Black women are the worst. They all think they are queens and princesses. In my 40 years of dating, it was always the black women that would run up huge bills on the first date. They would do stuff like order lobster, filet mignon, dessert, five cocktails, and then only take a couple bites of each. It is common to go dutch on the first date in outside American culture. After catching onto their game, I turned the tables. I would go to the bathroom, then hand the waiter enough money to cover my part of the bill on the way to the bathroom. I tell him we are going dutch. After the bathroom I leave and go home if it is clear I am not getting sex. I'm sure that queen lost it when she found out she had to pay for the big bill she ran up.
Maybe I'm just old school, but in all the dating I did in between wives, no girl ever had to reach into her purse for so much as a nickel. I wanted any girl I dated to know that I could provide, especially one who was considering a future which included having my babies. Of course I also avoided STEM girls and others with high stakes careers, preferring instead those who would be more family minded, so that definitely affected the calculus.
I usually pay, but I've been on a couple of successful dates where the woman insisted on chipping in. That can be awkward to negotiate, because there's a decent percentage of women who offer to chip in, but that offer is actually a test that is easily failed.
I went on a single horrible blind date where I explained to my indignant companion that I wasn't going to pay the full fee on a bad night. At that point, we were never going to see each other again, so I didn't care what she thought of me.
There was one gal I have been friends with for years, and every so often she insists on picking up the tab, she also makes dinner for both of us on occasions, she’s an excellent cook.
@heaving ... the short answer to your question is 'no'. I don't want to be with anyone who plays head games like that, particularly on a first date. It doesn't bode well for the future. I've handled this in different ways in the past, some generating awkward moments and lessons learned.
My default method now is that I will get the check, and if she asks to chip in, I ask if she's sure because I'd like to treat her. If she again asks to pay for her food, or cover the tip, or whatever, then I let her. The way I see it, if she asks twice to help with the bill, then I'll accept the offer as sincere and let it happen. That has worked out well.
CMI - default method - very well done. when a girl asks to chip in more often than not that's one of the ways of shit testing you. if she, god forbid right? should ask a 2nd time to chip in then hey, she's actually passes a guy's shit test. after that one could actually consider a keeper, at least for a while anyway.
===> "Do you really want to be with people who try to pull this type of testing thing though? To me, the answer is definitely no. It annoys me so much when people say the opposite of what they mean as a test."
LOL heaving. If you're looking for high degrees of rationality and logic when you're dating a woman then you're looking in the wrong place brother. 😂
I say this as someone who very much still enjoys women. But as someone who has spent the last 30+ years in a never-ending string of relationships (two marriages, two other long-term live-ins, etc), I can tell you that they just don't think like we do. Anticipating what they actually want is the most fundamental part of the relationship condition, lmao.
I've been in the same situation that CMI described many times during my dating phases. They come in 2 general varieties:
(1) the girl who actually wants you to court her, but doesn't want to appear like she expects you pay for her, so it's up to you to insist when she reaches for her purse, making sure you say lots of nice things to her in the process about how you were the one who invited her out and you're just grateful that she came because she has been such great company (etc.,etc.); and
(2) the rare one who will adamantly insists over your objection because she does not want to feel like she "owes" you anything or is being kept in any way. I heard about these girls from others, but I never actually dealt with this animal myself, probably because I weeded them out pre-first date.
And this is just the first date. The ambiguity doesn't get better over time, just shifts to different situations. If you're going to survive in a relationship long enough the fill a house full of kids, you need to learn to pick up on the non-verbal signals and double meanings, lol.
I've never had a girl test me or play games like that. And they've always been very grateful for any small thing I've ever done. I always pay for dates and don't get used on them. They don't take advantage and always thank me profusely. And they almost always initiate sex.
@C.M.I.: "My default method now is that I will get the check, and if she asks to chip in, I ask if she's sure because I'd like to treat her. If she again asks to pay for her food, or cover the tip, or whatever, then I let her."
This.
If <em>I</em> am the one asking for the date, then I expect to pay. If she offers to pay for hers, or cover the tip, then I will take that at face value and let her. If that turns out to be some kind of stupid "test", then I would consider myself lucky to have failed it.
I think we're bumping up against a generational thing. Most guys aged 40+ will expect to pay for dates, because that's the traditional arrangement. At below 40, things will get a bit more fluid. It's also regional. In more conservative/traditional parts of the country I think you'll find more guys even under the age of 40 who will expect (or insist) that they pay.
I also think that the days of formally asking a woman out on a date, courting, etc., are drawing rapidly to a close. And I'm not sure that's entirely a bad thing. Most new relationships I encounter now are people who grow attracted to each other organically and over time, rather than following ritual dating, etc.
Ultimately, if two people are actually compatible, then they should be able to figure out the bill at Olive Garden without acrimony. If not, then they probably aren't a good match.
Girls like being asked out on dates and they like a guy taking charge and planning and paying for the date.
I don't think anyone really likes the whole hang out and like each other and start fucking relationship model. It's the biggest complaint and problems always arise quickly into it.
Traditional dating is making a comeback.
