Dancer's approach
TessieV
Yes, I am a female dancer. I don't take the "wanna dance" approach UNLESS there are 150 girls a night and the customers are wall-to-wall, standing room only. I like to sit and talk for a little bit before asking for a dance. I also don't like to "pounce" the moment a guy enters the club. I feel that maybe they want to sit and relax, have a beer and not feel pressured. I don't know if I'm right or wrong, that is just my opinion. I know that alot of girls will practically be sitting down at your table before you even have a chance to get there yourself. I have even had bouncers tell me that a gentleman, or group of them have just walked in, "go get 'em." I won't. Not until they have at least had time to sit, have a beer (or whatever their drink of choice happens to be) and kind of become acclimated to their surroundings. Sometimes I do miss out by this approach, but more often than not the girl who "jumped immediately" does not end up spending alot of time at that table. Also, I won't just walk up to a table and sit down, before I will sit with a customer, I always ask if he is looking for company. If he isn't, just wants to drink awhile, or is waiting on another girl, then this will give him the opportunity to say so. Either way, I don't feel rejected, or offended. BUT what myself (and alot of other girls) don't understand is why when we approach a table, some guys will just kinda "wave" in our direction, thereby dismissing us before we ever even have a chance to speak. Now, rejection doesn't bother me in the slightest. I know that while I AM definitely an attractive girl, you simply cannot be everyone's cup of tea. It's just not possible. BUT rudely dismissing me is just about the only time anyone will ever see me strike up an attitude in this respect. It PISSES me off to no end. While we ARE most definitely there to make money, SOMETIMES, it is just slow, there is already an even guy-girl ration at each table, and we just don't want to sit by ourselves.
I guess what I'm asking, in a nutshell is WHY men do this, and if my approach is the reasonable one to take. Do you like being pounced on upon entry to a club?
I guess what I'm asking, in a nutshell is WHY men do this, and if my approach is the reasonable one to take. Do you like being pounced on upon entry to a club?
22 comments
Consider that the girl at the local Mall for example at a kiosk who is selling (lets say) drawings of famous people, and as part of her job, she has to ask people passing by whether they want to buy a picture, and you might notice how dejected they look when sometimes 99% of people turn her down, and they are only selling an impersonal product.
Now with strippers in a club by definition they are dressed for maximum sexual appeal, half naked, fluanting their bodies, showing their personalities, and in many clubs offering a high contact completely nude dance performed for a complete stranger -so obviously that's a high hurdle to overcome. Its understandable that they might take it personally, even though logically its in the nature of a business transaction
Some guys don't mind being approached and some do, and some guys like certain type women and other guys like other women, and many guys are rude and some guys are gentlemen - so the only logical strategy for most dancers is avoid too much pre-sorting, approch men randomly, and to spend a few minutes with each guy, judge the situation, and try to sell a dance, and exit gracefully when turned down, which will be most times for most girls.
If certain guys don't like being approached, they can go to other clubs that push the low-key style
The hand waving (if its a dismissive type gesture) generally would be guys more on the rude side, but there is nothing a dancer can do to stop such behavior, except move on to the next guy
As I've said before, I prefer to approach the girl but I don't mind them approaching me as long as they're polite about it. But which is better for the girl is a different issue - I'm sure in some clubs the most aggressive girls make the most money. So which a dancer should do probably depends on the type of club she works in.
As for waveoff- agree that it is rude, only halfway justifiable scenario would be when customers "Choice A" is nearby, but not quite eye contact- he may dread prospect of desired dancer ignoring him if he's occupied with you. Such dynamics happens, but is rare, so guy is likely just being a jerk. Even if I don't buy a dance right away from approaching dancer, I still like to get an idea how she's like, if she projects well, etc.
ORIGINAL: "Now, rejection doesn't bother me in the slightest."
CORRECTED: "Now, polite rejection doesn't bother me in the slightest"
I will often let a dancer sit and talk with me if she wants to do so even if I know I'm not going to buy a dance which I often assume is why she sat down in the first place. Sometimes though, I may be waiting on a favorite or want to be free to tip dancers on stage. Other than that, I usually avoid prolonged eye contact with dancers I don't want coming over to my table.
Because of a few dancers I remember that didn't take no for an answer too well, I often say maybe later almost instinctively when asked for a dance. Because of a few dancers that started to get upset when I tried to get rid of them immediately when they asked to sit with me, I'll often let a dancer sit and talk with me if I'm not waiting on another. If I like a dancer, I do enjoy it when a dancer sits on your lap. That's actually one good way to stop me from tipping most dancers on stage.
just talk all through the meal, looking hungry. (Detroit clubs make dancers pay for parking and meals in addition to all of the other tipouts and fees.)
