A dancer I go see didn’t show up. How should I respond in a classy way?
So this may not be what it seems. I’ve been seeing an ATF for about a year, about 1-2 times per month. I drive over an hour to the club. We keep in touch so I know when she’s coming in. We talk about a lot of things.What made me frustrated was that she told me she’d be there that night. It was around noon. I got there around 9 pm and it’s a long drive and she knows that. She wasn’t there and I never got a text from her. She also works another job and I’m respectful of her time.
But I didn’t get a text. Later on she says that she had to work and her wi fi was bad, so no text. She texted me the next day about personal things going on and acted like nothing happened.
My friends say she’s playing me and probably doesn’t want to see me. That’s why she doesn’t show but only wants to text personal stuff for validation. I don’t know what to do. I gotta have some self respect. It’s not right for me to drive so far if she never intended on coming.
Overall she’s had a good record and lets me know when she can’t make it. She has even told me not to overspend and wants to make sure I have enough money to get home. I just wish I could get an apology or something otherwise I feel like it’s not right.
Of course she’s not my wife, so I have no business in making demands. But I was exhausted after that drive. Is it okay to maybe ask for a discount or at least a light apology? Yes it’s a strip club but even customers deserve some respect and we should respect ourselves.
Again, I respect her time. It’s just usually I expect a text when someone cancels. My gas and time was burned. Gas is pretty high now. A text at some point would have been nice. I feel if I don’t being this up, I have no self respect and am being a doormat.
Honestly how would you handle it as a man? A gentleman with class?
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114 comments
Also, if you found yourself in a strip club absent your ATF, then that was an opportunity to try other dancers. You can have fun with more than one dancer. If I had to drive a long distance, then that's what I'd do. I mean, you're still in a building filled with hot nearly-naked women. It shouldn't be a struggle to make lemons into lemonade in this situation.
[On that note, a while back I had a dancer not show up on a night she said she'd be there. When we next chatted, she was explaining why she didn't text me and I basically said, "Don't worry about it. I had a great time with (Dancer Name)." Her communication skills seemed to improve from that point on. Funny how that works...]
Try this... the next time you're supposed to meet at the club, text to her "I'm planning to start the drive to the club soon. Just want to confirm that you're going to be there before I get on the road." If you don't hear from her, then don't go. Or, go and have fun with other dancers.
But I wouldn't get hung up on apologies and such.
Seems like an encouraging post. Maybe I was getting worked up. Even though it's not the same thing as a date, I still believe that people follow through with people or customers.
I did get a dance with her friend actually.
My friend thinks that she is BSing me. Do you think it's possible she couldn't text me cuz of the wifi at her work? She's texted me before at her work. It seems odd.
You were in a strip club full of sex half naked girls and you are upset about that? Think about that and realize how silly you sound.
If someone were to do this do you 10 times would you say it's no big deal? Just try to have some perspective. Just because a girl is naked, doesn't mean human concepts disappear.
It's not that. If I lived close by it wouldn't be the same deal. I like well over an hour away. That cost gas and time. Time is one of the most precious things that we have. Gas is a lot these days. This is about having some self-respect, don't you agree?
You don't, you just move on. One of the biggest reasons that some girls dance is precisely because they can decide to show up or not on any given night. Lesson learned about driving long distances just to see one particular girl in a strip club.
Where was she? Who knows? She might have been out having fun with her boyfriend or drugged up in a crack house or banging some customer OTC. Could she have texted to let you know not to come? Sure. But she's a stripper.
She still wants to see you. She still wants your money. If you call her out for her inappropriate behavior, she will come up with some BS excuse like she didn't have wi-fi. I have heard some wildly unlikely excuses over the years. You can either drop this dancer or overlook her unacceptable behavior.
Go into the club on a night you knows she’s working but don’t tell her. When she gets snippy about you not letting her know tell her you didn’t realize it was a big deal since you came last time and she wasn’t there. Tell her it worked out good, you still had a good time and got several dances from some other dancers.
Tit for tat buddy.
Some of the stuff you're saying is worrisome. How is she "playing you" ? Do you guys have a clearly defined relationship where you understand you're a customer and she's an entertainer? Or do you think she's your friend and she thinks you're her customer? It's easy for the line to get blurred and each party have a different view. From your posts, you're either a troll or you're struggling to understand the nature of these relationships. Most likely, this girl thinks of you as a customer. You seem to know that, but you're expecting her to be your friend too. Understand that she's an entertainer, and she's going to provide spotty service sometimes. Even the best actors put out a dud of a movie now and again.
