GF issues with my SC fetish

You promised no LDs then got pissed at her for not letting you break your promise? I suspect you'll have to choose between the GF and the SC. Sneaking around may work for a while but it's not a long term solution, especially since she's already on to you. By the four year mark girls are usually thinking about getting married or moving on.

Only you can decide which to choose. I'd be reluctant to jettison a gorgeous, funny, smart GF but that's just me.

A gorgeous woman who you love and you don't need to pay for her attention & sex? I don't see the hard decision in this.

Take an hour or two to read the discussion threads and you will have an answer to your question. This will give you a good idea about strippers, clubs, regular patrons,...etc.

My two cents: Don't fuck up a good relationship with great woman for the seedy world of strip clubs.

randy77, I'll do that. Thanks. The seediness is a huge part of the allure for me.

Bishop - but the pull of the club, man. I'm not sure I'll be able to stop.

Ermita - yeah, I was a dumbass that night. Now I cant bring her with me though because I know I cant stop myself.

I'll be honest here. I sort of expected someone to tell me I shouldn't have to change. That she should love me for who I am.

She loves you in spite of your SC fetish. Give them up and she'll love you more.

"...I sort of expected someone to tell me I shouldn't have to change. That she should love me for who I am. "

I'm surprised your GF hasn't left you after that night. Now she knows who your thinking about while the two of you are fucking.

Women are very possessive, because they fear you will leave them (or cheat on them) for the other woman.

If you want to have your cake and eat it too, then learn to tone it down about SC with your GF. If push comes to shove, take the GF.

Seriously if you're even bothering to ask this question. Just let her dump you & find a better guy than you.

Better for the both of you, if you can't stop your fetish & she wants a gentleman who doesn't indulge in what she doesn't like.

Seriously... >_>

HB13 "Just let her dump you & find a better guy than you."

EXACTLY!

I've been reading and yeah, it doesn't look like this problem has come up on this site, or at least not recently.

Is everyone here single? If not, how do you handle it with your GFs and wives?

I'm single 65122. PM me if you wish to talk seriously. Some of the membership here doesn't always care for my opinions. I'd rather relate them to you privately.

Some of us are single, some of us are sometimes single, some of lie and sneak around, some of have SO's who don't care.

If you can't walk away from something that she can't accept then you're best bet is to walk away from her. Otherwise get good at lieing and hiding shit.

Some of us are single, some of us are sometimes single, some of lie and sneak around, some of have SO's who don't care.

If you can't walk away from something that she can't accept then you're best bet is to walk away from her. Otherwise get good at lieing and hiding shit.

I agree with the points raised by Ermita and randy. I also think that you provided the most compelling argument for what you should do.

Now I cant bring her with me though **because I know I cant stop
myself**[emphasis mine].

If you couldn't even put on an act for one night to show how unimportant strip clubs are in your life--an act that could have set the tone for your relationship and prolonged it somewhat--then I think you lack the capacity to give them up.

Some of us are married too but I travel occasionally and NEVER visit a SC at home or close to home. A great wife is much better than looking at naked girls in clubs. There is no comparison. If you really have a true fetish or are an addict then I think you either have to break the habit, get your woman to accept it, or sneak around. And only you can figure out what will work for you and her.

And you probably screwed yourself when you took her along and then had no self control at avoiding a LD. Talk to Alucard man.

What I really think of you regarding your thread is too awful to put in writing so Ill just say that if you say you love her and she's got it all, you lied to her about your strip club activity, and did I mention you said you really love her but dont think you can give up the strip club for her....oh wait, and you get on a website hoping someone will tell you that she should just accept you anyways????? I hope she realizes quick that she needs to run screaming down the street naked before committing anymore of her life to you.

Keep going to strip clubs and ruining good things in your life but please send her packing first. She'll realize in time that you did her a favor and she'll move on to a much better man than you.

Get your GF a stripper pole so she can entertain you at home.

First off, what you have isn't a fetish, it's an addiction. One is usually harmless, or mostly so, and the other is often, if not virtually always, harmful in some way. You're unlikely to successfully resolve your issue without recognizing that fact.

That said, I've found that simply telling the truth works quite well. I'll freely admit that my situation is far from ordinary (though I'm also. It convinced that it's as rare as some seem th think), in that my wife not only knows I go to strip clubs, but also that I have sex with strippers, paying them hard earned cash to do so.

