Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, so they make love. About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. Morris, however, worried about his impending, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning... you don't."
At a nursing home an old woman says to an old guy, "I bet I can tell you how old you are."
"I bet you can't," he says.
"Stand up," she says. He stands up.
"Pull down your pants," she says. He pulls them down.
"Turn around," she says. He does.
"You're 87," she says.
"You're right!" he says. "How did you know?"
"You told me yesterday."
(Heard that years ago on Prairie Home Companion.)
A man is sitting next to an attractive woman at a bar and says to her, "Would you sleep with me for a million dollars?" She gives him the once over, decides she's been with worse and says, "Sure, why not?" "How about for fifty dollars?" he replies. "Just what kind of woman do you think I am!" she says indigently. "We've already established what kind of woman you are," he says, "now we're just dickering."
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