Do men who choose to not get married/children get to live life for themselves?
PS: I'm only asking because you guys give insightful answers; I'm not trying to offend anyone.
I have realized that growing up; most people live for their parents. They don't get to do whatever they want since they have to follow what their parents, teachers, and classmates say. At the same time, people who choose to have children live for their children. Their decision is based on "What is best for the children" as opposed to "What is best for me."
Meanwhile, it seems that once men get to work(maybe a have a small business), there's very little they can't do. For instance, there's this guy who lives this sort of "bachelor lifestyle." He can travel to many cheap countries, easily get laid, go to the best restaurants, dedicate himself to his passions, maybe write music or learn a new language. It seems that for most people, this "window of opportunity" is only available when they are in their 20's when they are free from their parents but also their children. Once they have children, it seems their priorities shift, and they have to settle for whatever job they can get.
Most people assumed that you need to be "rich" to live for yourself. But I think this not to be true. I believe there comes the point where you have enough money to live a good life, maybe living off your investments, among other ways.
I have realized that growing up; most people live for their parents. They don't get to do whatever they want since they have to follow what their parents, teachers, and classmates say. At the same time, people who choose to have children live for their children. Their decision is based on "What is best for the children" as opposed to "What is best for me."
Meanwhile, it seems that once men get to work(maybe a have a small business), there's very little they can't do. For instance, there's this guy who lives this sort of "bachelor lifestyle." He can travel to many cheap countries, easily get laid, go to the best restaurants, dedicate himself to his passions, maybe write music or learn a new language. It seems that for most people, this "window of opportunity" is only available when they are in their 20's when they are free from their parents but also their children. Once they have children, it seems their priorities shift, and they have to settle for whatever job they can get.
Most people assumed that you need to be "rich" to live for yourself. But I think this not to be true. I believe there comes the point where you have enough money to live a good life, maybe living off your investments, among other ways.
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What does it cost to divorce a wife? Multiple wives?
Lots of opportunity for interest to compound without those expenses
If a man is unmarried, has no children, is not part of a long term relationship, has a good paying job, and he has no addictions (booze, drugs, gambling, overspending, whores) - then he may be able to live a very nice lifestyle.
If you are one of those types, congratulations!
Sounds like you’re describing Ted Kazinski, the unabomber. Check out the Manhunter series on netflix to see how that works out for him.
Yeah, you can be single and free to do what you want, but the cost is enormous especially on your psyche. Remember, freedom is never free. My advice is choose wisely your partner. Finding the right partner is the easiest path to prosperity, both in wealth and health. However, finding the rong partner is the quickest way to destroy your wealth and health.
@Beat100, You do you. If you're single and happy, cool. If you're single and lonely, fix it. I, personally, am happier and healthier (and wealthier) being single than I ever was in either of my marriages. I have plenty of close connections with friends and family. I don't feel lonely when I'm alone. And I like the "buzz" of a new relationship more than the comfort(and complacency)of long term monogamy.
Thanks for the comment. I think this sexual revolution paradigm has given people many options which would have been denied in the past. Before, I feel that everyone had to follow a rigid path. Nowadays with things like digital nomadism as well as people not marrying young. I feel other ways of living/lifestyles.
If I had a wife and kids I'd need to make triple at least to live my current lifestyle
There has been a rising tide of rhetoric from both the left and the right about “encouraging family formation”. They won’t be able to do much about wages or education or childcare, so the first bipartisan measure to go into law will be a bachelor tax on unmarried men. Then they’ll just keep doubling down with more punitive taxes and abrogations of rights.
At the same time, it is pretty empty to wake up every day and have nothing else but to ask "what will make me happy today?"
Men need a reason to work besides self enjoyment.
oh yeah. well if that is the case there better be strip clubs and brothels every ten 10 blocks like there are dunkin donut shops and delis.
85% of the time I get along just fine with my wife, but there are days when I’m really close to leaving and going and getting a one bedroom apartment eating the food I want and going and doing whatever I want. But I don’t, because I may need someone to change my diapers one day when I’m 90, and hopefully she’ll be there to do it.
I may add I have several male friends in their 40s that have never been married. They all are missing something - at least one of these: ambition, maturity, financial independence, work ethic, still lives with parents or depends on parents financially. That’s why they are single.
I know several attractive women in their 30s-40s that have good jobs and never have been married. They are just bat shit crazy. Many have dreamt up this certain “ideal” guy they want to marry and they won’t accept anything less than that in reality. In other words those women are still, just bat shit crazy.
Now, I know several divorced men AND women who swear they will never marry again and I can understand that. ALL of them have complained to me at one time or another that they often get lonely. This all goes back to Chris Rocks quote.
I will play along and answer your question:
Q: Do men who choose to not get married/children get to live life for themselves?
A: No
What we perceive a “free choice” is really determined by our biology and environment, so men don’t really “choose”, it depends on the individual’s environment/circumstances.
In any case marriage/monogamy is a social structure; as our ancestors developed gradually into hunters, (and later farmers and formed civilizations) to secure the cooperation of all males in the group with the assurance of “reproductive rights”.
Men, and women, are not biologically or psychologically disposed to marry "Until Death Do Us Part".
Humans have psychological and biological tendencies to promiscuity.
Belief often times cause the death of reason; you might believe that you are behaving in a way that is your choice, but you might discover later that that wasn’t the case.
I would recommend to listen to all the advice and then listen to your “conscience”, your gut feeling, your heart, and make an educated, informed decision and act on it, and learn from your experiences and keep doing what is right for you.
Remember not everyone is going to agree with you and your decisions and life choices or lifestyle, just find your place in this life where you will be accepted and respected by those you care about.
But Moore than anything “do something”, take some kind of action to try to create the life you really want to live.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
~Mahatma Gandhi
Some guys are fine living the lonely single life forever, always on the fringe and never fully participating in all that life has to offer. Instead they fill their days worrying about mundane stuff like where to eat and how to pass all the empty hours. They have few if any friends because, let's face it, most of their old friends have moved on to fuller lives and the new guys they do meet are also living a different lifestyle. Also single childless guys over a certain age are often treated with distrust, especially in places that are geared towards families.
But with all that said, to each his own. I once considered the same things after my first (and hopefully only) divorce, but I was still young and my desire to live a fuller life outweighed my desire to remain unburdened.
One thing we can't do without is some humor. So, I'll leave you with this pun of the day: Wax Phil O. Sophical before he waxes you.
Just doing whatever for just yourself is very empty.