My advice for guys I take Strip Clubbing
Subraman
Car key and wallet dating your sister
1. Don't be an asshole
2. Don't be a little bitch
That's it! You're welcome. Thanks for the VIP, founder!
What's that you say? You'd like me to elaborate a little? Well sure, if you insist! Let's start off with the easy one first:
**** Don't Be an Asshole ****
Amazing how some guys go full retard when they get to the strip club. I find the best way to act is to boot up in "behave like an adult, and remember the strippers are people, treat them that way".
- If she comes over to you, and you're not interested, don't string her along ... this is her job, time is money for her. Assholes waste strippers' time.
- If you call her over, she hangs out with you for 20 minutes, and after that 20 minutes, you decide you don't really want to get dancers from her anymore, slip her a $10 or $20 before you send her on her way.
- Every club will have some standard of expected touching, but if you go beyond that, seek consent. I personally advise seeking explicit verbal consent, but some guys prefer implicit consent -- that is, they move their hand very slowly towards ground zero, giving her plenty of time to intercept and move it away; if she doesn't, they assume she's okay with it. Not my style but whatever.
- If a girl comes over to you and you don't want a dance from her, don't wave your hand and turn away, as if she's a piece of shit. 20 seconds of conversation before you decline won't kill you.
- Don't get too personal with your questions. I know many guys do this by accident ... they just get caught up in the nightclub atmosphere, and as with a "civilian", start asking personal questions about where she lives, etc. This is NOT a nightclub, she is NOT a dating prospect, and personal questions aren't just annoying, they are a matter of serious personal safety for her. Have fun but don't lose the plot ... she's a stripper, she has every reason to stay anonymous, stay away from asking her compromising questions.
**** Don't be a Little Bitch ****
This one seems to be a little more difficult to follow. My definition of a little bitch is: if you are intimidated by a 22 year old girl in her underwear, you're a little bitch. The girls can smell weakness, and once they can tell you're a little bitch, you can be in for some rough, trip-ruining treatment. So, here's some ways to be a little bitch, or more importantly, how to avoid it.
- If a stripper comes over to you and you don't want a dance, here's the best thing to say. "No thanks, but thank you anyway". You don't owe her an explanation. You don't need to be passive-aggressive ("maybe later"), you don't need to invent excuses ("I'm waiting for someone", "I'm out of money"). It's not that those excuses don't "work", in the sense that they will lead to the desired effect in that the dancer will go away. But, two problems: 1. Being passive aggressive or so intimidated you need to lie to her, puts you in a defensive little-bitch mindset from the start. "No thanks" is what confident people say. People who are scared make up excuses. A bold, in-control mindset really does impact how you think and how you're perceived by others. 2. The girls KNOW that you're lying about waiting for someone or that "maybe later" means you're too scared to say "no". And among the more sadistic ones, that's their cue to turn on the high hustle -- and this can lead to some really unpleasant interactions.
- Speaking of unpleasant interactions, a common one is: You say "maybe later", she starts asking you questions "Why not?", you answer, she asks you more questions ("don't you like black girls?" "why are you here if you don't like dances?") all meant to either 1. strong-arm you into getting more dances, or 2. humiliate you so she can feel better about herself. I don't even sit there and meekly answer her questions and let her dictate the conversation -- this pattern by the girls is ALWAYS aggression. Often, I'll simply shut it down -- repeat "no thanks" without answering the question, etc. Sometimes, I'll engage her in conversation, but here's my rule: I NEVER answer any of her questions, instead I turn it around and she can answer mine. (Her: Am I not your type? Me: What do you think? Who do you think my type is?)... the more aggressive girls realize what I'm doing and walk away; the less aggressive girls will sit there and meekly answer my questions for a while, and if I think she's fun, well now I have a new friend. But sitting there and playing into her game, answering question after question from a girl you're not interested in, is being a little bitch.