Only you can decide whether or not it will work for *you*, of course, but if you're honest about what you want from a strip club, you at least achnowlege that her feelings matter to you, and maybe gives her some confidence that you're not talking about leaving her home alone every Friday night to get your grind on. Then maybe you can agree on some limits with which you are *both* comfortable.

Of course, if you can't compromise to the satisfaction of both of you, then you get to decide whether not agreeing is worth staying together or splitting.

But if you do reach an agreement, you'd better keep it, or you likely will split. Agreeing with the intent of breaking that agreement as soon as its expediant is a douchbag move, just like getting piased at her for not letting you out of a promise to not get lap dances.

You need to go buy some flowers, take them to your GF, tell her you made a terrible mistake, but now you've seen the error of your ways, and from this day on you will never, ever set foot in a strip club again...

In other words, lie to her.

Then keep your clubbing secret. And whatever you do, don't get caught.

(Gee, I feel just like Dr. Phil)

"Been seeing a lovely woman for about 4 years. Sex is great, she's gorgeous, funny, smart. She's got it all."

If that's true, then why would anyone want to throw it away for strippers. SMH!!!

You say you have a gorgeous girlfriend but you don't want to give up strip clubs. The solution is obvious. Get your girlfriend to start stripping at the local club. You can enjoy her stripping, and she can pick up some extra money.

Whether you have a relationship or not, the strip clubs will always be there anyway.

Why sacrifice something that's way harder to get for something that's so easy to get?

To be honest 65122. The best thing to do is to see a relationship therapist or psychiatrist. The addiction you have will be getting worse in time. 90 percent of civilian girls are not attracted to guys that have a SC addiction.

To be honest 65122. The best thing to do is to see a relationship therapist or psychiatrist. The addiction you have will be getting worse in time. 90 percent of civilian girls are not attracted to guys that have a SC addiction.

Tabb- lol 90% of strippers arent attracted to guys with strip club addictions either.

90% of guys ARE attracted to strippers

The other 10% are gay

65122:

You have 2 options.

1. Do nothing different. Your smart, funny, sexy girlfriend will catch on soon enough and dump you for a guy that has an addiction for her.

2. Stop stripclubing, marry your girlfriend, have 2 or 3 kids. Wait 20 years. By then you will either be divorced or your wife won't give a rats ass if you go to the club or not. Hey, you'll be an older guy, but you can then enjoy what you have always wanted.

Good luck.

I'm with jackslash.

I'll take her off your hands and you can just keep on enjoying the strip clubs! Send me her name and phone number and if the sex is as good as you say it is I'll pay for your first VIP after becoming a free man !

Stilett25- you are right lol. Sadly I fall into the addiction category as well hahaha

Sometimes clubbing is best when it's your secret. You tried to share your secret habit with your girlfriend and it blew up in your face. The facts as you present them here suggest two things: 1) that you don't realy know her that well and 2) that perhaps you lack the capacity, maybe even maturity, to respond to the situation you created.

So ask yourself if you are really ready for a longterm relationship. If you are then deal with the fact that this woman, if you want her in your life, is not into the SC habit that you are into. That's OK, if you can just deal with it and be good to her in a relationship and keep your clubbing on the side.

If you can't deal with both separatley, then maybe you need to ask yourself if this is the woman for you--or if you are the man for her.

Clubbing isn't bad, obvviously very rfew here are going to argue too much with you about that. But its a big world and not everyone agrees with that perspective on strip clubs. So your big questio is--can you live/love a woman that disagrees with that? ...and still feed your habit while respecting her?

Clubbing is a fun night out for boys, but only men can deal with it in the longterm real world context. This is one of those "know yourself" moments but also a "know her too" moment. You have to deal with both moving forward.

Yo sound like lopaw in drag. Seriously, she pretty much deals with the same thing, only her SO isn't at all keen on clubs.

"You have 2 options"

There is always a third option.

Tell her you stopped but keep going to clubs in secret. The old time guys will remember a poster named DougS. Dude was married, but took extreme measures to keep his addiction secret. Could have been a covert agent for the CIA. Secret bank accounts and credit cards, google voice mail, disposable phones, club clothes as work. Fake travel itineraries.

Sheesh, after while, it seemed like it would have been simpler to just be honest

"Sheesh, after while, it seemed like it would have been simpler to just be honest"

Exactly motorhead. This is why being dishonest to a S.O. about visiting Strip Clubs is not a good idea. If you can't stay away, get rid of the S.O.