The crazy thing nowadays is when you get to know a girl on ig or whatever and she starts thinking you're talking and catches feelings before you even see her in person.
Icee said "I don't think anyone really likes the whole hang out and like each other and start fucking relationship model."
You can't dictate based on your preferences and narrow experiences how much people do or don't like a particular way of starting a relationship. To quote an entirely insincere man, "The fact that you're too sheltered to get that others are different is your problem."
Then again, it's not like anyone here believes that your posts are even vaguely connected to experience.
I realize that some of you younger guys haven't been raised thinking of yourself as any sort of masculine provider type.
But riddle me this: How can any family minded woman seriously consider you as a mate if you won't even step up on dates? After all, until men can carry babies, they aren't going to be the ones at risk of being laid up for months if something goes wrong. Men also of course can't breastfeed if that is the decision that is made for the first year or so of the child's life, so the food source needs to be close to home.
If he doesn't want the car key wallet date, then he should not invite her on it. He can't be trying to make his girl jump thru hoops by paying herself.
He talks about whether the girl really really likes him. Well if so, he might be able to fuck her without the car key wallet date. That is the best. But it can't always happen because our world is not set up like that.
^ A girl who wants kids has to know that a guy can and will step up if necessary. If he can't even step up enough to properly court her, then it's natural for her to question whether he'd be able to man up when it really matters.
^ the best though is when you can fuck her at first meeting, without the need for the car keys and wallet date.
Our world though is still not usually set up for it to go that way.
In an AMP yes, absolutely. But at civvie night clubs that will still be hard to do. And at strip clubs, in the Bay Area that is still made unnecessarily difficult.
rickdugan said "But riddle me this: How can any family minded woman seriously consider you as a mate if you won't even step up on dates?"
There's certainly a generational thing going on here. I don't think that the human race will fail because two people figure out how to split a bill for a night out. Similarly, it was at different times commonly thought that Western civilization would degrade and fail if women were allowed to vote, or open their own bank accounts*, or have jobs, etc. And if you keep going further and further back you'll find increasingly archaic (and often cruel) beliefs about women that were once bedrock beliefs but have long since been discarded, and some thankfully with no residual nostalgia or hand-wringing over their absence. Here's an oldie but a goodie... through the mid 1970s in most states a husband could rape his wife and by law couldn't be arrested for it.
Things change. It's fine. Often, it's for the better.
=====
* Incidentally, a large part of the reason why women never paid for dates in the past is because they couldn't even if they wanted to. They weren't allowed to have their own money and often weren't considered capable of managing money beyond buying groceries and housekeeping supplies.
@CMI: That was a bit silly. Expecting a man to still court a girl is a far cry from rolling back women's rights and condoning abuse/rape.
And contrary to your silly platitudes indicating that "it's fine...often, it's for the better" there is nothing good about men who cannot shoulder the load. Indeed our willingness to tolerate their weakness and let them off the hook so easily has contributed to too many of our current societal ills. We have too many children now growing up in broken homes and too many mothers reliant upon government assistance.
The number one difference between the haves and have-nots is whether a child is raised in an intact home. Not only is that child far less likely to grow up in poverty, but that child is also far more likely to live a better life in the future and far less likely to end up in jail.
Educated people still understand all of this, which is why they tend to stay married when they have kids. It's the uneducated that fall further behind into generational poverty. Reversing these trends starts with holding men accountable for behaving like men.
@C.M.I.: "They weren't allowed to have their own money and often weren't considered capable of managing money beyond buying groceries and housekeeping supplies."
My dad died in 1970. Virtually the only the reason mom had control of her own finances after that was because she and dad had the foresight to put <em>everything</em>, the house, the cars, the (then very few) credit cards, bank accounts, etc. in her name alone before he passed. Had a heck of time doing it, too. He literally had to have a judge rule "do it" on a couple of occasions.
Twenty years after he died, she would still occasionally get male officials and salesman give her, "well, let's see what your husband has to say." Her general response to that sort of thing was "I'd ask him, but he's dead." Straight up throw it in their face. I remember one guy, a car salesman, without a bit of shame, follow that up with, "what about your father?"
So yeah, that shit happened. I hear people lamenting that "my grandparents were married for 75 years; marriage doesn't last any more because of social media blah blah blah." Nah, marriage doesn't last anymore because women literally don't have to put up with men's shit.
So yeah, color me skeptical of claims that women are primarily looking for providers nowadays. Is that <em>part</em> of what they're looking for? Certainly, but not anywhere near as much as a few decades ago.
Paying for a bill isn't "behaving like a man". It's just subtracting money from an account. It requires no level of courage, gallantry, or grit. And thinking that a man who lets a woman chip in on a dinner date means that he's less capable of supporting a family is the silly part.
Roles in marriage (and dating) have changed, are changing now, and will change in the future. That's not a new thing, and that was the point behind my citing aging and thankfully discarded practices/laws. Because, historically, as more rights and equality have been conveyed onto women, that has forced changes in relationships and marriage. One cannot happen without the other occurring as well. Your aging personal preference notwithstanding.
