If the moment feels right, I'll ask. It's not something I'll say just out of the blue. One of us usually brings it up as a general idea first. It's not something I try to strategize, either. It's usually comes pretty naturally in the flow of our flirtation.
Both of my OTC experiences have been at the request/suggestion of the dancer. I have also been approached twice by dancers whose offers I did not take up.
Perhaps I am overly pussilanimous, but I am too afraid of the consequences of an unwanted proposition to bring it up myself.
I seemed to have developed a habit of saying no or ignoring chances to see dancers outside the club. The only time I remember asking a dancer was when I was brand new to strip clubs and I asked someone if dancers ever went out with guys in strip clubs and he told me no way. It took me two dancers to get a yes response. Now if a dancer is already hinting or giving suggestions for an outside the club meeting, I don't call that asking first. I remember one club where dancers did not go out with anyone they met in the club and were restricted from even getting any of their business cards. A number of dancers I see working in clubs now I have no desire to go out with even if they paid me.
Other than one time, I have always waited for her to ask. I had too many negative experiences when doing the asking. Of course, one time I did and it worked, but that was in the natural context of everything and I was probably oblivious to what I was saying at that moment. I doubt I could consciously ask for an OTC encounter.
Actually, I've never consciously waited for a stripper to ask, as though I knew it was coming in a matter of time. Anytime they've asked me it came as a surprise, even though we may have both flirted around the general idea.
I asked several dancers about OTC but only one dancer made it happen. It only happened once while she was still dancing. Happened twice after she had quit dancing.
In all of my experiences, I've been the one to breach the subject. You have to wait for the right timing, and a level of mutual comfort. I think the most important aspect is establishing two-way trust.
You have to get a feel (no pun intended) for what the girl is thinking, and expecting. Typically she's being asked to go back to some guy's hotel and "do the deed." So I'll simply suggest that we go out to breakfast / dinner (depending on what shift she is working) after she gets off work.
In all of my OTCing, except for one, I've used that approach, and each time have been turned down - at LEAST once. It's taken some coaxing and patience - in several cases a LOT of coaxing.
The exception mentioned above was a total "sure thing" before I even mentioned OTCing... no talk of dining (unless you include of the "Y" variety), just had to say what I wanted, to which she readily agreed.
I think you're better off to ask. The only times for me that it ever actually happened was when I did the asking. Whenever the girl asked me it never happened, it was just stripper shit designed to lead me on.
On subject: I have not experienced OTC and I've never been asked. I have hinted at it a couple of times with a couple of dancers I really liked but was told NO. I assumed it was a pretty rare occurence until I started reading this board.
Off subject: Chitown, this is why I like to read this discussion board. I'm always learning something. Sometimes it's about strip clubs and related topics (such as OTC experiences and possibilities) and sometimes it's edifying in another way... like maybe expanding my vocabulary. "pusillanimous"!! I had to look that one up. I also like that no one gives you shit for using that word.
I always thought that the expression "He's such a pussy" meant that he is meek or cowardly like a woman (yes, I know that's a politically incorrect perjorative. I've met some pretty bold and courageous women, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought it.) Now I wonder if it comes from pusillanimous.
Book Guy also makes some references occasionally that I don't get. But I can usually google it.
I've been asked many many times for an OTC experience by dancers. I just don't care for that only because their motive is money driven.
I've had two OTC experiences, one a quickie, the other a short relationship. It was strictly for the sex and nothing more.
There is ONE dancer I would love to have an OTC relationship with, but it will never happen, unfortunately, and I've never approached her about it either. I can only fantasize about it.
Yoda: I've never asked for OTC in the form of sex, either. Well, just once, but that was only after sex was offered ITC - and I didn't feel comfortable doing it there.
When I've brought the subject of OTC up with dancers, it's always in the form of "dinner/breakfast" and/or "just spending time together". I might add that when I've brought it up, there is always definite suspicions as to what my intentions are, and I've always been honest with them. My usual answer to their suspicions is, "Dinner/breakfast... spending time... nothing more is expected, but I'm also not against anything more".
I've been invited to meet dancers outside the club by various dancers for various reasons. One of the first dancers asked me if I'd like to go eat with her at a local diner after she got off from work. I did. Then I took her home. I think she must have been getting a ride typically because she rode with me which seems slightly unusual now. She seemed to treat me like one of her friends since we were just hanging out at various places and going to some clubs on her off time.
