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Not A Self-Made Man

reverendhornibastard

Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy

Some who have known me for a long time say that I am “a self made man.” They mean it as a compliment. They believe this about me because I grew up poor and later became rich without resorting to crime or winning the lottery.

They are wrong about me. I’m not a self made man at all. My success was mostly, maybe even entirely, a matter of dumb luck.

I once also believed that I was a self-made man. But that was a long time ago. I eventually realized that my self-made status was false and completely unwarranted. I should actually take very little credit for my current social and economic status. I have felt this way for a long time now.

The following are the top 10 traits or circumstances that, in my opinion, were most pivotal in contributing to my success:

1. ROLE MODELS: I would be a total different person if my father had been a pimp and my mother had been just one of the tattooed, drug-addicted bitches and hoes that he slapped around when she got out of line. But that was not my background. I had great parents. Although they were not highly educated, they both taught me to value education above all else and to pursue it relentlessly. I never even considered not going to college or pursuing an advanced degree after I completed my undergraduate studies. Going to college and getting an advanced degree were as inevitable in my life as teenage acne, going through puberty, getting a driver’s license ASAP, buying an old jalopy with money saved from my crappy, after-school job at a greasy restaurant and then spending every Friday and Saturday in the back seat of my car with my girlfriend trying desperately to pick her lock.

2. BORN AND RAISED IN THE USA: I was “🎵 born in the USA 🎶,” where the local culture places a strong emphasis on taking your own life by the horns and steering it where you want it to go and where the barriers to success are less onerous than in many other countries. All of my other advantages would have meant a lot less if I had been born to a poor, working class family in the United Kingdom and would have probably meant nothing at all if I had been born poor and raised in North Korea, Cuba or Somalia.

3. BORN AND RAISED IN TEXAS: This is not about Texan chauvinism. But if you’re growing up poor, it is very helpful to be in a place where the economy is usually strong and jobs are usually plentiful, the cost of living is low and where, as a Texas resident, you can attend a world class university for cheap. It would have been more difficult to achieve my success if I had been born poor and raised in West Virginia, Nebraska, Mississippi or Wyoming.

4. TIMING: I was born after World War II in a country that was not badly torn up and trying desperately to rebuild its infrastructure and economy after the devastation brought on by the that conflict. If I had been born poor in the USA in 1852 it wouldn’t have been so much of an advantage.

5. RACE: This shouldn’t have been an issue, but the ugly truth about being born and raised in South Texas in the 1950s and 1960s is that my race mattered a lot. Although I am of Hispanic descent, my family background is European (Spain, France and Portugal) rather than Native American or Mestizo (Latin Americans who are of mixed Native American and European ancestry). Given the era and location of my upbringing, my race would have been more of an issue and probably an impediment if I had been of Mestizo or African American background.

6. GOOD HEALTH: I have always enjoyed robust health. Even at my current age (this is the oldest I’ve ever been ... so far), I still enjoy good health, I have all my hair and my vital hydraulics are still in good working order. It’s hard to be successful if you feel and look like hammered crap.

7. INTELLIGENCE: I am of at least average intelligence, maybe even a skosh above average. Where do you suppose I’d be today if my IQ was around 75?

8. SELF CONFIDENCE: My parents instilled a high degree of self confidence in me by constantly telling me that I was highly intelligent. Luckily for me, I was stupid enough to believe them.

9. PERSONAL APPEARANCE: I am not talking about my grooming habits. I’m talking about my basic physical characteristics. I look “normal.” I’m not excessively tall or excessively short. I am well proportioned. I don’t have a face that people are going to stare at and say to themselves, “Look at that poor guy! There but for the grace of God go I.” My limbs are all in good working order. I don’t need a wheelchair to get around or a blind man’s cane. I don’t have a hare lip or buck teeth. In short, my personal appearance never cast a shadow on my opportunities. Actually, if it weren’t for my 3 pound pecker (when fully deflated) I would fit in completely.

10. PERSONALITY: I’m hard working, diligent, optimistic and I never give up. These are among the characteristics some people like to cite when they argue that I am a self made man. This is probably the greatest fallacy of all. Do remember as a youth when you decided to be diligent instead of a lazy slob? Do you remember electing to be optimistic rather than pessimistic? Do you recall when you acquire the trait of strong perseverance? Me either! I don’t remember making a conscious decision about any of this. I believe I had all of these traits before I was old enough to know what the words diligence, optimism or perseverance meant. One of my younger siblings, born and raised in the same household as I was, is far brighter and more creative than I am. But his personality does not include the traits of diligence, optimism or perseverance. About the only thing we have in common is a strong tendency to be mavericks. Despite his keen intelligence and creativity, his life in the shadows at the periphery of our society is radically different from mine.

Those are the top 10 factors that I believe contributed to my success. Delete or modify ANY of them and I wouldn’t be where I am today.

None of these circumstances or factors were of my own choosing or the product of my astute foresight and hard work. They were just the personal circumstances of my birth and my luck of the draw in the genetic lottery in which we all participated, like it or not.

I am most definitely not a self made man.

https://www.tuscl.net/photo.php?id=1889

I don’t think any of us are.