So, I tried out one of those Liquid Lapdance things...

I've seen other people review them here, so I thought I'd throw my two cents in.

I wore it on two different trips to the club and had lap dances with three different girls. Two of the girls were girls I'd never had dances with before, and I could barely get either of them to grind. (And one went on and on about how good my pheromones smelled. Um, what the fuck? Stop talking about my goddamn smell and grind, girl...)

Those first two don't count, due the severe lack of grinding. But the third girl, Kayla... that's the only thing she does during a dance. So I had dances with her on both trips as well. She knew what was going on in terms of me wearing it (indeed, she's the reason I was trying a LL in the first place, actually at her urging.)

Across both trips, I can tell you one thing: I never had an orgasm. And the lap dances with Kayla lasted 5 and 6 songs each. (Which is waaaay more songs in a row than I ever normally do.) And the only thing she did was grind. Grind with her ass, grind with her pussy, grind with her anything I wanted.

It feels really spectacular, but the big issue is my cock won't stay in one place, it's so lubricated in there that it slides around like it's on a slip 'n slide. On the first trip, I used the lube that came with the LL. On the second trip, I broke out the Gun Oil, which is a vastly better lube than that thick stuff that comes with it.

A couple times during the second dance with Kayla I thought I might get there, but then my dick would slide to a useless position and reset everything, so to speak.

My only thought is the sweat pants I were wearing were TOO lose. (Because these sweat pants are way bigger than they need to be, which is why I wear them.) I'm going to give this thing one more shot under khakis instead of sweat pants, thinking the tension from somewhat tighter fabric may hold my cock in place better. If it doesn't work this time, I'm probably done using them.

But, so far, my overall impression of them is this: It'll make lap dances feel way better than they normally do, but you aren't gonna have an orgasm from them. Too many logistical problems.

Also, it's a minor thing, but it feels really creepy to be wearing one of these without the dancer knowing you are. (Then again, the girl who kept sniffing me and saying things like, "Your smell is satisfying my need for butter and fats!" was equally creepy, so I didn't care in that particular case. That was the most bizarre lapdance I've ever had, by the way.) But for a girl I actually liked, it seems weird to be wearing one without her knowing.

I don't know when I'm going back to see Kayla again, but hopefully later this week. I'll post an update if anyone cares.

And that's my review.