Hurricanes and Strip Clubs, a memoir

You can unfriend me, unfollow me, and unlike me; but you cannot unlick my butthole

7/30/2024 7:40:55 PM

New Orleans had not been my home for long before it was threated by Hurricane Ivan. I went to Club Eve in Metairie the night before they declared evacuations and it was dead. The few staff there said most of the dancers had stayed home to prepare or already left town. I had gone with a friend, so we stayed to shoot the shit and drink. Many non-strip club bars had already closed. Hurricane Ivan missed New Orleans and wobbled east to Mobile, AL.

A year later, during and after Hurricane Katrina, the French Quarter stayed dry. Fun fact: the French Quarter is the old and original part of New Orleans because it was the only high ground above sea level. They had no power, but any bars that stayed open were still accepting cash and serving warm beer. Sadly, none of them were strip clubs, but the strips clubs did open before the strippers returned. I remember Heavenly Bodies was playing porn on projectors and screens. The day the first dancer was scheduled to return was a packed house and rousing applause when she walked in. She was then too intimidated to get dressed and come out on stage. Most of the strip clubs around that time were jam packed on a nightly basis. Many regular bars, restaurants, and nightclubs had not re-opened for various reasons. Strip clubs were the primary night life and the preferred entertainment of the blue collar and unskilled labor in rebuilding. I was at one of my favorite haunts, Jaguars in Fat City, with a friend. Somewhere, I lost my phone, a new Nokia that was the first phone to blend iPod .aaf and cell phone functionality. It was so packed, I could not even see the floor to try and find my phone. The management at strip clubs also made the girls stay on stage, since mingling was impossible and would only result in groping. The lap dance room had a line and you did not go with a dancer, you stood in line and you either took the next dancer to free up (like a walk-in at a barber shop) or you waited to see if the dancer you wanted became available before her stage turn.

Later, in Florida, we had Hurricane Irma. While it was not as bad as had been forecast, it still caused significant damage cutting across the center of the state. There was a weird migration of unskilled labor where they left the destroyed orchards and groves in the center of the state and moved closer to coastal areas and other unskilled and blue collar migrants came to the area to work in rebuilding. They also stayed in coastal areas and commuted to the inland areas for work. The result was strip clubs packed to the gills with Spanish speaking patrons and Latina dancers. I was in one such packed club and watching a dancer I was interested in. This club was so packed that you could only see a dancer's face and cleavage. I was aware of the Latina penchant for huge asses, and I am not into that. I like spinners and playboy GNDs. The dancer I had been eyeballing walked up to me and started chatting me up. Gorgeous face, fit top and shoulders, large man-mades, but I could not see below the lingerie top to see her bottom half. Given her toned and fit top half, I took my shot and went to the lap dance room with her. As soon as we entered the more open space of the lap dance, instant regret. She had the biggest, roundest bottom half I had seen in a long, long time. Twice as large as her top half. Those were not hips, they were flanks. In a lap dance, she loved to shove that meat right in my face. I could not even enjoy the dance, that was one and done.

A lot has changed in the strip club landscape since then. Some of our favorite haunts like Follies, Inner Room Cabaret, Pure Platinum and Solid Gold in Fort Lauderdale, have been lost or changed unrecognizably. The impact of COVID, Pornhub, and OnlyFans has been huge on strip clubs. Hurricanes haven't changed, though. Their impacts are larger as more Americans move to coastal areas. Development in coastal areas has also led to increased demand for nightlife and entertainment. A strip club in Fort Myers Beach called Fantasy's on the Beach was destroyed by Hurricane Ian, along with everything else on the island. I heard the only things left were the urinals shaped like ladies' cherry red lips. The local ownership is rebuilding with the largest strip club in southwest Florida history (not a high bar) with a two story facility to include multiple rooms, a rooftop bar, and nude aerialist acts.

Maybe that's the silver lining.