Some dancers seem to take rejection a bit too hard

I once had a crazed (ugly) dancer at Cheaters in RI launch into a tirade when I tried to tip her a dollar onstage..."What? Your dollar means nothing to me!!" Then she proceded to argue loudly with the room's bouncer cuz she wasn't dancing at all..."Shut up! I make more money in one night than you do in a month!!" The best was when this same girl said to a newer dancer she was dancing with..."Go ahead, dance for this guy...he'll give you a dollar..." Man, that place was mad classy yo...shoulda gave it a "10"... :)

Some dancers have told me when given a single dollar bill, they've actually ripped it up. That dancer probably didn't want the one dollar bill - its almost like the new penny.

In many clubs, 2 dollars is minimum acceptable stage tip. Personally I've never understood why dancers can grovel over all this chump change, when in most clubs the big money is in private dances

It depends on the location of the club I guess, but IMO, just take the dollar bill and be happy... Anyone that doesn't is a snob, less it some club where routinely the smallest bill you see is a fiver.

A two dollar minimum? Whats the point? 1 or 2? Kinda the same...

I've had two of my dollar tips ripped up. I frankly don't know why they did that, but one of the times, she was ripping up everyone's tips, which led to being dismissed from that club on the spot. Not sure if there is some policy there, but frankly, dancers ripping up money doesn't seem very respectable. Sometimes, they just want to be bitches.

By the way the dancer that told me she's ripped up single dollar bills given as stage tips actually has quite a nice personality, always gives very sensual and energetic dances, and is not only super exotic but happens to be a perfect 10 - so she apparently believes she's worth more than one dollar. Give her 2 dollars and she's happy and they won't get ripped up.

Don't care who they are or what they look like, dancers who rip up singletons are just plain stupid. Remember, once they rip up five of them, it's equal to ripping up a fiver, which they of course wouldn't do. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Again, stupid. If they don't want their singles, tell 'em to give them to me.

Dancer/client told me that when dancers accept the stage tip as an invitation to join the customer when the stage set is over. The customer, in giving the tip, is asking the dancer to join him as soon as possible and the expectation is that he will buy private dances. In the rude and crass behavior we now see in clubs some dancers reject the stage tip as a way of saying "I'm not sitting with someone for that amount of money. There is little prospect of dances from this guy." Cover charges, drink prices, LD tips and VIP entrance fees have all gone up. Dancers are probably expecting stage tips to average $5.

I've been there. Doesn't bother me a bit. This past year, I've been tipping two bucks to stage dancers, rather than the customary dollar.

Talk about "rejection" - - - Friday night I was kind of "rejected" by a dancer on a 2fer1 special at my usual club. I had gotten several 2fer1s from her weeks ago, and got some decent mileage, by my guidance. I say by my guidance, as she had only 3 months experience as a dancer. I informed her while she was dancing on stage that I had paid for a 2fer for us. She said ok. Well, she took a smoke break, came out, and sat down with some younger customers. Several songs went by, the bouncer (a friend of mine) reminded her twice. Finally, I went to the bouncer, got my money back, and left the club. I'll never approach, nor tip this dancer again.

So, rejection can work both ways.

Bones--You are our leader.

My stage tipping is almost always one dollar. I see the stage dancing as an "audition" on her part to get me to go to the lap dance area where she has the potential to make some real money. I can't ever remember a dancer tearing up a dollar from me or anyone else. I can guarantee you that if she did, she would stand no chance of a back room session with me. If she does not appear happy with my tip I will chose to spend my hard earned money with someone who at least appears to appreciate it. It has been my experience in most clubs the girls who are distant and unappreciative on stage will get very few tips . On the other hand, a smiling, gracious, and vivacious dancer will usually attract anyone in the club who is tipping and consequently gather a substantial quantity of "ones" during her dance set. At the end of the night which dancer would you rather be. Its my guess that a dancer who tears up money or otherwise acts unappreciatively is probably jealous of how much the more courtious dancer is getiing in both money and attention.

Been there to Bones, but for a decent reason... I was in a club, nicely dressed but nothing special, lots of older gentlemen in nice suits scattered around. I see this gorgeous 9 or 10, a Russian (I think) walking towards me, since I was alone I gave her a look telling her to come over. She walks up, looks at me, says "wrong clothes". Goes straight to the men in suits...