The guys here, who have clubbed for many years, will tell you how unreliable strippers really are. You should stop acting hurt, and listen to the reality of dealing with strippers.
If you look at a list ranking the most unreliable employees - strippers and homeless folks will be near the top of that list.
Don’t whine about the rising cost of gas or the amount of time it took to drive to the club - as those things don’t matter to a stripper - and she will think you are a needy little boy.
Tell me - what type of car do you drive? How old are you? In what area do you live?
If you tell me that you drive a Ford Excursion and you are a Disabled Vietnam veteran widower - who lives in a remote area of North Dakota - and you need to drive through knee deep snow drifts to see this girl - I would understand your plight.
But, if you drive a Prius and it takes about 50 minutes to get to your preferred strip club - because you have a fetish for Asian dancers with large natural tits - and you are 29 years old in Southern California - then this is a learning experience - and stop whining!
Although you have a point, I’m going to give some advice: just sit back with a bag of popcorn and enjoy the show.
I mean really, there are some good stories about crazy shit on here. But there are also a lot of lame circle jerks about politics and weirdos who get all obsessed with other members.
I’m going to be honest about trolling folks: it is funny because people freak out an don’t know the basic rule of not feeding the trolls. Take the original Dr. Phil. That guy was a serious douche. I saw his shit and thought it would be funny to post weird happy bullshit with his name. But let me tell you something… it’s addictive to actually be a douche. I try to only be a douche to the serious douches, but I see the attraction.
Here’s the issue: there are serious douches on here. Mr. Dugan is exhibit #1. I used to think that there was a small chance he was some demented pervert/family man that weirdly brought up his kids on a board for demented perverts. But the there was the incident where he chickened out of the fight with Mr. Daddillac because his wife left him sole caregiver for his kids.
Tell me that making up a family and then using them as an excuse ain’t serious doucebaggery. It is funny douchebaggery, but it is definitely douchebaggery. This guy is just asking silly questions. Actually, what I am I saying… Mr. BlondeLover, you need to step your trolling up. Read some Dugan posts and put your own spin on ‘em.
You’re welcome!
She may not want to see you but would still want to for money
One very unreliable dancer was that way because she had a boyfriend she was stripping secretly from
So she had no schedule or idea of when she would be coming in next
The friend is probably not an SCer; he's interpreting stripper flakiness through vanilla dating eyes. So we know we can ignore him.
Agree on stripper flakiness in general. Hell, I've had an ATF who I'd text two hours before her shift, she'd assure me she'll be there, and she doesn't show up lol. Always with a crazy reason, but she made such poor choices regularly, I had to believe it. I eventually got to either asking her to text me when she got to the club, or just going with the intention of finding another CF if she didn't make it.
The "no wifi" excuse is also interesting, and common. I've gotten the sense that some strippers I knew didn't have a mobile plan, or at least once in a while they'd got dropped (failure to pay)... because for a few weeks they'd want me to communicate only through an app, then one day back to texting again.
As far as asking for a discount, IME that won't go over well. Either she'll make up for it on her own, or you drop her, or you make adjustments like not heading to the club until she texts you she's there and/or going to the club with the mindset you'll have fun with another stripper if she's not there
What did he do?
I would think that if you have self respect, you wouldn’t just treat her like a Queen.
What model of car do you drive?
Where is this club?
Unless you live in a remote location - why drive over an hour?
Do you have specific preferences that make it difficult to find strip clubs nearby?
Lol - good to see you posting here!!!!
But for a young dude to be so whiny - and not being man enough to move on - this is a sad day in Millennial-ville! All those poor snowflakes not feeling so special…
if i was in your shoes (and thank god i'm not) i would have a set of clubs to go to. the club that your fave works at would be at the bottom of the list. as far as the rest of the clubs try and see if each club you find one or two girls you feel are your type and and is willing to meet your needs/wants.
i only will give a fave 3 strikes. no foul balls and still alive at the plate - my rules a foul ball strike 3 is an out. once she's out the search for a replacement fave commences.
So you’re saying it’s better to take the loss than to stand up for yourself? Who has more self respect then?
Subraman says be on time got damn
1. This is an expensive activity, and though no one likes to waste money, it's also true that you need to accept that some of your money will be wasted. On some nights, a lot of money will be wasted. Be it on gas, a new dancer that doesn't give great dances, an ATF who doesn't show up. Whatever. If you're on a tight budget, then you need to club somewhere that is less expensive *OR* don't go to strip clubs until you're earning more money (or win the lottery).