- You don't have to tip. I tip, without being asked, for EXTRAORDINARY service. If a stripper asks for a tip and I don't want to tip her, my usual response: "Sorry I don't tip" I say it respectfully, but with eye contact -- I feel I don't owe her any more explanation. Sometimes, if I'm feeling magnanimous, I'll add in, "Sorry, I don't tip, but show my appreciation by buying more dances, I'll let you know if I'm up for that". That's it. A lot of the passive aggressive guys have policies like, "if she asks for a tip, I'll tip her... but then I'll never do dances with her again!" By now, you know the view of I have of that -- it is the living embodiment of being a little bitch. You're so scared of her you're rewarding her when you didn't think she deserved it, and then somehow think she's going to realize that you're avoiding her because of it?
- Exact same advice for tipping, goes for buying drinks. I personally think buying drinks and food for the girls is easily the best deal in the strip club, but if it's not your thing, any pressure you put on yourself about "looking bad because I'm not buying her a drink" is just your inner bitch speaking.
**** Conclusions****
Through all of this, I think it's important to stay respectful, smiling, relaxed, and in control. Do so, and you'll be respected and treated how you'd like, and far less likely to run into trip-killing negative experiences. Some of the girls are bat-shit crazy and will go off on you no matter what you do. But in general, if you're neither an asshole nor a little bitch, this maximizes your chances of fun interactions and minimizes the chances of the really horrible ones that leave a bad taste in your mouth. And remember the advice of the greatest actor of our time. To paraphrase: "Be nice. Tell her no thanks, but be nice. Don't tip her, but be nice. Be nice... until it's time not to be nice."
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43 comments
Let them learn on someone else's dime. Bad enough that I still have the habit of taking brand new dancers for what inevitably turn out to be shitty dances.....I don't want to spend my visit babysitting a newb. And I also don't want the dancers to think that we are a "couple". Talk about a visit killer.
I may sound cold but put on your big boy/big girl panties and learn about it the same way many of us did - alone and terrified.
Fuck to the yes.
Back off, Warchild.
Totally get it. For me, a lot of my ITC fun is the fact that it's social, I love SCing with a group of guys... and since guys who I can trust to keep their traps shut are already somewhat rare, and there's always guys dropping out of the group for various reasons, we have to cultivate new blood to keep the group going. There's only 2 of us who have been fixtures since the old days.
Most of these guys' experiences at SCs, before they come SCing with us, is the classic "stripper comes up to me, talks to me for 30 seconds, then asks me if a I want a dance and goes away if I say no." The reason I emphasize paying her if she sits around, is because the girls will easily come and sit with us for a long while without ever asking for a dance, because they know that if we let them stay, it means they'll be compensated. Can't let the new guys get confused over why she's sitting there. Send her away forthwith, or be prepared to tip her or take her for dances.
I would add - be patient and wait for a dancer you are really attracted to then go all in.
I've taken a couple of newbies to a SC and watched them go ape shit crazy over the first vaguely cute scantily clad honey that sat in their lap. They just didn't know the finer honey's are usually slower to come around and missed out.
Subra, you are lucky to have a group of friends to SC with. All my friends are too smart to piss their money away on clubbing making them not much fun to party with.
So far, at least 2 or 3 of the guys have listened to my little speech, and said something like, "Don't be an asshole, and don't be a little bitch. Seems like good advice for life in general."
I almost shed a tear, it makes me realize they're ready :)
Over the years I've come to appreciate it more and more. I understand why so many guys don't like SCing with friends, it's just not nearly as much fun SCing with guys who have the "it's our annual guys night out, woohooo tittays!" attitude. But SCing with other hardcore PLs -- and the lucky newbie PLs-in-training -- is a blast.
There are times that I feel obligated to club with a group, such as when a group from work plans anot after work outing. I only go if it is not one of my regular clubs, and I don't buy dances on those visits. I just watch and tip.
I haven't knowingly met up with any fellow TUSCLers, but I do think that would be a hoot.