George ... When I was very young (11 or 12?), my mom took me to to the bank to set up a kid's savings account for me. Something to teach me about saving money from my allowance, etc. That went without a hitch. She had also decided to set up her own savings account. Dad knew about it already; she'd told him. But when she asked the banker about setting up her account, he said that the bank required her husband's written permission.
So, adolescent me could get a bank account in a jiffy, but my adult mother needed dad to write her a note. I remember walking home with her and she was very quiet, upset, and humiliated. The next day, my mom and dad went back to the bank with my older sister in tow for some reason. According to my sister, dad was "very loud" with the banker, and my mom got her bank account without ever having to ask dad permission for anything after that.
Later, when I fully understood what had happened, I was very proud of my dad. I think he would have been considered out of step with most husbands at the time.
THis guy in the video is just being stupid. If he doesn't want to pay for the car keys and wallet date, then he shouldn't have invited her.
BUt on the other hand, things move faster and faster. Sometimes you can get a girl on the first meeting. But other times and places this can be very hard.
Most places are subject to a law against public sex or lewd conduct. And this applies even in the Men's Rest Room. But you still hear accounts of people doing it.
And then there is the complication of the girl's car. How did she get there, say to a civvie night club.
Never heard of this, but I guess a guy could stake out a parking lot and watch for the girls who are not the driver.
BUt for some, that sex at first meeting is a line they don't want to cross, and especially in front of their friends.
I guess you could check into a hotel with a night club. Or maybe the motor home in the parking lot.
Any place running on this Membership Club - Private Party SYstem should be okay for instant sex.
LA Hostess Clubs are dying, but they would have the same legal issues as civvie bars. BUt there have been accounts of instant sex, like outside the building.
At strip clubs, the same public sex and lewd conduct issue is there, but maybe it is not enforceable. BUt still, in the bay area FS-ITC is not that common. DV places will not tell you no, but just that it is "very expensive", so it is rare and screwed up by having no FRMOS.
AMPS, yes that is what they are all about, instant FS, and often after a preliminary makeout session.
Most of the world is not really set up for this yet. Some other countries you hear accounts suggesting that the public sex and lewd conduct rule is not really enforced, and so there is more instant sex in civvie venues.
Picking up on a girl some place and then walking her to your nearby home is something there are lots of literary accounts of.
RD: You chose to live your life through the 1960's traditional values model and you've made it work to achieve your goals. Is it through that same lens that you prepare your children to prosper in the next generation?
===> "And thinking that a man who lets a woman chip in on a dinner date means that he's less capable of supporting a family is the silly part."
"Letting" her chip in if she insists is not nearly the same as expecting her to. And I disagree with your assertion that a guy's patent unwillingness to pick up the tab is not a sign of a deeper unreliability, whether it's financial or emotional.
One of the greatest cons ever pulled on women is to convince some of them that their empowerment had to be tied to their expectations of their mates. It doesn't and it shouldn't, but nonetheless some (but certainly not all) men have used this as an excuse to do less than they should. Fortunately the smarter ones, often those who are educated yet want families, are shrewd enough not to fall for it.
Idk who you socialize with, but in my social circles most of the kids I see come from intact homes and many of the Mom's stay out of the workforce for a while when their kids are young. Indeed for the past several years some trends have been reversing, including the previously high % of mothers who return to the workforce when their children are young. That choice doesn't make them any less powerful, but it sure as heck does make them a lot more discerning about who they let put babies in them. 😉
===> "RD: You chose to live your life through the 1960's traditional values model and you've made it work to achieve your goals. Is it through that same lens that you prepare your children to prosper in the next generation?"
You mean do I tell my girls never to let themselves be saddled with hypersensitive sissies who fold under adversity and are too stupid and/or unmotivated to earn? You bet your ass I do and that advice is as good today as it was 60 years ago.
Each will decide for herself how she wants her family/work life balance to go. But a weak man actually eliminates choice because it forces her to pick up the slack. I never want any of my daughters to be saddled with an anchor like that, where she is forced to do things not to move the family forward in some manner (whether it's at home or in the workplace), but simply to make ends meet.
People will do what they want. BUt if the guy invites her on the date, usually that means he will pay, as he set it up. And most guys will want that as it does get under the girls skin.
CIM you don't really believe that... and you're still single. You're so cheap you lowball hookers and you don't pay for dates 🤡
Paying for a date isn't about the money and it's not about archaic gender roles. It's about making a girl feel special and taken care of. Pick a restaurant and an activity and get her nails done and take her out. It's the act of doing something to show you care and have a great time with her.
I also find it kinda funny that you guys are so cheap you worry about the bill on a date.
When I was dating and not making much, I had success taking women out for coffee and a walk in Boston common. Tons of first date makeouts.
Now that I'm making bank, I have success taking women out to Legal Seafood or another nice restaurant. And I pay for it. Why would I take someone out to a place I can't pay for?
I'm with Icee (holy shit that's rare), make her feel special, doesn't have to take much cash.
Guys who complain about having to pay are choosing places out of their range and come off bitchy and end up dating Rosie Palmer and her five sisters that night.
===> "I can respect that you will raise them to be an equal partner."