2. This thing where you feel like you need to get an apology, respect, or a pound of flesh because a dancer didn't show up at the club is the wrong perspective (my opinion). You're investing way to much emotion into what is essentially a superficial relationship (and if you see the relationship as being more than superficial, then that's a whole other issue). No one is asking you to be a doormat. If this one-time instance becomes habit, then go find another dancer. But you need to discard the drama and hurt feelings. Most of us deal with hurt feelings and drama outside of our club lives. Let the strip club be an oasis away from all of that dumb horseshit.
3. The best you can do is text her before you head out to the club to confirm that she'll be there. That's not foolproof, but it should help. Customers and dancers discard each other all the time for a bunch of reasons. So, if you get tired of her, or she gets tired of you, then it is what it is. Move on and don't complain.
Also, to a bunch of guys commenting here, this thing where we expect every single new strip club customer to be a nascent Don Draper from "Mad Men" isn't realistic. Some guys come into this more awkward and less jaded than others. It's fine.
With regard to this being a fake profile... sure, maybe. But as I said in the other thread, if someone wants to "troll" the board with relevant, on-topic discussions, I'd rather that over another thread about COVID vaccines.
@BlondeGirlLover self respect went out the window as soon as you (or me or any of us) started paying women to satisfy our sexual fantasies. By the time you are driving an hour away for an appointment to pay a specific woman to satisfy your sexual fantasies (and then complain to random strangers about it) your self respect is so far behind you that you will likely never find it again.
So you are saying you don't even have self-respect for yourself? You believe we are all pathetic, including yourself?
Could this statement not be more true? I mean c'mon people, all self respect for myself ends when I get out of the cab or pull into the parking lot. No matter how nice a type of car I roll up in even the valets look at all of us like "losers" it's even more humiliating when the valet is a girl! lol
Lol! Self respect? I’m an old guy who enjoys fucking filthy strippers in rooms about the size of a broom closet!
Hold on to that self respect you think you have - and confront a girl in lingerie about disrespecting you - and let me know how it goes!
Did all your self respect at least get her real name? Lol!
She always keeps in contact. She would even text me at 2 am about how she’s feeling about things going in her life. Long texts too. So she could at least let me know she wasn’t coming. Or just say sorry. Saying sorry would make me give her more money.
You're sounding like an RIL (regular in love).
Never tolerate disrespect.
Find a different girl.
@BlondeGirlLover I have no sense of self respect with regards to what I do in a strip club or other forms of p4p. I know I am pathetic for paying women to have sex with me and I made my peace with that almost two decades ago. If you are looking for a sense of self respect out of this hobby than this isn't the right hobby for you.
When you go to the club always have a backup plan. That way you don't get bent out of shape over Plan A, whether that's because she doesn't show up, because she is busy with some whale the whole time or because she just blows you off.
If a stripper is sending you long texts at 2am to bitch about her life then you're probably doing strip clubbing wrong. Create some boundaries or else try to move the relationship into a real dating/FWB situation.
Whats the no wii excuse? She didnt answer texts due to no wifi?
Do dancers get jealous or feel bad if you dont get a dance from them but get a dance from another dancer
What kind of look of dancer do you go for
If you dont get a dance from one but do get it from another doesnt t mean you rejected the first one, shes either not hot enough or nice enough as the other one
alphapol = sirachabob = BlondeGirlLover
Adios. Ignore.
@BlondeGirLover: "If your ATF did this, how would you respond?"
My ATF did that numerous times. She probably flaked 75% of the time, whether I was meeting her at the club or at the hotel. Being a single mother can have that affect.
What did I do. I said, "OK, see ya next time."
If she's good enough, and you can put up with it, you'll do something similar. If you can't put up with that, you'll find someone else to spend your money on.
If you're a large enough percentage of her income, you can <em>try</em> to ask her, politely, to be better. She <em>might</em> respond positively, but I think it's more likely she'll find some other PL. I assure you, there's a line.
Man im trying to get legit advice from strip club veterans who have experience with otc and many clubs. On every thread theres some nonsense drama going on and trolling and complaining. I cant believe people think asking questions is equal to trolling. If you have a problem with someone just ignore them. You dont need to announce your ignoring of them either
Always have self respect and always have a Plan B. In your case she already explained her situation and there's no need to make anything more of it. Get back to having fun.
How many dances did you get with a dancer before going OTC
What do you mean. Due to his attachments to this one dancer, he’ll spend all his money on her?
