Stripper Ethics
Rightfield
Another poster admonished us that if we are going to strip clubs without our significant other being aware, we are cheating on them.
It calls to mind my cousin. He had been married 8 or 9 years, and had two kids, and decided he wanted sex with more than one woman in his life. So, rather than cheat on his wife, he took the “honest” route and divorced her. He finally managed to find a few new sexual partners, so, whatever. But I think it would have been better if he just found some stray, got it out of his system, and stayed married. It would have been easier on the kids. (I understand his wife may have not been so understanding though.)
Going to a strip club without the wife's knowledge pales in comparison.
But I have run into more than one stripper who is horrified to find out I am married. (And if they ask me, I am not going to lie. I, oddly enough, enjoy a level of honesty in my strip club conversations.)
I have had them walk away after they find that out. But here is the thing: They are ok if you fathered 3 kids and turned your back on them. So long as you didn't commit to marriage.
I chalk that up to if they ever find their sugar daddy, they damn well want him to stay committed.
Call me corrupt. But my feelings are that if I have been responsible to my family for decades, I am entitled to go blow off a little steam once in a while.
When I was younger, I used to tell the wife where I was going, and she grudgingly accepted it. It seemed to be more acceptable to her if I went with a friend.
Now I am older, my kids are all adults, and she is less tolerant. But going to strip clubs is one of my very few pleasures. So the choice is whether to go through the exhausting negotiations, and go even if she is not happy, or cave and not go, or just fucking go on the quiet and hope it never comes up.
Now if she wanted to go to Chippendales or something, I think that would be fucking great. But she has no such desires. (She did get kind of horny when I took her to a live performance of Oh Calcutta! though.)
Is it worth getting divorced over? You know what? I don't know at this point.
I read a review by a guy who went to Deja Vu, in Minneapolis I think, then got back to his motel room and had good sex with his wife. I think that is great too.
On the other hand, my brother was uptight as hell when I took him to a favorite strip club of mine 20 years ago. Guarantee he never went to another. And when he got older, his wife asked him to consider Viagra. And he wasn't interested. So they both just do without.
So, how about this. Don't judge the other guy. You don't know what he has been through. If a stripper is worried and doesn't want to dance for a married guy, whatever, that's up to her. There are others who will. And the uptight stripper can dance for guys who lie to her so she can have a clear conscience.
Most are smart enough not to ask.
But if the young ones ask me. I tell them. And then I give them a tip to the wise: Don't ask that question. Guys don't come here to talk about their wives. I had once answer that she was just making small talk. I told her: "That's not small talk."
A good strip club motto is: "Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies."
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You also have the option of telling your wife you want an open marriage, and you'll understand if she has to leave you. Cheating or initiating a divorce yourself are not your only options. But, I agree, not for me to judge.
As my wife has become less sexual with age, I’ve considered leaving her but have decided so far to stay in what is otherwise a pretty good relationship. Strippers are great for taking the edge off of a purely physical need, and of course my wife doesn’t want to know about it. Taking the nuclear option and getting a divorce, traumatizing the kids, halving your wealth, etc. seems extreme just to get better or more regular pussy. In my mid 50s the available non pros are pretty rough looking and come with a ton of baggage, so it’s not clear what would be out there waiting for me if I did bail.
Any stripper who is surprised you are married hasn’t been stripping for very long. We are their bread and butter.
My wife does girls weekends with her friends somewhat regularly. The usually (not always) hire some kind of adult male entertainment, or go to a male strip club on these trips. And from the reports I've heard, shit gets pretty rowdy.
And, I'm all for it. More power to her, I want her to enjoy life as much as she wants me to enjoy mine.
Anyway, this is a great discussion OP. I think you're spot on to question the idea that it's the more moral choice to leave your family for a life of mongering versus patronizing clubs when you're married.
Now, if a stripper eventually becomes a sidepiece, I suppose that's a different story.
It seems that a SO would be more concerned about emotional cheating than physical cheating, but I suppose neither is good.
But, I would imagine it's better to get action from a NSA OTC/stripper arrangement than having a work wife with more emotions involved.
As far as the holier-than-thou stripper who grinds dicks to pay rent, that's laughable. She's a fool to turn away money from married men. Mutiple reasons - Married men are typically older and more financial secure; Divorced men often have an outflow of alimony/child support.
You tell us not to judge, how about you do the same? I'm not an expert, but as I understand it a pretty large portion of customers love to bitch and moan about their wives to strippers. It's so common there's a running joke in the stripper community that they're more mental health workers than sex workers. If a stripper doesn't want to dance for a married man, let her ask and walk away if she so desires. Some strippers may seek out married men as being less inclined to get overly clingy or stalkerish or some other reason. Or it may be just simple conversation starters. Point is they may have a reason to ask, I suggest you not be so sensitive about it. And not assume your hang up about is a prevailing one. If you prefer not to talk about it, simply let her know and redirect the conversation. I'm sure if you said "Sweetie, I'm not here to talk about my wife; How about we go for a dance" or "... I collect stamps, do you have any hobbies?" it would work out just fine.
I'm not married, but I do get asked if I am all the time. I can't imagine very many strippers caring if I am or not, at least from an ethical or moral standpoint. Of course there's going to be outliers and extreme viewpoints on it, just like almost any topic. It seems like lately people are much more focused on these edge cases, not just on this topic but again in the larger context. I don't get why. Some small fraction of strippers find it morally reprehensible for a married man to partake in strip clubs. So what? I mean, it might make for a conversation about the edge cases here. But to make generalizations about the small fractions and try to adjust behavior to accommodate seems like overreacting. If they want to ask, let them. If you want to answer, answer. If not, don't.
I personally couldn't care less if a stripper asks me if I'm married. If she chooses not to entertain me as a result of my answer, that's fine too. Perhaps I'll feel a moment of disappointment, but in consolation I'll check out her ass as she walks away. And within a few seconds I'll likely have turned my attention elsewhere.
life IS simpler being divorced. (at least for me.)
"Marriage is an important part of getting ahead: lets people know you're not a homo; married guy seems more stable; people see the ring, they think at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch; ladies see the ring, they know immediately you must have some cash or your cock must work."
Per Skibum's comments, while I wouldn't do it anyway, shit talking your wife to a dancer detracts from the aura of stability and non-creepiness that married status can otherwise convey. It's also just as boring as when a dancer unloads on you about her issues with exes and baby daddies.
That is also why I think that you just see some girls sitting over in some spot and they don't really interact with any customers either because they're not seeing anybody of Interest to get them where they need to be or have some arrangement with someone but you never know they are still always looking for the next best thing so they just show up at the club keep thier eyes and ears open and wait for the next best thing to come along,,,
As I say, I don't lie when asked, and I have had them give me a piece of their mind and walk off when I tell them I am married. That is their right as well. If it is the first question I get from her though, I expect she is about to get indignant. If the question comes after we develop a rapport, it doesn't get my guard up.
The dancer now has to explain. She might have a good story, who knows. Her response and attitude will then determine whether I'll be looking for another dancer.
That said, I love her because I’m a frickin’ lion and I really wouldn’t be able to stand livin’ with a hairless ape 24/7. So I have the perfect plan. Live with a delightful lioness and when I can take the lion life I suit up, hop in the ol’ Tesla, pull out the drivin’ whiskey, and set sail for the nearest source of sexy sexy females. ROAR!!!