I'm not sure why you thought otherwise. But again, since men can't give birth or breastfeed and they are usually not the ones assuming the majority of childcare obligations, a guy needs to be able to pick up the slack on other fronts. If a guy can't even pick up a few meals when he's wooing a woman without it being some awkward thing, how can she trust him to do the more serious lifting if she makes herself vulnerable by getting pregnant?
I have to admit to a high degree of bafflement in seeing some of these posts. Now granted the last year I actually dated was '05, but that was hardly the Dark Ages. Women were just as empowered then as they are today. Shit my kids are all still school age. I'm not talking about shit that happened a generation ago, lol.
Idk the circumstances of anyone else on here, but I dated almost exclusively educated women as it was important that any children I had would see the right example of two educated parents. But I'll also admit that most of my dates worked in jobs that paid far less than mine, so I couldn't imagine putting the financial pressure of paying for our dates on them. I was also admittedly looking to demonstrate that I could provide financial stability if a girl chose to stay home with the kids for a while, but there's no real way of truly knowing how that will play out until the kids come.
A guy can prove financial stability without a mandate to pay every bill. As I said at the top of this thread, I always make an effort to pick up the tab, but if my date actually wants to chip in, I have no problem with that. It's not an assault on my manhood. But I do predict that even that will become archaic eventually. And life will go on.
You can disagree with me all you want. But the reality is that dating and marriage today is very different than it was 20, or even just 10, years ago. And those changes won't be rolled back.
From what I'm seeing traditional dating is making a comeback.
A girl puts a lit into a date. Looking good isn't cheap. Makeup getting her nails done etc are expensive costs men don't have. She chooses to have those expenses to look good for you. So when you're on a date don't act like she's not putting anything financial into it.
===> "But the reality is that dating and marriage today is very different than it was 20, or even just 10, years ago. And those changes won't be rolled back."
Keep telling yourself that. The reality is that it hasn't really changed that much among the educated classes, just among the uneducated ones, but that's been a thing even since I was dating in '05. As I said above, it is literally the biggest difference between the "haves" and the "have-nots." Broken homes produce broken people as much today as they ever did.
The guys who understand that a good woman is still worth the time and effort of courting are still the ones who end up with a house full of children - from that same woman - to celebrate with on Father's Day. The guys with the defensive "us vs. them" and responsibility avoidance mindsets are the ones who end up on here posting about how it's 2022 and times have changed and they shouldn't be expected to do xyz and [etc., etc., etc].
But to each his own. I'm not going to tell other grown men how to carry themselves or what their relationship expectations should be.
Time to get the grill going now for the Father's Day ribs my kids are pushing me to cook for them. Wait a minute! That's SO unfair! Why should I have to cook my own Father's Day Meal! They are taking SUCH advantage of me - they could at least have offered to pay for half! 😲
Oops, maybe this thread is getting infectious, LMAO. I think this will be my last post here, LOL. 😁
"Similarly, it was at different times commonly thought that Western civilization would degrade and fail if women were allowed to vote, or open their own bank accounts*, or have jobs, etc. "
^The above statement is fucking stupid, as is the asshole making it. I'm almost 65. I ask the girl out; I pay; never had any woman try to run up a bill. If anything, women of my generation would be more likely to under order.
It's a money move, on civvie dates, to have your credit card ready when the server comes by and motion for your date to put her card away. Or better yet, if you can, get there early and tell the server to hold your card, add 20% tip, and give the card back with the bill at the end of the meal. Women love men who not just provide, but also have shit handled.
Going "Dutch" is for "men" who wonder why they only get a handshake at the end of the date, then masturbate to anime porn that night.
===> "I ask the girl out; I pay; never had any woman try to run up a bill. If anything, women of my generation would be more likely to under order."
Generally speaking it's the same with those in my generation. There's definitely a difference between a girl who wants to be courted vs. one who wants to take maximum advantage of the situation.
I had to good fortune not to run into the latter much during my dating years. Most girls knew the score and didn't want to turn the ritual into a punishment. If I ended the night with a big tab it was most likely because I chose an expensive place or ordered expensive cocktails for us both, not because of anything she initiated. Also, the ones I saw more frequently were fine with keeping most of the dates simpler (read: less expensive), which I greatly appreciated when I was younger as my dating budget was far from limitless.
In a nutshell, it was never really about how much money was spent on her as it was about showing the effort and commitment to woo her.
'It's 2022. No reason for both parties not to pay their own way.'
Yeah there's a genuine reason, it says you're a penny pinching cheap fuck!
And why use what year it is as an excuse?
Heavens! What will you do when the calendar rolls into 2023?
I didn’t go past 20 seconds but a $2500 tab? Good lord
But anyways, personal opinion: if it’s a date that the male actively initiated, then he *should* pay. And he should take his date somewhere that he feels most comfortable hanging out at. Since dates, theoretically, should be a way to learn more about somebody. And he should pick a place he feels most comfortable at.
If it’s just a general hangout, and it’s just platonic intent then no need to pay of course.
And aside from the extreme restaurant places that have a four figure tab, restaurants shouldn’t be a stressful burden anyways.
