I’m Not That Crazy About Blow Jobs
reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
It may be considered heresy for me to admit this here, but the honest truth is I’m not all that crazy about blow jobs.
Don’t get me wrong. I’d rather enjoy a good blowjob than go to the dentist, meet with an insurance salesman or have another colonoscopy. But, in my view, even the best blow jobs are highly overrated when compared to the sexual alternatives.
Blow jobs would make a lot more sense to me if women didn’t come equipped with vaginas. But they all do.
There are some critically important distinctions between mouths and vaginas. Perhaps the most important one is that mouths have teeth and vaginas don’t. A mouth full of teeth can chomp down on your love muscle inflicting considerable pain and suffering.
Plus, with mouths you always have to be concerned about gingivitis.
Vaginas don’t pose such hazards. Mouths can be mad and dangerous. By contrast, vaginas always seem so friendly and welcoming.
Beyond the concern about teeth, vaginas are specifically designed for fucking. As they say in the trades, vaginas are “built for purpose.”
This is not the case for mouths. Mouths were not made for fucking. If you jam your love baton too deeply into your woman’s mouth you will trigger her gag reflex. The sound of a woman retching because I became too exuberant and stabbed her in the tonsils with my pecker never struck me as particularly sexy.
By contrast, ramming deeply into a healthy vagina will please your woman who will probably tell all of her friends what you did to her, bolstering your reputation as one hell of a stud.
Finally, there is the issue of sexual purpose.
Call me queer but, given a choice, I would much prefer using my splooge to spray paint a woman’s cervix than her tonsils.
I chalk up my attitude on this issue to a couple of million years of evolution.
Guys who waste their splooge spray painting women’s tonsils tend to leave fewer progeny than men who prefer to spew their splooge where it counts most.
Don’t get me wrong. I’d rather enjoy a good blowjob than go to the dentist, meet with an insurance salesman or have another colonoscopy. But, in my view, even the best blow jobs are highly overrated when compared to the sexual alternatives.
Blow jobs would make a lot more sense to me if women didn’t come equipped with vaginas. But they all do.
There are some critically important distinctions between mouths and vaginas. Perhaps the most important one is that mouths have teeth and vaginas don’t. A mouth full of teeth can chomp down on your love muscle inflicting considerable pain and suffering.
Plus, with mouths you always have to be concerned about gingivitis.
Vaginas don’t pose such hazards. Mouths can be mad and dangerous. By contrast, vaginas always seem so friendly and welcoming.
Beyond the concern about teeth, vaginas are specifically designed for fucking. As they say in the trades, vaginas are “built for purpose.”
This is not the case for mouths. Mouths were not made for fucking. If you jam your love baton too deeply into your woman’s mouth you will trigger her gag reflex. The sound of a woman retching because I became too exuberant and stabbed her in the tonsils with my pecker never struck me as particularly sexy.
By contrast, ramming deeply into a healthy vagina will please your woman who will probably tell all of her friends what you did to her, bolstering your reputation as one hell of a stud.
Finally, there is the issue of sexual purpose.
Call me queer but, given a choice, I would much prefer using my splooge to spray paint a woman’s cervix than her tonsils.
I chalk up my attitude on this issue to a couple of million years of evolution.
Guys who waste their splooge spray painting women’s tonsils tend to leave fewer progeny than men who prefer to spew their splooge where it counts most.
56 comments
One of my ultimate pleasures is the double blow job. Two girls trading off sucking my cock and sucking my balls. Pure heaven !
Well, we all find different things sexy.
“Guys who waste their splooge spray painting women’s tonsils tend to leave fewer progeny than men who prefer to spew their splooge where it counts most.”
In my opinion, one of the chief advantages of a blowjob.
“One of my ultimate pleasures is the double blow job.”
I’ve had 2 and even 3 women in bed with me at once but, as best I can recall, I never had a double blow job.
Seems like I would remember something like that!
Most BJs I've had have been meh to pretty-good - a great blowjob for me has been more of the exception.
IMO BJs are more art than science - as in many things, often times it seems the girls that give the best BJs may be the ones that seem to actually like sucking a dick.
Thinking about the topic more carefully, I don't see how my partner could possibly enjoy giving a blowjob. It must be unpleasant and uncomfortable for her even you don't trigger her gag reflex. And so it's not something I would find pleasant if it inflicts pain or discomfort on someone I care about. Also not into the male-dominant aspect getting blowjobs.
I know it's a minority opinion, but just don't like blowjobs that much.
I've met a few women who are so masterful at it that they change my mind on this topic, though
Far too many women give a glorified hand job and use their hands more than their mouths. But find a woman that knows what she is doing and also enjoys doing it and things are so much more fun.
But the best blowjobs where she's got the skills, the endurance, and the motivation? All without being a cum dodger? When I can just sit back and enjoy that kind of experience it's a toss up.
As for blow jobs, there's something more personal about them and seems there can be more variation from the lady's lips. Plus there's the tongue....I remember a girlfriend who gave great head. The one thing that comes to mind about her....the things she could do with her tongue.
daty is another big step.
A) The know they’ve given their last blowjob
A) Not if you are @25. In that case you can have 2 answers.
daty is another big step.
I love 'em (BJs). And good ol' PIV sex. And sucking her nipple as I rub her happy spot till she ...
“This thread is blasphemy.”
🤣
@flagooner used the wrong joke:
Q. What's the best part of a blowjob after you're married?
A. The three minutes of silence.
For the rest of us:
A BJ is like pizza. When it's good it's really great. And when it's bad it's still pretty good. :p
If schools replaced home-ec with 'How to give a BJ by Ava Devine' the divorce rate would drop by 10-15% over time.
For a good BJ, try a fat-chick - they like having something in their mouth
But even the best BJs I ever received didn’t hold a candle to the standard deep-pussy desploogination.
I do have to say that a very well done BBBJ can sometimes cum in a close second to vaginal sex, especially if she's willing to stick out her tongue at end to take the load and then swallow all of it. I also disagree with rev. Horny B, I like when a lady uses her teeth to gently grip the head of my dick and massage it. If he doesn't like that maybe he should trying getting a BJ from some crack whore who doesn't have teeth or some old granny with dentures!
“If [Reverend] doesn’t like [teeth on his pecker] maybe he should try getting a BJ from some crack whore who doesn’t have teeth or some old granny with dentures ...”
I guess I have fewer calluses on my penis than you do!
That said, I’d still take a HJ over a covered BJ.
OTC FS is the preferred option where time and multiple positions are available.
But I will say this, a really good blowjob could get me to do just about anything for my gf.
One of the best blowjobs I ever got was from a gf who didn't like to give them but had done something wrong (she fucked up a lot) and surprised me one night. It was slow, sensual and kept me on the brink of cumming for what seemed like forever.Probably kept me in the relationship a few months longer than I should have.
My first gf in college was really good at it and while she didn't swallow, she took the load in her mouth every time. She spoiled me. No gf or ex-wife since has been willing to do that.
I've only found one BG/DS whose CBJ was so exquisite and yes, I try to see her regulary.
Plus, its always nice to have that as a backup during her heavy flow days.