* Don't be an asshole
* Don't be a little bitch!
Most of my clubbing has been of the lone wolf variety, because none of my long-term friends are into the hobby. However, I have made one good TUSCL friend with whom I've clubbed several times, including almost monthly this year. In general our presence at the same table acts as a force amplifier, improving both of our games.
@ MrDeuce I have a few friends that I club with regularly, and have clubbed with a few TUSCLers you are so right that it is a force multiplier and it absolutely enhances you club experience.
Agreed.
I don't mind clubbing with other mongers that understand the game and how it's played, whether that is with just one other person or a group. That can truly be alot of fun. But "amateur hour" with the uninitiated? Oh hell no.
This is why I walked away the first time and stayed away for years. When I went it was always with a group of guys and it seemed like the majority of the time I was the voice of reason and the lone non-asshole in the group.
The only reason I ever set foot in a club again was a series of circumstances where a girl I met on SA was a stripper and didn't want to tell me. She had me meet her at work one night which turned out to be a club after I had seen her OTC a few times. After the initial surprise I had a good time but I've never set foot in that particular club again and the girl and I parted ways a couple of years ago.
My latest civvie female friend wants to as well, but I'm going to make her read this first.
I've done some of the maybe later myself. It was always a waste of everyones' time!
In the end, strip-club interactions are about business even if most us PLs may not consciously see it that way - we tend to be in the "how it makes me feel" mode vs most dancers are into "how can I get the most $$$ from this guy" mode - i.e. for us the strip-clubs are about pleasure and for the dancers it's about business and in business one gets the best outcomes being direct but fair - thus Subra's direct but "don't be an asshole" is the best and straightest way to get from strip-club point-A to strip-club point-B (i.e. where everyone gets what they want) - in essence it is said if one wants a good-answer one should ask a good-question - in a sorta vise-versa way if one wants the proper stripper reaction (no drama, etc) and should have good answers to give and good-answers are usually short and direct.
The part about explicit consent goes hand-in-hand w/ Subra's approach about the no-nonsense direct approach - I agree that is the most sensical way to go about it - but there are times w/ a dancer IDK very well that I may ask if I can do 'X' and for many dancers the default/reflex reaction/answer is to say no since dancers by default often wanna "keep custies in line" or do the least for the mo$t so they'll say no b/c they know many custies; particularly newbs; can be easily "kept in line (at least her lines)" and they still keep buying dances - thus I will usually use the implicit approach as Subra described to let her know that is what I want or what I'm used to and w/ some dancers they'll go along b/c they wanna keep giving me dances b/c I made it known that is what I want via my actions - this is not to say that every dancer will give me what I want b/c I explicitly showed what I want but I do feel I've gotten farther by doing/trying than by just asking - of course the implicit approach described by Subra has a bigger possibility of backfiring and the dancer using the opportunity to go off on you, but this is usually not the case IME and at worst they usually give me an explicit or implicit warning (moving their body, etc) and if she blows up I've SCed enough to be able to handle it - this is not to say Subra's explicit approach is not the better one, overall it is, I just prefer to take more chances since it can *at times* lead to better-results.
w.r.t. custies being intimidated - I'm sure many are but again I think many don't consciously see they are in a business environment vs a social environment - sure, SCs are social and about socializing; but in the end IMO it's business - so many PLs are subconsciously in social vs business mode/mindset and thus their responses to dancers b/c in society we are trained to be kind and accommodating to others particularly men to women - and like any aggressive sales-person, strippers will use anything they can to their advantage to make the sale including using one's innate kindness to others (as we are taught, or it being innate) - so I think the "intimidation factor" is often a custy not being cognizant what environment he's in and that a stripper is coming at him like a used car salesman (which is hard to make the connection when the bitch is practically naked and looking hot).
Excellent article - required reading for any newb or anyone w/ LBS (little bitch syndrome).
