Something that's been puzzling me ...
FONDL
Something that puzzles me a little is that my ATF has gradually become more modest around me than she used to be, and I don't understand why. The obvious answer is that she's become more modest in general, but I don't think that's true. Or that she's embarassed at having been a stripper, but I don't think that's true either. So what is it?
An example - She often talks about her days as a stripper, says that she's glad she did it because she learned a lot from it, and often tells me stories and makes jokes about it. And that's fine as long as she initiates the topic, but if I do she sometimes gets annoyed at me. I've learned never to mention stripping unless she does first.
Another one - I often take her shopping for clothing, we both enjoy it a lot. I especially enjoy watching her model some very revealing stuff. One time she was trying on a very low cut loose fitting sun dress and while showing it to me she suddenly leaned over for some reason right in front of me. And the front of the dress fell forward. And I didn't turn away (would you have?) but kept looking instead. And she saw me looking and got pissed. In spite of (or maybe because of?) the fact that I've seen her naked many times (the club where we met featured nude stage dancing and topless fairly high contact LDs, and I had been her best customer for well over a year.)
Another one - She used to work as a waitress at a resort area and after work a bunch of them (guys and girls) used to go to the beach nearby and party. One warm night one of the girls suggested everyone strip down to their underwear and go swimming, and she proceeded to do so. Now my ATF almost never wears any underwear and didn't that night, so she just got naked and went in. I'm quite sure she wouldn't have done that if I were there. But she tells me stories like this regularly.
I don't get it. Any thoughts?
An example - She often talks about her days as a stripper, says that she's glad she did it because she learned a lot from it, and often tells me stories and makes jokes about it. And that's fine as long as she initiates the topic, but if I do she sometimes gets annoyed at me. I've learned never to mention stripping unless she does first.
Another one - I often take her shopping for clothing, we both enjoy it a lot. I especially enjoy watching her model some very revealing stuff. One time she was trying on a very low cut loose fitting sun dress and while showing it to me she suddenly leaned over for some reason right in front of me. And the front of the dress fell forward. And I didn't turn away (would you have?) but kept looking instead. And she saw me looking and got pissed. In spite of (or maybe because of?) the fact that I've seen her naked many times (the club where we met featured nude stage dancing and topless fairly high contact LDs, and I had been her best customer for well over a year.)
Another one - She used to work as a waitress at a resort area and after work a bunch of them (guys and girls) used to go to the beach nearby and party. One warm night one of the girls suggested everyone strip down to their underwear and go swimming, and she proceeded to do so. Now my ATF almost never wears any underwear and didn't that night, so she just got naked and went in. I'm quite sure she wouldn't have done that if I were there. But she tells me stories like this regularly.
I don't get it. Any thoughts?
17 comments
I agree with Yoda, too. Either it's a sexual relationship or it's not. If it's sexual, I wouldn't be too apologetic about reacting as a man, and I wouldn't take her anger very seriously. I would just laugh at her for being silly and expect her to laugh along. If it's not sexual, however, I wouldn't want to be stealing looks at her tits in the first place. I would accept her modesty as natural and desirable for sustaining a friendship.
Look at the way she tells you things and acts and reacts to your presence.
Even you are reacting to her acts: "I'm quite sure she wouldn't have done that if I were there" Be glad you weren't there or she might be telling you right now "Oh, I remember when I had fun".
FONDL, there is one thing you should consider: I think you remind her of her days as a stripper and it might be something she wants to put away for good.
I guess my only problem with that is I find it hard (no pun intended) to forget the thousand or so LDs that we've had together. So I probably do think of her differently than I otherwise would - and she probably sees me somewhat differently too. She often jokes about it, and in fact we always have treated it with humor even when she was dancing.
For me this isn't a question of sex, it's a question of intimacy. We've never done anything remotely sexual OTC and I seriously doubt that we ever will. And I'm fine with that, I much prefer it that way. But what puzzles me is that in some respects we aren't as intimate* as we once were, and I'm talking about after she quit dancing, not during. We still are very intimate in some ways (eg. she tells me personal stuff that I'm sure she'd never tell anyone else), but in other ways we've become less so. I'm just trying to figure out where she draws that line because she isn't always consistent. But then women rarely are.
*I recently came across a definition of "intimate" as "a sincere and close connection between 2 people." That's the way I generally use the term and that's the way I'm using it here.
It does seem that FONDL's ATF might be trying to have it both ways as much as he is. Still teasing like a stripper but trying to act like that never happened.
Perhaps, your gal is trying to make you believe she is more conservative and she has another motive, like she might like to get to know you a little better. I could be wrong, but see what happens.
Lotsoffun, I don't thank she's doing anything intentionally, I don't think she's the least bit aware of any of this. She's a very flirtatious and teasing person and is pretty much like that with everyone, and she doesn't realize it (we've talked about it many times.) But she's that way in more of a tomboyish than a sexual way. I wouldn't describe her as being particularly sexy. And frankly that's a big part of her charm, she still has that innocent-young-girl-ness about her.
As for emotional intimacy becoming sexual over time, I think it happens often for a lot of people, although I find it hard to believe there aren't sexual undercurrents from the start.
Earlier someone also mentioned that maybe the presence of a boy friend also has something to do with the change in her behavior. I agree, that's definately part of why we aren't quite as physically intimate as we used to be. For example we used to hold hands a lot when walking. She won't do that anymore and I miss it.
As I said before, in some respects we're more intimate (read: closer) than ever, but physically we have become a little less so. And I'm not comparing now to when she was a dancer, I'm comparing now to several years ago, long after she quit dancing. I don't fully understand the change.