How important is a club's orientation

As long as it’s heterosexual, I’m okay with it.

I have also laughed at the pedantic detail of some reviews, and the OCD comments to those who neglected that detail. But there is a bit of comfort, when walking into a club for the first time, knowing where the main stage is, where the bathroom is - and whether there is a troll waiting to spritz you with some godawful rosewater, in knowing which stage is actually used, and even where to look for a seat. Certainly, the review we counted on might be a fake and everything different but most of us have read more than one review of that club and are smart enough to accept the consensus description as reasonably accurate.

And having the manager come up and say, "Uh dude are you OK?" sure beats the manager saying, "Dude, you are no longer welcome here, you gotta leave right now."

Maybe the reviewer is dyslexic !!!!

The layout part in the reviews does nothing for me. I’m sure there are PLs who jerk off to where the bathroom is when reading the reviews. To each his own. I do hate it when I include them in mine, but I also want my reviews ok’ed

I’m down for going into a club doesn’t matter which side the bar is on, where the shitter is located, how many stages there are (as long as there is one) just as long as Muddy and SJG aren’t there it’s all good. Who am I kidding SJG is probably in a straight jacket right now.

If they get the layout completely wrong I assume they got other details wrong too. They might have submitted under the wrong club or just been drinking a lot. Or it could be fake

^^

Nailed it James !

Laugh all you want at detailed descriptions - I equate it a bit to discussions going on in sports groups. Some fans can’t spell the player names correctly. Some say “so what”? I say how can you trust the judgment of a “fan” who wants to pick Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan when they spell his name Sam Booey

At this point, the thing that is more tedious than detailed club descriptions is guys whining about detailed club descriptions.

I love that first moment entering a new club. Eyes adjusting to the dark from the bright Texas sun outside. Smelling new smells. Perfume. Beer. Smoke. Pot. Sweat. Desperation. Figuring out what song is playing. First glimpse of titties on the stage. Taking a few awkward steps to find a chair that doesn’t put me too close or too far from the dancers. Maybe a brief chat with a waitress or manager. Or a door toll dancer. Trying to scope out the dancer quality, and not just get stuck with the first one. Best memories of a club.

I’m in the camp that the layout descriptions could be taken out of the reviews. I’m guilty of writing long overly detailed descriptions. I was trying to prove that I actually visited that club. There is value in a long description when a club like Baby Dolls Dallas remodels.

Also, most reviews don’t clearly convey the VIP pricing. Probably because the PL doesn’t understand or ask. I’m guilty of not being able to recall the weird pricing scheme that a dancer whispered in my ear. Easily distracted.

The perfect review would be “ Bambi is a 10 who will give you a BJ for $100. She works every Tuesday afternoon when the club is empty”

The worst review is a 10 paragraph description of the physical club.

Yeah sometimes reviewers including myself include way too many details about the layout of the club in my opinion, I truly only care about the prices, if the girls are hot, and if extras are somewhat available.

How the fuck is a guy supposed to find the bar, stage, men's room and best dancers if the reviewers don't provide the locations and the dancer names?

If you want to play the reductio ad absurdum game, maybe a potential customer has IBS along side their chronic anxiety. Knowing the location of the shitter could be the difference between having a panic attack out in on the floor and shitting themselves, vs a calm walk to the toilet. A customer convulsing on the floor spurting diarrhea to the beat is not going to make the strip club experience a positive one for anyone.

Realistically, looking at the unpublished reviews right now I see zero instances of a reviewer overly detailing the layout of the club. I think I saw one a couple days ago. I also saw an equal number of threads crying about it.

I agree with the point that a few people put too much into it. But I've never once seen a single downvote of a review with the reason being a lack of details on the relative positions of the bar, stage, and/or restroom. I can't prove it, but I really doubt any review has been rejected over it. I also see very few, if any, published reviews with devoting multiple paragraphs to the layout. And there is some scenarios where someone might care about some high level details, does the club have reserved seating/booths/sections for the bachelor party they're planning for example? Maybe their SO doesn't want them getting dances so they want to know what the stage setup is like, so they can choose a club with lots of interaction at the stage. Many customers would be interested to know if the dances done table/bar side, in private rooms, in a semi-private communal area, are the champagne rooms tiny & cramped or spacious and comfortable, etc, etc etc.

