My best ATF recently told me that she is HIV positive. I have been seeing this girl OTC for the past several months. Thought this was it for me, but my test results were good and I'm clean. I really like this girl and I feel sorry for her, but this situation is scary. Should I simply dump her and move on, or just say we can remain friends. Looking for some advice.
Those who defend those with HIV say you can't get HIV if you use a condom. However, you can get HIV through oral sex, so if you just suit up and insert, youre ok, but if foreplay is important to you and/or her, it's time to move on.
Move on and don't look back. Use protection all the time anyway. Get yourself checked.
I think it IS true, studies say, that MOST people with HIV are unlikely to transmit it to a partner who is being careful. But it's also true that those "MOST people" don't include strippers, who are more likely to perform edgier behaviors on all facets of their lives, including sexual activity, than the average "MOST people" on the basis of whom the studies' conclusions were made.
Ok, I am going to go the other way with this one. Personally I think you should at least remain friends. I can only assume that she just found out as well, and had no idea. Her telling you shows me that she has a genuine concern for YOUR health and well being. She would have been a real P.O.S if she didn't tell you.
I think she really needs someone now, and perhaps that would be you. I have several people that I know who are HIV+ and are completely without symptoms.
If you do decide to persue a physical relationship, I suggest you contact the health department for guidance and information. Your reviews are all from Las Vegas clubs, so I might assume you live there as do I. The Clark County Health Department is very helpful with situations such as this.
You can't get HIV from being friends so if you want to go for it. (Being friends w a stripper HIV or not seems kinda weird, but to each his own...)
Condoms provide about an 80% reduction in HIV transmission. Base transmission rate is 5 in 10,000 for female to male for intercourse. So that would be 1 in 10,000 w. condoms. Oral sex is 1 in 20,000 to begin with, but I don't know how effective condoms are. Probably next to impossible to get it that way.
As for testing: the newer NAT tests (like we have here) can detect HIV in as little as 10 days, and almost certainly by 21 days.
If you test good at 6 weeks you are almost certainly out of the woods. (I've seen estimates from 95% to all but 1 in 500 caught this early).
After 13 weeks you have nothing to worry about: for sure.
I assume you already told them your situation: had sex w someone who tested positive, but if not make sure to tell them that so they throw the best tests at you.
Good luck, but remember even if you had (unprotected) sex 100 times, you would still only have about a 5% chance of having gotten it.
Bobby, when 44 said, "thought this was it for me, but my tests were good..." and he hasn't come back to clarify, that's a pretty damn good indiciation that he was playing bareback. I'll wager neither got tested before they started having sex. Hey, I hope I'm wrong and wish 44 the best. By the same token, his story should be a wakeup call for anyone having sex with an ATF, or casual sex with anyone, for that matter.
Thanks for the comments. I guess I shouldn't have trusted her. She said she was clean and I knew I was, and we had unprotected sex. She told me she just found out recently when her doctor did the test after she was in the hospital for a bad case of the flu (she thought). She told me it could take a few years for the symptoms to appear. I don't know now if I believe her or not, and maybe she was just fucking around the past few months and lying to me about it.
IMHO, I believe this whole topic is BS! I just can not imagine anyone, that comes to TUSCL, to be so stupid as to go unprotected. And also to believe most anything a dancer says. Sorry, I don't buy it.
Well, I believe it, having had very similar personal experiences. Many of the girls don't want to admit what they have done (or are doing), whether out of shame or just greed for the current money source (that's you). As time goes on, and a glimmer of trust is established, they open up and the horrible stuff spills out.
For me, I've never had an ATF I didn't like as a person (i.e., some emotional attachment). So I would be hard pressed to turn my back. My advice is to show some compassion and at least be a concerned acquaintance. Encourage her to get decent medical attention. It could lengthen her life dramatically.
If you had a favorite waitress at a diner, would you turn your back on her and "walk away"? How is your ATF less deserving?
imnumnutz: OK, you did a better job of reading between the lines then I did.
clubber: Actually, bareback is pretty common. This has been discussed in other threads.
twbird: The majority of people who get HIV will suffer from something called "acute retroviral syndrome" in the first month or so of infection. It does, indeed, resemble a terrible flu. After that no real symptoms for about a decade or so, then you get in really bad trouble (i.e. die) really fast! (This, of course, can be prevented with medicine.)
(Very academic tangent: The long "asymptomatic" period is part of what accounts for how it initially spread so rapidly so fast. Viral load is a measure of the number of viruses in the host. As viral load increases inactivity increases, but life expectancy of the host decreases. This paper calculated that for HIV viral load was optimized for spreading over the life of the host. Scary shit!)
It's possible that she is lying, but I think it's more likely she is telling the truth. Most people with HIV will disclose to others (but, OTOH, a scarily high percentage don't always!).
