tuscl

Ten Things that Annoy Me in Strip Clubs

Monday, February 6, 2012 12:00 AM
Another patented 10 Things List from Jackson Esskay 1. Poor Waitress Service. This can mean one of several things. It can range from the inability to even find a waitress (in a club that I know has waitresses, I realize all do not) to the incessant (as in every 90 seconds) "are you ready for another?" 2. Drunk and Rowdy Customers. I probably would have limited this to just "drunk" a few years back, but then I encountered one guy who was sucking back sodas all night and was more obnoxious than any drunk I ever saw. Let me say that I am not suggesting that strip clubs should be sedate places of sobriety and meditation. I am there to have a good time and so are you. Rather, I am referring to the patrons whose behavior keeps me (and everyone else, the dancers included) from having a good time. Whether they are shouting insults at the dancers, throwing wadded up tips (where that is not the custom -- and I don't frequent clubs where it is), or just throwing up in any convenient space to name a few objectionable habits of the D&RCs. 3. Floormen (a/k/a Bouncers) Who Don't Do Anything About D&RCs (see No. 2). Hello? It's your job! To quote Dalton (in Road House) "I want you to be nice until it's time to not be nice." 4. Customers Who Sit at the Stage and Don't Tip. I've never been to a club where the rule wasn't that if you sit at the stage, you must tip. I always like to begin my visit to a club by watching the dancers on stage and I always tip (see number 5 for more on how this can lead to an annoyance). I particularly do not like the customer who is sitting halfway around the stage from me and moves to the seat next to me when he observes me tipping (and then does his best to make it appear that we are together, and he is letting "his wingman" do the tipping). 5. Dancers on Stage Who Do Not Acknowledge Tips. I indicated above that when I sit at the stage I always tip. While I don't expect the dancer to give me her undivided attention for the entire song for a dollar, I would like to see some evidence that she is aware that I have tipped her. Moreover, it's my policy to increase my tips in proportion to the level of acknowledgement I get from the performer (and the effect her performance is having on me). I realize that she is not going to make the majority of her money on stage, but she's going to leave with more from me for her set if she can make at least eye contact. 6. Dancers Who Do Not Acknowledge Tips After Their Set. The most successful dancers I've encountered always make a "thank you walk" around the club. In some clubs this may not be the custom or I suppose it may even be against some rule of the house. But where it is done, I can't fathom why a dancer would not do so. Even if she has a customer waiting in the VIP, the thank you walk can only take a few minutes and may score her another VIP (or several) later. 7. 2-4-1's That Aren't. When is a 2-4-1 not a 2-4-1? When the cost is more than twice that of a regular dance (I know a club were the dance price is $20 and the 2-4-1 is $30) or where the DJ plays half (OK, maybe 3/4s) of each song. Like they think we don't notice? 8. Dancers Who Sit at the Bar or Their Own Table (with Other Dancers, not Customers) Between Sets. Unless the club has a policy (usually because of local law) that does not let the dances ask customers if they want a private dance and the customer must approach the dancer first, I cannot fathom why dancers sit at the bar or at a table with other dancers nursing drinks they bought for themselves. I no longer approach a dancer like this to ask for a dance (having decided she was attractive on stage), because the reaction is usually an expression that says "Why are you bothering me?" along with a grudging "Sure, why not?" Maybe she is waiting for a regular that she knows will spend megabucks on her? (I will make an exception to this rule for a Newbie who is not yet comfortable with approaching customers.) 9. DJs Who Talk Way Too Much. I appreciate some good patter from the DJ booth (and a clear pronunciation of the dancers' names), but DJ's who have conversations over the PA with the dancers, the floormen, the regulars, the bartender or just talk to themselves throughout each song are really annoying. 10. Private Dance Areas That Aren't Private. I am not expecting that every $20 dance should be in its on plushly-appointed suite, but when I am laying out $100 or more, I want at least a surrounding current that is a least a little less sheer than Saran wrap. Who I am: I am a fifty-year-old married professional with two teenage children. I travel frequently for business and most of my visits to strip clubs occur on business trips. This is so for two reasons. First, in the city where I live, there is only one strip club and its not a particularly nice one, nor are its hours conducive to my schedule. Second, when I am traveling is when I am most in need of the relaxation that I get from going to clubs. I visit strip clubs for several reasons, but mostly because I like to look at attractive women wearing little or no clothing and moving in highly suggestive ways. I also like having these women dance close to me, especially if that closeness involves actual contact. It's a fantasy, and I find that fantasy relaxing and stimulating at the same time, and I don't mind paying for it. I make no apologies for this. To quote Neal Boortz, "All men are pigs, no exceptions, myself included – oink, oink." However, even if I am a pig, I am not interested in "extras." That is not fantasy – and it is most likely criminal. I am also not foolish enough to believe that the dancer who just rubbed her ass on my crotch for three minutes is remotely interested in seeing me outside the club, though I am willing to believe that at least some dancers are genuinely interested in me as a customer. By this, I mean that all other things (i.e. tips and dances paid for) being equal, some dancers will prefer my company to someone who does not dress as nicely or bother to shower and shave before going to the club. I almost always wear a suit and tie, or at least a dress shirt and slacks. If I sit at the stage, I will tip every dancer at least once during her set (my rationale for when and how I tip will be the subject of a future article) and will usually buy at least one dance (and usually several) during the course of my visit.

