What's the nastiest (not in a good way) lapdance you've ever experienced?

38 comments

• Alucard

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  12 years ago

  I've had to cut short Lap Dances in years past because of VERY lazy pussy hygiene.
• bang69

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  12 years ago

  i was clubing with friends. an d was wearing white pants. the club we were at was a nude bar. the dancer left a few drops of menstral blud on my pants befor she took off to get a tampon
• ButterMan

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  12 years ago

  ummm yea that's kind of different! I've had a dancer lick my nipples before and my neck. Both felt pretty good. But I hate it when a girl gets lazy and talks the whole time or does anything besides grind.
• Clackport

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  12 years ago

  tlkdo- I agree man. I hate it when the strippers talk for the whole song. I'm not paying you to have a conversation with me.
• georgmicrodong

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  12 years ago

  The one I remember most vividly was when a girl in Buffalo took off her panties, and the smell of shit wafted to my nose. I got up and terminated it right there. Fortunately, before I'd paid her. And yes, I did explain why.
• Ermita_Nights

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  12 years ago

  The worst I've had is when a girl got that nasty bronze fake tan stuff all over my shirt and pants. I guess I've been lucky.
• sharkhunter

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  12 years ago

  I remember during a dance a long time ago, a dancer started by licking my ear and put her tongue in my ear. I wasn't thrilled but didn't say anything. I was glad I didn't say anything because I thought that might be an indication she is very much into oral things. The next thing I knew she was using her tongue a lot farther down below where I actually enjoyed it. I remember it wasn't even a table dance but just a dancer sitting with me at my table. She licked my arm and then told me with an mmmm, that I tasted good too. I probably would be totally turned off by licking dancers if I hadn't had some positive experiences. Actually there is only one spot where licking turns me on.
• Dougster

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  12 years ago

  Yep, got the fake tan stuff on me. I have also had a couple of different girls fuck me ITC and then when I visited the men's room afterward noticed there was quite a bit of blood on my shorts. Then there was this one girl who smelled of garlic (somehow she got rave reviews on here), had to cut that one short.
• Dougster

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  12 years ago

  Then there was the one who I got a lap dance from after she had obviously smoked some major amount of weed, and hadn't bothered to take a breath mint or even chew some gum.
• sharkhunter

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  12 years ago

  I've had bad lap dances. The dancer smells awful and I said yes to lap dances thinking I could ignore her smell. After two whole dances, I was ready to get away. If you can smell a nasty smell from several feet away as she approaches you even in a smoke filled club, that is bad. I had another dancer who must have been new give me bony jabs with her knees and other body parts in some lame attempt to do a lap dance. Most irratating are dancers who agree to dance for one price and after only one song or 3/4 of a song plus the last minute of the last song, tell you that you owe a lot more than what you thought. It's dancers like that that keep reminding me why I don't get dances from too many dancers that haven't danced for me before.
• lopaw

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  12 years ago

  @gmd - what was the dancer's reaction when you told her why you stopped the dance? Talk about an awkward moment!
• sharkhunter

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  12 years ago

  One girl during a table dance that was more like a lap dance with her jumping up and down on me a little, accidentally cut me with something sharp on her leg. When I went to the restroom, I saw my blood running down my leg due to a small cut and could feel where I had been cut. Worst injury was not even during a dance, it was during a stage tip. Dancer was moving around very fast, ducked down below, then sprang up real fast, just a little bit too close. Her head hit my nose and I got the bloodiest nose I've ever had. It took several minutes to stop the bleeding and then I left the club upset. I try to be more careful around gyrating dancers when I attempt to tip them now. Apparently they aren't always that skilled in missing people. I'm used to some occasional rough contact at times though. I just don't want to get injured.
• ArchiePitcar

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  12 years ago

  With me it's mostly dancer hygiene. In my local clubs, it seems like a quarter of the girls don't clean themselves well, and when they are grinding on me, the odor wafts its way up to my nostrils. Not very pleasant. I'm too polite to say anything, but those are always "one and done" dances.
• Club_Goer_Seattle

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  12 years ago

  I've only had to terminate a dance midway through once, when the dancer wouldn't slow down. She only knew one speed, despite repeated requests for her to slow down. The only unusual sanitary problem I ever had was when I was wearing dark pants one time; after the dancer finished and got up, I noticed a white, toothpaste-like substance spread all over my pants. To this day, I still don't know what that was. (Okay, it wasn't her last customer's jizz. I could discern that.) I wonder if it was a feminine hygiene product?
• BadBitchesOnly

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  12 years ago

  When Rachel from Greenville was dancin for me in Pp Cola. She was fckg hammed and on some crack ho shit. Eyes Rollin back in head kinda fckd up. Sicko me decides 'oh...this one outta be easy' so a get some dances. First song starts and she pulls her thong to side and unzips my pants. Sure, I had a bonor but there was no was I was stickin it in there. So the bitch backs her ass up in a 69 position and puts her ass hole right up to my nose, so what do you always do wen an ass is one inch from ur nose? YOU SNIFF! OMG...Big fucking mistake. Just as i sniffed a chunk of sonething fell out of he exit hole and onto my face . Whatever she ate for dinner was half out her ass and it was drippin and droppin! I said dance over crack bitch. I went in the bathroom and washed real good after that one. Luckily some ponk just yacked in the men's room and there was a bottle of industrial strength clearer to wash my face with. pretty sure it killed everything....but the burn on my face lasted a few days.
• BadBitchesOnly

