tuscl

How not to smell like a french whore when you get home

Friday, January 12, 2024 3:26 PM
I work M-F 9-5 and like to sneak out on the DL for lunch. Problem is, I worry about the smell from all the perfume and lotions. What can I keep in the office to clean up before going home to the wife? I went to the thrift store and grabbed some slacks, shirt and longsleeve light sweater I can wear to avoid skin contact. But I still get paranoid I smell. I try to wash off the stink in the sink, but I still don't feel 100% sure it's gone. Maybe just guilt and paranoia. Any tips from you degenerates would be greatly appreciated.

71 comments

  • shailynn
    6 months ago
    Many guys here in the past have actually gone to extreme lengths such as having a duffle bag in their car with extra clothes ant all times and joining a gym solely to use the shower facilities before they returned home.
  • wallanon
    6 months ago
    You've already learned something helpful, and that is buying throwaway clothes if you can keep spare clothes somewhere like a gym or at work. Some of the less aware strippers layer on the scents and that stuff just doesn't come out of clothes fast enough. The girls don't care about what you're wearing so long as it's clean and doesn't stink. Other stuff: - A travel steamer can help you with that, but it's better to have other clothes if you're into grinding with perfumy dancers. - If you use a bar soap at home stop that immediately and use body wash. Keep the same body wash you use in a small travel container somewhere you can access it whereever you are. Half an ounce should do. If you have a stripper scent emergency it's better to smell like you than her. Just learn how long it takes or how much wiping you need to do to "age" it so it doesn't smell like you just took a shower. - Pick girls who don't smell like a Macy's perfume counter lol. - Scentless wipes can help, but that's more like break glass in case if emergency. - Smelly takeout food or a slip up at the gas pump are your options of last resort. Back when I cared if I could smell the girl before she got close to me she was sent away immediately. Others I would invite to sit beside me and casually check for perfume before I decided to let them on me. If I cared about speaking with them ever again I'd tell them they had on too much perfume for my tastes when I asked them to go. The ones who understood their market would seek me out the next time sans perfume.
  • shadowcat
    6 months ago
    "Bad judgement comes with a price: smelling like bad judgement. But, instead of answering 20 questions about where you've been and who you've been with, you can spritz on an excuse to cover up your naughty night. Introducing Alibis Fragrance For Men in scents like "I was working late," (that smells of "coffee, wool suits, cigarettes, and ink"), "My car broke down," (with hints of fuel and burnt rubber), and "I was out sailing," (which we can only assume, bottles sea-salt and fresh air, or, if you're on the Hudson, sewage and gas scents from Jersey). For now, the product is only being sold in a South African strip club, but we can only hope NYC is next. Yes, it's hard to get behind a product that's meant to deceive, and no, we don't frequent strip clubs ourselves (uh, seriously), but Westway's close enough, and lord knows we've walked out of that place looking for some sort of olfactory refresher. Though Alibis has a very specific audience, we're thinking it's too-cool-for-school enough that someone like Opening Ceremony might just pick up, and we're also hopeful that there will be a new line that comes out to service women's excuses. We expect those to come in scents like, "I was at lunch with my sister," in order to cover up the stench of all the plastic we burned shopping. "
  • magicrat
    6 months ago
    I told the best looking dancer at my local club that the reason I didn't get dances from her was because of the amount of perfume she wore. Her reply was "why should I change just for you?" She's quite popular so clearly she doesn't need my pittance of LD fees.
  • skibum609
    6 months ago
    The best way to deal with this is to work out a deal with your wife. If you don't smell of perfume you can get into bed without showeing. If you stink, you shower or sleep on the couch. This has worked for 33 years for us,
  • wallanon
    6 months ago
    " Her reply was "why should I change just for you?" She's quite popular so clearly she doesn't need my pittance of LD fees." A few years later if she's still there remind her of that when she wipes the perfume off before your vip trip.