Rejected for wearing khakis and a polo...

I'm another $2 stage tipper. It covers $1/per song. The reaction is typically 50-50: Half stop by and thank me, asking for dances. The other half are never seen again. Lately, I've noticed alot of dancers offering a verbal "thank you" from the stage when you tip. In their minds it satisfies the "thanking requirement" so that they don't have to actually come over to you afterwards. This can be a good thing, if you tend to tip alot of girls, but don't necessarily want all of them to come by & hit you up for dances.

In the clubs I go to, I don't think it's expected that dancers will come by necessarily afterwards. It is a sign that you might be interested in them though. I've actually never seen a dancer rip up a one dollar bill. I have seen a few or heard a few complain but suddenly look happier if they get two of those instead of one. If I like a dancer I may tip her multiple times on different stages and others often tip a dancer after I do. If a dancer rejected my money, she may not be realizing it, but she may have lost out on 10 dollars in tips from me and other guys. I have noticed sometimes when I just sit in my chair, so does everyone else.

A dancer who ignores someone trying to tip them when she doesn't have anyone else trying to tip her is just asking to be ignored by everyone. Maybe it's not like that in busier clubs. Rejection does work both ways. I think nothing of turning down a dance. Not taking my money seems snobbish at best and I avoid dancers who may act like that. Not just once but on subsequent nights as well.

I remember in one club I once had two dancers try to get me to take them both in the back room for a double team lap dance. I turned that down. Then they asked for a tip which I wasn't used to and it's not normal in that club. I offered each one a dollar which I thought was very generous considering I never even saw them before and was sitting in the back of the club. One dancer told me off and said to keep my dollar saying I needed it more than her. She even had the other dancer give her dollar back to me. Then she left with a snobbish wave of her hand. Less than 30 to 60 minutes later, both dancers spotted me again apparently not remembering a thing and asking me for a dance all over again. They got the quickest NO thanks possible. Some dancers seem stupid. The stage tipping is more like a way to get a guy interested in her so he'll want to get a dance later. If they don't understand that or act snobbish to everyone, they won't be making much money in my opinion.

To prove the above point, I left the club within a couple of minutes of the one dancer ignoring me. Meanwhile just a week or two ago, one dancer on stage flirted with me and kept giving me attention. I ended up giving her a total of 4 one dollar bills on stage. Then I got the two for one dance special from her. I actually enjoyed the stage tipping better than the more expensive lap dances from her. It was only slight one way contact.

Now, I need to remember to stop telling dancers what other clubs I visit because they keep switching or trying out the clubs I visit. I've been asked several times by different dancers if she should work there or at her current club. I think I just need to think of a good lie to tell dancers so I can avoid the topic of club hopping. Unless I want the dancer to club hop as well.

I agree, some do take rejection way too seriously. I've never had a girl refuse a stage tip after I turned down a dance offer but I have seen some fairly nasty behavior from some girls after they get turned down. As a stripper one of the first things you have to learn is to let rejection roll of your back. Professionals know this. A lot of the girls that are newer to dancing think it's just a matter of getting naked and making money. Nothing is that easy, including stripping.

I figured that they were over-doing the anti-rejection response in order to create a general atmosphere, club-wide, of FEAR OF REJECTING DANCERS, just so that ALL girls could more readily have a regular in-flow of private-dancing income. I think they get the impression that they should "get to dance" for anyone whom they wish to; and that somehow the men who are in the club ought to be consistently receiving private dances, or returning from receiving one, at almost all periods of time. If the girls were to look around at reality, they'd of course see that this is not the case, and that most males do not simply constantly circulate from main floor to dance room and back. But when EVER did reality impinge on a dancer's impression of what OUGHT to be the case.

Don't you think they all sit around in the dressing room talking about this? "Guys should get more dances. Why don't they get more dances? They should give us dances whenever we're ready to give dances. They should be more up-front about getting dances. They should all always be getting dances. Why don't they get more dances? They're SHY, that's it, that MUST be the reason ... and anyone who isn't SHY must be an ASSHOLE if he's not getting dances." etc.