If he likes high end steaks and 20 year old wine and likes to treat himself to that and wouldn’t care about the bill for himself, then go ahead and take her there. If he is a vegan and values places where produce was grown more locally, then take her over there. If he prefers a chain restaurant, especially that one particular menu item he habitually gets 1-2 times a month, then cool go do that. It’s a good way to start giving the other person a sense of who you are, which is kinda the point of what a date is?
I always pay in cash. Girls love seeing that. At some nicer places like Boa or Nobu it's entertaining being high af fumbling in my pockets for the correct change pulling out a ziploc bag full of cash 😂😂😭😭😭
The best date restaurants are ones with great food and interesting decor. Interactive service. That make conversation flow and are an experience. Places like Mama Por Dios or Casa Calavera...
This thread is a confidence builder. Like the higher price thread. 😂😂😭
The kinds of guys who are like "you aren't gonna come home and fuck me, so I'm not going to pay" think they're holding their ground, but they're just being thin-skinned. My mentality, whether it's taking a girl to Starbucks or Michelin stars, is "I'm treating myself to this experience, and she's along for the ride." If you want a straight money-for-sex transaction get an escort, or at least an extras girl.
I've met girls who were like "OK, we matched on the app, now you have to CashApp me or I won't talk to you" and I'm like "OK, cool, all the best." Again, if I want P4P, I want someone honest about it.
Per one of the posters above, if you're taking girls out to a place where they can order lobster and steak and five cocktails, you should have made damn sure long before then that (1) you had the money to handle whatever they ordered or (2) you vetted them well enough to know they wouldn't take advantage of you like that. I have heard black African or black Caribbean women say that black American women are just out to wring guys out of cash, but I tend to date relatively good (but not too good) girls of any race.
In my dating years I asked my date if she had a favorite restaurant or a restaurant she liked. She said something about an Italian restaurant recommended by her girlfriends and wanted to go there. Not knowing anything about the restaurant, we decided to check the menu. Everything looked good and we made reservations for the upcoming weekend.
I casually mentioned that I was surprised because the menu didn't have one of my favorite entrees which is kind of a staple for Italian restaurants. She asked what it was and after I explained she said that she knew how to prepare that and would make it for me. Forget the restaurant; cancel the reservation.
That weekend I had a great meal and a great evening!
—>“It doesn't matter if she does pay or doesn't, it's the attitude and expectations that are important. I dislike girls who are expecting to be charmed extensively, taken out all the time.”
The stripper version of Netflix and chill is being invited to watch whatevers on at her weekly. She gets the jack in the box I brig the white claw 😂😂😭 but I like that
I use a sliding-scale - the bigger her tits are the more of the bill I pay - if she has DDs or more; 100% bill-coverage and she might even take an extra-order home with her on me - it's the gentlemanly thing to do
@Heaving: Look, not everyone is built to assume the burdens of traditional dating and, if things go well, a family. These things require certain levels of commitment, effort and self-sacrifice and concepts like "fairness" and "equality" take on very different meanings. If these realities trigger frustration in you and the need to vent, then it's entirely possible that you're just on a different path than others. There's nothing wrong with knowing yourself enough to acknowledge and accept that.
69 comments
SJG
I have always said though, car keys and wallet dating is a bad idea. Better to look for instant on site sex venues.
SJG
I date strippers and never had one take advantage on a date. In fact they thank me profusely for any small thing.
Whether we're chasing down taco trucks or going to a nice place I encourage my dates to get whatever they want. And its not contingent on sex.
The problem isn't women it's you.
I went on a single horrible blind date where I explained to my indignant companion that I wasn't going to pay the full fee on a bad night. At that point, we were never going to see each other again, so I didn't care what she thought of me.
My default method now is that I will get the check, and if she asks to chip in, I ask if she's sure because I'd like to treat her. If she again asks to pay for her food, or cover the tip, or whatever, then I let her. The way I see it, if she asks twice to help with the bill, then I'll accept the offer as sincere and let it happen. That has worked out well.
LOL heaving. If you're looking for high degrees of rationality and logic when you're dating a woman then you're looking in the wrong place brother. 😂
I say this as someone who very much still enjoys women. But as someone who has spent the last 30+ years in a never-ending string of relationships (two marriages, two other long-term live-ins, etc), I can tell you that they just don't think like we do. Anticipating what they actually want is the most fundamental part of the relationship condition, lmao.
I've been in the same situation that CMI described many times during my dating phases. They come in 2 general varieties:
(1) the girl who actually wants you to court her, but doesn't want to appear like she expects you pay for her, so it's up to you to insist when she reaches for her purse, making sure you say lots of nice things to her in the process about how you were the one who invited her out and you're just grateful that she came because she has been such great company (etc.,etc.); and
(2) the rare one who will adamantly insists over your objection because she does not want to feel like she "owes" you anything or is being kept in any way. I heard about these girls from others, but I never actually dealt with this animal myself, probably because I weeded them out pre-first date.
And this is just the first date. The ambiguity doesn't get better over time, just shifts to different situations. If you're going to survive in a relationship long enough the fill a house full of kids, you need to learn to pick up on the non-verbal signals and double meanings, lol.