  • iknowbetter
    6 months ago
    Now that you’ve solved the smell dilemma, what do you do about the Find My Friends (or find my device) app, or a car that reports its location through an app?
  • ilbbaicnl
    6 months ago
    Shockingly, I am single. But, I did have one fav who asked me to do dances with her first, so I wouldn't smell like a hundred sluts by the time I got around to her.
  • wallanon
    6 months ago
    "what do you do about the Find My Friends (or find my device) app, or a car that reports its location through an app?" Tell that bitch no? I don't need a woman badly enough to put up with that shit. Plus anyone I'd get with now has to be okay with "wallanon" because it's too much of a hassle to keep it all separate. At least with how I've handled things since the pandemic. One of the girls I've started seeing is dropping hints like she wants off the market and (most likely stupidly) I'm not 100% opposed to the idea. Aside from being hot she's kidless, educated, and the right age. And I'm also not entirely convinced she's isn't more gay than bi lol. It's totally arbitrary, but the thing I'm most on the fence about is a well done but very large tattoo that's unhideable in a nice gown.
  • wallanon
    6 months ago
    "But, I did have one fav who asked me to do dances with her first, so I wouldn't smell like a hundred sluts by the time I got around to her." Lol. A dancer plopped down next to me last night who smelled like 50 Shades of Sluts all by her damn self. We didn't get dances.
  • artie-norris
    6 months ago
    @iknowbetter I'm in a bad situation with a wife who'd I'd say is pretty prude and clinically depressed so I need to play it VERY careful or all hell will break loose for me and my kids. So, yes she tracks my every move on FindMy. I try to schedule it when I know she'll be busy at work or with a friend. I time out the drive so I'm back quick enough it won't arouse suspicion. I normally say "I have a client coming in at noon" or something like that and I'm in and out like a hitman. Just trying to get more tips I haven't thought of.
  • twentyfive
    6 months ago
    You could stash your phone in a hidey hole in a church or, at the local ASPCA and tell her you’re doing volunteer duty
  • iknowbetter
    6 months ago
    @artie- you’re not alone with a wife tracking your every move. I think it’s pretty typical. You can only use the “phone ran out of charge” excuse so many times. Yes, life was a lot simpler before all this wonderful technology. Whenever I complain to my wife about not wanting to be tracked, she responds with “why? Are you going somewhere you’re not supposed to be?” Or “I’m only doing this because I’m concerned about your safety”. So yeah, I use the client meeting excuse too. I just wish they put strip clubs in office buildings downtown. I don’t have too many clients working out of a grimy industrial park near the airport.
  • artie-norris
    6 months ago
    @iknowbetter Glad to hear others suffer like I. I fucking h8 this tracking nonsense. hatehatehate. Also @twentyfive, no. I can't say I vounteer anywhere. It would lead to: "which girls are you working with" "why" "we should both do it on the weekend". I'm screwed for the unforeseeable future. Until she leaves town for a few days this summer.
  • wallanon
    6 months ago
    "I'm screwed for the unforeseeable future. Until she leaves town for a few days this summer." That's not how geolocation works. It doesn't matter at all where she is it matters where your device is. She can track you from the moon. Fucking hell why ask a question that's completely not about the problem you're trying to solve? Rick Dugan is MIA but if he was around he'd tell you to grow some balls. Even so I digress. To solve your track my balls problem, make a friend you can actually trust to keep your phone while you're off fucking around. Tell them never to answer it, but if you're future ex-wife is blowing up your phone to send a text message that you're in a meeting and to fuck off. I'm half joking by the way, but the half that's typing is dead fucking serious lol.
  • artie-norris
    6 months ago
    When she leaves town, she probably won't text or call me while I leave my device in the office for a few hours. Making a friend won't work for a lot of reasons. I'm screwed for the unforeseeable future. I know this and there is nothing I can do about it...legally. JK of course. LOL
  • skibum609
    6 months ago
    I oftentimes wonder why bother doing this hobby if you have to lie about it. It's like lying about gambling, you always will get caught. Having said that I say thank you to all men who love dancers and prostitutes, without you I might have to get a real job.......
