STRIP CLUBS ARE NOT GIRLFRIEND STORES ... One Customer's Perspective

Call.Me.Ishmael
Rhode Island
Wednesday, January 17, 2024 12:15 PM
You log in to TUSCL and there's a new thread titled "Does she want to date me?" You open it and it's a dissertation from a guy who thinks that his favorite stripper wants to be his girlfriend. He likely already knows that he's using poor judgment, but he hopes to craft an argument that will get him the validation he wants from a jaded audience of dancers and PLs. What actually happens is that guy is told repeatedly and clearly that he's on the cusp of badness that will range from a chef's salad of disappointment and embarrassment to a mushroom cloud of drama and crippling financial losses. That's because strip clubs are not girlfriend stores. They are the opposite of that. Honestly, strip clubs are where monogamy goes to die. Don't look for romance there. 1. HAVE YOU *REALLY* THOUGHT THROUGH DATING A DANCER? Before anything else, let's touch on a point that most "I wanna date a stripper" guys don't consider at all. Which is the challenge of dating a woman whose job is to spend a lot of time on numerous hard dicks that aren't yours (that and their crazy schedules). Most guys aren't built to date women who strip, and that results in a lot of anger, jealousy, and restraining orders. So, step one: carefully consider the price of "success" here. 2. STRIP CLUBS ARE GREAT FOR... ...disposable, expensive fun. It's fantasy land. It's pure theater. It's not real. There's a reason why the women who work there are called "performers", and it's not because of their pole-dancing skills. For a customer, strip clubs are where they hit the "easy button" on talking to and having sexy fun with hot women (who are usually out of their league). For a dancer, strip clubs are a work site where they put on a false persona to charm customers and give them the sort of attention (physical and emotional) that they don't receive in the real world. After that interaction, the customer pays the dancer and both parties go on with their lives without entanglements or personal connections. And most PLs understand and appreciate both the superficial fun as well as the fact that the vast majority of dancers don't want to date customers. If the theatrical and transactional nature of strip club fun isn't your cup of tea and you "catch feelings", then you should not go to strip clubs for female attention or contact. I can't tell you where you should go, but strip clubs aren't on the list. 3. STRIP CLUBS ARE BAD FOR... ...finding an (unpaid) girlfriend, making new (unpaid) friends, and establishing genuine emotional connections. The customers who want these things from dancers almost always wind up wrapped around an axle and enjoy strip clubs less. It's worth mentioning that some dancers happily target PLs who "catch feelings" to exploit that vulnerability and strip mine them for cash. And once that guy is cashed out or on to them, they move on and don't care. And that's horrible, but it's also what happens when you look for romance in a building where the business model orients 180 degrees away from romance. Like anything being used outside of its intended purpose, the results you get will be unpredictable, often sub optimal, and even damaging. If you encounter a dancer who really "connects" with you, that's because she's good at her job. If she goes on to give you a fantastic lap dance or VIP, then that's because she's great at her job. Congrats! You found a great dancer. Keep seeing that dancer, because it usually gets better from there (if you keep your head on straight). 4. THE "SUGAR BABY" ARGUMENT Sugar "dating" is a hybrid of sex work where a guy pays a woman to occupy the role of a girlfriend and (almost always) sex partner. Though sugar dating carries some of the extra window dressing of genuine dating, it's entirely transactional. It's sex work. I only mention this because some guys will punch back by talking about their genuine stripper girlfriend. But, after some back and forth, they'll reveal that their true love gets a monthly allowance. That's not true love; that's using an entire jar of Vaseline on the lens through which you view reality. 5. ARE ALL DANCERS EMOTIONLESS AND UNCARING? No. I believe that most aren't that at all. I've been seeing my ATF for years now. We genuinely like each other. She appreciates me, I appreciate her, and we both have fun. That said, we're both clear-eyed about the nature of what we do. Neither of us believe that we'll wind up dating or in a monogamous relationship. She knows that I spend time and money on other dancers, and I know that she has other customers. And that's fine because we both know that what we're doing isn't serious. Also, neither of us are dumb enough to fuck with a good thing. Personal opinion, I think this is about the best you can reasonably hope for from a dancer. If you can get there, it's pretty great. But it might take a while. 6. IS THERE A DANCER TRUE LOVE TEST? Sure. Stop paying her. See how that works and report back here. Actually, crimp the money hose before posting anywhere about your exception-to-the-rule relationship with a dancer. That might save you a lot of typing. 7. BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT 1%? I started this by saying that 99% of the guys who think a dancer wants to date them are wrong, but then there's that other 1%. A lot of guys who think their favorite dancer wants to date them sincerely believe that they're in that magical 1%. Except it's not that magical. Look at where the vast majority of that small minority winds up. Based on both people I know as well as accounts from customers and dancers online, almost all of those relationships end badly. And sometimes catastrophically (hi, GACA). I would argue that the rare exceptions are often the strongest arguments against using strip clubs to find real girlfriends. 8. BUT IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A REAL GIRLFRIEND... If you want genuine connections (romantic or not), then volunteer at a non-profit/charity that you really care about. You will meet other volunteers and automatically have at least one thing in common with them, and therefore something to talk about or bond over. Or, you might just make new friends who could introduce you to someone right for you. I know several people who entered healthy, long-term relationships in a volunteer environment. Bonus tip... the majority of volunteers in animal welfare/rescue are women. -- END --

19 comments

"not an article. should be posted as a discussion." I'm surprised that everybody gave you a thumbs up! and you deserve it! well written article.