I've never had a girl test me or play games like that. And they've always been very grateful for any small thing I've ever done. I always pay for dates and don't get used on them. They don't take advantage and always thank me profusely. And they almost always initiate sex.
This.
If <em>I</em> am the one asking for the date, then I expect to pay. If she offers to pay for hers, or cover the tip, then I will take that at face value and let her. If that turns out to be some kind of stupid "test", then I would consider myself lucky to have failed it.
A normal person is multidimensional. Not my fault you can't get that
Different thing entirely, IMO.
Of course you don't brag, you just lie constantly, no need to brag your entire persona is is a fantasy
LULZ
I also think that the days of formally asking a woman out on a date, courting, etc., are drawing rapidly to a close. And I'm not sure that's entirely a bad thing. Most new relationships I encounter now are people who grow attracted to each other organically and over time, rather than following ritual dating, etc.
Ultimately, if two people are actually compatible, then they should be able to figure out the bill at Olive Garden without acrimony. If not, then they probably aren't a good match.
I don't think anyone really likes the whole hang out and like each other and start fucking relationship model. It's the biggest complaint and problems always arise quickly into it.
Traditional dating is making a comeback.
The crazy thing nowadays is when you get to know a girl on ig or whatever and she starts thinking you're talking and catches feelings before you even see her in person.
Relationships are all over the place now
You can't dictate based on your preferences and narrow experiences how much people do or don't like a particular way of starting a relationship. To quote an entirely insincere man, "The fact that you're too sheltered to get that others are different is your problem."
Then again, it's not like anyone here believes that your posts are even vaguely connected to experience.
But riddle me this: How can any family minded woman seriously consider you as a mate if you won't even step up on dates? After all, until men can carry babies, they aren't going to be the ones at risk of being laid up for months if something goes wrong. Men also of course can't breastfeed if that is the decision that is made for the first year or so of the child's life, so the food source needs to be close to home.
He talks about whether the girl really really likes him. Well if so, he might be able to fuck her without the car key wallet date. That is the best. But it can't always happen because our world is not set up like that.
SJG
Our world though is still not usually set up for it to go that way.
In an AMP yes, absolutely. But at civvie night clubs that will still be hard to do. And at strip clubs, in the Bay Area that is still made unnecessarily difficult.
SJG
There's certainly a generational thing going on here. I don't think that the human race will fail because two people figure out how to split a bill for a night out. Similarly, it was at different times commonly thought that Western civilization would degrade and fail if women were allowed to vote, or open their own bank accounts*, or have jobs, etc. And if you keep going further and further back you'll find increasingly archaic (and often cruel) beliefs about women that were once bedrock beliefs but have long since been discarded, and some thankfully with no residual nostalgia or hand-wringing over their absence. Here's an oldie but a goodie... through the mid 1970s in most states a husband could rape his wife and by law couldn't be arrested for it.
Things change. It's fine. Often, it's for the better.
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* Incidentally, a large part of the reason why women never paid for dates in the past is because they couldn't even if they wanted to. They weren't allowed to have their own money and often weren't considered capable of managing money beyond buying groceries and housekeeping supplies.
And contrary to your silly platitudes indicating that "it's fine...often, it's for the better" there is nothing good about men who cannot shoulder the load. Indeed our willingness to tolerate their weakness and let them off the hook so easily has contributed to too many of our current societal ills. We have too many children now growing up in broken homes and too many mothers reliant upon government assistance.
The number one difference between the haves and have-nots is whether a child is raised in an intact home. Not only is that child far less likely to grow up in poverty, but that child is also far more likely to live a better life in the future and far less likely to end up in jail.
Educated people still understand all of this, which is why they tend to stay married when they have kids. It's the uneducated that fall further behind into generational poverty. Reversing these trends starts with holding men accountable for behaving like men.
My dad died in 1970. Virtually the only the reason mom had control of her own finances after that was because she and dad had the foresight to put <em>everything</em>, the house, the cars, the (then very few) credit cards, bank accounts, etc. in her name alone before he passed. Had a heck of time doing it, too. He literally had to have a judge rule "do it" on a couple of occasions.
Twenty years after he died, she would still occasionally get male officials and salesman give her, "well, let's see what your husband has to say." Her general response to that sort of thing was "I'd ask him, but he's dead." Straight up throw it in their face. I remember one guy, a car salesman, without a bit of shame, follow that up with, "what about your father?"
So yeah, that shit happened. I hear people lamenting that "my grandparents were married for 75 years; marriage doesn't last any more because of social media blah blah blah." Nah, marriage doesn't last anymore because women literally don't have to put up with men's shit.
So yeah, color me skeptical of claims that women are primarily looking for providers nowadays. Is that <em>part</em> of what they're looking for? Certainly, but not anywhere near as much as a few decades ago.
Roles in marriage (and dating) have changed, are changing now, and will change in the future. That's not a new thing, and that was the point behind my citing aging and thankfully discarded practices/laws. Because, historically, as more rights and equality have been conveyed onto women, that has forced changes in relationships and marriage. One cannot happen without the other occurring as well. Your aging personal preference notwithstanding.
