Dancer's approach

Your approach is very reasonable, and the one I prefer when I am in a club. For a guy to just wave dismissively at you when you walk by is simply rude. I see nothing in your approach that warrants this kind of response from anyone, so I would simply chalk it up to the guy being an asshole.

Seems pretty reasonable to me, but not FOR me. I would prefer you just circulate and I will decide to approach you. My "approach" may be nothing more than held eye contact, but any dancer should know what that means.

Clubber...you're exactly right. Alot of times, I will also walk around the room without stopping anywhere. 9 times out of 10 someone will either make direct eye-contact or just stop me.

If rejection doesn't bother you "in the slightest" as you claim, you would be in a minority, and to take a wild guess I would say for 98% of the dancers rejection, (particularly when its over and over again), does bother them - and this includes dancers all over the spectrum, many dancers people would never believe could ever be bothered by this. Some dancers just hide it better than others.

Consider that the girl at the local Mall for example at a kiosk who is selling (lets say) drawings of famous people, and as part of her job, she has to ask people passing by whether they want to buy a picture, and you might notice how dejected they look when sometimes 99% of people turn her down, and they are only selling an impersonal product.

Now with strippers in a club by definition they are dressed for maximum sexual appeal, half naked, fluanting their bodies, showing their personalities, and in many clubs offering a high contact completely nude dance performed for a complete stranger -so obviously that's a high hurdle to overcome. Its understandable that they might take it personally, even though logically its in the nature of a business transaction

Some guys don't mind being approached and some do, and some guys like certain type women and other guys like other women, and many guys are rude and some guys are gentlemen - so the only logical strategy for most dancers is avoid too much pre-sorting, approch men randomly, and to spend a few minutes with each guy, judge the situation, and try to sell a dance, and exit gracefully when turned down, which will be most times for most girls.

If certain guys don't like being approached, they can go to other clubs that push the low-key style

The hand waving (if its a dismissive type gesture) generally would be guys more on the rude side, but there is nothing a dancer can do to stop such behavior, except move on to the next guy

David...I didn't say that for the hell of it. As long as a guy isn't rude about it, the rejection doesn't phase me. I just move on to someone who is interested. I learned a long time ago that you will never make it as a dancer if you let it get to you.

Men do stuff like that either because (1) they get tired of overly-aggressive girls coming by, or (2) they have an expectation that girls are going to do so and want to head it off, or (3) they're just jerks. I really think some guys go to strip clubs because they hate women and enjoy degrading them.

As I've said before, I prefer to approach the girl but I don't mind them approaching me as long as they're polite about it. But which is better for the girl is a different issue - I'm sure in some clubs the most aggressive girls make the most money. So which a dancer should do probably depends on the type of club she works in.

Hi Tessie: Your approach is reasonable, and thats' the way I like it 24 out of 25 times. Every once in a blue moon, I don't mind being pounced on, especially when pouncer is the hottest dancer in the room(or hotter than most). Two cases coming to mind involve frustrating experiences at previous club- in 1 case, highly touted clubs clientele/venue did not appeal to me, I was ticked at having wasted time driving to other side of town. Another involved 2 seperate clubs in same building- topless/alcohol side was subpar, nude side got off to good start w. young hottie greeting me at door. You have to know how to "read" customer, much like linebacker reading when to blitz.

As for waveoff- agree that it is rude, only halfway justifiable scenario would be when customers "Choice A" is nearby, but not quite eye contact- he may dread prospect of desired dancer ignoring him if he's occupied with you. Such dynamics happens, but is rare, so guy is likely just being a jerk. Even if I don't buy a dance right away from approaching dancer, I still like to get an idea how she's like, if she projects well, etc.

Then change what you wrote.

ORIGINAL: "Now, rejection doesn't bother me in the slightest."

CORRECTED: "Now, polite rejection doesn't bother me in the slightest"

I never like being 'pounced' on by any dancer when entering a club, unless it is a FAV or ATF. TessieV - you have a very reasonable approach. The SC business, while this economic crises is going, is going to be a 'cut-throat' business. Some dancers will do anything to get their earnings and leave. Good luck girl.

I was just thinking maybe they don't want to be bothered with anyone they don't know or simply don't want any dances. Maybe even a few guys think they're saving the dancer some hassle since they won't be wasting their time trying to get a dance when they know they aren't spending any money on dances. Maybe I'm not getting a clear picture of this waving off motion either.

I will often let a dancer sit and talk with me if she wants to do so even if I know I'm not going to buy a dance which I often assume is why she sat down in the first place. Sometimes though, I may be waiting on a favorite or want to be free to tip dancers on stage. Other than that, I usually avoid prolonged eye contact with dancers I don't want coming over to my table.