Strippers just call guys that don't get any dances "deadbeats"...guys that watch the stage show, tip dollars, and generally gawk at and talk with girls for free. It's universally annoying from what I can tell. I imagine that getting rejected when you think you're hot looking can be disorientating at the very least. Some girls do take it way too personally though.

I remember one of my ATFs saying to me on one slow night, when there weren't that many guys getting dances or "more", at Bar Rendez-Vous Erotica in St. Athanase, Quebec..."Thank God for your penis"...LOL! :)

Theres "deadbeats" and "godI'veonlybeenherefor5minutes's" often I see girls get pissed off when as the latter I say no... thats what annoys me... Or when they act like they're going to complain to the bouncer/manager...

I am not a big fan of sitting at the stage, and I only go up there when I see a girl that I want to have a private with...and I generally will only get a single-song's-length dance if the dancer is bad, or doesn't touch me below the waist. Otherwise, three songs is my minimum.

So, unless something goes bad, I am approaching the stage with the idea that I will shortly be transferring anywhere from $30 (plus tip, at Brad's Brass Flamingo, home of the $10 dance) to $100 (no tips at these prices) from my pocket to the dancer's pocket (or Chivas bag, as the case may be). Therefore, I don't have a problem with tipping $5 instead of $1. This is particularly true since I am not going to the rail to decide if I want to get a dance from the girl--by the time I have gotten to the rail, I have already made this decision, based on the dancer's appearance and interaction with other patrons. (Although something that happens at the rail that I might not have been able to perceive from my table, like excessive piercings, can change that). I am going to the rail specifically for the purpose of getting the dancer's attention such that she will come to my table later for a private. Therefore, I need to tip a larger amount, so that the dancer will remember me. So... all you guys who are at $1...for God's sake, stay there. If you raise to $5, I'll have to go to $10 just to stand out.

It could be worse for the strippers. I've heard that there's a club out in the Canadian midwest (Calgary?) where there are no private dances...the girls just work for stage tips, and they get most of them by having guys in the audience throw Loonies (the Canadian $1 coin) at them (trying to hit a target on their bodies)...ouch! An ATF of mine flew out there with a friend to work in a club like that (not knowing about the rules of money making out there), and she flew back the next day...

assuming you don't tip anyone, one might be one of these:

ROCK

"Customer who sits in a strip club, buys the 2 drink minimum (nurses both), doesn't get lap dances, doesn't tip the girls, doesn't tip the bartenders/waitresses and sits there ALL night. Don't be a Rock!"

(source: TUSCL.com glossary)

Some customers also take things a bit too personally. Not every move a dancer makes is necessarily intended as a comment on some minor encounter she had with you earlier. Chances are that she didn't come over for your tip for any of a number of other reasons entirely unrelated to your having turned her down for a dance....or for no particular reason at all.

Casualguy, could it have been that she just didn't see you hold up your dollar? I hear that it's hard for women to see into the crowd while onstage due to the lights shining in their faces.

Misterguy, I just had to reply to your "deadbeat" comment. I actually worked in a club a few years ago as manager, and I gotta tell you, the girls absolutely do NOT refer to the men who sit and only tip as deadbeats. If the girl is a professional, she will not mind that. At least they are trying. The "deadbeats" are the ones who come in, sit as close to the stage as possible, gawk at every single girl who performs, and never tips anyone. Or the guy who vicariously "participates" in other guy's table dances, yet never buys his own. THAT's what the girls hate.

I also have never seen a girl rip up a one dollar tip UNLESS they somehow felt that the man offering it to them was disrespectful. "you better work for this dollar," "is that IT?!?," "give me something special for this tip.."etc. Those are all lines that will get your money torn, whether it is a single or a benjamin and thrown right back at you.

They do indeed refer to guys as "deadbeats" at the clubs that I've been to...a lot of my stripper friends do that actually. I agree though that being a "rock" is the worst. We should all be wondering where that dollar has been when we're handling it in a strip club... :)

Out of the only 2 or 3 guys sitting at the stage, I thought she probably saw me. I guess it's possible she was blind as a bat and can't see someone holding up a dollar bill. I didn't think I was acting invisible at the moment though. However I do remember walking up to someone and standing almost right in front of them and scared the daylights out of them when they suddenly saw me.

