Bad news from my ATF
twbird44
My best ATF recently told me that she is HIV positive. I have been seeing this girl OTC for the past several months. Thought this was it for me, but my test results were good and I'm clean. I really like this girl and I feel sorry for her, but this situation is scary. Should I simply dump her and move on, or just say we can remain friends. Looking for some advice.
24 comments
If you weren't using protection, man.
I think it IS true, studies say, that MOST people with HIV are unlikely to transmit it to a partner who is being careful. But it's also true that those "MOST people" don't include strippers, who are more likely to perform edgier behaviors on all facets of their lives, including sexual activity, than the average "MOST people" on the basis of whom the studies' conclusions were made.
I think she really needs someone now, and perhaps that would be you. I have several people that I know who are HIV+ and are completely without symptoms.
If you do decide to persue a physical relationship, I suggest you contact the health department for guidance and information. Your reviews are all from Las Vegas clubs, so I might assume you live there as do I. The Clark County Health Department is very helpful with situations such as this.
You can't get HIV from being friends so if you want to go for it. (Being friends w a stripper HIV or not seems kinda weird, but to each his own...)
Condoms provide about an 80% reduction in HIV transmission. Base transmission rate is 5 in 10,000 for female to male for intercourse. So that would be 1 in 10,000 w. condoms. Oral sex is 1 in 20,000 to begin with, but I don't know how effective condoms are. Probably next to impossible to get it that way.
If you test good at 6 weeks you are almost certainly out of the woods. (I've seen estimates from 95% to all but 1 in 500 caught this early).
After 13 weeks you have nothing to worry about: for sure.
I assume you already told them your situation: had sex w someone who tested positive, but if not make sure to tell them that so they throw the best tests at you.
Good luck, but remember even if you had (unprotected) sex 100 times, you would still only have about a 5% chance of having gotten it.
For me, I've never had an ATF I didn't like as a person (i.e., some emotional attachment). So I would be hard pressed to turn my back. My advice is to show some compassion and at least be a concerned acquaintance. Encourage her to get decent medical attention. It could lengthen her life dramatically.
If you had a favorite waitress at a diner, would you turn your back on her and "walk away"? How is your ATF less deserving?
clubber: Actually, bareback is pretty common. This has been discussed in other threads.
twbird: The majority of people who get HIV will suffer from something called "acute retroviral syndrome" in the first month or so of infection. It does, indeed, resemble a terrible flu. After that no real symptoms for about a decade or so, then you get in really bad trouble (i.e. die) really fast! (This, of course, can be prevented with medicine.)
(Very academic tangent: The long "asymptomatic" period is part of what accounts for how it initially spread so rapidly so fast. Viral load is a measure of the number of viruses in the host. As viral load increases inactivity increases, but life expectancy of the host decreases. This paper calculated that for HIV viral load was optimized for spreading over the life of the host. Scary shit!)
It's possible that she is lying, but I think it's more likely she is telling the truth. Most people with HIV will disclose to others (but, OTOH, a scarily high percentage don't always!).
If she was lying why would she suddenly change and tell you now?
BTW, how does she think she got it? Unprotected sex? Or was she an IV drug user, methhead, or crack smoker?
Also if someone knows they have HIV there is a good chance they are on anti-retrovirals which will lower the viral concentration even lower. (There is currently a debate whether those on ARVs can spread the virus or not. Too early to say, but they are certainly less infectious.)
Honestly why take ANY risk when it comes to your health? Take the advice of TRAINED MEDICAL providers and not the general public opinion. Statistics change thats why they arent called facts. What harm would it do if you got tested again in 6 mths youd just would be making sure. Consider it just an addition to an annual check up.
I do realize the medical world has come very far in the study and treatment of HIV and AIDS and thats great!!!! But as easy as it is to treat those diseases now its easier to prevent yourself from catching them. Why risk it?
By my going and getting Biannually tested doesnt mean I dont have any confidence in modern medicine Im actually taking the advice from medical proffesionals. Although I agree with using protection. Im not gong to condem those who prefer not to. But I will advoid having sex with them. No offense to them but I dont feel comfortable with it.
Out of respect for family, friends and the value I place myself I choose not to risk the suffering it may cause them and myself.
So dont stress it!!! This is an important decision YOU must make. But dont dismiss the idea of just making sure and retesting 6 mths from now. And remember an ounce of provention is worth a pound of cure.
Locally for the highest risk populations i.e. gay meth users where NAT testing is available testing is recommended as regularly as possible. Biweekly or even more frequently!
For the local strippers here who do escorting on the side every 3 months is recommended.
For married monogamous couples, testing after the first test is hardly necessary at all. Undoubtedly the same for married guys getting strippers to jerk them off every now and then.
So, although I don't think 6 months is set in stone for the testing interval, I do agree to talk with your local experts about how often is appropriate given one's lifestyle.
Im saying get tested again to be on the safe side. And talk to a Medical Professional to determine your risk.