Suicide

80 comments

• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  Back in my very early 20s I went through a rough patch where I contemplated "checking out" for good. I decided to call a friend first just to see if I could be talked out of it. Fortunately, I could. That was the only time. I'm fully sympathetic for those who cope with chronic depression.
• Tetradon

  •

  4 years ago

  Depending on the psychiatrist, I have either bipolar disorder or depression with mixed features. Usually very high functioning. I had two years of utter hell. Outside life was good, with a solid job, a loving family, and a great woman. Then the bottom dropped out and I still can't figure why. Sad on the good days, dissociated and despondent on the bad. I was completely on tilt, drinking and whoring my head off (100% short term disability for 6 months meant my SCing was corporate sponsored). It didn't even feel pleasant, just less unpleasant than everything else. One day, I went to my bedroom to grab my 12 gauge and end it all, only to realize that Rational Me gave it to a friend before Irrational Me could pull the trigger. It took a lot to bring me back to normal. A ton of crazy meds, even ECT (shock therapy) which itself took a year to recover from. And a great network of family and friends. I didn't realize to what lengths they would go for me until then. I know I'll never be "normal." My strip clubbing is often tied to hypomanic, hypersexual episodes. I'm coming out of one right now, where it felt compulsive. Now with a tweak to the meds, strip clubs can occupy their proper place in life.
• EndlessSummer

  •

  4 years ago

  As dancers, we talk to a LOT of people in various states of unhappiness, unrest, boredom, disenchantment, etc... (Of course, there are plenty of others who are happy, celebratory, just in to have fun, etc...as well, but that's not what this thread is about 😊) For some reason, I felt oddly compelled to bookmark and download this article yesterday (something I rarely do)... with no one in particular in mind. I chalked it up to just wanting to reference it later if I felt it might help someone I came in contact with. Perhaps it was meant just for this thread... if nothing else, it's definitely relevant: [view link] 🔆Anyone struggling with thoughts of suicide, please talk to someone!🔆
• CrimsonCaravan

  •

  4 years ago

  Thanks for the wonderful answers everyone! I think it's safe to say that we're all gradually trying to climb out of that hole in our lives. Thankfully we've all had the support we've needed to keep the fight going. I've always felt pretty alone when it came to depression because most people don't understand how hard it really hits. @CallMeIshmael it seems like we we're both saved by similar situations! @heaving I like the training grounds idea, I've never thought of it that way @Tetradon I'm glad that your rational self made that decision. And I don't think that anyone is truly ever "normal", everyone has some sort of underlying issue that they're trying to overcome. Live and learn right 😁 @EndlessSummer I'll definitely give that article a read! I guess sometimes you must feel like an unofficial therapist to many people
• nicespice

  •

  4 years ago

  I had a friend who passed away six years ago. We hadn’t talked for a while. I was distracted with my own stuff, plus we lived and attended school in two different cities. I felt some guilt after for not recognizing and reaching out more. There were signs and symptoms, but hindsight is 20/20. According to a news article, he actually had dinner with some friends the night before, so it’s likely I couldn’t have done much to help anyways. He mostly liked to keep to himself. But he had a great sense of humor. One time in high school he wanted to borrow a quarter from me to buy a bottle of water. He gave me a penny as “collateral” and the next day opened my purse and put 24 pennies in there. Also high school: one time we got into an argument because I said that sarcasm isn’t too effective if there isn’t *somebody* who is in on the sarcasm. He disagreed. Then later that day in English class, the teacher talked about how the best type of sarcasm is when nobody realizes you’re being sarcastic. We sat pretty far apart in the classroom but he blatantly turned and pointed at me and started laughing. In freshman year of college, he had a roommate who he didn’t care for. And he talked about once how the roomate got mad at him because the roomate’s poster got defaced. And told me on skype, “personally, I think the scantily clad girl looks better with the beard and devil horns” 😈 He signed up for a Facebook account senior year of high school and entertained everyone with his trolling. He was the one who initially linked me to the song “Gangum Style” when it got released. He really liked it. And I still think of him whenever I’ve hear it occasionally. He had a large and loving family. He had no logical reason (as far as I knew) to face the issues that he did, but brain chemical imbalances can mess things up severely. He was a good person who had so much potential to offer to the world. Somebody else in my social circle was very affected by that. She was the one who called me when he initially went missing, and called again a few days later when his body was found. There was a couple of times she had suicidal thoughts a year or two before that. She even stole a bottle of painkillers from me and took 20 pills. And I went with her family to check her in to the hospital. After that happened, she never did anything like that again. I think she realized the pain others feel when they needlessly pass away too early. *~TLDR~* Suicide is a very painful thing, for all parties involved. Definitely reach out.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  ^^^ Agreed. Thoughtful post.
• gammanu95