30 comments

  • JuiceBox69
    •
    12 years ago
    I'm picking up what your thoughing down !
  • CTQWERTY
    •
    12 years ago
    Looking at your reviewed clubs, and having been to The Paper Moon in Springfield, I'd advise you save your money & request a hall pass from the spouse. The head to Detroit for The Auto Show ...
  • minnow
    •
    12 years ago
    "Don't get mad [annoyed], get even". This Animal House quote can be applied to clubbing by voting with your feet (and $$) by leaving clubs that don't minimize/eliminate the annoyances. #1) I wrote somewhere that one of the laws of nature is that you will be ignored by staff when you most desire a drink/refill, but will be pestered by staff when drink is still HALF FULL, and you're getting something started with dancer. I once got interrupted for refill query in the middle of a lapdance. #7) It seems that the clubs that hawk the 2fers the most are the ones that clip the songs the most. #8) I haven't seen this too much. Far more common is the dancers just hanging out in dressing room not circulating between sets. #10) At a couple of clubs, my gripe involves "rocks" [ non-spending patrons] plopping themselves on lapdance couches in back of club instead of the several available seats closer to stage. Good summary, JE.
  • GoVikings
    •
    12 years ago
    Another good article, Jackson. There are about 3-4 things on your list that really annoy me too. - Dancers who don't acknowledge tips - Dancers who don't acknowledge tips after their set - Waitresses who ask do I want another drink every 5 seconds. - Dancers who don't interact with customers between their set. To be fair, in my experience, MOST dancers do acknowledge the customers that tip them on stage and after their set. But I have had a few who didn't. Waitresses asking "do I want another" too frequently really annoys me as well. I've experienced that more than once at the Paper Moon clubs in the Richmond area. And the last thing from your list that annoys me, the dancers that don't interact with customers between their set. Like you said, many of them will just sit with other dancers. One more thing, that wasn't on your list but also annoys me, is clubs that allow smoking. I HATE smoke. And when it's busy, it can get really smoky in clubs. This can be avoided though by just going to clubs that are smoke-free. :)
  • bang69
    •
    12 years ago
    Jackson. i use to bounce/security at 2 sc's in Atlanta. Bouncers do more then you think. 1 example break up a cat fight between dancers
  • JacksonEsskay
    •
    12 years ago
    Bang69 -- I agree that bouncers who do their job (and do it right) do a lot. My comment was directed to the ones who don't do the job they were hired to do.
  • she_is_covfefe
    •
    12 years ago
    Some clubs do not allow dancers to say anything to customers while we're on stage so y'all may feel we do not acknowledge your kind support. However, I ALWAYS give thanks to the customers that tip me nicely (one or two dollars is not considered a nice tip) right after I'm done. I also hate DJs that talk waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much.
  • she_is_covfefe
    •
    12 years ago
    Also, most of the times I seat by myself for the following reason (many other dancers do it too): -If I'm in a club in where I sell dances, I sit by myself for about ten minutes (every 90 minutes) to analyze the club (e.g. which customers should I approach, who is tipping other girls, who isn't, etc.). -If I had a very energetic stage show or a long VIP. I need to recover my energy by either having a drink (usually water or coffee), or by seating on a comfortable chair (the DR has very uncomfortable chairs in most clubs). -If I want to play Angry Birds. Self explanatory. -If I'm friends with the barmaid/waitress and the club is dead. Self explanatory. -If I'm eating and the food was bought by myself. -Back to #1: if I had asked every guy in the room and they had said no (or I already drained their wallet), I'm just waiting for my turn to go on stage.