We disagree on this, which is also fine.
So, adolescent me could get a bank account in a jiffy, but my adult mother needed dad to write her a note. I remember walking home with her and she was very quiet, upset, and humiliated. The next day, my mom and dad went back to the bank with my older sister in tow for some reason. According to my sister, dad was "very loud" with the banker, and my mom got her bank account without ever having to ask dad permission for anything after that.
Later, when I fully understood what had happened, I was very proud of my dad. I think he would have been considered out of step with most husbands at the time.
And thank God for that.
BUt on the other hand, things move faster and faster. Sometimes you can get a girl on the first meeting. But other times and places this can be very hard.
Most places are subject to a law against public sex or lewd conduct. And this applies even in the Men's Rest Room. But you still hear accounts of people doing it.
And then there is the complication of the girl's car. How did she get there, say to a civvie night club.
Never heard of this, but I guess a guy could stake out a parking lot and watch for the girls who are not the driver.
BUt for some, that sex at first meeting is a line they don't want to cross, and especially in front of their friends.
I guess you could check into a hotel with a night club. Or maybe the motor home in the parking lot.
Any place running on this Membership Club - Private Party SYstem should be okay for instant sex.
LA Hostess Clubs are dying, but they would have the same legal issues as civvie bars. BUt there have been accounts of instant sex, like outside the building.
At strip clubs, the same public sex and lewd conduct issue is there, but maybe it is not enforceable. BUt still, in the bay area FS-ITC is not that common. DV places will not tell you no, but just that it is "very expensive", so it is rare and screwed up by having no FRMOS.
AMPS, yes that is what they are all about, instant FS, and often after a preliminary makeout session.
Most of the world is not really set up for this yet. Some other countries you hear accounts suggesting that the public sex and lewd conduct rule is not really enforced, and so there is more instant sex in civvie venues.
Picking up on a girl some place and then walking her to your nearby home is something there are lots of literary accounts of.
SJG
Frampton
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axs7w6lF…
SJG
The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter - 2013 School of Rock AllStars Team 4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we-3Y3vh…
"Letting" her chip in if she insists is not nearly the same as expecting her to. And I disagree with your assertion that a guy's patent unwillingness to pick up the tab is not a sign of a deeper unreliability, whether it's financial or emotional.
One of the greatest cons ever pulled on women is to convince some of them that their empowerment had to be tied to their expectations of their mates. It doesn't and it shouldn't, but nonetheless some (but certainly not all) men have used this as an excuse to do less than they should. Fortunately the smarter ones, often those who are educated yet want families, are shrewd enough not to fall for it.
Idk who you socialize with, but in my social circles most of the kids I see come from intact homes and many of the Mom's stay out of the workforce for a while when their kids are young. Indeed for the past several years some trends have been reversing, including the previously high % of mothers who return to the workforce when their children are young. That choice doesn't make them any less powerful, but it sure as heck does make them a lot more discerning about who they let put babies in them. 😉
You mean do I tell my girls never to let themselves be saddled with hypersensitive sissies who fold under adversity and are too stupid and/or unmotivated to earn? You bet your ass I do and that advice is as good today as it was 60 years ago.
Each will decide for herself how she wants her family/work life balance to go. But a weak man actually eliminates choice because it forces her to pick up the slack. I never want any of my daughters to be saddled with an anchor like that, where she is forced to do things not to move the family forward in some manner (whether it's at home or in the workplace), but simply to make ends meet.
SJG
I can respect that you will raise them to be an equal partner.
Paying for a date isn't about the money and it's not about archaic gender roles. It's about making a girl feel special and taken care of. Pick a restaurant and an activity and get her nails done and take her out. It's the act of doing something to show you care and have a great time with her.
I also find it kinda funny that you guys are so cheap you worry about the bill on a date.
Now that I'm making bank, I have success taking women out to Legal Seafood or another nice restaurant. And I pay for it. Why would I take someone out to a place I can't pay for?
I'm with Icee (holy shit that's rare), make her feel special, doesn't have to take much cash.
Guys who complain about having to pay are choosing places out of their range and come off bitchy and end up dating Rosie Palmer and her five sisters that night.
I'm not sure why you thought otherwise. But again, since men can't give birth or breastfeed and they are usually not the ones assuming the majority of childcare obligations, a guy needs to be able to pick up the slack on other fronts. If a guy can't even pick up a few meals when he's wooing a woman without it being some awkward thing, how can she trust him to do the more serious lifting if she makes herself vulnerable by getting pregnant?
Idk the circumstances of anyone else on here, but I dated almost exclusively educated women as it was important that any children I had would see the right example of two educated parents. But I'll also admit that most of my dates worked in jobs that paid far less than mine, so I couldn't imagine putting the financial pressure of paying for our dates on them. I was also admittedly looking to demonstrate that I could provide financial stability if a girl chose to stay home with the kids for a while, but there's no real way of truly knowing how that will play out until the kids come.
A date is where 2 people who like each other and are attracted to each other spend time together.
I've had great dates at King taco and juice bars as well as places like nobu and flemings. It's not about the money.