Casualguy, what I meant was the stage lights in clubs (some obviously moreso than others) tend to shine in the girls eyes, and it can be very hard to see from what I understand. Even if you are holding up a dollar.

I understand TessieV. In this case the lights were shining more towards me and were in my eyes more than hers. I thought she noticed me and was probably the girl I told no thanks too not too long ago when she asked for a dance.

I have noticed a few dancers from time to time in that particular club occasionally get a bad attitude when they are told no. They usually end up quitting after a while to go work somewhere else. I assume I'm not the only guy who doesn't like bad attitudes after telling a dancer no thanks. Maybe the one dancer was just in a bad mood at the moment. I can't mind read. I just went to the next stage and tipped a dancer there. Then I club hopped and forgot all about it except when visiting this site.

There is only one place where I regularly tip $2: BJ's Liquor Lounge, where they just don't, for some reason, allow you to tip just a buck (you can, but you'll just get a "thanks," no dancing). I cop to it because there's no cover and I can enjoy my drink without any hassle from the ladies or bartenders.

Everywhere else is a dollar, unless I really like the stripper. I paid almos $20 to get in, I'm going to be as consistent as possible. And if you don't know the value of a single damned dollar, get out of my face and move aside for the girl who'd actually be grateful. Who in the hell rips money, especially in this economy?

This topic allows me to slam a girl in Story #1: At BJ's a long time ago, there was a girl named Mia or Mya (there's another girl going by that name, so I know this bitch who no longer works there by the tattoo of a pot leaf on the small of her back). I lay down the customary $2; she, without ever seeing me again, says I should tip $5 and shows me just her cleavage. Whatever, ho, and I left the stage.

Story #2: A long, long time ago at the local Deja Vu, there was a girl named Aspen who loudly complained (first onstage, then while trolling for dances) about not getting tips. For some reason she hones in on me, and after rejecting her she starts yelling loudly something to the effect of, "Why are you people so cheap?" I relented. I know I shouldn't have ... but actually Aspen gave a pretty good dance. And she rewarded me for capitulating later while onstage; I stuck a dollar bill in my mouth, and although it's not usually done there, Aspen took it with her mouth, then gave me a quick kiss.

Story #3: A long, long, LONG time ago, at this same Deja Vu, there was this dancer that was really long and slender with no tits -- a perfect template for a high-fashion model, but not stripper material. I watched her stage dance from afar. She tried to get into it (she wasn't bad, but it wasn't blockbuster), but for some reason (probably that she didn't "look like a stripper") no one tipped her -- and this was on a weekend night, where every seat along the rail was taken. Halfway through her second song, she started grabbing her things and leaving the stage before a chick on the rail threw her some money. Very sad.

Chandler raises a great point above. Guys too often make assumptions about why a dancer does almost anything. These girls are at the club to work and money pretty much motivates everything they do. I don't know too many dancers that will avoid a tip unless a guy does something really obnoxious, turning down a dance doesn't really qualify.

Yoda, that's why it was very unusual for the dancer not to take my tip. All I did was turn her down for a dance earlier. Maybe she had something else on her mind and didn't want to bother me. However I remember it was at the same club not more than a few months ago, one dancer refused to leave my table after telling her no thanks, no, etc. for over 12 to 15 minutes. I finally left that dancer sitting at the table because she was getting me upset by arguing with me. I guess there's a 5 percent chance she looked up at the lights and got temporarily blinded and couldn't see me. That particular club did install new lights a couple of months ago but I thought they only blinded the customers sitting at the stage and they aren't as bad now as they used to be.

JEEZE If I found a dollar on the street Id pick it up so if I worked my ass of Id take the damn dollar too. LOL

It's interesting how some ladies view the whole process of making money in a strip club. More and more some younger girls are coping the attitude that a dollar is not an adequate tip and that a single $20 dance is not worth working for. I prefer older ladies and all of my favorites have been dancing for a while. Not one of them would ever think about turning down a dollar bill as long as it is presented politely. Too many girls hold out for the "easy money" in VIP. They spend hours with a guy who buys one VIP room...or maybe he doesn't and you have wasted all of that time! OK, maybe it is $200 or $300 dollars but you can easily make that selling twenty dollar dances in a couple of hours and it takes a lot less time to work a guy for a few dances than it does for VIP.

