Going to the strip club when dealing with personal tragedy

People grieve in different ways I don't go after people they find some weird way to do it. I would probably do cheerful stuff like this just to help get my mind off it. What do people expect you dress goth and stay in dark room for weeks sobbing, hell no.

I'm guessing he was an adult when his mom met his (now ex) step father. My dad passed when I was in my 20s and my mom remarried, and while I have no beer with the guy, I barely know her new husband. If he passed away I would be bummed for her but wouldn't skip concerts or vacations.

I had a brother, a dog, and a sister die in quick succession ( 3 months). Then our daughter lost a pregnancy 3 months in 💔. Deep seated bummed. 1st time talking to a mental health (grief) counselor.

One day I just had the urge for some distracting fun, went to the club, got a couple dances with 3 lovely ladies. Much distracted. A day or two talked with wife about my depression. A marital delight was shared that night.

Between those two events (and the passage of time, I'm sure), I started feeling better 😌. Crying helped too.

Life is good.

Everyone grieves differently.

@nicespice

I will play along and comment on your discussion.

One of my students gave me pencil holder from South of the Border with the saying "el muerto al pozo y el vivo al gozo"

I was told it means:

“The dead man goes into the grave pit, the living man goes on enjoying life".

It is used when, sometimes, the surviving family members, (trophy wives, sugar babies, mistress included) enjoy the deceased wealth left for them but end up squandering their inheritance.

To answer your questions:

Q: Is it a good way to maintain some level of normalcy? A: Not really, but everyone is different and griefs in his individual circumstances.

Q: Does it help cheer up? A: It doe help some

Q: Or better to grieve and resume a month or two later? A: It is an individual choice.

People grieve in different ways, and it's nobody's place to tell someone what to do/not do after a death. If going to a club pulls someone up to a happier state of mind, I see no issue with it.

I think grieving and being in mourning are different things. When you're in mourning, you don't do fun stuff, you don't dress flashy, etc. It's a way of being proper and honoring the deceased in a public way. Many, like me, don't care about being proper, and prefer the "public" to not notice us, as opposed to being impressed with us. As for grief, when you have strong feelings for the deceased person, it never totally goes away. Just gradually gets less intense over time. You have to get on with life while grieving. If anyone thinks you get on too much too soon, fuck them.

youtube.com

My first wife died of cancer. It was a two year battle. My life became smaller and smaller. In the last few months it was just doctors, hospitals and nursing her. I barely had time to take care of myself and our two sons. After she died i went back to work but I had no social interaction with anyone. I went to a strip club and there young, vibrant ladies would talk with me and held my hand. Sometimes that’s what you need.

My best friend and best man at my wedding died at only 32 yo. The wife and I were so bummed out that we drove to Vegas on a Friday afternoon.

It’s cathartic whenever people share their experiences with you, knowing as a common element humans like to be assured what they’re going through with loss is very emotional. I can’t remember how I treated clubbing after the close losses of immediate family members, so maybe be that’s good that I treated them consistently as always. I do remember during 9-11-2001 that a guy lost somebody close in the towers, and he was literally throwing wads of cash at the stage and drinking. He mourned to all the strippers and there was 2 dancers that said they weren’t comfortable taking his cash.

So… Kent ape, was the pencil holder from “South of the Border” actually from Mexico or from that place in South Carolina? If the latter all I can say is that is where I would go if I was mourning. Then I’d go find some sexy female hairless apes for a rickbang. ROAR!!!

First off, I'll say at least that chick is cute. Not really an OF guy but I'd buy a dance and see where it led. I'm guessing this will pump up her OF membership and IG follower counts though, I'd totally buy stock if she was a company.

His move was douche, not so much for just going to the concert, but the combo of a solicitation for prayers, shameless drooling, and then flexing at the concert is just douche. Just pick one direction and stick with it, at least publicly.

I've certainly been to strip clubs or participated other activities within a few days of funerals, especially if those activities were planned events that couldn't easily be moved. I wouldn't say doing so helped move on. I was ready, so I did that shit. There's been other times when the tragedy hit harder and I didn't do shit, including skipping big events that couldn't move and still had to be paid for. That kind of shit I think is very personal and everyone reacts differently. I'd hate to see some dude in the club all broken up about losing his stepdad, but if that same dude didn't give a shit about the stepdad and was in there getting a jump on blowing his inheritance, I'd at least be happy for the strippers.

I’ve got no dog in this fight, but that girl is attractive, the only comment I have is oversharing is a real thing.

Sometimes doing something fun/social is what may prevent the person from going/heading into a deep-depression - loneliness/isolation is def not the healthy way to go

A Plan For Failing Life: step 1, greatly worry about what other people think you should think, act, say. Step 2, change your thoughts, habits, actions to suit those from step 1. Step 3, sadly find out that people from step 1 aren’t “thinking”, they are just acting out impulse, emotion, ad populism that will change quicker than the seasons. Step 4, find out too late that step 1 was your first big mistake.

My concern for someone going to a strip club while grieving is that they may not be thinking straight. And if they aren't thinking straight, they might do something they regret like drinking too much or handing over their ATM card and PIN to a dancer.

I didnt realize it was the stepdad. Is this guy even receiving any inheritance if its his ex step father? I dont think an ex stepson would normally receive inheritance.