  •

  4 years ago

  For fuck's sake, this is not the proper site for these bullshit attention-seeking threads. Go cry to your momma.
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  @Gam: Damn, you beat me to it. @Heaving: Gam is as entitled to his opinion as you are to yours. I guess you missed the irony of accusing someone else of trying to regulate posts when you were trying to do the same thing. 😉
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  Yeah, you're right. I hate it when all these suicide posts swamp the forums. There's SJG constantly posting about front-room suicide sessions (FRSS...). Twentyfive won't stop bumping that "Are we ready for some suicide?" thread. Cjkent and all his rambling leftist quotes about assisted suicide. And then there's juice and crazyjoe running at least a half dozen suicide trolls each (including 'Rick the Suicidal'). I really wish that founder would create a separate forum just for the dozens of off-topic suicide threads that gets posted here. Alternately, it's a rare off-topic about being human.
• twentyfive

  •

  4 years ago

  Nice bunch, saying nothing is never an option for some of you jerks I bet most of the shit spewed forth is from idiots that would never open their yaps in real life
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  @heaving, I read your post. The passive aggressive approach you were using did not mask the post's intent.
• twentyfive

  •

  4 years ago

  @CMI was that snark directed at me I have no idea what post your talking about the only old post I bump is the football post and just till after the super bowl
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  ===> "I bet most of the shit spewed forth is from idiots that would never open their yaps in real life" I may be an idiot, but I can assure you that I'd say the same shit to the face of any degenerate who posts on here.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  @twentyfive... absolutely no snark directed at you. I have no problem with the football thread. I don't participate because I'm just not a sports guy. I was spoofing other frequent content from several users to show that a bunch of off topic stuff lives here. I think, like you, I believe that it's perfectly acceptable for TUSCL to host the occasional thread about a serious, thoughtful topic.
• twentyfive

  •

  4 years ago

  Sure @Dugan how many TUSCLers have y’all met refresh our memories I thought so !
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  Simply put, I agree with Gam. This is not a great forum for mental health discussions and other self pity parties. I'll further add that strip clubs are probably not healthy places for depressives and bipolar types. I can't speak from personal experience, but I watched a bipolar guy crash and burn while partying in strip clubs. Over the years I've also seen more than a couple depressive lonely types getting ruined by foolishly trying to fill their voids with the faux affections of strippers. So anyone who really has these issues should probably steer clear of both clubs and club related forums and instead focus on healthier pursuits.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  ^^^ I think you slipped and participated constructively.
• nicespice

  •

  4 years ago

  And working at strip clubs are probably not healthy places for those suffering with depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, drug&alcohol abusing, and money mismanaging types—yet there seems to be no short supply of those problems. 🤷🏻‍♀️
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  ===> "Sure @Dugan how many TUSCLers have y’all met refresh our memories I thought so !" @25, and? I'm guessing that I routinely club with a few of them, even if we don't know each other. But any fucker at a strip club bar who says something stupid to me always gets my unvarnished opinion.
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  ===> "^^^ I think you slipped and participated constructively." In the process of explaining why I agree with Gam, perhaps I did indeed. :)
• nicespice

  •

  4 years ago

  Slam the OP and a few other contributors as you wish, but keep in mind a lot of stuff just tends to go hand-in-hand. And possibly do some sort of self-reflection and wonder at whether there was a reason for posting in an aggravated matter, rather than merely shrugging and continuing to scroll down the discussion page.
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  Nice, more amused and maybe a little disgusted, but ok, I'll keep searching real deep. Maybe next we can all have a group cyber-hug and post a Kleenex GIF, lol. 😉 As to your other point about the dancers, of course most of those girls have issues. Shit, if we advocated against dancing while mentally unsound, the stages and dressing rooms at some clubs would have tumbleweeds blowing cross them. I don't even want to think about what it would do to my extracurricular fun....aiyee!
• twentyfive