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  12 years ago

  When Rachel from Greenville was dancin for me in Pp Cola. She was fckg hammed and on some crack ho shit. Eyes Rollin back in head kinda fckd up. Sicko me decides 'oh...this one outta be easy' so a get some dances. First song starts and she pulls her thong to side and unzips my pants. Sure, I had a bonor but there was no was I was stickin it in there. So the bitch backs her ass up in a 69 position and puts her ass hole right up to my nose, so what do you always do wen an ass is one inch from ur nose? YOU SNIFF! OMG...Big fucking mistake. Just as i sniffed a chunk of sonething fell out of he exit hole and onto my face . Whatever she ate for dinner was half out her ass and it was drippin and droppin! I said dance over crack bitch. I went in the bathroom and washed real good after that one. Luckily some ponk just yacked in the men's room and there was a bottle of industrial strength clearer to wash my face with. pretty sure it killed everything....but the burn on my face lasted a few days.
• Michigan

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  12 years ago

  Probably a yeast infection.
• shadowcat

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  12 years ago

  OK BBO you win!!! :)
• rh48hr

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  12 years ago

  DAAAAAM! BBO. That is just wrong! I think the burn on your face was probably worth it. That makes me want to hurl myself!
• deogol

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  12 years ago

  Like others, she was on her period. Left blood all over the fucking place. This was pretty much the last dance for me for years.
• mikeya02

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  12 years ago

  If one of these hideous experiences ever happened to me, I'm with deogol.
• Clackport

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  12 years ago

  BBQ- If that happened to me, I would never set foot in a strip club again. That's nasty!!
• Clubber

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  12 years ago

  A smelly one in Mexico.
• Rod8432

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  12 years ago

  I usually wear shorts for LDs and sometimes the dancer's dang garter scrapes the hell out of my thigh. The girls usually have money rolled up in them and some are glittery, with sewn in metal discs that scrape like a cheese grater. One girl's dance rubbed me raw, like a silver dollar sized blister on the inside of my thigh. I swear it took two months to heal and hurt like a mother fuck the entire time.
• georgmicrodong

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  12 years ago

  rod, I've had lots of mother fucks, and I don't recall any of that hurt. Or were. Dry unpleasant. :))
• georgmicrodong

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  12 years ago

  @lopaw: She was very embarrassed. She went back in the dressing room for quite a while, and when she came out, she avoided me.
• thesamurai

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  12 years ago

  I had an experience similar to GMD's. Not pleasant. One of my faves was telling me about the poor hygiene of some dancers in the dressing room. Assuming the standard 10% truth level, I'm still surprised it doesn't happen more.
• Tiredtraveler

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  12 years ago

  A lapper in Platimun Showgirls in Toledo. a short blonde with large bolt ons stuck her nipple in my eye proceeded to rub her tits all over my face and what ever lotion she was using burned my eyes and skin so that I had to go wash my face and it still burned. The there was a girl in the Skybox in Harvey IL the started her lap dance front ways but when she turned around and took off her panties it smelled like she had shit herself, I left the club that moment. I went bck recently and the dancer quality had not improved.
• Digitech

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  12 years ago

  Tiredtraveler, I sure hope that it was lotion she had on her boobs...
• 10inches

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  12 years ago

  worst I've had was a dancer fart in my face. needless to say, the dance ending immediately and I left the club.
• just_sean

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  12 years ago

  lol. the first time i went to a strip club a dancer quickly grabbed me and asked if I wanted a lap dance, I agreed and followed her back there where she went through my shorts and undies to grab my limp noodle which was a big surprise, remember this was my first LD. She then layed in my lap, put her pussy near my face, pulled her panties to the side and made a dollar float with queef's for a bit. Not necessarilly disgusting like some of the other stories, perhaps someone's "thing" but not mine. I have no regrets though.
• K9

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  12 years ago

  was in the VIP room with two dancers and had to pull a matrix move to avoid projectile vomit from one of them. Hazmat bouncer team was dispatched to clean up the mess....
• Papi_Chulo

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  12 years ago

  “tlkdo- I agree man. I hate it when the strippers talk for the whole song. I'm not paying you to have a conversation with me.” Along these lines, and something which happened to me this past Monday at the SC, is when a dancer will start a conversation w/ another dancer while she is giving you a dance – talk about major rudeness!
• Papi_Chulo

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  12 years ago

  “Worst injury was not even during a dance, it was during a stage tip …” I’ve had a few close ones (injuries) when approaching a dancer on stage. It usually has occurred when the dancer is on her back and her legs, along with those humongous high-heeled stripper shoes, are flaring around like helicopter blades – I’ve almost gotten caught a time or two.
• Papi_Chulo

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  11 years ago

  I’ve never had a dance so nasty that has made me want to stop – probably says more about me than the dancers I’ve been with :) I have stopped “some” dances short b/c of very poor performance or bad dancer attitude though.
• Clubber

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  11 years ago

  kpeela, There is a glossary link at the bottom of each page.
• DandyDan

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  11 years ago

  Can't say for sure. I've had numerous dancers who smelled bad and those always ended after one dance. I've had a couple who clearly didn't know Lap Dancing 101 and those ended after one dance even though one of those girls was clearly the hottest dancer there that day.
• Clackport

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  11 years ago

  I love that my thread which was posted 9 months ago is getting bumped. Keep on bumping! LOL