So, She's Married -- Now What?

LOL ummm dont you realize that most dancers have a man or woman at home that you are keeping in toys?

I actually feel the opposite. If I really like a girl in the club, I'm more comfortable knowing that she goes home to a stable guy at the end of the night than thinking of her running around and hopping from be to bed with guys who don't care about her as a person. Of course if the guy is a total asshole and is abusive, that's a different story. But either way it really doesn't affect the fantasy for me. If I have any fantasy at all, and I don't usually, it will be so far removed from reality that nothing she does will have any impact on it. Like AN says, I really don't want an OTC relationship with most of the strippers I meet because it usually changes the relationship for the worse, and is often the beginning of the end.

As I've said before I agree that it does for some reason. The only time I felt bad about the $ was when I found out after the fact that it was supporting an abusive boyfriend. Although you could argue that if I hadn't given her money she wouldn't have been able to move out on the creep. In any case, I agree it does change my opinion of her/attraction to her in all honesty. I'd also say that a carnal relationship is about the only kind I'd want with most strippers OTC. It's the other crap I don't want to deal with.

OK, so it's not about the $$ (I liked Chitownlawyer's response about the "exchange rate" of contact vs. $$ spent.) Most dancers will have a SO and/or dependents. Does the fantasy diminish at all for you guys if you think about how much you enjoy being with her ITC?

I've got someone at home, who I care for, love, blah-blah-blah ... In fact, I don't even have OTC fantasies with this or any other dancer(s). In fact, most dancers probably would not appeal to us in the same carnal way OTC, given their real life circumstances. Agree/disagree?

I think that you're just as likely to get a better dance from a girl with an SO, because half the time they aren't getting along and she's pissed at him (or her.) I've heard more dancers complaining about their SO than telling me how wonderful he or she is. I remember one girl in particular who was getting a divorce and was dating customers right and left to get back at her husband.

It makes no difference to me if she's married. I'm not looking for a relationship. For those who are concerned about subsidizing the dancer's husband, I would suggest that, assuming there is any level of contact at your club at all, that which you are taking from hubby far exceeds that which you are giving him.....

It doesn't make a difference at all. I assume most of the ladies I spend money on are taken and, even if they aren't, a relationship is not my ulterior motive. I did have one fav who I stopped getting dances from after she got married but that was because her dances got lousy after she tied the knot. We became friends ITC and would still chat-often about her dealing with the situation of being a newlywed but still needing to grind cocks for a living (her husband thought she danced at a low contact club). Rather than being upset about my lack of spending she was happy to have a friend at the club that she could hang with when the job had her down.

I always assume that a dancer is married or has a live-in BF or GF, whether she admits to it or not. And I could care less. And it doesn't bother me at all if she talks about him or her, in fact I enjoy it as long as she doesn't overdo it. I enjoy getting to know my dancer - the real person, not the phoney - and that's a part of who she is. Let me say again for the hundredth time: assuming that I'm attracted to her, the only thing that really matters to me is how she treats me. What she does when I'm not around is not my concern.

I think I understand you. No matter how much we like to think that the ITC lapper is a simple transaction like it or not there is some level of human emotion involved when the goal is arrousal. If it were about pure physical stimulation your hand can do the job. It's a tough call and I'm not sure I know the answer. I know I've been dissapointed with a few dancers who mentioned a SO, even though I had no intention of trying to have an OTC relationship. When it comes down to it, the money/sex/arrousal (and possibly booze) combination taps into the deeper parts of our emotions we can't really control. I actually met a favorites SO once. He seemed like a nice guy. We sat and talked in the club, I liked him. It turned out a few months later when I saw my fave again that not only had she basically supported him, but he had been beating her (she never revealed that, another dancer friend told me, she just said they broke up). She'd finally moved out and got a house with 2 other dancers, but I never wanted to meet, or really even know about another SO after that.

Abbie: We agree that the fantasy crap of relationship and OTC sex wasn't/ain't happening. I just simply never think about HIM, when I'm getting my lapper or private fantasy dance. Sure, we also suspect some significant other and a rugrat or two is in the household; but subsidizing Hubby makes me ponder my Hobby.

If your fantasy is to mary, date, or have sex with her, I'd say that's a big YES. If you are looking for the ITC experience only, I'd say it depends on if it makes a difference to her. If she cools off her dances from what you were used to because she no longer feels so free to do what she used to it may be time to look for another fave. I've had both married and single favorites. In some cases the married thing eases the tension since you both know there are limits. In other cases it kills the fantasy of the sexually available woman. Just my thoughts.

I always assume that she has a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband or SO. I make it a policy to try not to ask or ever discuss either hers or my OTC relationships.

I'd bet like 90% of strippers are taken. Shouldn't surprise you when this happens. (Although I can see why most customers might think they would be single at first: strippers, for the most, aren't exactly premier dating/marriage material are they? Rest assured that most boyfriends are just using them for sex and money... )

If you like her that much, think you can do it, don't mind ethically then try and steal her away. Otherwise just find a new stripper (there all over the place) and move on.

when that happens, then you have to wonder, if she were just in it for the money, the fact that your married or whatever shouldn't matter, when it apparentley does then you have to conclude that she is looking for something else, a husband probably, she is tired of stripping, most likely getting older and can't really do it much longer anyway but is still pretty hot looking by normal woman standards, she probably hasn't availed herself of any other options for making a living, it may be the only thing she has ever done, she does not want to start working at Wal-Mart and is just looking for some guy to take care of her.

Maybe that is Ok with the guy involved or maybe it isn't every situation is different.

I had the opposite happen to me when I told a stripper I was married the conversation came to an abrupt halt and it was just weird, I always thought that was the weirdest thing ever cuz who cares my money is still the same.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Halloween ghosts and goblins, the svelte hot blonde English teacher and the ready, willing and available lap dancer. All fantasies, but we must have something to hold on to, other than an erection.