  • artie-norris
    6 months ago
    Yeah, just want to see some (different boobs) for a bit every once in a while. Can you blame me? I think I can keep this hush hush for the unforeseeable future. Deny deny deny.
  • ArtCollege
    6 months ago
    Old joke: the admiral and the master chief petty officer were the oldest guys on the base, and they happened to be sitting next to each other at the barber shop. One barber asked the admiral if he'd like a new scented hair tonic. Admiral says, "No, I don't want my wife thinking I smell like a French whore house." Then the chief tells his barber, I'll try some of that hair tonic. MY wife doesn't know what a French whore house smells like."
  • Hank Moody
    6 months ago
    Answering the original question, you have the right idea about the change of clothes. Change before you go into the club. Not only does this keep your work clothes free of eau de stripper, it also allows you to change into your preferred club comfortable clothes. On the phone thing, you’re kinda fucked. Does Find My work across platforms? Maybe find a reason to upgrade your phone to Android? Break your phone, give it to a kid and get yourself a new one, or just upgrade.
  • ilbbaicnl
    6 months ago
    Tell her you company's DEI policy does not allow you to reject French whores as clients.
  • funonthaside
    6 months ago
    iknowbetter...if your SO tracks you via find-my-phone or another method, ditch her and move on. Also, I'm not sure that the tracking situation is "pretty typical". On the other hand, skibum has carved out a nice income for himself from people being tracked. So, who knows?
  • funonthaside
    6 months ago
    And...you made is worse for yourself by pushing back on the tracking. In your situation, find a safe storage place; if you work in an office, stash it there. If she does a drive-by to confirm your whereabouts, schedule an appointment with skibum or equivalent to rid yourself of her.
  • captainfun
    6 months ago
    F that to agreeing to have my location tracked. Easier said than done. Wallanon, I don’t know you but I can’t help but suggest that you pass on committing to a woman who you think prefers women. Unless of course you see an endless supply of threesomes as a realistic possibility
  • wallanon
    6 months ago
    "Unless of course you see an endless supply of threesomes as a realistic possibility" I'm wallanon. Of course I see an endless supply of threesomes as a realistic possibility...
  • captainfun
    6 months ago
    Ha! Go get it then!!
  • drewcareypnw
    6 months ago
    Mine likes to ignore things that might upset her, so I get off easy. That said: “ Pick girls who don't smell like a Macy's perfume counter lol.” …Yes!!! Also, I like to take a dump and then a post dump shower upon arrival. So, I smell like dove soap by the time I climb into bed.
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    What's wrong with macys perfume counter other than the sales vultures? Reading this reminds me of being in a relationship like f that. Every man wants to destroy a woman's freedom. Over it.
  • drewcareypnw
    6 months ago
    @bla: ask a wife whose husband just came home smelling like a macys perfume counter and you’ll find out! 😆
  • shailynn
    6 months ago
    You guys that have wives like the OP I feel sorry for you guys. People saying “leave that bitch” don’t realize it’s not always that simple. I have a friend who’s in a similar situation and his life is miserable. He can’t go to the bathroom without being monitored. He makes a lot of money and his wife is a stay at home mom with ludicrous lifestyle expectations so she has a firm grasp on his balls (aka) her meal ticket. If it were me no matter how painful financially I’d cut the ties and walk, but many guys can’t do it for a number of reasons. Pride, the kids, financially, etc. It’s guys like this that remind you why cam girls and porn are such big industries, because it’s the only relief some of these guys have access to.