Guys who have been through this will cut it off with a wave off. It's rude and inexcusable, but in some cases you are paying for the bad manners of other dancers who lack your sophisticated and graceful approach.
And don't get me started on the "camper" who does a tag team with the shot girl as soon as I sit down.
As for the pouncing part, well, it depends on my mood. Generally, I do not mind a dancer greeting me as soon as I enter the club. I will not be ready to buy dances at that time, so if it is a "Hey, wanna dance?" approach, then this would not earn points with me.
If you joined me right away and were willing to sit and talk (maybe have a drink) and let me get settled (maybe helped me do some stage tipping), then I would consider that an enjoyable start to the evening and earn you some points in my book. It may even pay off for you as the night goes on. If you hit me up for a dance in the first 5 minutes then I would most likely decline at that time. That may have nothing to do with your "hotness" rating. Just not ready.
The hand waving you speak of seems a bit rude. I don't know though as this is not something I normally do.
I once remember walking into a club and a girl grabbed me by the arm as soon as I walked through the door, saying something like "Quick, no one is watching the monitors yet (it was early and the place had just opened - they have TV monitors in the little private cubicles where the dances are done) and if we go in back right now we can do anything." Normally I would have brushed this girl off figuring it's a bunch of BS but for some reason the girl appealed to me so I went with her. I was back out on the street in about a half hour having spent all my money on her. But it was a very memorable half hour.
I would rather have too much attention than none. I can always send you away.
I consistently spent more money on her than all other dancers combined. It had little to do with her looks (although I found her very pretty). It had everything to do with how much fun I had when I was with her.
As far as the ones waving you off....it still amazes me how some customers de-humanize dancers to the point of feeling free to treat them very callously. Perhaps it's also their way of "getting back" at beautiful women by openly rejecting them, as they may have been rejected by women out in the real world.
Just my psycho-babble $0.02
All this pre-sorting, watching eyes, and figuring how who has money and who might spend money, who is too young, or who might too cheap and who isn't this or that -now it might avoid some rejection, however it ends up costing many girls lots of dollars. The girls that earn the bigger money in this business I've noticed do almost no presorting. If the guy is breathing, he's a potential client
All kinds of girls can do this
However in the rare case that a dancer is both 10 level looks and has the stomach to go up to ANY customer, the money can be super large. There's a particular dancer that flies in from 1500 miles away and that works at this upscale club, apparently (she says) once a month, doubleshifts on a Friday. I've seen her twice working, most recently in Dec 2007, and in June 2007 at which time when I did one VIP with her, and she told me $3000 was possible in one night. Now I didn' really believe it then, and I've had doubts since, but I have to admit its not impossible, at least when the economy was stronger.
At various times, I've concluded she must be setting up for escorting, and in fact she looks exactly like a super-upscale escort, with this very polished very high gloss East Side (NYC) sort of look, is college educated, well spoken, brunette, perfect features and a near perfect small C breast augmentation Last time the club was slow, partly because the business itself is slowing, but my guess if for the night, she was making way more than anyone else - because she has no embarassment or shame about being turned down so many times by some many different guys.
3 factors with the first being most critical
1. goes up to anyone and doesn't care if she likes an idiot being turned down
2. 10 level looks
3, excellent conversational ability
My guess is that the rejection does bother her, but the money offsets any pain it produces.
1. Be articulate, speak intelligently, make choices on the basis of smart motives.
2. Approach approach approach.
3. Look and dress like a 10. Not a 6. And shut up about all that "some men like thick, some men like skinny" and just lose weight like you know you ought to.
Once disarmed with this approach, most guys whose first reaction is to be rude quickly revert back to being human beings. Keep in mind that most guys, but not all, like to be approaoched, but not right after they come in. (If you read club reviews, one of the more common complaints is that no one approach them!) Give the customer time to survey the room, the lighting, the bar, where the men's room is, and yes, the dancers to see who intrigues him. This takes a while. He usually wants to order a drink by himself and enjoy it while surveying the above items. When he's done "surveying" he's ready to be approached. But, instead of asking "do you want a dance, try asking "are you READY for some company?
If he's not ready, ask "what can we do to make you feel comfortable? You can even ask if you or others should approach him later or wait for him to approach you. Respect is a two way street. This thoughtful approach works for me and should for a lot of men.
My personal preference is always to have dancers approach me--but only after I've got comfortable and completed my "survey."