STRIP CLUBS ARE NOT GIRLFRIEND STORES ... One Customer's Perspective

You log in to TUSCL and there's a new thread titled "Does she want to date me?" You open it and it's a dissertation from a guy who thinks that his favorite stripper wants to be his girlfriend. He likely already knows that he's using poor judgment, but he hopes to craft an argument that will get him the validation he wants from a jaded audience of dancers and PLs. What actually happens is that guy is told repeatedly and clearly that he's on the cusp of badness that will range from a chef's salad of disappointment and embarrassment to a mushroom cloud of drama and crippling financial losses. That's because strip clubs are not girlfriend stores. They are the opposite of that. Honestly, strip clubs are where monogamy goes to die. Don't look for romance there. 1. HAVE YOU *REALLY* THOUGHT THROUGH DATING A DANCER? Before anything else, let's touch on a point that most "I wanna date a stripper" guys don't consider at all. Which is the challenge of dating a woman whose job is to spend a lot of time on numerous hard dicks that aren't yours (that and their crazy schedules). Most guys aren't built to date women who strip, and that results in a lot of anger, jealousy, and restraining orders. So, step one: carefully consider the price of "success" here. 2. STRIP CLUBS ARE GREAT FOR... ...disposable, expensive fun. It's fantasy land. It's pure theater. It's not real. There's a reason why the women who work there are called "performers", and it's not because of their pole-dancing skills. For a customer, strip clubs are where they hit the "easy button" on talking to and having sexy fun with hot women (who are usually out of their league). For a dancer, strip clubs are a work site where they put on a false persona to charm customers and give them the sort of attention (physical and emotional) that they don't receive in the real world. After that interaction, the customer pays the dancer and both parties go on with their lives without entanglements or personal connections. And most PLs understand and appreciate both the superficial fun as well as the fact that the vast majority of dancers don't want to date customers. If the theatrical and transactional nature of strip club fun isn't your cup of tea and you "catch feelings", then you should not go to strip clubs for female attention or contact. I can't tell you where you should go, but strip clubs aren't on the list. 3. STRIP CLUBS ARE BAD FOR... ...finding an (unpaid) girlfriend, making new (unpaid) friends, and establishing genuine emotional connections. The customers who want these things from dancers almost always wind up wrapped around an axle and enjoy strip clubs less. It's worth mentioning that some dancers happily target PLs who "catch feelings" to exploit that vulnerability and strip mine them for cash. And once that guy is cashed out or on to them, they move on and don't care. And that's horrible, but it's also what happens when you look for romance in a building where the business model orients 180 degrees away from romance. Like anything being used outside of its intended purpose, the results you get will be unpredictable, often sub optimal, and even damaging. If you encounter a dancer who really "connects" with you, that's because she's good at her job. If she goes on to give you a fantastic lap dance or VIP, then that's because she's great at her job. Congrats! You found a great dancer. Keep seeing that dancer, because it usually gets better from there (if you keep your head on straight). 4. THE "SUGAR BABY" ARGUMENT Sugar "dating" is a hybrid of sex work where a guy pays a woman to occupy the role of a girlfriend and (almost always) sex partner. Though sugar dating carries some of the extra window dressing of genuine dating, it's entirely transactional. It's sex work. I only mention this because some guys will punch back by talking about their genuine stripper girlfriend. But, after some back and forth, they'll reveal that their true love gets a monthly allowance. That's not true love; that's using an entire jar of Vaseline on the lens through which you view reality. 5. ARE ALL DANCERS EMOTIONLESS AND UNCARING? No. I believe that most aren't that at all. I've been seeing my ATF for years now. We genuinely like each other. She appreciates me, I appreciate her, and we both have fun. That said, we're both clear-eyed about the nature of what we do. Neither of us believe that we'll wind up dating or in a monogamous relationship. She knows that I spend time and money on other dancers, and I know that she has other customers. And that's fine because we both know that what we're doing isn't serious. Also, neither of us are dumb enough to fuck with a good thing. Personal opinion, I think this is about the best you can reasonably hope for from a dancer. If you can get there, it's pretty great. But it might take a while. 6. IS THERE A DANCER TRUE LOVE TEST? Sure. Stop paying her. See how that works and report back here. Actually, crimp the money hose before posting anywhere about your exception-to-the-rule relationship with a dancer. That might save you a lot of typing. 7. BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT 1%? I started this by saying that 99% of the guys who think a dancer wants to date them are wrong, but then there's that other 1%. A lot of guys who think their favorite dancer wants to date them sincerely believe that they're in that magical 1%. Except it's not that magical. Look at where the vast majority of that small minority winds up. Based on both people I know as well as accounts from customers and dancers online, almost all of those relationships end badly. And sometimes catastrophically (hi, GACA). I would argue that the rare exceptions are often the strongest arguments against using strip clubs to find real girlfriends. 8. BUT IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A REAL GIRLFRIEND... If you want genuine connections (romantic or not), then volunteer at a non-profit/charity that you really care about. You will meet other volunteers and automatically have at least one thing in common with them, and therefore something to talk about or bond over. Or, you might just make new friends who could introduce you to someone right for you. I know several people who entered healthy, long-term relationships in a volunteer environment. Bonus tip... the majority of volunteers in animal welfare/rescue are women. -- END --