  • JacksonEsskay
    •
    12 years ago
    JayJay: I don't necessarily want the dancer to talk to me while she is dancing. I am more annoyed by a dancer who stays by the pole or on one side of the stage for her entire set, then scoops up her tips without making eye contact. I am particularly annoyed when the dancer is not being tipped by anyone else, but seems oblivious to my presence. I will never pick up a tip once its on the rail, but I am not likely to put additional tips along side it if it goes completely unacknowledged.
  • bumrubber
    •
    12 years ago
    You can add the dancer who won't go away no matter what you do.
  • JuiceBox69
    •
    12 years ago
    I like it when bouncers don't do their jobs ! That's when the juice shiness at his brightest !
  • jackslash
    •
    12 years ago
    "4. Customers Who Sit at the Stage and Don't Tip." I don't understand why this annoys you, although it might annoy dancers, and I certainly won't tip every dancer just because she's on stage. If a tip is required, it is no longer a tip but just another fee charged by the club. I only tip the dancers that I want to get lap dances from or dancers that put on an outstanding performance on the stage or pole.
  • GoVikings
    •
    12 years ago
    Yeah, jackslash, I only tip the dancers that I want to get lap dances from too. When I first arrive, I usually sit towards the back and just watch until I see a dancer(s) that I find hot, THEN I go and sit up close at the stage and tip them. Hope that didn't come across like I'm cheap, because I'm not. It's just that I tip the one's I'm interested in, hoping they'll later come over and chat with me, so that I can eventually get a dance from them
  • JacksonEsskay
    •
    12 years ago
    Jackslash: I was referring more to customers who sit at the stage and NEVER tip, and rarely or never buy dances. Why does this annoy me (apart from when they try to get credit for my tip)? Because you are right that it annoys the dancers . . . and that level of annoyance and anger can generally bring the dancer's mood down. I agree that a "required" tip is a fee, but then again is it really a tip to begin with? Dancers are private contractors for the most part and are only making money on stage if they are being "tipped." If no one tips dancers at the stage, chances are a club will some not have any dancers worth getting dances from.
  • motorhead
    •
    12 years ago
    One thing that annoys me are stairs in a club. OK, I know it's my fault for being overweight and out of shape, and I can handle a few flights of normal stairs, but I know of one club I used to go to semi-regularly that was just ridiculous. First of all, the club itself was located upstairs. There was a lower lever parking lot and one had to climb two flights of stairs just to get in. Then, the lap dance area and even the only restroom was upstairs - but it was a long, STEEP climp. Not easy for the oldsters. And forget it if a disabled person ever wanted to visit this club.
  • Ermita_Nights
    •
    12 years ago
    Motor, I've seen many mishaps on the stairs at Landing Strip. They're dark and steep and take a 180 turn halfway down.
  • rickdugan
    •
    12 years ago
    Now I have my own take on these complaints, but I suppose that each customer is different. 1. Poor Waitress Service. I generally sit at the bar and I rarely deal with bad bartender service, at least after tip #1. ;) But I guess that this would suck for the table hangers. 2. Drunk and Rowdy Customers. I disagree 100% with this. In fact, it is my sincere hope that every guy in the club other than me is a raging asshole. All it does is help my game in a number of ways. 3. Floormen (a/k/a Bouncers) Who Don't Do Anything About D&RCs (see No. 2). I say let the assholes be assholes! 4. Customers Who Sit at the Stage and Don't Tip. Another animal I hope to see plenty of. It is the guy who sits at the stage and tips 50s that bothers me as he will be diverting prospects away from yours truly. 5. Dancers on Stage Who Do Not Acknowledge Tips. Fuck her - it just means that she will not make my short list. 6. Dancers Who Do Not Acknowledge Tips After Their Set. Is this really common? How many times does she have to thank you? 7. 2-4-1's That Aren't. Yeah, I could see that, but since I'm not big on LDs it is not a real issue for me. 8. Dancers Who Sit at the Bar or Their Own Table (with Other Dancers, not Customers) Between Sets. This bothers me a little too, but on the flip side it also tells me which girls are more motivated than others. All intel is good intel when one is planning his selection. 9. DJs Who Talk Way Too Much. Do clubs have DJs? I rarely really notice them - I am usually too focused on the girls. 10. Private Dance Areas That Aren't Private. I have to agree with this one.
