Dining at the Furry Snack Bar (Cunnilingus 101)

avatar for MojoDojo
MojoDojo
A female coworker of mine was complaining recently; "Why don't men understand how fucking powerful going down on a woman is?"

"Huh? What? I think that we understand pretty well about going down on you," I replied.

"Then why don't you guys know how to do it RIGHT?" she asked.

I offered up a strong argument on behalf of myself and my fellow cunnilingus practitioners actually going so far as to offer to "show" her my handy work but she continued to protest the fact that we don't know what we're doing "down there". Unfortunately she declined my offer and that was too bad in many ways because I am absolutely certain that I could make her howl at the moon and I've been dying to get into her undies for a long time but that's another story.

So for the better part of two weeks her argument that we don't know what we're doing down there rattled around in my brain. In fact I was preoccupied by it and I started to do some research--if you can call watching porn research that is--and the next time my friend and I hooked up for lunch I told her about my fledgling obsession with her assertion that we are less than competent in the act of eating pussy. She laughed because she had already moved on--as women often do--but she wanted to know what I had learned.

I shared my observations, both from my experience and from the porn I had watched, and she told me that I was making good progress but that I was over thinking it and needed to become more intuitive in my approach. "OK," I said as I raised my hands over my head. "If you don't believe that we are doing it right, tell me how to do it right and I'll post your instructions on the web where a large number of men will have access to it."

"Cool!" she said as an ear to ear smile spread across her astonishingly beautiful face. So what follows is the result of two conversations I had with my friend where she proceed to tell me how to give earth-shattering head to your female partner (sorry txtittyfag perhaps you can write an article about how to give an earth-shattering blow job to your partner and balance this topic out a bit).

First off and most importantly take your time. Ever heard the cliché "speed kills" well in this case it's true cause it's a buzz-kill. When you decide to take the drive down south, go slow. Stop at various overlooks and tourist attractions and take in the sights as you make the trip. A nibble here and a kiss there before you reach the holy land will help to heighten her arousal level and the anticipation of what's to come will kick in, in ways that are hard to appreciate as a guy. According to my friend, whom I will simply call X from now on, you know that you're going at the right pace when she starts pushing and pulling you in the direction of her magic playground. If/when that happens by the way you should still take your time because for her, frustration, is a "force multiplier" and ultimately will make her orgasm that much more intense.

Second and very close in importance to the speed with which you dole out your oral attention, is pressure. By pressure I mean how much pressure you apply with your teeth, lips, tongue, nose, chin and in a supporting role fingers. According to X most of us think that firmer pressure means more intensity and more pleasure as a result which makes sense given that a good hand job or blow job for that matter is all about friction, the more the better. In her case however it's important to vary your pressure from light as a feather to firm like pressing an elevator button depending on where you are and when you are. So the question you should have right now is "WTF how will I know what and where?" and the answer according to X is simple. Start light and soft at each new location and get firmer over time. For example the first time you get to her little pleasure button your touch should be light and delicate but after 10 minutes of licking and sucking on her slippery slit your pressure on her clit can be firm and deliberate. I say "can" because X made the comment that we should always vary our pressure from time to time and not get stuck in just one gear.

To recap at this point #1 Speed - the tortoise wins this race and #2 Pressure - light to firm and back again, and again. Next on X's agenda was for us to understand the importance of the different parts of her sexual anatomy. Now I won't insult you by introducing the parts she was talking about to you. I am positive that everyone reading this knows the difference between her vagina--or as I like to call it her musky cave of love--and her clitoris. And yes I do have a pet name for it too but I'm not telling. One thing to keep in mind regarding anatomy is that her erogenous zone(s) extend far out beyond just the fertile valley between her legs and a truly awesome session should include side trips down her inner thighs where light biting is strongly encouraged and perhaps if she's into it a trip all the way to her uber-sensitive feet is in order. That having been said however most of your attention will be lavished on the juicy bits like her labia (both inner and outer) her vagina, her clit (of course) and if you're feeling bold her anus. As you are undoubtedly aware the little pleasure button reigns supreme when it comes to driving her wild but don't make the mistake of focusing solely on it because you run the risk of over stimulating it and ruining it for her. The takeaway here is sometimes less is more especially when it comes to her clit.

Next on the hit list is what you do to those juicy little morsels and by that I mean kissing, licking, sucking, nibbling, biting, rubbing, penetrating, stretching, and yes even slapping and pinching (note proceed with caution with those last two, they are for advanced practitioners only!). For example her clit should be subjected to just about, if not all, of those actions at various points in time. In other words don't just latch on to her clit and suck it like a baby's pacifier for 10 min straight. Suck it, sure, then flick it with the tip of your tongue in rapid succession, then kiss it, then suck it some more then lick it like a cat cleaning itself, then...(I think you get the picture). The same goes for how you go after the other juicy bits. Change it up and vary that technique, hell use that nose to rub her stiff little clitty while you probe the slippery slopes of her "grand" canyon with your tongue or fingers or better yet both. The more you move and change up and (remember point 1 here we're going at a measured pace too) vary your pressure, speed and technique the better...to a point.