  •

  4 years ago

  ^ Proving my point over and over since 2009
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  Good Lord, if we excluded just girls with Daddy issues from dancing in clubs, 70% of my OTC roster would melt away. So to be clear I was talking about customers, not dancers. ;)
• twentyfive

  •

  4 years ago

  ^ LOL that I agree with
• CrimsonCaravan

  •

  4 years ago

  As someone mentioned above sometimes mental health issues and stuff like the strip club go hand in hand. It probably isn't the best combination, but that's the way it is for some people. I didn't post this as a way of fishing for attention. I posted this to see if any others have felt the same way I have before.
• crazyjoe

  •

  4 years ago

  Hmm Deep subject. It is too bad that some find a need to mock or belittle this subject. I have came in contact with this sort of thing quite a few times and it is no laughing matter... The first one was a sibling who I shared a room with as a teenager. One morning I woke up to him puking his brains out over the side of the bed (we had bunk beds and he slept on the top bunk). Both of us were out partying late the night before and I was asleep before he got home. Later I found a brand new 500 count bottle of Advil in the medicine cabinet that was mostly gone. He had taken between 200 and 300 Advil. At the time he was puking he was completely disoriented and could not speak clearly. He fortunately got enough of it out that it did not work. It scared the crap out of me because I was usually the one who woke him up every morning, and I would have been the one to find him had he been successful. We also had extremely shitty parents who refused medical or psychiatric treatment. Not too long long after that he had another attempt. At that point in time I rarely saw him because of schedules being so different. I ran into him in another city while hanging out with friends. We were both with separate groups of friends that night and crossed paths in the other city. We spoke briefly as my group was entering an establishment and his group was leaving. It was snowing hard with blizzard conditions that night so I ended up staying with friends instead of going home. The next morning I got a phone call that my sibling was in the hospital from an auto accident. Later I found out that he had slid around in the snow and could have prevented the accident, but he went for it and made it worse. The crash was fiery and so bad none of the emergency crews believed he was driving the car because nobody should have survived it. He happened to say in a disappointed tone, " Oh, I am still alive..." to a paramedic in the ambulance and they ended up admitting him to psych care where he did get some good help. Our parents had no say in this because it was mandatory under state law to be admitted for at least a 72 hour hold, which was a good thing. I remember going to visit him there and was included in a group therapy session with him. The group was asked to each tell the others something good about themselves. My sibling could not think of anything at all good about himself. I mentioned something to him about his work ethic and he was shocked and excited to find that there was something good about himself. This situation improved when this sibling decided he would no longer have anything to do with the family. I also had another good friend that was suicidal from time to time. She found a friend of hers that she had confided in and wanted to end it all. Her friend agreed to stay with her as she drank and took some sleeping pills until she was gone. Her friend had a bout of conscience before it was done and rushed her to the hospital. She is still alive and well, and has new meaning in life. I have had others but those two had the most impact on me. A couple tips for dealing with someone who has severe depression... -Never call their bluff if they are threatening to commit suicide. It may seem tempting call someone out on their threats and say go ahead or you don't believe them if you think they are doing it for attention. -If someone you know is severely depressed and they suddenly seem happy and nothing is wrong... WATCH THEM CLOSELY AND STAY IN CONTACT WITH THEM! Severely depressed people have a hard time seeing hope for the future. If they are suicidal they are in a decision making process and will not just suddenly turn happy unless they suddenly have hope. When someone makes the final decision to end it, they have hope. This decision will give them hope faster then figuring a way out of their situation will. If someone is suddenly became happy they may have made that final decision to end it.
• RandomMember

  •

  4 years ago

  CrimsonCaravan: "I didn't post this as a way of fishing for attention." _______________ You didn't violate any rules of the board and you were looking for empathy and support. Instead you were attacked by some of the most repulsive and unhappy losers on the board, who could have simply put the thread on ignore. It's the other way around; your attackers were looking for attention.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  ^^^ Both valid points.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  My above comment was directed at crazyjoe.
• FishHawk

  •

  4 years ago

  This cuts close to home in some ways. I volunteer in an organization helping disabled veterans. I have had a few tell me that they felt they were well on the way to suicide before getting involved with the group. I have no special training, but being someone to talk with can go a long ways to helping. Getting people involved in life with other people is also a positive factor.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  4 years ago

