OTC. Do you ask or wait for her to ask?
shadowcat
Atlanta suburb
In the last 5 years I have OTC expierences with 5 strippers. 3 were for paid sex and she asked. The other 2 were with my 2 former ATF's and I asked.
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Perhaps I am overly pussilanimous, but I am too afraid of the consequences of an unwanted proposition to bring it up myself.
You have to get a feel (no pun intended) for what the girl is thinking, and expecting. Typically she's being asked to go back to some guy's hotel and "do the deed." So I'll simply suggest that we go out to breakfast / dinner (depending on what shift she is working) after she gets off work.
In all of my OTCing, except for one, I've used that approach, and each time have been turned down - at LEAST once. It's taken some coaxing and patience - in several cases a LOT of coaxing.
The exception mentioned above was a total "sure thing" before I even mentioned OTCing... no talk of dining (unless you include of the "Y" variety), just had to say what I wanted, to which she readily agreed.
Off subject: Chitown, this is why I like to read this discussion board. I'm always learning something. Sometimes it's about strip clubs and related topics (such as OTC experiences and possibilities) and sometimes it's edifying in another way... like maybe expanding my vocabulary. "pusillanimous"!! I had to look that one up. I also like that no one gives you shit for using that word.
I always thought that the expression "He's such a pussy" meant that he is meek or cowardly like a woman (yes, I know that's a politically incorrect perjorative. I've met some pretty bold and courageous women, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought it.) Now I wonder if it comes from pusillanimous.
Book Guy also makes some references occasionally that I don't get. But I can usually google it.
I've had two OTC experiences, one a quickie, the other a short relationship. It was strictly for the sex and nothing more.
There is ONE dancer I would love to have an OTC relationship with, but it will never happen, unfortunately, and I've never approached her about it either. I can only fantasize about it.
When I've brought the subject of OTC up with dancers, it's always in the form of "dinner/breakfast" and/or "just spending time together". I might add that when I've brought it up, there is always definite suspicions as to what my intentions are, and I've always been honest with them. My usual answer to their suspicions is, "Dinner/breakfast... spending time... nothing more is expected, but I'm also not against anything more".
Another new dancer (at least to me) asked to meet me outside the club. She didn't say why but at that time I was pretty agreeable so of course I said yes. She made her intentions clear to me after she was alone with me.
One dancer I asked out when I was brand new to strip clubs. Apparently I did this in a club where some dancers did what they called private parties. Apparently the dancers charged by the hour and did exotic dancing only but in a more private setting wherever you agreed outside the club. When the dancer said yes to me, I didn't understand she wanted money. I met her and got pissed off at her after she wanted money which she never mentioned earlier. She just wanted money for time as if she was doing an escort thing but without the sex. That's enough to piss off anyone in my opinion.
All other dancers I've met seem to always be more blunt or obvious whether they wanted to just get to know me better as a friend or fuck buddy or wanted money. It's easy for me to say no if a dancer says she wants money for anything outside the club.
I've discovered one clean dancer (never saw or heard her say anything about using any drugs, didn't even smoke or drink that I remember). One seemed to suffer from an ulcer (don't remember her using drugs but she smoked a lot). Two others I discovered used pot on occasion. I don't even smoke so any smoking or drug use is a big turn off for me. Mix this together with stripper shit, possible money problems, problems with ex boyfriends etc etc. and it might seem understandable why I don't usually ask strippers out.