Jascoi
4 months ago
Very thorough and I would generally say, spot on. I have a set of rules that I have developed over the years: Stripper Rule #1: Every girl has her own limits and those limits may be different for different customers. Some will do all, some will do some, some will do none but no one is doing just you! Stripper Rule #2: They don't necessarily keep a regular schedule. Stripper Rule #3: The real world stops and the fantasy world begins when you walk through the door. You are paying for the fantasy, so don't confuse the two. Stripper Rule #4: When a stripper tells you that she can't wait to see you again or that she has missed you so much...the YOU she is talking about is your wallet. (I'm not saying that the girls don't have favorite customers that they would prefer to see, but we are all customers) Stripper Rule #5: Bring in the amount of money you intend to spend and don't do the ATM machine. Stripper Rule #6: They don't come to your office and waste your time, so don't go to their "office" and waste theirs. Stripper Rule #7: It is time to leave when you run out of money or they turn on the lights. Stripper Rule #8: Don’t get drunk at a strip club. It makes you an easy target. Stripper Rule #9: It is her job to take your money. She will tell you what she thinks will induce you to spend more. A sad story, bad luck, impending doom, promises of future sexual adventure are all designed to get you to spend beyond your limit. Just as each girl has her right to define her limits, you need to define your limits. Stripper Rule #10: It’s okay to fall in lust but don’t fall in love. I always say, There job is to make us think that they can't live without us and our job is to give them our money. However, there are exceptions to all rules. My exception will celebrat our 9 years of friendship in March.
OldWhiteGuy
4 months ago
I'm Happy With The Lust Of The Strippers! ✔️ 💲 👄
stripperlover777
4 months ago
I think it’s call the ‘rescue fantasy’ Goes all the way back to Sigmund Frued. I think a lot of (us) P.L.’s have a tendency towards it. Got recognize it and be real and brutally honest with yourself
dickdecker
4 months ago
I think it goes much further back. I think it's even in the Bible!
Jascoi
4 months ago
^^dickdecker^^ I have always despised the premise of "Pretty Woman" (the movie, the song is great) because it embodies the Rescue Fantasy. May help explain why I could never stand Julia Roberts. This article is great
Manuellabore
4 months ago
I see have several pictures I can post of old guys (of all ethnicities) massaging strippers feet in public or their necks or cuddling with them while the stripper looks like she wants to end her life. Young guys just get baited into giving them money they don’t deserve thinking it makes them a gentleman. Lots of simps in this world, it makes me want to puke. These girls sometimes still have my cum wiped on their clothes or in their skin while these guys are rubbing their necks. Like bro she just let me rub my dick on her cheek why are you kissing it? What is wrong with men lmao
vanillaextract
4 months ago
Truth, for all the good it will do…. Both the article & Oldwhiteguy’s 10 Rules reflect life wisdom from the trenches. Esp those Rules, I’ve thought that stuff so many times as I reflect on strip club life. Well done. But the Dusty’s of our world have zero reading comprehension when it comes to this topic. “Yeah, but I’m ME!” those narcissists think, “Those rules don’t apply to ME.” Yep, good luck with that. That said, me & my career ATF (long retired now) have been platonic friends for nearly 20 years now. Haven’t paid her or seen her naked for 10, since she retired. But we stay in touch, hang out once or twice a year, have fun. Now that’s one in a million.