Because of a few dancers I remember that didn't take no for an answer too well, I often say maybe later almost instinctively when asked for a dance. Because of a few dancers that started to get upset when I tried to get rid of them immediately when they asked to sit with me, I'll often let a dancer sit and talk with me if I'm not waiting on another. If I like a dancer, I do enjoy it when a dancer sits on your lap. That's actually one good way to stop me from tipping most dancers on stage.

TessieV: FONDL has it right. I have been pounced on at the moment of sitting down more times than I care to think about. Many of these dancers won't get the hint that I just came in the club and want to relax with a drink and look around before I start buying dances. So they sit and talk, blocking other dancers from coming over. In some clubs this "camper" expects to be paid for her uninvited company. I don't want to be rude, so I have endured "campers" until I could catch another daner's attention. It's not fun holding a conversation with someone who just won't leave you alone. It used to be a rule that dancers couldn't sit with customers, uninvited, while they are eating. Now dancers will sit down, start a conversation and expect you to buy them lunch--or just talk all through the meal, looking hungry. (Detroit clubs make dancers pay for parking and meals in addition to all of the other tipouts and fees.) Guys who have been through this will cut it off with a wave off. It's rude and inexcusable, but in some cases you are paying for the bad manners of other dancers who lack your sophisticated and graceful approach.
And don't get me started on the "camper" who does a tag team with the shot girl as soon as I sit down.

Tessie, I will star by saying that your approach is very reasonable. I would have no issues with it.

As for the pouncing part, well, it depends on my mood. Generally, I do not mind a dancer greeting me as soon as I enter the club. I will not be ready to buy dances at that time, so if it is a "Hey, wanna dance?" approach, then this would not earn points with me.

If you joined me right away and were willing to sit and talk (maybe have a drink) and let me get settled (maybe helped me do some stage tipping), then I would consider that an enjoyable start to the evening and earn you some points in my book. It may even pay off for you as the night goes on. If you hit me up for a dance in the first 5 minutes then I would most likely decline at that time. That may have nothing to do with your "hotness" rating. Just not ready.

The hand waving you speak of seems a bit rude. I don't know though as this is not something I normally do.

The thing that complicates a discussion like this is that we know what we like but we don't have a clue what works for the girl. Some of those super-aggressive girls that we all complain about probably make a lot of money.

I once remember walking into a club and a girl grabbed me by the arm as soon as I walked through the door, saying something like "Quick, no one is watching the monitors yet (it was early and the place had just opened - they have TV monitors in the little private cubicles where the dances are done) and if we go in back right now we can do anything." Normally I would have brushed this girl off figuring it's a bunch of BS but for some reason the girl appealed to me so I went with her. I was back out on the street in about a half hour having spent all my money on her. But it was a very memorable half hour.

I would think the guys who tip you on stage have at least some interest in you. It would be nice after the stage show to walk around and thank them. No need to sit down unless invited. Ask them if they need a drink and help them get the waitresses attention if needed.

I would rather have too much attention than none. I can always send you away.

Tessie - One of the main reasons I started to go to the Goldrush in Atlanta was the approach by a dancer when I first went there. She asked if she could sit with me. She was very cheerful not pushy and we sat for at least a half hour and bs'd before I asked her for a dance. She never asked for anything a drink a dance etc. She accepted when I offered and it was one of the most pleasant experiences I have had at a SC. She even brought over other dancers to dance for me. I appreciate the way you wait for someone to get acclimated (especially when they are making their first visit to a club) and check things out. As to being rude and waving people away those persons are probably rude in most things they do and a dancer would be better off not hanging with them anyway. A simple no thanks (even though it is sometimes hard to do) should suffice and I know some dancers like most salespersons do not know the meaning of no and sometimes the customer has to be firm in his no.

Trojanreg...I relate to what you said here a lot. The one dancer I have spent the most money on (of all dancers ever) never asked me for money, never asked me for a dance, and never asked me for a drink. She would greet me as soon as I arrived and we would hang out until I left. I would ask for dances when I wanted them and offer her drinks whenever she did not have one.

I consistently spent more money on her than all other dancers combined. It had little to do with her looks (although I found her very pretty). It had everything to do with how much fun I had when I was with her.

Tessie-like others have mentioned, I also think that your approach is fine. As far as the ones waving you off....it still amazes me how some customers de-humanize dancers to the point of feeling free to treat them very callously. Perhaps it's also their way of "getting back" at beautiful women by openly rejecting them, as they may have been rejected by women out in the real world.