"Sometimes clubbing is best when it's your secret. You tried to share your secret habit with your girlfriend and it blew up in your face. The facts as you present them here suggest two things: 1) that you don't realy know her that well and 2) that perhaps you lack the capacity, maybe even maturity, to respond to the situation you created.

So ask yourself if you are really ready for a longterm relationship. If you are then deal with the fact that this woman, if you want her in your life, is not into the SC habit that you are into. That's OK, if you can just deal with it and be good to her in a relationship and keep your clubbing on the side.

If you can't deal with both separatley, then maybe you need to ask yourself if this is the woman for you--or if you are the man for her.

Clubbing isn't bad, obvviously very rfew here are going to argue too much with you about that. But its a big world and not everyone agrees with that perspective on strip clubs. So your big questio is--can you live/love a woman that disagrees with that? ...and still feed your habit while respecting her?

Clubbing is a fun night out for boys, but only men can deal with it in the longterm real world context. This is one of those "know yourself" moments but also a "know her too" moment. You have to deal with both moving forward."

This is IMHO BS!

This guy's GF should be asking herself is she wants to continue to be shit upon by this "person".

She needs to walk away real soon & leave this guy to his obsessive clubbing!

@motorhead: "Sheesh, after while, it seemed like it would have been simpler to just be honest"

It is. :)

This is a fetish?

You must choose. Her or the SCs. Choose her and drop the clubs.

I want to do right by this woman. She's done a lot (even before she knew how much I go, just that she knew I liked them) to try and recreate the club at home, buying shoes, little outfits, a 6 week exotic dance class. Thats how great she is.

I don't want to fuck this up.

If you must choose, choose her. But there may be other solutions.

Now, it looks like she is willing to try some things to accommodate you since she did go to the club. You also seem to say that part of the allure for you is the seediness of the clubs.

So get thinking. Is there some way you can engage in the seedy side of life without having a secret life from her?

Thinking about here in LA I might think about one of the topless places like Sam's Hofbrau or even more so the Neo-Bullesque places like Jumbo's Clown Room or possibly even fetish shows.

Another possibility would be to consider going to a swinger's club but only having sex with each other. I know that sounds contradictory but swinger's clubs have a definite no-means-no policy and more than a few couples go there just for the exhibitionism/voyeurism.

I don't really get why you are that interested in SC's when you have a girlfriend. What is it that really draws you to them? I know you mentioned the "seediness". What do you mean by that?

Have you ever asked her if she would like to dance in a SC? Would you think that'll do?

As with any life choice, if you girlfriend's opposed to it, you're going to have problems. I too once had an amazing girlfriend and didn't want to "fuck it up." That's a bad sign though, because you're trying to be someone you're not to please her. It never works, for any reason - never.

Unfortunately, folks on here are right - 90%+ of civilian women hate strip clubs. At best, they can tolerate an occasional visit (e.g., once/year), so long it's with your buddies. But be prepared for a couple days of the cold shoulder and an icy reception in bed in return for that privilege. At worst, it's a total deal-breaker; she thinks SCs are a blight upon the earth and any man who'd want to go is despicable.

There's only one answer. If you're in love with SCs, as you obviously are (as am I), you can't get serious with a conventional girlfriend. All the homemade stripper clothes and poles in the basement won't work. It's not the same because we want the variety, and in your case, the seediness. Instead, you'll have to content yourself with more casual girlfriends - ones you date for a few months but never get serious enough with to divulge your SC ways. Eventually, you'll want to have sex in the VIP again (which I abstain from if in a relationship), so you'll need to break up to get it.

I'd say you should accept yourself as you are, and don't try to have it both ways. There are guys who want to be married, love the married life, and only feel fulfilled with a wife. Others of us just aren't wired that way. Sure, we want closeness, intimacy, etc., but we're gonna have to get it via the shorter term relationships, and get good a breaking up. It's the only way. Otherwise, immense heartache looms at the end of your long relationship with your "amazing girlfriend" when she finds out you've either been sneaking into SCs behind her back and/or when you realize that no matter how amazing she is, sex becomes dull and no amount of glitter and fantasy will make her exciting like getting down with your favorite honey in the SC.

I didn't tell her Im on this site but I did ask her to be more patient with me. She brought up going to the club again and getting a couples dance so we'll see how that goes. She can do just enough at home i think to make me not want to go so much.

She said she wants to see how I am. Is that a good thing? I think it might be a very bad thing.

"because we want the variety"

NOT me!!!