  • Manuellabore
    6 months ago
    Surprised nobody has mentioned glitter so far. I do the 'second wardrobe" thing and a birdbath at the office or convenience store restroom sink, but glitter gets everywhere and clings like death. Plus, it is as impossible to explain as an unfamiliar scent. The only answer is, if you see a dancer at the SC who glitters, take a step away and leeave her to the single guys. Another advantage of the "second wardrobe" is that the change of clothes back from SC clothes to real-world clothes gives a chance to take stock and secure things like condoms and large denomination bills that you don't want to make a spontaneous appearance at home.
  • wallanon
    6 months ago
    "People saying “leave that bitch” don’t realize it’s not always that simple." Not one person on this thread told the OP to leave his wife. That marriage doesn't sound like it's going through make it because of the age we live in, but he's a grown man and can decide what he wants. Dude asked half a question about smelling like another woman, somebody brought up something from their own situation about tracking which got a response, and then the OP came back and said he had the same problem. It's easier to have a conversation when the story isn't changing with every new post. To generalize this, when you've got an unreasonable partner who's constantly on you and accusing you of being unfaithful you should consider what's going on inside their heads.
  • JamesSD
    6 months ago
    Real talk to all the dudes reading: it's better for your mental health not to sneak. Divorce is scary. But I'm reminded of JS69 who used to post a lot here, who was unhappy in his marriage and turned to strippers, eventually got divorced and found himself a civvy who makes his penis happy and moved. On from this world. It's ok for men to advocate for their needs even though society teaches us we shouldn't. Either work out an agreement, move on from your marriage, or don't sneak.
  • JamesSD
    6 months ago
    As for tracking you either need to find someplace 1/4 mile or less away that you can park at and then walk to the club (good Asian or Mexican food is ideal), or suck it up and Uber. Or get a bicycle you can ride from work? See, this is where it ends up being so much extra work.
  • funonthaside
    6 months ago
    Case study for the younger guys in what to look for when dating, before moving onto marriage. If she's attempting to track you when still dating, it's a red flag that you should consider before making it permanent. Many bad decisions are made from insecurity and horniness. Don't allow those things to lead to a lifetime of misery. If she starts monitoring after marriage, then that really sucks; as there was no warning. Regarding shailynn's friend....it seems the wife sees things as opposite of what is logical. If she wants/needs a luxiourious lifestyle, it would seem she should be more accommodating, to avoid him leaving. Depends how wealthy he is....some guys have a lot of money, but not so much that alimony and child support would degrade their lifestyle. For others, though, 50% of wealth is still plenty. It's the guys in the former situation that are trapped.
  • Hank Moody
    6 months ago
    “As for tracking you either need to find someplace 1/4 mile or less away that you can park at and then walk to the club (good Asian or Mexican food is ideal), or suck it up and Uber.” Restaurants are good suggestions. Kinda tough to Uber without taking your phone with you. A lot of families share locations with parents and kids at all times, especially once the kids learn to drive. I believe in order to see location of kids, you have to share your own location but my family doesn’t do this. Sometimes tracking is a sign of insecurity or control issues, other times it’s just a family thing to keep tabs on the kids, but where one person “opting out” might send up a red flag.
  • CarlitosPeligro
    6 months ago
    I keep my hobby to out of town trips with clean changes of clothes, always shower after, sometimes twice, night and morning both, and I do my own laundry. I power off the phone or turn off gps before I leave the hotel or other legitimate restaurant etc and we don’t share location data anyway, I’m just extra paranoid. I track my kids phones, I don’t really watch them but have it turned on in case of emergency and more often because they always lose their devices but I don’t think they can see my location. Getting a job with some travel requirements has been a good move for my hobby. I can forestall the itch knowing I’ve got a trip coming in the next month or two. I agree 100% with the advice not to start into deceiving if possible, but there are ways to get by and not embarrass yourself or your family.