If she was lying why would she suddenly change and tell you now?
BTW, how does she think she got it? Unprotected sex? Or was she an IV drug user, methhead, or crack smoker?
It's a tough one but I'm for trying not to abandon her. I think the world of my ATF and if in that position would try to support her. You CAN be more than friends and still conductsuper safe activities you know. It won't be as much fun but how much fun is having no contact or relationship if you really dig her. This post is a nice wakeup call to all though.
She's not a jerk, because she did tell you she was HIV +. So I would not treat her as a pariah. However, I would refuse to have any sex with her, because I am married, I have unprotected sex with my wife all the time, and I could never forgive myself if I ever infected her (or anyone else) with HIV. Bobby is correct that the risk of transmission is relatively small, but since she does have HIV it is a risk I would just never take, with or without a condom. I realize you might not be in a "civilian" sexual relationship with someone right now, but that could change, and you don't ever want to explain to someone you care about that you have HIV. As for her being less than 100 percent honest with you, hello people, that's the whole point here, this is not a relationship for her, it's a job, so of course she is going to have more than one customer. Folks have to start getting real and stop pretending that these are girlfriend/boyfriend type relationships..
I admit I fell into the trap of being emotionally attached to her and I did't think it would happen to me. It kind of grew slowly over time as I got to know her (and met her family). But I learned my lesson and was luckly not to get infected. Enough said, thanks.
She seems to have treated you decently, and I think she deserves the same in return. I would keep a "friendly", non-sexual relationship with her. On the other hand, if you feel drawn to her such that you will end up having sex with her if you keep any relationship with her, then you do need to leave.
I think it may be 2055 before most human life on this planet is destroyed. Therefore if you enjoy your life, it would be to your advantage to do things to live longer. However if you think we're all going to die soon anyway, it doesn't matter. A few people think there will be disasters coming up sooner like in Dec of 2012 but I believe most people will still be here. I don't consider myself a germaphobe since I'm not afraid of a dancer or another girl I don't know sticking her tongue in my ear or licking me even though I'd rather not get that personal with someone I just met. If I knew that she had HIV, I would either stop her from doing that or just stay away.
You can't get HIV from being licked or getting a tongue in the ear. (Except that there is a slight possibility of getting it through oral sex.) Enough of the virus needs to latch on to the right receptors (like certain mucous membranes) or get directly into the blood stream. Saliva also has a very low viral concentration. So there isn't anything to worry about.
Also if someone knows they have HIV there is a good chance they are on anti-retrovirals which will lower the viral concentration even lower. (There is currently a debate whether those on ARVs can spread the virus or not. Too early to say, but they are certainly less infectious.)
The gravity of contracting HIV has been discussed in a previous thread. Trust me it was quiet intresting!!!!
Honestly why take ANY risk when it comes to your health? Take the advice of TRAINED MEDICAL providers and not the general public opinion. Statistics change thats why they arent called facts. What harm would it do if you got tested again in 6 mths youd just would be making sure. Consider it just an addition to an annual check up.
I do realize the medical world has come very far in the study and treatment of HIV and AIDS and thats great!!!! But as easy as it is to treat those diseases now its easier to prevent yourself from catching them. Why risk it?
By my going and getting Biannually tested doesnt mean I dont have any confidence in modern medicine Im actually taking the advice from medical proffesionals. Although I agree with using protection. Im not gong to condem those who prefer not to. But I will advoid having sex with them. No offense to them but I dont feel comfortable with it.
Out of respect for family, friends and the value I place myself I choose not to risk the suffering it may cause them and myself.
So dont stress it!!! This is an important decision YOU must make. But dont dismiss the idea of just making sure and retesting 6 mths from now. And remember an ounce of provention is worth a pound of cure.
In his case testing at 13 weeks would probably be a good idea. Testing again at 6 months is waste of time and money. Even the CDC is on board with 13 weeks now.
Also note that wondergrl's 6 month is the number her doctor perhaps choose for her. It all depends on your risk and the kinds of tests available.
Locally for the highest risk populations i.e. gay meth users where NAT testing is available testing is recommended as regularly as possible. Biweekly or even more frequently!
For the local strippers here who do escorting on the side every 3 months is recommended.
For married monogamous couples, testing after the first test is hardly necessary at all. Undoubtedly the same for married guys getting strippers to jerk them off every now and then.
So, although I don't think 6 months is set in stone for the testing interval, I do agree to talk with your local experts about how often is appropriate given one's lifestyle.
Ok no Im not tested due every 6 mths nor am I high risk!!! I get blood screenings every 6 mths to see if a childhood illness has returned. Those test are just part of the regime. I kinda knew my longer than usual post would be dissected into miniscule details.