Spend within your means.
You can disagree with me all you want. But the reality is that dating and marriage today is very different than it was 20, or even just 10, years ago. And those changes won't be rolled back.
From what I'm seeing traditional dating is making a comeback.
A girl puts a lit into a date. Looking good isn't cheap. Makeup getting her nails done etc are expensive costs men don't have. She chooses to have those expenses to look good for you. So when you're on a date don't act like she's not putting anything financial into it.
Keep telling yourself that. The reality is that it hasn't really changed that much among the educated classes, just among the uneducated ones, but that's been a thing even since I was dating in '05. As I said above, it is literally the biggest difference between the "haves" and the "have-nots." Broken homes produce broken people as much today as they ever did.
The guys who understand that a good woman is still worth the time and effort of courting are still the ones who end up with a house full of children - from that same woman - to celebrate with on Father's Day. The guys with the defensive "us vs. them" and responsibility avoidance mindsets are the ones who end up on here posting about how it's 2022 and times have changed and they shouldn't be expected to do xyz and [etc., etc., etc].
But to each his own. I'm not going to tell other grown men how to carry themselves or what their relationship expectations should be.
Time to get the grill going now for the Father's Day ribs my kids are pushing me to cook for them. Wait a minute! That's SO unfair! Why should I have to cook my own Father's Day Meal! They are taking SUCH advantage of me - they could at least have offered to pay for half! 😲
Oops, maybe this thread is getting infectious, LMAO. I think this will be my last post here, LOL. 😁
The west actually does have a birth rate problem.
The Western-led devastation of declining birth rates, Western civilization is in decline.
https://asiatimes.com/2017/08/hold-weste…
Going "Dutch" is for "men" who wonder why they only get a handshake at the end of the date, then masturbate to anime porn that night.
Generally speaking it's the same with those in my generation. There's definitely a difference between a girl who wants to be courted vs. one who wants to take maximum advantage of the situation.
I had to good fortune not to run into the latter much during my dating years. Most girls knew the score and didn't want to turn the ritual into a punishment. If I ended the night with a big tab it was most likely because I chose an expensive place or ordered expensive cocktails for us both, not because of anything she initiated. Also, the ones I saw more frequently were fine with keeping most of the dates simpler (read: less expensive), which I greatly appreciated when I was younger as my dating budget was far from limitless.
In a nutshell, it was never really about how much money was spent on her as it was about showing the effort and commitment to woo her.
Yeah there's a genuine reason, it says you're a penny pinching cheap fuck!
And why use what year it is as an excuse?
Heavens! What will you do when the calendar rolls into 2023?
But anyways, personal opinion: if it’s a date that the male actively initiated, then he *should* pay. And he should take his date somewhere that he feels most comfortable hanging out at. Since dates, theoretically, should be a way to learn more about somebody. And he should pick a place he feels most comfortable at.
If it’s just a general hangout, and it’s just platonic intent then no need to pay of course.
And aside from the extreme restaurant places that have a four figure tab, restaurants shouldn’t be a stressful burden anyways.
If he likes high end steaks and 20 year old wine and likes to treat himself to that and wouldn’t care about the bill for himself, then go ahead and take her there. If he is a vegan and values places where produce was grown more locally, then take her over there. If he prefers a chain restaurant, especially that one particular menu item he habitually gets 1-2 times a month, then cool go do that. It’s a good way to start giving the other person a sense of who you are, which is kinda the point of what a date is?
The best date restaurants are ones with great food and interesting decor. Interactive service. That make conversation flow and are an experience. Places like Mama Por Dios or Casa Calavera...
This thread is a confidence builder. Like the higher price thread. 😂😂😭
The kinds of guys who are like "you aren't gonna come home and fuck me, so I'm not going to pay" think they're holding their ground, but they're just being thin-skinned. My mentality, whether it's taking a girl to Starbucks or Michelin stars, is "I'm treating myself to this experience, and she's along for the ride." If you want a straight money-for-sex transaction get an escort, or at least an extras girl.
I've met girls who were like "OK, we matched on the app, now you have to CashApp me or I won't talk to you" and I'm like "OK, cool, all the best." Again, if I want P4P, I want someone honest about it.
Per one of the posters above, if you're taking girls out to a place where they can order lobster and steak and five cocktails, you should have made damn sure long before then that (1) you had the money to handle whatever they ordered or (2) you vetted them well enough to know they wouldn't take advantage of you like that. I have heard black African or black Caribbean women say that black American women are just out to wring guys out of cash, but I tend to date relatively good (but not too good) girls of any race.
And if she's using you and you let her. You can't complain.
But if all the girls I taken out I've never had them use me. And I'm talking about a lot of stripper hoes lulz
I casually mentioned that I was surprised because the menu didn't have one of my favorite entrees which is kind of a staple for Italian restaurants. She asked what it was and after I explained she said that she knew how to prepare that and would make it for me. Forget the restaurant; cancel the reservation.
That weekend I had a great meal and a great evening!
Well, there’s always Netflix and chill
If she has EEs you pick up the tab for everyone in the restaurant
😂😂