  People have to learn how to be with their feelings. There is no such thing as Mental Illness, or Depression as a Clinical Condition. People are depressed because they are leading depressing lives, and because they have suffered wrongs which have not yet been avenged. SJG
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  FishHawk, good for you. That's valuable and honorable work. But, perhaps from the perspective of some here, those guys are just "self-pitying" and "attention-seeking"...
• shadowcat

  •

  4 years ago

  Damn this topic depresses me so much that I think I'll go get a stripper to fuck me to death.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  4 years ago

  The concept of Mental Illness and Clinical Depression is simply a way of making a survivor the party at fault for the harms inflicted upon them. SJG
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  Crimson and Heaving, the two who started this little dosido, are neither kids nor disabled vets suffering from PTSD. They are the same two who were doing a patticakes not long ago in yet another thread whining about how they haven't had girlfriends for many years. So to both of them I say "toughen the fuck up already." If your lives suck that badly, then do something to fix them instead of sitting on a strip club website whining. Two grown ass men of relatively young age shouldn't be so stuck in their own heads. But, since I don't want to seem completely heartless, here's a link to a mental health discussion forum, where you no doubt can get all of the sympathy, positive affirmations and shared self pity that you crave: [view link]
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  Oh, and of course people are going to click into here when the thread has a one word title of "Suicide.'
• san_jose_guy

  •

  4 years ago

  I am totally opposed to all facets of the Mental Health System, including Psychotherapy. SJG
• Tetradon

  •

  4 years ago

  @RandomMember, very well said. Regardless of how the thread started, this thread covered some serious personal ground and the psychology of clubbers and dancers. Only insecure bullies swing their nuts on a thread like this.
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  ===> "this thread covered...the psychology of clubbers..." No it didn't. It was designed to kick the ball off in the hopes of confirming a theory about clubbers, similar to the goofy "I haven''t had a GF in many years" thread started by the same screen names. Neither thread achieved the desired objective because the underlying theories were flawed. 😉
• san_jose_guy

  •

  4 years ago

  The concept of Mental Illness is idiotic. SJG
• Tetradon

  •

  4 years ago

  @rickdugan, tell me, did you interpret my remarks as trolling for sympathy or bitching about my life? Or nicespice's? Or Ishmael's? Or summer's? There's a difference between real mental illness and sadness because someone can't dip their stick. The former, you can get laid six ways from Sunday and it won't break through. Regardless of original intent, and I'm not a mind reader, that's what the thread evolved into. That, the resident lunatic with his pet theories, and a few overcompensators.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  4 years ago

  Mental Illness, the only reality of it is that which is created by the Mental Health System. [view link] SJG
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  The OP's top post had nothing to do with strip clubs. Later posts touched on both customers and dancers in terms of depression / mental illness. But then, via Dugan and Gamma, it derailed into an argument about who is entitled to experience from depression. The answer is 'everyone', by the way. Honestly, I'm surprised the thread stayed on track for as long as it did.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  4 years ago

  Feeling depressed is just part of life. But Clinical Depression / Mental Illness is something invented to abuse survivors. SJG
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  SJG... making the *exact* same point over and over doesn't make the point more valid. And stop pretending that you have me on ignore.
• georgmicrodong

  •

  4 years ago

  Well, a little close to home...
• gSteph

  •

  4 years ago

  To the OPs original question. No. I had some real down times, lonely, couldn't get laid, broke, hungry, hurt. And our rainy winters here in NW can turn you grey. But, suicidal, no. That's a heavy one. Hope things are better now. Best wishes, keep moving forward.
• bdirect

  •

  4 years ago

  dont do it, suicide is not the answer,,,, if you can hold off and wait a day or two, things will get better and you will be glad you didnt do it
• Jascoi

  •

  4 years ago

  I like shadow cats basic idea . “Damn this topic depresses me so much that I think I'll go get a stripper to fuck me to death.” But I have to change the first three words ‘damn this topic’ to read “ when life depresses me so much that I think I'll go get a stripper to fuck me to death.”
• Nidan111

  •

  4 years ago

  To answer the OP’s question. Short and sweet. Yes, I have. The reason I did not was because my then 8 year old daughter walked around the corner, looked my in the eyes as the gun was pressed against my temple and asked me why I wanted to hurt myself. I then realized that I was about to be selfish in taking my own life. My father took his life with a shotgun when I was 8 years old. I never forgot that day and for 24 years blamed myself for his death. When my 8 year old daughter said what she said, I realized how much mental stress that would cause my children for the rest of their lives, I decided that suicide is a weak way out and my children deserved better. For what it is worth, strippers in the clubs kept me from further thoughts of completing that act over 18 years ago. I have not considered the act since. Hence, I believe the OP’s thread is very appropriate for a strip club forum. @endlesssummer. Good article.
• twentyfive