Dollars are weird. If I need to get to Houston, I go to the internet and I either find a round-trip fare on the day that I want for $190, or for $317. The different ($127, for those of you not mathematically inclined) will readily be absorbed by my psyche. "Oh well, that's just what the airlines are charging at this point in time." I mentally just "absorb" the difference and don't complain.

I could, indeed, micro-manage it, saving the difference by figuring out how to book in advance, go to a bulk re-seller, use Priceline negotiator, etc. etc. But mostly I have to get the ticket today because that's when I found out about the meeting.

If I go to a regular bar, they ask me for $3.50 for a mixed drink, I give 'em $5. The $1.50 difference I count as "tip" and I've worked in the service industry so I know what working for tips is like. But $1.50, relative to $3.50? That's more than 40% of the total price! Usual tip recommendation is 15% to 20%.

Then I go to a strip club and they want $8 for a cranberry juice on ice. I only tip $1 because the $8 is ridiculous. It'd be easy to give over the whole $10, but I stiff the waitress instead. So I'm mentally cutting the tip down from 25% to 12.5%, even though in the regular bar I was willing to tip MORE total money and MORE total percent, both, by a large margin.

If I go to a stereo store, I can get the entire stereo that I want for $900. If I go across the street to a different store and wait in line again, it will be $895. I don't consider the $5 worth it. But then imagine this weird scenario: on one side of the street, newspapers cost $1, and on the other side of the street they cost $6. Who is likely to buy the $6 newspaper? Almost NOBODY! Ever! When it comes to almost-$1000 stereos, we don't give much of a hoot about the $5 difference; but when it comes to less-than-$10 newspapers, we do. Even though the same savings would yield the same drink at a bar.

Generally we're weak at thinking these things through, we humans. I know that some of us try to nickel-and-dime every one of these transactions. In the case of the airline ticket, it makes most sense to spend extra time. The loss of more than $100 in difference is worth the effort, people seem to think. And it SHOULD hurt more, to have to spend a higher price by a $100 difference than by a $4 difference. But it doesn't. That airline ticket that cost me the higher price to Houston last year? I just mentally sucked it up and moved right on. But the higher price for a cranberry at my local strip club? STILL pisses me off. It would take literally 25 cranberry juices -- probably half of a year's worth of drinking -- to make up the same total amount lost on the one too-expensive airplane ticket. But I don't think of it that way.

I wouldn't care much about the $5 on the $1,000 stereo because I wouldn't consider it a recurring expense. Now, if I was buying the stereo every day like I would with a newspaper, then hell yes I would care! :)

It is like this lady friend of mine who lives in the wrong area code. I think it cost something like 25 cents. Well, considering she liked to call all the time it added up quickly. At least a buck a day so that is almost $400 a year. Yep, I can get finicky about recurring costs especially locked in ones.

Yoda: What we customers usually assume incorrectly when discussing the issue is that a dancer's time spent on the job is her only limited resource. Some dancers do view it as such and consider it a waste to spend any time sitting on their ass when they could be doing dances at whatever price they can get . However, many dancers who aren't all prima donnas or poor at business calculations consider dances to be a limited resource, because each dance takes its toll on their psyche and body. They'd rather wait for somebody to offer enough to make it worth their while. And some dancers' attitude alternates between the two views from night to night, depending on their financial condition or their mood.

Also depending on the guy they're dancing with. Some men make it palatable or enjoyable; others are endurable; others are likely downright disgusting or demeaning to have to serve.

Would it be demeaning to explain to a dancer the purpose of having a carpeted floor in the LD booth? Might still get rug burns on the knees.

"However, many dancers who aren't all prima donnas or poor at business calculations consider dances to be a limited resource, because each dance takes its toll on their psyche and body. They'd rather wait for somebody to offer enough to make it worth their while."

Very well said. And, a "few" dancers don't see much difference between giving a lap dance or chatting with friends. I'm not a dancer, but I think it would take a toll on me even if the women customers were very nice. But, heck I'm just not a people person.