Congratulations. You leave the club with blue balls. What now?

Jimmybigtits
Western PA
We've all been there. You have been saving up your money and baby batter for days if not weeks. You are so horny you walk in with a visible semi and a fist full of 20s. You walk into the club with that silly grin only us debauched PLs would understand.

Then BAM!

None of your favorites are there. Only the two ROBs, the 60 year old fake red head and the young dishwater blond with tits hanging so low they scrape the floor are there. Fuck.

Your semi vanishes and pulls so far back into your body it's now close to your appendix. You stuff those 20s so deep into your pocket none of these dancers could pry it out of there. And your grim is now a frustrated smirk.

Still you hope one of your three favorites might show up. You text them. Barbie says she's home with a sick kid. Daphne says she's trying to get her brother (aka SO) out of jail can you cash app her $150. And Star accidently responds to your text with another guy's name "Saying, I'm running late what room are you in again?"


Still you wait two hours to see if some unicorn comes through the door but no dice.

You leave the club with balls so blue if they exploded every woman in a ten square mile radius would be immediately impregnated.

What is the dumbest shit you've done to deal with said blue balls short of going to another club and what was the result?

I will go first.

Once I went to get gas and I propositioned the MILF behind the counter for a BJ for $150. She slapped me and threatened to call the cops. I ran out fast.

Another time I called other dancers I hadn't done OTC with in a year or two. None of them remembered me.

Saving the best for last, I went to a normal bar and got hammered watching a football game and propositioned my female Uber driver. I offered her $200 to let me fick her in the ass. She said sure and asked if I'd bang her by a dumpster in the hood. I was so drunk I got out before she did and left my phone in the car as she sped off.

Moral of the story? Just go home after a bad night and beat it

25 comments

Latest

  • Tiburon
    •
    2 years ago
    Can we back up to the part where you called a girl that said she's breaking out her brother who's also her significant other? What kind of hick town do you live in man?

    I genuinely laughed out loud when you said you got slapped and threatened to call cops on. Thanks for making me laugh today.

    I guess the craziest thing I've done was go to a well-known spot in the hood and get a attractive looking lady of the night to give me a top. With the raincoat on of course
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    2 years ago
    This is one of the reasons why you don't buy dances and LDK.

    FRMOS.

    If that is impossible DATY her in the dance booth. She will see that you are saving your load for her and that will make it easier to quickly get her outside.

    FS where ever possible. Not LDKing or BBBJing TCIM.

    SJG
  • Jimmybigtits
    •
    2 years ago
    Tiburon a lot of dancers don't want you to know they have SOs because they think it makes them less available to you so the lie and say things like, "My brother drops me off at work each night". She wasn't fucking her brother you sick bastard!
  • Tiburon
    •
    2 years ago
    I don't know man, she might mean both things are true lol. You do describe your experiences as sort of rural.

    But I do agree with them that knowing that they have a significant other would turn me off because I don't like to be a homewrecker. Then again I don't do much of OTC/ITC stuff anyway
  • Tiburon
    •
    2 years ago
    @SJG you're pretty gross man to do a d a t y with the stripper that you don't even know. Because if she's doing that with you then who knows what else she's doing with other people. Pretty raunchy dude
  • HannibalSmith
    •
    2 years ago
    I went to the VIP with a super hot waitress. Club was empty and the 3-4 dancers there were bigger than I was. Didn’t feel like hoggin’ that particular afternoon….
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    2 years ago
    Yeah, this would have been driving north. W 66th st.

    https://youtu.be/imGx08mphck?t=741

    https://youtu.be/imGx08mphck?t=766

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxEU5UgH…

    Mario's Tire Service is at 6801 S Figueroa St, Los Angeles, CA 90003
    on the side you see when driving south. Usually they drive north.

    with in a 1.5 mile stretch of S. Figueroa

    Now here at 64th St.
    https://youtu.be/GLHcNIrKwSw?t=519

    yeah and driving north as usual
    https://www.google.com/maps/@33.9810956,…


    Yeah at W. 66th st. and going?


    SJG


    Don Felder introduces his band, performs “Those Shoes”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvo3oiZi…
  • KittyCreamyKat
    •
    2 years ago
    I'll start by saying I go by "Kitty" or "Nivea" in PA (wrong Daphne). If you left with blue balls, that's your own fault. A less than attractive dancer will usually work harder because she has to. All you had to do was pay, close you eyes and use your imagination. Mission accomplished. Offering propositions in public is illegal in most places, it's downright creepy. Beggars can't be choosers.
  • Njp2019
    •
    2 years ago
    I’ve navigated to an Asian Massage Parlor on more than one occasion to solve the blue balls conundrum. It does make the night a bit expensive though…
  • conan_mac_morna
    •
    2 years ago
    Go home and rub one out. Bonus, you saved your fistful of dollars.