  •

  4 years ago

  Keeping one’s opinion to themselves is appropriate, and in a situation like this the smartest course of action but no one ever accused gammanu or RickiBoi of being overly intelligent
• whodey

  •

  4 years ago

  While I have occasionally suffered bouts of depression and sought counseling to deal with it, I have luckily never gotten to the point of considering suicide. It has led me to drink to excess on a few occasions and has likely led me to spend more time and money than I should have at strip clubs. Just remember that suicide is a permanent action to solve what is usually a temporary problem. If you are feeling this way find someone to talk to about it. I got a lot of help from my church and eventually a therapist when I was battling depression and I was able to see the light at the end of the tunnel as a result.
• EndlessSummer

  •

  4 years ago

  Well...everything posted in a public forum is designed to get attention. We ALL want attention- we're human. So what? Would I dance naked on a stage in public if I didn't want/like attention? Would any of us post here? Nope and nope. I also think it's safe to assume that when entering a strip club, the very thing being sought is.... that's right, attention. Absolutely natural human behavior. I'm frankly shocked to see this subject ridiculed and being made light of. Of all places, I wouldn't expect such harsh judgment. Clearly this WAS exactly the place for such a topic because it touched enough people that responded in supportive, constructive, and empathetic ways. Props for everyone who did that. 👏 It's real easy to take what you like and leave the rest... here, as in life. 🔆❤🔆 @Nidan Thanks! 💋
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  4 years ago

  Thanks for sharing, Nidan111. Your daughter saved your life. I'm glad she did.
• bdirect

  •

  4 years ago

  nidanlll, glad you beat your demons.... . a father that takes is own life is the worst thing that can happen to a family
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  The first thing that should die is this ridiculous weepy ass thread; on a tits and ass site of all places. ;) To the bitches who keep whining on this site about their emotional issues, I ask you this: What has wallowing in your own misery and feeling sorry for yourself accomplished for you up to this point in your life? Assuming you had a father (or grandfather), did you ever see him sit around feeling sorry for himself or did he get up and get shit done? If you want to stop being lonely then man the fuck up, because no girl, other than the shrink or stripper you are paying, is going to sit there for long listening to it. Hit the gym, buy a punching bag, find extracurricular activities to become part of, find a hobby, do whatever you need to keep your mind and body occupied and to become what iti s you want to be. That advice was 100% free. Fuck, I think I'm going to have to bend a girl over my hotel bed tonight and treat her like the bad girl that she is just to work out the depression I'm getting from seeing a bunch of grown men whine like bitches. 😉
• twentyfive

  •

  4 years ago

  @Dugan instead of ignoring or simply scrolling past a subject that doesn't interest you, you keep trying to belittle the folks that have this problem, I've said this before and I'll say it again, you are quite useful. I hold you up as a bad example of how to be a man, and even worse example of being human.
• Tetradon

  •

  4 years ago

  @rickdugan, oh, you're such a Manly Man! Please screw me!
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  ^ You're free to feel that way 25. But coming from a man who abandoned his culture and his faith, raised his kids without it (and is seeing the results in his confused grandkids) and now supports politicians who would cause hurt to those who stayed true to their identity, to me you are the ultimate example of the ills of a man wallowing in emotional self-indulgence.
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  Oh, and 25, far from ignoring, I think I was proposing a more constructive alternative to dealing with it, because if they are still feeling this way at this point in their lives then clearly wallowing in self-pity, and whining about it to others, clearly isn't working. Better to man up and gut through it then to sit there mired in it forever.
• doctorevil

  •

  4 years ago

  “ I hold you up as a bad example of how to be a man, and even worse example of being human.” True, but what do you expect from someone who’s so divorced from reality that he actually thinks you have to trick dive bar hookers into accepting money for sex by wearing a suit and pretending to be a chemical engineer? [view link] Not to mention the fantasies he has posted about assaulting patrons at the bar or ambushing them in the restrooms (I don’t have the time or inclination to look for these, but those who have been here a while know what I am talking about.). Ricky Boy is basically just fucked in the head and no one should pay any attention to anything he says, other than for its bizarre amusement value.
• rickdugan