  • Mate27
    6 months ago
    Reading through these comments reminds me that relationships are complex, and nobody has the right answer for what someone else is going through. For me, I club with low expectations and find the girls who are comfortable getting to know me a little and comfortable in trying to get me off w/out exchanging bodily fluids. It’s my little rule that helps me deal with the hobby w/out too much guilt. Everyone rationalizes their behavior, and for me it’s like getting a massage for relaxation when I get dances from a stripper. Keep it in my budget and leave my feelings at the door, and if any perfume gets in me change into a new shirt or avoid others, including loved ones, until I clean up. To each their own. There’s even a demented dude on here that goes to clubs and is a cuck, letting his wife fuck other dudes. That’s how he deals with life. Quite strange but it’s his life, not one I’d recommend for a real man.
  • twentyfive
    6 months ago
    ^ Low expectations are what we have for you anyway.
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    This is why women should have their own money and never ever rely on a man.
  • CarlitosPeligro
    6 months ago
    I’m also absolutely militant about never using the credit card or club atm (to some girls’ frustration). Plan ahead, withdraw the cash away from the scene in time and location. This also helps me stay within the budget I decided on when I was sober and without irresistible boobs in my face. If I cave on the budget I make myself leave the club to find an outside atm.
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    I actually hate when guys run their card for rooms/dances. Atm I don't mind them using but I get that most clubs have high ATM fees
  • Hank Moody
    6 months ago
    Blah, why would you care how a guy pays you? Unless the club takes a share from the dancer?
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    Credit cards suck cuz dancers get less of a cut. Also at a lot of clubs that shit gets 1099'd meaning u must pay taxes on it after the fact. Some clubs will w2 cc transactions so at least they handle the tax paying for ya. Either way between club taking their cut for cc transactions and taxes, this can effectively cut ur profits in half on a room sale.
  • Jacks4thson
    6 months ago
    First avoid the ones who bath in perfume. Second keep a bottle of isopropyl alcohol and paper towels or a rag. The alcohol really does a good job breaking down the oils in the perfume. Clorox wipes can help too and it is not unusual to have them in your car. Finally stop and gas up the car on the way home and darned if you won’t get a lot of gasoline on your hands.
  • wallanon
    6 months ago
    This shouldn't need to be said, but smelling like you just took a bath in rubbing alcohol probably isn't going to help you either. But if you're in a jam and it's summertime rub your skin down with scentless wipes and then drive around on a hot day without the AC. The heat and your sweat will get rid of the alcohol smell on your skin. If you don't use scentless wipes and smell like aloe or some other shit then that's a you issue.
  • Jascoi
    6 months ago
    motor oil from the dipstick. rub it all over your body. you guys crack me up. do what I did. DIVORCE... (or stop cheating on her.)
  • Jascoi
    6 months ago
    maybe it's not the best most simple thing, but after she accused me of seeing another woman... (and it was NOT true) I split from her. The bitchiness of her attitude just was getting worse and worse. and she always seem to be so untrusting.
  • wallanon
    6 months ago
    "The bitchiness of her attitude just was getting worse and worse. and she always seem to be so untrusting." I don't want to make this about Jascoi, but it's known for this type of behavior to be a clumsy and fucking annoying cover up for the accuser's cheating (or desire to cheat, get out of the relationship, etc). Truly miserable people tend to have an external locus of control, which means even if you help them out of their mental rut for a time eventually you'll be needing to constantly reaffirm them (or become the one they blame when they find the next thing to catastrophize about and you're tired of carrying their shit around).
  • motorhead
    6 months ago
    “Credit cards suck cuz dancers get less of a cut” Sorry to divert the topic - but that’s true for any business. You’re just a poor business person if you’re criticizing the use of cards. I’m sure Wal-Mart won’t divulge what they are paying for credit card transactions and they’ve probably negotiated the best possible rates but if Wal-Mart had your attitude they would be out of business in a few months. ** disclaimer - I learned long ago not to use credit card cards in clubs but those businesses who refuse to take cards or charge a fee sre shortsighted and do not understand the finances of modern society
  • funonthaside
    6 months ago
    And..... cash vs credit cards comes with its own challenges, such as bank fees for handling cash, labor to count/reconcile, and the most obvious of theft/missplaced cash. Some businesses are now going the opposite direction, and ONLY accepting cards.