  • 3LeggedMan
    •
    12 years ago
    A couple more: 1. Dancers that smell bad. You don't always pick up on this until it's too late (private dancing has commenced). This could mean B.O. or cigarette stench. 2. As Rickdugan pointed out, guys tipping big bucks stageside. Normally a $5 bill sends a better signal than ones, but is completely lost when Uncle Moneybags starts dropping 20's and 50's. Or another variation, the guy or guys that come out of nowhere to "make it rain" 3. Girls that just don't deliver. Sitting out on the main floor, the Stripper Shit is going full steam. She's rubbing and toughing your hot spots, talking a big game, just to get you to that VIP or LD area. Once there, you get minimal contact or even just air. 4. "Wanna buy the lady a drink?" No, not really, especially when if she pays for it herself it costs half as much. 5. Dancers that tell you stageside that they're coming to see you after the stage set, then forget completely about you when spotting a regular on her way to your table. I've had that happen to me recently. But I also had an experience where my ATF is sitting with another customer who is eating lunch (presumably a regular). When she saw me, she ran over, took me in back for 3 songs (damn, she's good!), and went back to the other guy. A+ for multi-threading! That's the difference between my ATF in one club, and my club fave in another.
  • lopaw
    •
    12 years ago
    Dancers sure are odd birds. I've had instances where I've tipped a new dancer onstage, and she didn't so much as look at me, much less thank me. But just when I'm ready to write her off as a stuck up bitch, she'll bee-line for my table as soon as she gets off stage. Go figure. I'll also never understand the ones that sit like a bunch of hens at tables and basically ignore customers sitting RIGHT NEXT TO THEM. This seems to be most prevalent in clubs that sell the majority of their dances during 2fer1's. The girls have become so used to PL's only buying dances during specials that they don't even bother walking around any other time.
  • thesamurai
    •
    12 years ago
    I'll nvr understand why dancers would sit by themselves or in groups and not work the room. But at least in my state, MN, I've noticed it is most noticeable in juice bars. The clubs with alcohol the dancers are more likely to angle for a drink from you.
  • kingcripple
    •
    12 years ago
    I love these. I assume you will be doing more soon. Might I suggest top 10 craziest stage names that you have personally encountered (might be short, but adding some commentary on what you thought was going through the girls mind when she chose the name would be interesting) or 10 craziest SS stories(I am a master at seeing past that personally)
  • DFFECHSWU
    •
    12 years ago
    Customers who sit at the stage the entire f'n night and that think they own the chair they're sitting in. I'm all for staying put if you have a good seat, but don't get up, leave your jacket there and disappear for many minutes while you roam other parts of the club.
  • pleaserlove
    •
    12 years ago
    I will tell you I am an exotic dancer, and I take excellent care of my men and ladies. I only offer them a dance after I get to know them and that is their fancy... after I get their money, I will continue to spend time with them, as well as make my way around the club and meet the other patrons. I would never single one person out because I know they are spending, because you never know who really has the deep pockets and wants a show. at my club we can have contact while giving lap dances, and I generally sell many dances to one person over the course of the night (they like me, can't help it!). If you treat the dancer with respect, she will take care of you. As far as sorting out the money hungry bitches.. what do you expect? you are in a strip club. I love to chat with my guests because the time I take always pays off in the end. I have worked at a club in the dead of winter and came home with 400. the money varies like the days, but remember boys and girls... most of us are making quite a bit more than you know:) when I saw that comment about a 100 dollar night some dancer was whining about.. well that is her fault it was a 100 dollar night. She needs to learn to sell.
  • Tiredtraveler
    •
    12 years ago
    One thing I find annoying is how when you go in,sit down you and are ignored. I was recently in a club and the waitress came over and took my drink order shortly after I sat down (the club was not busy, 10PM weeknight). She brought my drink I tipped her a $1.50 for my $2.50 bottle of water (I usually drink water in a new club or when I am out of town I do not want a DUI). I shower before I go clubbing, I do not weigh 500 lbs, I am not ancient(late 40's)and I do not dress shabby. I dress in Docker type pants and a collared shirt. I tipped different dancers at the tip rail. I did not sit at the stage as I know that if you are sitting there the girls will not sit with you. Finally one of the newer girls that I had tipped on stage came to talk to me. We chatted the usual BS a while and we went back for a couple of dances. After we came out I bought her a drink. After she finished her drink she had to go change then go on stage so she excused herself saying she would stop back later if I was available. Less than 5 minutes after she left the girls that had ignored me earlier were stopping by. I can only assume it is because I had spent money on the other girl and they now wanted their share. I realize that the business is about money but " nothing ventured nothing gained". I was the same guy that had come in and sat down 1 1/2 hours earlier but now I had less money to spend as I had already spent some on the other girl. This did not happen just here I see it all the time. I see girls sitting with guys for hours that will not even buy them a drink much less a dance. I have asked other dancers if the guys were regulars and tha answer is many times no she also said that the girls sitting there will bitch about not making tip out. Is it because I was not drinking liquor? Or because I am not a regular anywhere.