  •

  4 years ago

  OK boys, I'm going to leave you and the goofy satirical troll D_E to whine, moan, bitch and complain at will without further interruption from me in this thread. Because if I have to read the ridiculous self pity whining of grown men or D_E's bad satire any longer, I may need two girls bent over my bed tonight to wipe the bad taste from my head, which will be very expensive therapy indeed. ;)
• twentyfive

  •

  4 years ago

  rickiboi the crux of the problem here is you are a devout christian, fucking whores and leaving Mrs Dugan home alone regularly with those children, while you get your jollies with those whores that you think are low mileage, I'm sure your little daughters have some daddy issues of their own, you are a hot mess buddy, you wouldn't know shit about culture and/or faith. I'll never know, nor will I care, what is so terribly wrong in your life that you look to attack folks that are suicidal SMH
• Fun_Loving_Fella

  •

  4 years ago

  Holy cow, this thread turned into a mess. It’s a good subject, but rick is so stubborn that he can’t back down from his original stance no matter how many people chime in to support this thread being here. On a thread about mental health it’s pretty messed up that he would suggest that the solution to life’s problems is avoidance and escapism. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because that’s how he lives his life. Some day maybe he will see a therapist and it will open his eyes. Unfortunately that day probably won’t come until after his marriage is ruined and his children lose respect for him. At least he’s don’t with the conversation, so this thread can get back on track.
• gammanu95

  •

  4 years ago

  I proudly take credit for derailing the thread in the first place. [I am laughing so fucking hard irl right now.] Thank me. I'm welcome.
• Fun_Loving_Fella

  •

  4 years ago

  Cool, now you can be proud that you’ve achieved something in life
• gammanu95

  •

  4 years ago

  I'll put it on the shelf next to all of my participation trophies.
• Tetradon

  •

  4 years ago

  [view link]
• IceyLoco

  •

  4 years ago

  I hit rock bottom before and thought my life wasn't going anywhere. I got so fucked up I passed out before I could try to kill myself. My best friend kept me drunk and high for 2 weeks straight til things started looking up a little. I was laying down and then realized I was crawling. Small steps ads up
• Tetradon

  •

  4 years ago

  [view link] "Troglodyte seems to have emerged from the mists of time untouched by human evolution. Devoid of a single progressive idea and lacking the slightest awareness of social and cultural advances, Troglodyte has developed an incoherent political philosophy that he characterizes as "conservative" or "libertarian", but which could be more accurately described as "bigoted narcissism". His aggressive posturing often frightens off weaker, more timid Warriors. In pitched battle, however, Troglodyte easily loses control and his attack quickly degenerates into a rant. Just for the fun of it, Weenie, Issues. Pinko and Evil Clown will sometimes deliberately goad him into a towering rage."
• Phoenix133

  •

  4 years ago

  First off holy cow this thread. That being said, to op... I was in a dark place as a teenager. My home life wasn’t well and I had terrible anxiety. I did physical activities and went to friends houses as often as I could to try and cope but it wasn’t enough. I tried to get help on my own but since I wasn’t 18 I couldn’t see a psychiatrist/psychologists without parental permission and my parents thought it was all fake and a joke. (Even though my general dr even told them I had sever anxiety.) I had to wear a heart monitor at one point because it was causing my heart to race causing chest pains. I faked puking in the bathroom and faked a fever just to skip school so I could be alone and de stress. I spent many times just laying in the nurses office with the lights off to calm down because I would get so physically ill from it. I needed help and I tried to get it but was denied. I even at one point became obsessive about my weight, not because I thought I was fat, but because I needed to feel in control of something, anything and that was the only thing I felt I could control at the time. It was unhealthy how bad my anxiety was effecting my life. I made the plan to end it all one day. I was going to slit my wrists in the tub before anyone else got home. My friends had stopped talking with me for the most part and I felt all alone with no hope. I just wanted it to end. Just before I cut up the river my cat insisted I let her in the bathroom. She wouldn’t stop clawing at the door. And she is the only reason I stopped. I decided I couldn’t just leave her behind. She would be abused if I left her alone and I couldn’t allow that to happen. Very few people know of this time in my life. I don’t really talk about it. Things have gotten a lot better since then. My anxiety is soooo much better and no where near that crippling. In fact it’s pretty rare that it gets bad at all now. I cut a lot of toxic people out of my life and focused on my own happiness and doing the things I love.
• CrimsonCaravan