Cashman we spoke on dm before... I have limited strip club experience...
but you encouraged me to do it raw I don’t know if you were kidding
No I don’t know who the other accounts are. Not me. I am listening through but I might have mild autism.
Or, you can act like a reasonable adult and learn from what you read.
Either you have limited understanding of English, and are unable to discern what is meant to be humor - or you have limited interaction with other people, and that has caused you to misunderstand what others are saying.
To reiterate - don’t fuck strippers uncovered - don’t fall in love with a stripper - attempt to learn to separate facetious comments from legitimate advice.
Strip clubs can present challenges for non-autism spectrum adults. The world of a strip club is pure fantasy. A boring middle-age man steps inside a strip club and he becomes sexy and suddenly selling widgets is the hottest profession on the planet! As long as a guy has money - he’s a hot commodity inside a strip club.
It is important to understand - the dancers want a relationship with your wallet - not you.
Any perceived relationship exists only for a dancer to get a customer to spend more money. There is no attraction or love interest between a dancer and customer.
A strip club sells a fantasy. Thats what you pay for. You don't pay for real human connections. Enjoy it for what it is. Understand those boundaries and respect them or you'll just end up hurt.
Um, speak for yourself. I got to fuck hot women who wouldn't give me the time of day if we were to meet on the street.
Cashman i see, you mentioned being into filth and you said brazilians would likely let me fuck raw. I did take it literally and would have fucked that braziliaj ear licker raw... i likely still would...
I thought your love of filth meant you would actually fuck them raw style
How come there can’t be attraction between a customer and dancer? This must happen sometimes? Even some posts on r/stripper mention dancers seeing super hot customers.
Just the other day there was some long haired thor look alike in the club and I would think the dancer he was with actually liked him
Speak for yourself BGL. I go because I like young tits and ass and some ridiculous shit I do with girls half my age.
It becomes harder to determine with jobs like escortd or strippers, but i am sure there are some clients they genuinely like
"hey, we've been back and forth with missed dates. Are you even interested in meeting up anymore or what. I don't want to waste your time or bug you so let me know the deal so I can be respectful and let you do you from then on."
Something like that. That's my opinion. Let her know you got options (which you do, there are plenty of fish in the sea) and both you and her time's valuble and you don't want to waste either.
Were you <em>born</em> stupid, or has all the siracha turned your brain to mush?
I don’t know if your name is meant to be a troll name or if the joke is you have a microdong but still get with strippers despite it or something
You cant expect us to read your mind, especially when your mind isnt as smart as ours
Its not a funny joke regardless
Even if that were true, it's still orders of magnitude better than your lack of reading comprehension.
His weird troll gimmick is asking a never-ending series of increasingly inane questions to string people along.
If you think I'm wrong (or if it's fun for you), then keep indulging him. But I don't believe I'm wrong.
It hadn't, not yet anyway.
If the other connections you and she have had are worthwhile, consider yourself fortunate! That one missed event needs to be ignored, and should not cloud your internal attitude.
If she no-shows 4x or 6x, then you can decide if you are going to keep at it long enough to see if you what to "risk" getting to #8, let alone "10 times".
Your name is georgmicrodong sure, but that doesn’t mean your intent is to be literal. Your name may be mocking someone or something, or it may be literal.
There is no way for a lack of morals to be “better” than a lack of reading comprehension. The two aren’t comparable, that doesnt make sense and you once again demonstrate lack of reading comprehension
Regarding the thread topic and people claiming strippers only like money, this isn’t true. There’s multiple posts on r stripper talking about attractive customers some even mentioned being willing to date those customers. Simply being at work doesnt mean you can’t be attracted to customers. Obviously most customers won’t be hot, but most guys aren’t hot in general anyway.
I haven’t trolled anywhere here, asking questions or disagreeing doesn’t equate to trolling. On the other hand I’ve seen like 10+ threads involving different users where call me Ishmael posts on the thread just to accuse someone of trolling. Its absolute insanity, its insane someone would spend hours daily doing that online, and he’s essentially calling everyone else dumb. If trolling is so obvious than it shouldn’t even need to be mentioned.
Asking lots of questions doesn’t equate to trolling, its impossible. On the other hand, accusing people of trolling, particularly when you don’t have evidence and particularly if that’s all you do on every single thread, is literally a form of trolling in itself. I don’t know if Ishmael is your real name but you should change that cause you’re doing a horrible job representing people with that name.