  • Club_Goer_Seattle
    •
    12 years ago
    Nos. 5 and 6 particularly annoy me. As a child, my parents always taught me to say "thank you" when someone either hands you something (pleasant or desired, that is), or does something nice for you. I think a lot of dancers' parents didn't take Parenthood 101. When the dancer makes a big deal out of saying thank you to those who tipped her on stage, that makes a big impression with me. I've seen just a few dancers make an event of the "thank you opportunity." Someone above mentioned this. It's been so long that it's happened to me that I forgot. I like it when dancers will come out to the floor after their set and walk up to the tip rail and thank each customer that tipped them. That's a very nice gesture!
  • JacksonEsskay
    •
    12 years ago
    The thank you walk was very common when I started going to SC regularly about 16 years ago, and I still see it occasionally. I see in some reviews there are clubs were local rules or custom require the dancers to to make a "dollar walk" after their set to collect tips and I assume they say thank you as they collect. IMHO this is not the same thing, especially if the custom is that you MUST give the dancer the "tip". I have no problem with a rule that says if you sit at the rail, you need to tip . . . you are paying for the seat. But if I've been siting in the back talking to a friend or another dancer or just watching the game, why should I have to tip a dancer I did not watch (and would not have in many cases cared to)?
  • amarillobabes
    •
    12 years ago
    I would like to post a managers viewpoint here. After 15 years of trying to teach dancers how to make money I am blown away by the number of them who don't know how to take care of customers. Don't blame it all on the girls though. Most (not all) small strip club managers have no idea what they are doing and haven't taught these ladies anything. Not the job of the manager? Yes it is. Most of these girls are thrown into the deep end with no idea what to do or how to do it. I have successfully cleaned up and relaunched dozens of small strip clubs in Texas and in almost all of them the girls are clueless. We always start with the basics. 1. Our customers are not interested in Drama, if they wanted screaming or sullen women staring at them balefully they would go home, 2. A $1 tip or a $100 tip should both be acknowledged Stop by the $1 tipper on your way to The big tipper. 3. When you walk by a customer please acknowledge his presence. Again if he wanted to be ignored he would go home. 4. If you have sat with the same guy for an hour and haven't made anything move on. I have watched a dancer sit with a customer and talk incessantly while the customer is scanning the room desperately looking for a way out. Pay attention ladies we might have the wrong girl with the wrong customer. 5. Ladies your boyfriends aren't helping by taking your ones and "making it rain" Leave them at home and let our customers enjoy the fantasy. 6. If our customer just spent $200 for a champagne room please don't finish and walk out. Escort him back to his chair and thank him if nothing else. 7. The DJ is normally broke leave him alone and work the floor. 8. A smile and a kiss on the cheek goes a long way to getting dances. 9. Hygiene, Hygiene, Hygiene (nuff said) These are just a few of the basics that no longer seem to apply in most small clubs which is a real shame. And last but not least to those "managers" out there. Contrary to popular belief dancers do not perform better after being bent over your desk. And you don't either. Leave the ladies alone, treat them with respect, teach them how to make money the right way and you will gain a loyal dancer who will stick with you even when the money is slow. Oops, forgot PleaserLove you go young lady someone taught you well please pass that knowledge on to the next girl thrown into the deep end.
  • 3LeggedMan
    •
    12 years ago
    About that "thank you" walk... Just last week I went to my local club, expecting to buy one or two dances. Didn't see 2 of my faves, the third was busy long term with a customer. My eye was caught by a new girl on stage. I went up and tipped her. She reminded me of an old girlfriend, which means I'd likely buy several dances from her. She comes out of the dressing room and parks at the bar with some other customer. I keep trying to make eye contact but I must have turned invisible. (I HATE when that happens!) Eventually I lose my patience and go for a dance with a girl who's friendly but not a great private dancer. When I come back, the newbie is gone from the bar. I was unsatisfied, the girl missed $100 or so. Moral of the story: Ladies, don't be lazy. Thank the stage tippers at their tables. Could make you some money.
  • georgmicrodong
    •
    12 years ago
    @3LeggedMan: On the other hand, the customer she "parked" with might have been just as lucrative as you were, or even more so. Just because she didn't take your money doesn't mean she's lazy, or stupid. The other guy might just have been a bigger fish.
  • Sensei
    •
    12 years ago
    Excellent! I remember a dancer strutting from the stage to the DJ booth because the music flat out died.
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