RiskA
4 months ago
@jascoi: The Biblical incident to which I think you refer is in Joshua 2. Rahab the harlot actually saved the Israelite spies by hiding them from the Canaanite king and then helping them escape. The spies promised that she and her family would be spared when Israel attacked,and, indeed, they were as good as their word.
ATACdawg
4 months ago
Ishmael ape, you don’t emphasize the fun part of dating a stripper: the hilarious text exchanges with the guys they do OTC with. Remember this classic? [view link] If you don’t date a stripper how will you ever get to read shit like the following: “I heard your dick don't work and neither do you. So she'll call you when I decide she can bitch. Enjoy the second helping tonight pussyboy.” - said by rickdugan, smartest hairless ape on the planet Actually, now that I write this response I realize that was mostly funny for my brother the dugan. In fact, it probably sucked for the stripper boyfriend when he received that message. But that doesn’t make it less funny to send that message. ROAR!!!
rickthelion
4 months ago
Not all strippers are there to take your money. The challenge is meeting them which is extremely difficult to do because there are so few of them. Generally, these strippers are young and have little experience. They have real well paying jobs on the outside and expect to strip for only a short time. They are stripping not to create a fantasy world for the PL, but rather to create a fantasy world for themselves where they can draw attention and flirt without being concerned with restrictive codes of conduct in the business world. I recall a stripper who was a veterinary technician, one who worked for an electrical engineering consultant, a school teacher and one who had a degree in mathematics. Never experienced any pressure to buy a dance. And the stripper who had a degree in mathematics even refused accepting a tip.
WiseToo
4 months ago
I had a relationship with a dancer for over two years. Had amazing FS sessions at the club and OTC. We would do lunch and exchange gifts. It was fun while it lasted but both of us started new relationships so our fantasy sessions ended. Heard she got engaged so am happy for her.
Maximust
3 months ago
Very well written and a great read, but should go under the “No Shit Sherlock” category of discussion. Having fun and taking things at face value is definitely something that’s lacking amongst the new breed of young PLs going into the club. These young guys start falling in love and often delude themselves, that is until she cleans out their money market savings accounts, stops returning their calls and blocks them on IG. It’s all in the game though. Lmao.
SquareCastle
3 months ago
When I go to a strip club, especially the dive bars, I have no illusions about any sort of "relationship." I want to check out the hottest strippers, do a few dances, maybe a few extras if available, then move on. Pure fantasy, all fun. It gets annoying when the hot dancers are taken up by the PL's who think they are getting somewhere with the hot dancer by talking with them for way too long at the bar and not even paying for dances. C'mon, buddy, we're waiting! Maybe you can get her to see you on the outside, but not cuz she's into you... I kinda feel sorry for those guys. Apologies to the 1% who find love there ;-)
tracks2222
3 months ago
Some guys like to talk to the dancers for a little or long while even though they're not looking for a girlfriend or falling in love. Strip clubs are social places. So, you shouldn't be surprised that some guys want to be social *and* get dances. What you can do if that happens is go find another dancer.
Call.Me.Ishmael
3 months ago
One rule from this thread which I disagree with, is OldWhiteGuy's rule 8, don’t get drunk. I actually LIKE making myself into a bit of an easy target, at least at clubs with which I am familiar. I basically view the steps toward inebriation (the first few drinks) as an act of submitting myself to the feminine goddess and allowing her to own and control me, at least until I am too drunk to perform for her. In the absence of at least a little intake of alcohol, I'd never spend a single nickel on a stripper, probably. This may be simply because I have always associated drinking alcohol with paying strippers, so the two have become some kind of associated stimuli that feed off of one another in my habits. But, having a private lapper while stone cold sober? Seems like a buzzkill to me, to coin a term. YMMV of course, everyone should drink what he should drink not what the rest of us should. Just a thought. Another point I would like to make, is that dancers often aren't as hot as you think they are. Your experience with them is only in dim lighting, while they are scantily clad, wearing extreme levels of makeup and hair treatment. They CAN be super hot, but not necessarily, and even for civilian hotness outside the club, they have to undergo the transformation that every woman does to one degree or another, of plucking and preening and making up and clothing. (There's an important corollary to this -- many more of the civilian girls that you meet in regular life, are probably "hot enough" to be a successful stripper, than you might think. Especially in the age-range from 20 to 35 or even 40, as long as she's not gaining weight, then the thing that makes her "hot enough" to be a stripper is her nakedness and a lot of stage makeup and some extremely high heels. So, don't