    You're welcome.
  • wallanon
    •
    2 years ago
    "What is the dumbest shit you've done to deal with said blue balls short of going to another club and what was the result?"

    I'm sure there's something, but just in case you'd like to know what I'd actually do I'd go to another club. Actually I guess this was kinda dumb. Was at a club during a recent road trip and was behind schedule because I saw a girl I wanted to try. She had some of the nicest natural tits I've ever gotten to play with, was even prettier up close, and she was down for a lot more fun than I expected. But I had to leave to get to the next town.

    When I got to the next town and took care of business, I then went to the nearest club and took care of business with the first dancer I saw. 99 times out of 100 she'd be a pass, but at that moment I just needed a girl who could get the motor going lol.
  • MackTruck
    •
    2 years ago
    Punch yourself in the face
  • rickdugan
    •
    2 years ago
    Jimmy, I don't know what your cash flow situation is like, but if possible you might want to consider developing alternative outlets. It never hurts to keep a few in the rotation and to see each one often enough that they can be pinged on short notice. Putting all your eggs in one ITC basket is never a good thing.

    You might also consider finding some type of FWB or other casual ass if your urges are still that strong. For me one of the very few benefits of aging is that my urges are rarely so powerful anymore that I have to worry about boneheaded decision-making. You mentioned in another thread that you are retired, so I'm guessing that you're not a spring chicken. But if you need it so bad at any moment that you're soliciting civilian girls who are just trying to do their jobs and go home, then you need to find a better answer.
  • Jimmybigtits
    •
    2 years ago
    Actually Rick I'm semi retired and you get than many here.
  • Jimmybigtits
    •
    2 years ago
    I guess escorts, skipthegames women, or AMPs are an option. But AMPs are often closed when I'm leaving the club, locally skipthegames girls here are terrifying looking, and there are no high end escorts. I think cultivating civvie utrs in the 300 lb or less range is my only option. On 2nd thought, saving money for next weekend and stroking to Stoya and Just Lissa it is
  • Cashman1234
    •
    2 years ago
    I don’t go to the club looking for specific dancers (unless I’ve texted one beforehand). I think it is silly to go to a club looking for one or two specific dancers - and then be let down if they aren’t there.

    There are many reviews where guys are stoked about Bubbles being back - or Chastity being retired.

    I am happy to enjoy the variety of sexy dancers and offerings.
  • Jimmybigtits
    •
    2 years ago
    Cash their are definitely nights where being ass agnostic is a good thing. Once in a small town in Canada I went to a club in the middle of no where bound and determined to get a BJ. When I posted in the original post about the 60 year old red head I was thinking of this place. We went to the back room and she literally asked me to hold her teeth. That gum job felt like inserting your pecker between two soft pillows. I blew a load so strong that it didn't matter what she looked like

    I can't believe I'm repeating this shameful story lol. She was built like a Canadian Moose
  • Cashman1234
    •
    2 years ago
    That’s one of the great aspects of strip clubs - as many times I don’t know what I’ll find when I step inside. That’s part of the enjoyment of the experience.

    I am from a large metropolitan area, and I know there are some clubs with the same girls night after night. But, I love the places where you don’t know who will be on stage!
  • psycho_trick
    •
    2 years ago
    if all else fails (no itc ldk/penetration/hj or otc or cheap 7ish escort) the hands-free fleshlights are the next best thing.
    cost less than a vip and fuck better than most 'all-talk' strippers. and it doesn't complain, lie, steal, get tired, want to cuddle, or ask for tips.




  • DennisKe
    •
    2 years ago
    I went to a club once, left horny, and called up my most recent former girlfriend. She said, "Get over here", which I did, and we had the best fuck session we had ever had. Afterwards she said, "You need to go to stripclubs more often".
  • Tiburon
    •
    2 years ago
    ....Jimmybigtits you make me realize why some women hate men. Holy crap dude, WTF. AND she's built like a moose, you need to get a hobby dude.
  • Jimmybigtits
    •
    2 years ago
    Ti uron the problem is that this is my hobby
  • Jimmybigtits
    •
    2 years ago
    While driving LDK?
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    2 years ago
    If there can't be FRMOS, then instead DATY her in the dance booth. Always goes over well and primes her for outside FS, as she knows you are saving your load for her. Her body knows this.

    So no blue balls. The girls are really responsive to DATY, explosively so.

    SJG

    This girl little bit older and heavier, looks a little more garish. She has an appeal because she gets out there and shows her stuff. Full height stripper shows and lots of makeup, but not much else.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waSJKZsi…
  • san_jose_guy
    •
    2 years ago
    ^ A married man, one who wants his marriage to continue, should not be in strip clubs.

    But for a single guy, you get the one you want set up for FS, either ITC or OTC.

    Immediate is best so you get her dressed and painted up just as you found her.

    SJG

    Figueroa
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-scKQr9…

    Jane - School of Rock
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdWq4w8D…
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