And that point is when she's on the verge of coating your face with her 10w40 girly oil (i.e. she's about to cum you numbskull). According to X as she tenses up and nears the "little death" as the French call it (la petite mort) she prefers that the stimulation be focused solely on her stiff little princess by sucking on it almost like you were nursing on your mama's breast. For her it gets so intense that she'll try to push you off her little mound of joy but she said, and she was adamant about this, don't let her get away. Specifically she said that as the intensity rises she can't help but push you away but by doing so she's actually denying herself the full onslaught of the orgasm so her instructions are to grab hold, clamp on and be a man! Don't let some chick push you around what are you some kind of pussy? Hang in there and keep that slow motion direct pressure thang going until...

Until when? Well until she really can't take it anymore of course (i.e. overload). Isn't that just like a woman? "Fuck me like an animal! What an asshole you are. You always treat me like I'm some kind of an animal!" Can't win for loosing I tell ya. Well I pushed back on this one for us all and got her to clarify it somewhat for me. So as she tenses up and goes into orgasm her senses are over loading so she tries to stop us but she's not really all the way gone yet so we have to suck it up (literally) and hang in there but once the wave crashes over her and for some brief period after she climaxes her nervous system is going haywire and continuing to lavish her tender parts (in particular her little speed bump) will only hasten her departure from the "crazy zone" so you gotta back off and let her ride the crest. How do you know when enough is enough? Well she offered this "If I'm pressing my thumbs into your eye sockets and threatening to rip your eyes out that's a pretty good indicator that I'm over the top." So barring that rather gruesome predicament be aware of hostile intentions I guess, to determine when it's time to relax your grip on the now thoroughly ravaged young lady you are dining on.

Ok, to recap...

1) Take your time. Remember that fucking tortoise dude.
2) Vary the pressure of your contact. Light to firm and back again.
3) Pay attention to all of her naughty bits and spend time teasing them all into a heightened state of arousal.
4) Take advantage of all of your physical assets (lips, tongue, teeth etc...) using various techniques to bring her to a stunning climax
5) Be aware of her state and hold on for a good ride as she takes a ride to crazy land but know when to relax and let her enjoy the ride too.

23 comments

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avatar for jackslash
jackslash
12 years ago
We need more articles like this. Instructive and funny.
avatar for looneylarry
looneylarry
12 years ago
Thorough and informative. Women need to stop this crap of "well if I had to tell you, then it loses all meaning" and just simply let us know or show us. Instead of guessing and getting us both frustrated, just tell me.
avatar for farmerart
farmerart
12 years ago
Good point, looneylarry.

I am not one of those guys too proud to ask for directions when I am lost.
avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69
12 years ago
"We need more articles like this. Instructive and funny."

100%
avatar for gawker
gawker
12 years ago
My ATF had me watch another woman eat her out and give me direction at the same time. I learned that for close to 50 years I've been using too much pressure. As we know, all women are different and what puts one over the top may not for the next. However the tips given here are good and are consistent with my "lesson".
avatar for lopaw
lopaw
12 years ago
Sadly I have never been with a man that could even come close to giving oral pleasure like another woman can. Some were definitely better at it than others, but there is just something there that was lacking. FWIW the ones willing to take constructive criticism and instruction were far better than the dolts that just plowed ahead oblivious to what they were doing or what I really needed. Nobody is a mind-reader, so both parties need to communicate in order for good things to happen.
avatar for inno123
inno123
12 years ago
I agree with lopaw that too many women expect their men to be mind readers, which usually leaves men just with relying on what would feel good to them and what they see in porn, which is always played up for the camera.
avatar for jestrite50
jestrite50
12 years ago
Sorry ......but to women its all a game......they always want to keep you guessing .......that's how they can have control over men .........and I LOVE it !!!!
avatar for judyjudy
judyjudy
12 years ago
Well stated.
avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
12 years ago
Welcome back Judy! Comment more! :)
avatar for Sperrz
Sperrz
12 years ago
Good stuff! Talking about what you like is more important than anything else. My GF and I do that all the time and I keep "refining" my technique to keep her happy...