turn your nose up at all the medium-hot girls you meet in normal life, just judge them on their waistlines and then bone all the skinny ones that you can, they're as hot as most strippers!) And another point. I have administered the "dancer true love test" on two occasions and found out that it's not quite as cut-and-dried as that. The test, according to OP (but paraphrasing and expanding), is to stop paying her, to see how much she really might care about you. Well, once, a dancer kept phoning and texting me because she needed my help, advice, and concern. This is not "true love" of course, and did not lead to genuine romantic dating, nor did I expect or desire it to do so. But we were adequate friends that I do think we valued each other like teammates, and that was nice. Then she moved States, she still texts me when she comes through town, I have not seen her dance lately. She failed the "true love" test, kind of. When she is dancing, she is an excellent asset for learning which girls are the dirty girls in her club, and thereby also for informing those girls that I am a good customer. Another occasion, a dancer went out of her way to offer greater and greater service in the club, for a level of money that was not increasing. This is partly, simply that she was more and more comfortable with me. But it was also, partly, that she liked being with me, and that I was making it pleasurable for her. This is absolutely NOT "stripper true love" but we did, subsequent to her pulling my willie for a full-completion hand-job at no price, start dating. Like, outside in thhe real world. Weird! This went poorly to average, we had nothing in common, and she didn't look half as good to me in her outdoors civilian attire; also we lived more than an hour apart by car, and the midpoint was roughly the club where I met her, so that meant that the best rendezvous was back in the club. But still she was comfortable with me in the club, I would give her sugar-daddy type treatment, and my in-club experiences were always better. Basically I downgraded from friends-with-benefits (not paying for it) down to sugar-daddy (paying for it but having a relationship too) and ultimately to custie (paying for it, not seeing her outside the club) and that was the direction of development I preferred. So, she failed the "true love" test but it wasn't true love anyway.
Book Guy
a month ago
After a two year relationship, I think it covered all aspects. We met and had champagne fun a few times. I paid for that fun but each visit, she opened up more and a connection built. Out of the blue, she asked if I could help with a mechanic ripping her off. I agree and for no money, get her car fixed and one hell of a thank you at her house. Even got dinner from her. Then she started inviting me over on Friday shift close for a drink and snack. I intentionally stopped paying for anything and she never said a word. Weekly "fun" was regular and I took her out to dinner like any other date. After 9 months she asked where I live. I invite her over and she was insatiable that weekend. NO MONEY was ever discussed. Then 3 months later, she suggested my place was nice, could we live together. An actual written agreement on expenses was made, she was still dancing, and she moved in. All was good for 6 months then she started bringing up an old boyfriend. He stopped and said hi to her, he bought her a drink and out sex life stopped cold. She came home later and later. One night I come home after work and she was gone. I checked with her friends and she moved to Miami with old boyfriend. One month later he beat her in the parking lot and took her car. I have never hear from her.
FL34102
14 days ago
To the above poster and his story, that honestly sounds like average woman behavior. Not even dancer behavior but just average modern/western female behavior. They find a guy who is secure and can provide for her, cozy up, then start yearning for the chads of the old days and screw it all up. Not trying to be misogynistic this is just a repeat of what I’ve read/heard throughout Reddit, YouTube, etc. Older, more experienced men, please do chime in.
TCabot
6 days ago
Ok. I'm almost 60. I've been doing this For years and years, on and off (depending on what else was going in in my life.) I agree that you're not going to find the love of your life at Mr. Happy's stripper emporium. But in my pursuit of OTC experiences, I have stumbled into several relationships that would be hard to categorize one way or another. Some were more transactional with specific amounts set. But I remember also going out to plays and comedy shows and tourist attractions with these girls and that was not part of the transaction. I've also had at least 3 "girlfriends" with whom I "connected" in every sense of that word. None of whom asked for money. Sure, I bought them gifts (jewelry and the like) and I paid for our activities. But one would do that with a wife! Oh, they were all seriously attractive 8, or above. And I am no handsome prince I'm just a good talker I guess. I remember (I will Remember this on my deathbed) on my first date with one of them I was about 60 seconds away from offering her money for what I wanted, when she looked at me and said "I want you." I came to realize that she would have been completely offended if I had made that financial offer. And she was the hottest of the three. So.....you never know.
Cucamonga
5 days ago
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