Another new dancer (at least to me) asked to meet me outside the club. She didn't say why but at that time I was pretty agreeable so of course I said yes. She made her intentions clear to me after she was alone with me.
One dancer I asked out when I was brand new to strip clubs. Apparently I did this in a club where some dancers did what they called private parties. Apparently the dancers charged by the hour and did exotic dancing only but in a more private setting wherever you agreed outside the club. When the dancer said yes to me, I didn't understand she wanted money. I met her and got pissed off at her after she wanted money which she never mentioned earlier. She just wanted money for time as if she was doing an escort thing but without the sex. That's enough to piss off anyone in my opinion.
All other dancers I've met seem to always be more blunt or obvious whether they wanted to just get to know me better as a friend or fuck buddy or wanted money. It's easy for me to say no if a dancer says she wants money for anything outside the club.
I've discovered one clean dancer (never saw or heard her say anything about using any drugs, didn't even smoke or drink that I remember). One seemed to suffer from an ulcer (don't remember her using drugs but she smoked a lot). Two others I discovered used pot on occasion. I don't even smoke so any smoking or drug use is a big turn off for me. Mix this together with stripper shit, possible money problems, problems with ex boyfriends etc etc. and it might seem understandable why I don't usually ask strippers out.
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Perhaps I am overly pussilanimous, but I am too afraid of the consequences of an unwanted proposition to bring it up myself.
You have to get a feel (no pun intended) for what the girl is thinking, and expecting. Typically she's being asked to go back to some guy's hotel and "do the deed." So I'll simply suggest that we go out to breakfast / dinner (depending on what shift she is working) after she gets off work.
In all of my OTCing, except for one, I've used that approach, and each time have been turned down - at LEAST once. It's taken some coaxing and patience - in several cases a LOT of coaxing.
The exception mentioned above was a total "sure thing" before I even mentioned OTCing... no talk of dining (unless you include of the "Y" variety), just had to say what I wanted, to which she readily agreed.
Off subject: Chitown, this is why I like to read this discussion board. I'm always learning something. Sometimes it's about strip clubs and related topics (such as OTC experiences and possibilities) and sometimes it's edifying in another way... like maybe expanding my vocabulary. "pusillanimous"!! I had to look that one up. I also like that no one gives you shit for using that word.
I always thought that the expression "He's such a pussy" meant that he is meek or cowardly like a woman (yes, I know that's a politically incorrect perjorative. I've met some pretty bold and courageous women, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought it.) Now I wonder if it comes from pusillanimous.
Book Guy also makes some references occasionally that I don't get. But I can usually google it.
I've had two OTC experiences, one a quickie, the other a short relationship. It was strictly for the sex and nothing more.
There is ONE dancer I would love to have an OTC relationship with, but it will never happen, unfortunately, and I've never approached her about it either. I can only fantasize about it.
When I've brought the subject of OTC up with dancers, it's always in the form of "dinner/breakfast" and/or "just spending time together". I might add that when I've brought it up, there is always definite suspicions as to what my intentions are, and I've always been honest with them. My usual answer to their suspicions is, "Dinner/breakfast... spending time... nothing more is expected, but I'm also not against anything more".
Another new dancer (at least to me) asked to meet me outside the club. She didn't say why but at that time I was pretty agreeable so of course I said yes. She made her intentions clear to me after she was alone with me.
One dancer I asked out when I was brand new to strip clubs. Apparently I did this in a club where some dancers did what they called private parties. Apparently the dancers charged by the hour and did exotic dancing only but in a more private setting wherever you agreed outside the club. When the dancer said yes to me, I didn't understand she wanted money. I met her and got pissed off at her after she wanted money which she never mentioned earlier. She just wanted money for time as if she was doing an escort thing but without the sex. That's enough to piss off anyone in my opinion.
All other dancers I've met seem to always be more blunt or obvious whether they wanted to just get to know me better as a friend or fuck buddy or wanted money. It's easy for me to say no if a dancer says she wants money for anything outside the club.
I've discovered one clean dancer (never saw or heard her say anything about using any drugs, didn't even smoke or drink that I remember). One seemed to suffer from an ulcer (don't remember her using drugs but she smoked a lot). Two others I discovered used pot on occasion. I don't even smoke so any smoking or drug use is a big turn off for me. Mix this together with stripper shit, possible money problems, problems with ex boyfriends etc etc. and it might seem understandable why I don't usually ask strippers out.