One recommendation I didn't see in the article: Try writing the alphabet with your tongue while you're down on her. That is a non-repetitive move that will keep her happy. For one reason or the other, my GF likes the letter k...:-)
avatar for Savageone66
Savageone66
12 years ago
Entertaining and Informative! I like it! Hope to read a LOT more like it!
avatar for peterone
peterone
12 years ago
Great article. I met a provider in a bar weeks ago and wanted her bad as she is hot, beautiful and a big tease. Great skin with B tits and a body that will cause money to flow out of your pocket. I did not know if she would fuck. She ask me at the bar while we are drinking if I ate pussy? I said yes I do and I love it. I was unsure about it as I know the danger. But what the heck. so I told her lets go to the back where it is dark and I will give you a sample. We did and the rest is history. We fucked and she did not want to use a cover and allowed the old boy to unload in her pussy. I belive me eating her pussy paved the way to one of the best fucks in my life.
avatar for SlickSpic
SlickSpic
12 years ago
I like this article. There's a book titled "She Comes First" that's an amazing guidebook to the pleasures of cunilingus.
avatar for bang69
bang69
12 years ago
that was great
avatar for Wickedsteel
Wickedsteel
11 years ago
That was an awesome article most of which i already knew but i liked hearing it come from a women and will take all that into account thank you for that
avatar for 216OJ614
216OJ614
11 years ago
great and funny article
avatar for gawker
gawker
11 years ago
I spent an hour in the Champagne Room last night with my ATF and normally that's a nice blowjob, but she was especially Randy and after sucking my dick for 10 or 15 minutes she straddled me and lowered herself onto my shaft.and we did a little cowgirl action. Then she reversed and let me do a little tickling around her asshole while she pumped up and down. She dismounted and asked me to eat her pussy. I dropped to my knees and gently began tracing my tongue around the outer lips, then flicking my tongue around her engorged clit. She was moaning and groaning as I inserted two fingers in her pussy, kept flicking and licking and her thighs closed tightly around my head and she came...and came....and came. She said she hadn't had sex in a month and "really needed that".she then finished me off and we collapsed.
I kept thinking of this article and the suggestions. The biggest lesson which I kept running through my head was "gentle".
avatar for mtnboy49
mtnboy49
11 years ago
Great Stuff. On keezmovies.com there is a Nina Hartley video with great instructions on this same topic with a lot of the same points. Another is the varying hard and soft tongue. I tried out her pointers on four different professional ladies and they all were VERY appreciative.
avatar for Cher29
Cher29
11 years ago
Wow! Sign me up for that! While I agree with your friend (particularly the end where pull off too soon or hold on too long misses the full eye rolling ceiling hitting event a tad) almost 100%, we women are all different and might like different movements and pressure. I've noticed sometimes it also depends on the mood, what time of month, how I'm feeling about myself, how comfortable I am w my partner, if any alcohol was recently consumed, and a host of other factors. Please guys, don't get discouraged - we women are confused about our fickleness as well --- but never being the same thing adds variety, right? I say the best advice is, even if the guy is bad at it, if he shows enthusiasm (huge turnon - we can tell if you're not into it) and listens to your body and moans and responds to those appreciation tokens, he can learn very quickly by those cues. No girl wants to stop the moment to give a lesson. BUT, I'd recommend they read this article beforehand -- great article --- thank you for taking the time and thank your friend for me. I hope ALL men get us figured out. By doing a good job for a girl, by making us happy, we, as a whole group of the gender, will be more willing to relax and have action with you!
avatar for skibum609
skibum609
11 years ago
The sensuous man by J. A late 60's/early 70's response to the Sensual woman by M, is essentially a how to book (think licking for dummies)with a million tips. The butterfly seems timeless. A couple of other clues? Fresh shave. You think macho. The woman thinks sandpaper. Trim fingernails below fingertip, no sharp edges. If you have facial hair don't trim the day of sex, as freshly cut equals sharp. Your tongue can be shaped. Do it. Curl your middle finger. Insert. Feel around up top inside of her and find the spot. Next tutorial will be on how to make a thin woman cum while she is fully clothed, facing you in a straddle without ever touching her pussy.
avatar for bigmack13
bigmack13
11 years ago
Great article. If you have gotten this far down on the comment section, allow me to make a suggestion and my own comments. The suggestion: open a new window to Youtube.com and search for "Key & Peele Cunnilingus class". Funny as hell and informative.
As for my comments, while I agree that not all women are the same, the article was great as a basic guideline. I've been going down on women for over 30 years, and have learned a lot in my travels. One example: sometimes women don't know how to get themselves off. If she is busy trying to give you directions, you're not doing it right. A good pussy licking takes away her power of speech. I will tell a woman I can control her breathing with just the tip of my tongue, and then can prove it. Don't vary position or pressure too suddenly. Go look at anatomy book, and notice how far the clit extends into her body. It's not just that nub on the end, it is the proverbial Tip of the Iceberg. Find something that makes her moan, shake or scream, and stick with it! I have been given the title Master Cunnilinguist by 2 different women: one that I made pass out from an intense orgasm, and another who was bisexual and said I ate her out better than ANY lesbian she had ever been with! And hey, get ready to be down there a long time! Don't BS yourself into thinking this will be a quick five minutes and you're done. TAKE YOUR TIME! Think of that pussy like it's your favorite meal, and you want to enjoy every bite. Get to know her pussy. You're getting a better look at it than she EVER will. Have fun with it, make it wet, make it sing. If you do it right I guarantee she will be singing your praises later.
Finally for those who STILL need a visual training guide, find any video by porn king Ron Jeremy eating pussy. According to most female porn stars in the last 20 years, he is the best at it in the industry! Now go take a peach and practice! Practice on the peach!!
avatar for flguytampa21
flguytampa21
11 years ago
MMM. The more you turn her on, the more she want to suck you and fuck you.
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