Just my psycho-babble $0.02

Tessie, use and trust the eye-contact or body language approach. It's the primary communication I use. If I'm not interested I intentionally look or move away. But FYI if they don't pick up on a "not interested" signal I will sometimes get a little testy because I know they know the signal but decide to force a conversation anyway.

re "trust the eye-contact or body language approach"

All this pre-sorting, watching eyes, and figuring how who has money and who might spend money, who is too young, or who might too cheap and who isn't this or that -now it might avoid some rejection, however it ends up costing many girls lots of dollars. The girls that earn the bigger money in this business I've noticed do almost no presorting. If the guy is breathing, he's a potential client

All kinds of girls can do this

However in the rare case that a dancer is both 10 level looks and has the stomach to go up to ANY customer, the money can be super large. There's a particular dancer that flies in from 1500 miles away and that works at this upscale club, apparently (she says) once a month, doubleshifts on a Friday. I've seen her twice working, most recently in Dec 2007, and in June 2007 at which time when I did one VIP with her, and she told me $3000 was possible in one night. Now I didn' really believe it then, and I've had doubts since, but I have to admit its not impossible, at least when the economy was stronger.

At various times, I've concluded she must be setting up for escorting, and in fact she looks exactly like a super-upscale escort, with this very polished very high gloss East Side (NYC) sort of look, is college educated, well spoken, brunette, perfect features and a near perfect small C breast augmentation Last time the club was slow, partly because the business itself is slowing, but my guess if for the night, she was making way more than anyone else - because she has no embarassment or shame about being turned down so many times by some many different guys.

3 factors with the first being most critical

1. goes up to anyone and doesn't care if she likes an idiot being turned down
2. 10 level looks 3, excellent conversational ability

My guess is that the rejection does bother her, but the money offsets any pain it produces.

I'd have to agree. The women who make money, are the ones who work to make money. They approach every single man, give him a thirty-second polite interaction that makes him feel like more than a wallet, and then take his money for a service which they perform. The other women who "don't get why" they aren't making money, need only know two or three obvious things:

1. Be articulate, speak intelligently, make choices on the basis of smart motives.
2. Approach approach approach.
3. Look and dress like a 10. Not a 6. And shut up about all that "some men like thick, some men like skinny" and just lose weight like you know you ought to.

No need to "pounce" on a guy before his eyes even adjust to the light, however to add further support to the idea of - dancers avoiding all this pre-sorting in the first place - are the comments made by dancers that they literally go out and "try to get as many rejections as they can" Now obviously that is not easy to stomach (and I've cited the reasons in my first post on this thread). Of course what happens most of the times is these girls that go out an try to get lets say 30 rejections -DO end up getting some dancers - so they end up better than the lay back girls either hiding or discouraged. Many many girls I see in the clubs, they are just so shy or afraid, they just won't go up to a guy, unless maybe 99 things are right, and some are very attractive. There is this one attractive dancer in one club, having noticed this particular girl 4 or 5 times in that club, (looks like the blonde on that old movie FORBIDDEN PLANET) and she's usually in the corner looking like a scared cat, and I've never seen her approach anyone cold. I saw her once trying to hang near another girl who started talking to a guy at the bar. Some girls just don't have the stomach for this business

Dancer, your approach is reasonalbe in the mix of things. The reason why some men are rude is that they are not comfortable yet. This may be due to being new to the club or simply because they are not a frequent club-goer. My guess is that most rudness is the result of not being a frequent customer or fear of being ripped off or having their wallets sucked dry (which is a reasonable fear, wouldn't you agree?). It boils down to feeling comfortable. The person who is rude is not comfortable yet. Figure out how to make the new customer more comfortable. That sometimes takes asking questions without latching on to him. Like maybe asking if you can find him a waitress to order a drink, or simply asking what type of woman does he prefer and that you'll help him find one.

Once disarmed with this approach, most guys whose first reaction is to be rude quickly revert back to being human beings. Keep in mind that most guys, but not all, like to be approaoched, but not right after they come in. (If you read club reviews, one of the more common complaints is that no one approach them!) Give the customer time to survey the room, the lighting, the bar, where the men's room is, and yes, the dancers to see who intrigues him. This takes a while. He usually wants to order a drink by himself and enjoy it while surveying the above items. When he's done "surveying" he's ready to be approached. But, instead of asking "do you want a dance, try asking "are you READY for some company?

If he's not ready, ask "what can we do to make you feel comfortable? You can even ask if you or others should approach him later or wait for him to approach you. Respect is a two way street. This thoughtful approach works for me and should for a lot of men.

My personal preference is always to have dancers approach me--but only after I've got comfortable and completed my "survey."