I did have some questions on otc in some threads, I’ll continue to ask if something pops up. If you genuinely think something is trolling you’re supposed to ignore it not drsw attention. Trolls want attention and want drama. Ishmael, you post on every thread looking for attention, looking to start drama, and looking to give more attention to people you apparently consider trolls. Since you have so much time, why not dm people to discuss whos a troll? You could fulfill your apparent desire of being an upstanding citizen heroically warning people about evil trolls, all without giving any attention to those trolls publicly.
If you're really interested, I can send you the link to my OnlyFans. "Ugly Fat Guy Fucks Hot Chicks." It's an entirely reasonable subscription cost.
"There is no way for a lack of morals to be 'better' than a lack of reading comprehension."
It is when one person doesn't understand what "morals" are.
If you are a troll, then you’ve done a great job trolling experienced strip club customers with your odd interpretations of strip club interactions. As long as you have money, and you aren’t a total creep, you will likely enjoy life inside strip clubs.
He could still be a troll, but that might show he’s been to a strip club.
Its obvious how strip clubs work
Youre mistaken when you say something never happens or when you say strippers are never attracted to clients genuinely
There are numerous scenarios of strippers actually being attracted to clients
Of course, her asking you for a dance isn’t evidence of that. You have to go a little deeper, and I suspect many simply wouldn’t understand how that works
Cashman if ive said something which is an “odd interpretation of strip club interactions” do you want to post specifically what youre referring to
Youre mistaken, not everything is centered around your personal experience, in fact even if thousands gather in a group sharing their experiences it still doesnt mean the same applies to everyone.
A stripper could be attracted to one customer but not another, just like anyone else in any other industry
George, post the onlyfans here if you have it
For instance, me simply asking George if he actually had a microdong was enough to send him into a tirade of asking if eating siracha turned my brain to mush. My question was not meant to be offensive, yet his response was quite angry.
Cashman, i disagree with you that strippers are never attracted to customers. Maybe the majority of times they arent, but this changes with regulars as well as with customers they are attracted to. A regular is different than a random guu theyre meeting for the first time. Even if its p4p, you will develop some kind of relationship with people you get dances with or sleep with regularly.
Me disagreeing with your point doesn’t mean you get to claim i apparently have trouble interacting with strip club customers or trouble understanding the stripper and customer interactions and dynamics. That’s not how things work. If i had said most strippers genuinely like their customers, yoi could make that claim at that point. But I didn’t say that.
I did try posting a review and it didn’t go through. I obviously didnt include dancers name or details but mentioned I could touch her pussy. I think it wasn’t approved for some reason.
Also, there is a difference between attraction and simply not being repulsed.
It can also be easy to allow yourself to believe a stripper likes you, as it’s much easier than believing she wants nothing to do with you, except for wanting your money.
As you’ve mentioned a few times, I encouraged you to fuck a stripper bareback. This shows me that you have difficulty separating humorous comments from honest advice.
You’ve also mentioned you thought you were falling in love with a stripper, and I attempted to dispel that emotion. In my experience, very little good comes from thinking you are in love with a stripper. In my view, it is mostly always lust and it is also very expensive.
I am in love with one or two strippers, but can’t date them or marry them. I would like to have one of them as a long term secondary and secret relationship.
Yeah that is true, even if stripoers are attracted to guys, they wont be wasting their time flirting with them while on the job, cause theyre missing out on income then
What percentage of strippers do you think meet OTC?
Of the strippers who do otc, or do extras ITC, what percentage do you think have boyfriends or husbands?
Then of that percentage who have boyfriends or husbands, what percentage do you think actually know about the OTC and itc extras stuff
Seducing strippers is an art but yhe main component is luck.
I mean i have heard it is, but i dont want to say it is simply because other people say so
There are strippers with boyfriends and husbands who dont look all weak and nerdy and like a typical cuck stereotype
The thing is if her husband or boyfriend is a cuck it means she may not actually like him. I don’t think cucks are genuinely liked... theyre just tolerated and taken advantage of
And if their partner is a cuck that may mean the strippers and escorts have more respect for their clients who p4p than their own partners
It would mean the escort or stripper basically likes all her clients more than her partner
Ive already spent a few thousand on dances
Im not sure if im getting the best bang for the buck
Its $400 for 30 minutes of vip.
And while it is fun, its not that crazy. Its the typical ass grinding, just alongside some pussy rubbing
Apparently you cant even finger because of bacterial concerns or maybe they think fingering is too intimate
Im not sure if im getting my moneys worth. I know there’s a lot of escorts much hotter than the strip club women, available for $400+ an hour
The concern is the riskiness of seeing an escort, whereas a strip club is a much safer environment, no catfishing, no robbing...