This issue is a dumb as the "what pants should I wear" one.

+1 to JamesSD: verifiable details create credibility about other issues. Monger reviews are always a mix of lies, self-delusions, idiocy, inexperience, etc. It helps if you can tell they actually know the club.

+1 to Mark94 but dude you obviously are misreading this room. The “too explicit” pearl clutchers rule this roost, deal with it. There’s other websites for those details. Here you’ll get more general indicators (at best), which is fine because any smart PL can figure it out and YMMV/YPMV anyway.

There’ll always be a couple power-trippin’ OCD “Adjudicators” looking to turn thumbs down. Just ignore.

OK so we all had our first trip to a club, first lap dance, first review, etc. I learned quickly that coherent paragraphs, a general physical layout of the club, all prices such as cover, drinks, lap dances, VIP, etc., And a detailed description of dancers....such as looks and mileage are what most people here are looking for. If you include all this, chances are I'll approve your review. Also very important is using spell check and clarity so people reading it don't get lost/frustrated in the process.

We should not be unfair or unwelcoming to the dyslexic reviewers or reviews who moonwalk in while facing the outside (you never get a second chance to make a first impression). I'll have to sic the TUSCL DEI enforcer on you.

I suggest we all just agree to reject the reviews which fail to orient the club to the four immutable cardinal directions: North, South, East, and West. Problem solved.

Bathrooms on the south, VIP to ENE, and Muddy's not getting Baker-acted.

I only want clubs with naked girls. Nobody wants to look at men. Not even straight women. There is nothing to look at. I guess Idc too much about orientation just no gay bars 🤮

On serious note about club layout. Let's see. I hated clubs that were too damn small. Like if the interior space is the size if a regular person's apartment the club is too small. I also hated clubs with no chairs at stage (lots of Texas and Cabaret 2 in Gresham, OR). I also didn't like clubs with plenty of girls and maybe only room for like 2 or 3 girls max to do private dances at a time.

I think I care more about general cleanliness though? You have to come in with lower expectations of cleanliness, but same time some clubs literally have actual filth that sticks to your skin if you do any floor work on stage 🤮 very common in portland

When it's as dark as in a fucking outhouse in the woods on a moonless night upon entry, an accurate review of the club's layout is a comfort.

I gots ta know…
Is the bar a rectangle, trapezoid, parallelogram? And don’t be afraid to bring a tape measure.
Tedious I know but this is my life and it’s all going in the time capsule for future generations to study.

You might be able to go online and get the club’s blueprint like in the Die Hard movie or a Tom Clancy novel

I agree with Dan3635. There is something (mildly) exciting about exploring a new club. No need for directions to the bar or the stage - if those are hard to find once you are inside, either the place or you are hopeless. As for the bathroom location, it is true that they are often tucked away somewhere - so just ask. The ATM may be hidden also, but you should stay away from that thing anyway.

That being said, some club orientation info may be useful. Such as "park in the side lot of XXX street" or "the main entrance is around the back". There have been some clubs where I had to circle the place to find the entrance.

Besides dancer and price info, other "culture" info is useful. Such as: Is there stage seating? Does anyone sit there? (sometimes no one does), Do tips go in the garter? Accepted throughout the set? Or just at the end? Tip walk? Do servers come to tables or do you go to the bar? Do dancers approach guys sitting at stage or only those further back? That's enough examples... I don't want to go all North/South/East/West with my details. :)

Of course, you can usually pick up the culture by observing others, but it can be helpful when the club is at low capacity. A lot of my out of town visits start out in the early evenings, so I've often arrived to some dead-appearing clubs with minimal role models available.

One thing that is under reported is lighting. I prefer enough light on stage so we can see what the dancer looks like. I prefer as little light as possible at the tables so no one can see us. Very few clubs get it right.

I’d argue the sound system is worth reporting to this extent. At many clubs, I can’t understand the names of the dancers when the DJ introduces them.

There was one club (more like a bar with strippers, really) I was familiar with that had a front and back entrance, so I could see how muddy's original story could happen if a club had a similar setup.