consider “fun” or “easy” for ANY reason (whether it’s club staff, other dancers, customers, etc) the further high I set my money expectations. And that is the vast majority of them, but that is okay and I like many places.
• Hank Moody

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  3 years ago

  Penthouse club Detroit (RIP) with Follies (RIP) pricing.
• ilbbaicnl

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  3 years ago

  @ns I don't understand #2 and #6. They'd only make sense if there were so many jackhole customers that you couldn't walk away from them and still make decent money. That many jackholes means the place will be for shit one way or another. One of my non-extras ATFs made good money in a high-extras club, basically just by not looking like a heroin addict. #7 is the most unrealistic, and why does it matter if you make your average? Your low minimum $ goal is increasing my suspicions that you're really a sock puppet. From your selfies, I'd guess you could make six figures working 3 shifts per week, with little trouble. If not, it just proves how people are their own worst enemies. At any given time, I'd guesstimate at least 10% of guys would have happier lives, and could afford, getting at least a half hour lap dancing per week, even without extras. Less than 0.5% of women look as good as you and are willing to lap dance. So, in a non-stupid world, you should be in the money zone more than 10 hours a week on average.
• nicespice

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  3 years ago

  Money goes up and down. I do usually do better than my minimum though. (Which is a good thing because no particular club is low stress 100% of the time anyways) That’s just a baseline that I set, because I don’t like setting stupid high expectations, and while I do care about money, it’s not the only thing. But no, I don’t clear six figures. I’m too lazy for that lol. If you think #2 and #6 is odd…then go hang out in central Texas sometime. Can be competing with LOTS of activity on floor dances and pissing off customers. And also, drinking in general and bottle service in particular is huge there and yes customers do expect you to drink with them. Can always pull sneaky stuff like dumping it out but it is what it is, and something considered stressful
• nicespice

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  3 years ago

  Also, 100,000 divided by 3 divided by 50 is $667 Is that average possible? It is in a high end club with high dollar vip rooms with some 1-3k shifts to drag the overall averages up and boost the crappier shifts. My home club is a midtier club and I usually work during the day for five hours with occasional nightshifts here and there. Not going to average $667 in those conditions. (Which is perfectly fine with me)
• Subraman

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  3 years ago

  Mitchell Brothers 1996-2000 was the best club as I've ever been in. If we're trying to be *realistic*, many of the things I didn't like about the club -- astronomically high prices, lack of alcohol -- if we changed those things then the best things about the club would be gone too. The things I liked about the club: - Among the most beautiful lineups -- nightshift AND dayshift -- I've ever seen. Think Spearmint Rhino or Sapphire Vegas type lineups - Most of the girls do extras, from HJ to FS, a few girls did anal, a bunch did kink & fetishes - A variety of extras opportunities -- stand-up booths (only gotten HJs there), couch rooms, bed rooms, all curtained off & diff prices - The girls did put in some artistry into the stage and the various shows - Staff was mostly invisible In short, extras with girls who are as beautiful as in any high end non-extras alcohol club Downsides: high prices (many of you are paying less for FS today, than it cost for a BJ there in 1999), no alcohol The experience was way different than what I'm after these days, but boy I wish I could go back now and then. I have in mind what my realistically best alcohol club would be like, but just not sure that once you introduce alcohol, you can get away with as much. Not in CA at least, maybe you other guys are spoiled
• shailynn

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  3 years ago

  ^^^ hmmm this surprises me, I figured you would have went with an all male bathhouse type of club for your organization.
• Subraman

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  3 years ago

  Like I said, my ideal club has definitely changed. In the organization SJG and I are building, paunchy hairy men with saggy balls have their choice of fat cellulite-ridden ghetto girls with missing teeth. Some men prefer the company of other men; they can meet in what we're calling Shailynn's Shack, and oh what a shack!
• ilbbaicnl

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  3 years ago

  @ns Yeah I think the $100K figure is more in a world where men are smart enough to see they would get more satisfaction from a weekly low-extras lap dance than from a toxic "relationship" with a woman as homely as they are. Not a hard sell that strip clubs, probably along with almost everything else, are hellholes in David Koresh Land. Assuming you are somehow trapped there, very sorry about that.
• PinkSugarDoll

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  3 years ago

  “In the organization SJG and I are building” lol Nice.
• Icee Loco (asshole)

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  3 years ago

  But yall keep calling him the 🐐
• Cashman1234

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  3 years ago

  There was a club in Bloomfield NJ that has been closed for many years - but my idea club was that club - Hesrtbreakers. I would make a change - and remove the pool table and the coin operated video game. If the toilets flushed consistently - that would be a nice upgrade too. There were some fights - and I hope that removing the pool table would stop the fights. The DJ was not good, but that didn’t matter. The club was a small stage stocked with sexy and filthy Brazilian dancers. The bar seemed to have a very limited selection of booze. It was usually bottled beer and some other watery swill. The upstairs - VIP area - was anything goes. It was great! It was also very affordable as well!
• rickdugan

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  3 years ago

  I think that PinkSugarDoll hit the nail on the head. What many guys consider a "perfect club" would likely be a nightmare for dancers and vice versa. Under normal circumstances, guys want as much as they can get for as little money as possible and the girls want to make as much as they can for doing as little as possible. It's a natural conflict of interests. IMHO the perfect club is one which best: (1) balances the natural conflicts between the guys and gals; and (2) otherwise makes everyone on both sides of the tip rail happy to be there. For example, a club like that: - Treats both customers and dancers well, which includes not being too greedy with either and otherwise adopting a welcoming approach. - Makes it easy for the girls to earn, regardless of what their limitations might (or might not) be. - Makes it easy for the guys to spend, regardless of what they might be seeking. To me the closest thing I've ever seen to a perfect club is Club Desire in Providence. They hit these points on all cylinders and, as a result, they have a large following of dedicated regulars and many of the dancers have been there for years. They seem to have found the right balance, treating everyone well and making it easy to spend/earn money there. Shit if I was a RI resident I'd be one of those regulars in a nanosecond.
• san_jose_guy

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  3 years ago

  It gets right down to what do you want a woman to do. 1. Dress and paint up 2. Follow your lead 3. Offer up her 3 inputs without reservation It really is simple. So you want no restrictions at stage side, front room, back room, facility for TLN onsite. SJG