Im saying get tested again to be on the safe side. And talk to a Medical Professional to determine your risk.
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If you weren't using protection, man.
I think it IS true, studies say, that MOST people with HIV are unlikely to transmit it to a partner who is being careful. But it's also true that those "MOST people" don't include strippers, who are more likely to perform edgier behaviors on all facets of their lives, including sexual activity, than the average "MOST people" on the basis of whom the studies' conclusions were made.
I think she really needs someone now, and perhaps that would be you. I have several people that I know who are HIV+ and are completely without symptoms.
If you do decide to persue a physical relationship, I suggest you contact the health department for guidance and information. Your reviews are all from Las Vegas clubs, so I might assume you live there as do I. The Clark County Health Department is very helpful with situations such as this.
You can't get HIV from being friends so if you want to go for it. (Being friends w a stripper HIV or not seems kinda weird, but to each his own...)
Condoms provide about an 80% reduction in HIV transmission. Base transmission rate is 5 in 10,000 for female to male for intercourse. So that would be 1 in 10,000 w. condoms. Oral sex is 1 in 20,000 to begin with, but I don't know how effective condoms are. Probably next to impossible to get it that way.
If you test good at 6 weeks you are almost certainly out of the woods. (I've seen estimates from 95% to all but 1 in 500 caught this early).
After 13 weeks you have nothing to worry about: for sure.
I assume you already told them your situation: had sex w someone who tested positive, but if not make sure to tell them that so they throw the best tests at you.
Good luck, but remember even if you had (unprotected) sex 100 times, you would still only have about a 5% chance of having gotten it.
For me, I've never had an ATF I didn't like as a person (i.e., some emotional attachment). So I would be hard pressed to turn my back. My advice is to show some compassion and at least be a concerned acquaintance. Encourage her to get decent medical attention. It could lengthen her life dramatically.
If you had a favorite waitress at a diner, would you turn your back on her and "walk away"? How is your ATF less deserving?
clubber: Actually, bareback is pretty common. This has been discussed in other threads.
twbird: The majority of people who get HIV will suffer from something called "acute retroviral syndrome" in the first month or so of infection. It does, indeed, resemble a terrible flu. After that no real symptoms for about a decade or so, then you get in really bad trouble (i.e. die) really fast! (This, of course, can be prevented with medicine.)
(Very academic tangent: The long "asymptomatic" period is part of what accounts for how it initially spread so rapidly so fast. Viral load is a measure of the number of viruses in the host. As viral load increases inactivity increases, but life expectancy of the host decreases. This paper calculated that for HIV viral load was optimized for spreading over the life of the host. Scary shit!)
It's possible that she is lying, but I think it's more likely she is telling the truth. Most people with HIV will disclose to others (but, OTOH, a scarily high percentage don't always!).
If she was lying why would she suddenly change and tell you now?
BTW, how does she think she got it? Unprotected sex? Or was she an IV drug user, methhead, or crack smoker?
Also if someone knows they have HIV there is a good chance they are on anti-retrovirals which will lower the viral concentration even lower. (There is currently a debate whether those on ARVs can spread the virus or not. Too early to say, but they are certainly less infectious.)
Honestly why take ANY risk when it comes to your health? Take the advice of TRAINED MEDICAL providers and not the general public opinion. Statistics change thats why they arent called facts. What harm would it do if you got tested again in 6 mths youd just would be making sure. Consider it just an addition to an annual check up.
I do realize the medical world has come very far in the study and treatment of HIV and AIDS and thats great!!!! But as easy as it is to treat those diseases now its easier to prevent yourself from catching them. Why risk it?
By my going and getting Biannually tested doesnt mean I dont have any confidence in modern medicine Im actually taking the advice from medical proffesionals. Although I agree with using protection. Im not gong to condem those who prefer not to. But I will advoid having sex with them. No offense to them but I dont feel comfortable with it.
Out of respect for family, friends and the value I place myself I choose not to risk the suffering it may cause them and myself.
So dont stress it!!! This is an important decision YOU must make. But dont dismiss the idea of just making sure and retesting 6 mths from now. And remember an ounce of provention is worth a pound of cure.
Locally for the highest risk populations i.e. gay meth users where NAT testing is available testing is recommended as regularly as possible. Biweekly or even more frequently!
For the local strippers here who do escorting on the side every 3 months is recommended.
For married monogamous couples, testing after the first test is hardly necessary at all. Undoubtedly the same for married guys getting strippers to jerk them off every now and then.
So, although I don't think 6 months is set in stone for the testing interval, I do agree to talk with your local experts about how often is appropriate given one's lifestyle.
Im saying get tested again to be on the safe side. And talk to a Medical Professional to determine your risk.