I can only imagine what dancers/StripperWebbers think when they see PL advice like this being ditched out - LOL.
Heh, I'd love to hear it myself. Here is a true story: a local well-known stripper contacted me and thanked me for this article (!!!). She felt it was even-handed, and while she didn't mention the "don't be a little bitch" section, she loved the "don't be an asshole" section. In particular, she felt the "wave your hand and turn away" is incredibly disrespectful. When I quizzed her on it, she knew the right answer: most of the time, customers who do this aren't really being assholes; rather, they're socially awkward, and so scared of a verbal interaction they do this to avoid it completely. I could easily have put this one in the "don't be a little bitch" section
I agree that a lot of the time, the implicit approach is fine, it does constitute consent if you move slowly enough that she knows where you're going. I should be clear that I feel you should NEVER EVER ask the stripper before the dance, "what are your rules?", that's the way to be guaranteed you'll get her lowest-common-denominator rules.
-->"w.r.t. custies being intimidated - I'm sure many are but again I think many don't consciously see they are in a business environment vs a social environment "
Yep, I think the two main contributing factors to being a little bitch, are 1. general social awkwardness, and 2. confusion over the fact that this is a business environment. And strongly agreed, the girls use this to their advantage -- although as we see on StripperWeb so often, the LOVE it when they confuse a PL and it pays dividends for them, HATE it when that confusion leads him to "cross the line", even though her doing the one is what directly leads to him doing the other
The pros (dancers) are often savvy business women and are not into playing games nor browbeating PLs and thus are fine w/, and often prefer, custies being straight when they are not interested even if this means they are not making the sale (in part b/c it doesn't waste their time and they can hit better prospects).
By the way the same article applies to Dancers as well.
Exact same - 1/ don't be an asshole 2/ don't be bitch - and a dancer will do just fine.
- Guys who have AT LEAST a mild case of little bitch syndrome
- Guys who are lying
:)
Subra's simple advice is: "If a stripper comes over to you and you don't want a dance, here's the best thing to say, "No thanks, but thank you anyway"."
In the Strip Club Hound post, the question asked was, "Here's a question. What's the best way of saying "thanks but no thanks" to a dancer?" Strip Club Hound's response was:
Here are some of the things I say to a dancer that I know I'm not going to want to spend time with.
• "Thanks but I'm already promised to someone else". In all the years I've been saying this to dancers, no one has ever asked me which girl I promised. If one did, I suppose I'd say "I don't know her name but I'll know her when she comes by". The girls probably all know this is bullshit unless they see me going off for a private soon after with someone but it seems to work.
• "Thanks but I'm running low on funds". That seems to get rid of them fast. The trouble is they may tell other dancers "That guy doesn't have any money".
• If you've just arrived: "Thanks but I have to kill two hours here before I can go to an appointment and I don't want to get any dances until I'm almost ready to leave".
• If you've been there a while: "Thanks but I just got out of a private dance with someone else and I need some time to recuperate".
• I've actually had fairly good luck with "Thanks but I just want to enjoy the show for a while and think about private dances later".
Subraman's simple advice is the better advice I think, and I am less of a bitch and better off for having read it. Well done, Subraman!
Now could he have avoided all this in the first place if he didn't give off a weak sissy vibe? No doubt. I'm sure his curled up body language and hesitation emboldened her. But here they were, with her already (rightly) assuming that he was a pushover. Some guys really should consider whether clubs are right for them, because, as we all know, girls like this are not completely uncommon.
As you had mentioned, it is even handed and even the strippers would enjoy this article.
Great work. Looking forward to your awesome posts in future as well.
I kinda want to grab some of these guys and shake them up a little bit and smack them with the black hand side of my hand. Kinda like that old movie style “slap some sense into me”….. Stop being intimidated or afraid of these women. A few ppl took offense when I said to stop being SIMPS and to man up. Thank you for this inciteful post….even though it’s an oldie it’s still a goodie.