  •

  4 years ago

  @Nidan11 I'm glad that you made that decision to not pull the trigger. Looking back at it now I feel the same way you do. Suicide hurts those around us more than we know. It is a permanent solution to something that is temporary
• joker44

  •

  4 years ago

  I, too, have been impacted by suicidal behavior, both in my professional and personal life. From recent USA Today article: "More and more Americans are dying by suicide. What are we missing?" *Suicide is the nation's 10th-leading cause of death, with 14.2 deaths per 100,000 people... Some experts say reducing the suicide rate won't occur without examining the environments people live in or larger societal ills, such as economic insecurity and discrimination that may drive people to despair. Survivors agree. "It's not like someone is just broken," Stage said. "There are all these things that happen in their life that break them. Abuse, poverty, homophobia, marginalization. Are we too focused on the individual and not enough on the systemic causes of suicide?"* [view link] For those with short memories or who are newer to posting on TUSCL, other members in the past have openly discussed their emotional [including depression and suicidal behavior] or physical challenges. Long-time members remember Farmerart revealing a work-related progressive disease that eventually took his life. He did it in an honest, matter-of-fact manner. Prior to this revelation he had regaled fellow members with his often vivid, sometimes outrageously funny mongering stories; no one could legitimately claim he only posted here just to seek sympathetic attention. This post is just as appropriate. Callously ranting about it being unwarranted on TUSCL reeks of someone who finds discussing suicide makes them personally uncomfortable. Instead of saying this openly in a comment they strip it of any personal feelings and post intellectually pompous and derogatory opinions. Worse, those opinions not only show a serious lack of understanding of suicidal behavior but a lack of compassion. And let's drop the red herring of 'I'm entitled to post my [dissenting] opinion'. Yes, you are, but you are not compelled to always post it. Those possessing more discretion might opt not post in this particular context seeing it as more destructive than constructive. Moreover, what you or any of us is NOT entitled to is 'protection' from criticism of the *content* of what is said. The right to state your opinion doesn't guarantee you protection from legitimate criticism. Even SJG's vaunted 24/7 'super firewall' won't stop the blowback. ;)
• gSteph

  •

  4 years ago

  @Joker44, to quote the Count in "Princess Bride: "Well spoken, sir".
• san_jose_guy

  •

  4 years ago

  The Mental Health System and Psychotherapy most certainly increase the tendency towards suicide. They convince suffers that they are at the root of their own problems, deny the role of abusers and more general societal unfairness. Your Psychiatrist and your Psychotherapist are not going to storm any Bastilles with you, not going to lead any sit down strikes, and they are not going to bring you back the heads of violators. All they are going to do is fuck with the head of the one who is in their office. SJG
• CrimsonCaravan

  •

  4 years ago

  @Phoenix133 It seems like your rough past has helped you in the present day. The past is in the past and turning the days ahead of you into something that you can actually enjoy and look forward to is a miracle in itself. It's heartwarming to know that you defeated that dark phase in your life
• JAprufrock

  •

  4 years ago

  I was in rough shape after my marriage dissolved and she left with the kids several years ago. I never seriously considered suicide but did reach the point where I started researching methods on the Internet. Then, as simple as it sounds, I realized there is much to live for -- in particular, beautiful young ladies and sexy MILFs. I stumbled across this site and a couple others like it and got back into the hobby, something I hadn't done since before my marriage more than 20 years ago. For me, the pleasure of a woman's company and the joy of her beautiful body give me much to look forward to in life.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  4 years ago

  We all need to learn to feel our pain. It may feel like your bones are being dissolved in acid, but have to feel it. All Psychotherapy does is try and induct you into the therapist's own denial systems. This the only reason they are a therapist. And divorce really hurts, huge attack on honor. End up having to reinvent oneself. SJG TJ Street [view link] [view link] [view link]
• Icee Loco (asshole)

  •

  3 years ago

  My depression has to do with the situation. It's a complete mind fuck. If years of your best isn't good enough. Then whats your worth? You can be close to perfect. Have a life thats great on paper. People envy you. Others think you can't have problems. It doesn't matter. It just really fucks with your head In my experience professionals just want to pump you full of drugs. Clergy wants you to pray and come to services. My mom tells me to fuck who I want and not get attached.