  • Manuellabore
    6 months ago
    I did the "spilled gasoline" ploy once. Not an option if you're in NJ (IYKYK)
  • ilbbaicnl
    6 months ago
    If you're in NJ can't you just drive home with the windows open and smell like the opposite of perfume? Sorry dude but you walked right into that one.
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    What do you have against French whores?
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    Ok business don't spend as much as strippers lose in credit card transactions. If you wanna insult me how about you learn the fuck you are talking about? I'm so sick of you retarded Americans lmao.
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    Normal biz only loses like 3% to transaction fees for cc. Stripper loses more than half her cut in Minneapolis. Don't even get me started
  • twentyfive
    6 months ago
    ^ are you complaining about CC fees or house fees or are you complaining because taxes are being withheld based on CC receipts, and I’m not sure but I heard you complain that you have to pay taxes, just like everyone else. Please don’t stab me I’m just asking a question.
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    All I know is in Minneapolis it was $600 for an hour keep $500 of cash. If he ran card they charged $650 I got only like $238 or something??? It was some really crazy convoluted fucked up weird math I didn't like. So ,no, that clearly isn't just taxes or cc fees boys.
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    And no I didn't get back the difference on a paycheck or whatever. So these clubs straight rob us when dudes run cards. And even someplace else that wasn't so extreme, they still stole another 20% for cc transactions. I know that business do not pay 20% for cc transactions otherwise costco wouldn't have a credit card would they? Lmao
  • twentyfive
    6 months ago
    That’s a crazy amount, sounds like the club is ripe for an investigation by the Labor Department I’d look into filing a complaint
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    And idk if I didn't make this clear but I never said I refuse cc transactions to pay for rooms???? So calling me a bad business person makes no sense bruh It is more like if the guy insists on cc after I whisper in his ear to do cash I grit my teeth and pretend not to be angry.
  • twentyfive
    6 months ago
    ^ I’m not sure how the laws work in Minnesota but I’ll bet you could get a labor lawyer to look into this on your behalf.
  • twentyfive
    6 months ago
    I don’t think he called you a bad business person I think he said that refusing to take CCs was a bad business decision.
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    Well my bad I'm just a little murdery. I'm not in Minnesota these days but it is on my list of places I might go once I finish this degree in June.
  • Jascoi
    6 months ago
    should start a topic about ripoffs by clubs themselves of both the customers and dancers.
  • Jascoi
    6 months ago
    spearmint rhino chain is highly suspect in this regard because of their ridiculous ATM fees and charge card fees. it was like 40%. and dancers only got 50% of their dance fee per dance or VIP room fee. and then they have to pay tips to all the staff.
  • Jascoi
    6 months ago
    I went through a phase of using my credit card at the rhino. that was like 12 years ago. expensive lesson.
  • Jascoi
    6 months ago
    and I haven't learned my lesson yet. but I hope to later report that my current trip to Thailand and using my card for hotel costs and ATM fees are non-existent fees for foreign travel and exchange rates.
  • blahblahblah23
    6 months ago
    Yeah a lot of clubs are a total ripoff to everyone except the owner and maybe some of the staff. It always cracked me the fuck up that managers that swipe a card get an instant $60 tip or whatever. Like shit sign me up for that gig and I'd get to be fully clothed lmao.
  • Jascoi
    6 months ago
    and I'll be sure to take a shower before I visit family back in the states.
  • blahblahblahs
    6 months ago
    You should pick up a hobby that would encourage showering after you are done with it. Ideally, it is fun in its own right. Perhaps you can find a pottery or metal working studio near a club. Perhaps there is an indoor sports facility near one and you can join a volley ball or hockey league. If none of that is feasible, find a 24 fitness or such.
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