I crossed the final frontier - told my wife I was SCing

12/6/2018 10:23:57 AM

So last night I sat down an talked to my wife about my SC hobby. Told her how often I was going, and that I had made friends here (on tuscl) and in the club. It has gotten to a point that I feel like I have a whole secret life. I have been more tempted as of late to get into extras (still have not) and I even signed up and started testing the waters on SA. I think having a secret life is really toxic and it made it easy to rationalize going from an occasional LDK to fucking a sugar baby. If I'm already lying to her what's one more lie.

So I told her everything including my terrible porn addiction I had before. Going to the SC has been good for me and my marriage. My wife and I have very different needs and there are some things she can probably never give me. I have worked hard this year to figure out what I was getting in the SC and try to get that from her instead. If I had not been working on my marriage this year I think the honest conversation I had with her would have gone a lot worse.

So she was hurt but not at all devastated. At this point she seems totally willing to let me continue doing what I have been. And just try to be more honest with her.

So for those married guys on who have wives who tentatively accept their SCing:

What is a health amount to talk about with her? I don't think telling her every time I go with daily progress reports is the best idea. But not being able to tell her about someone who becomes a real friend is bad as well. At this point I think I am leaning towards telling her about really unique and interesting people/happenings.

20 comments

Latest

ime

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6 years ago

I read that headline to fast and thought this was about telling your wife you were a crossdresser. Ha.

gSteph

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6 years ago

Wow, that's a big step. Completely hiding SCing is toxic if you're married and wanting a good relationship with wife.
I'm a relative newbie ( not to viewing in SCs but to lap dancing), and telling my wife was difficult but liberating. She said she was ok with me going to SC (if not too often).
And lap dances? I asked. Long pause.
So a lap dance is basically her rubbing (her behind) on your boner? she asks.
While cuddling is happening I add.
Another long pause.
"I can see why you enjoy that" she says.
Then proceeded to tell me she trusts me to keep it at that level.
Oh wow I thought, (there was more to the conversation), and a heavy weight lifted.
Best but most difficult conversation.
Best luck to you.

JamesSD

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6 years ago

My wife was totally on board with my buddies taking me to a strip club for my bachelor party. When she found out they bought me some (very low mileage) lap dances she was upset.

Rememebr a lot of women still believe in Chris Rock's "no sex in the champagne room", and the girls are teasing cash from chumps rather than draining dicks.

Jascoi

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6 years ago

‘no touching’ was the motto (i thought) when i first started.

Jascoi

•

6 years ago

‘no touching’ was the motto (i thought) when i first started.

twentyfive

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6 years ago

@PaulDrake I'd Stay frosty and keep an eye out for process servers if I was you ; )

jsully63

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6 years ago

My wife texted me one day and asked what I was doing. Told her I was at the strip club talking having a drink with a dancer. Her reply was is she hit and why didn’t you bring me. I knew she was interested in women and we are pretty open with each other so I wasn’t concerned that she would be upset. Now when we go clubbing together she gets more action during a dance than I do. But I can’t complain. She is my better half and we have a great time clubbing together

RandomMember

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6 years ago

"So for those married guys on who have wives who tentatively accept their SCing:
What is a health amount to talk about with her? "
___________________________

Zero. Don't understand the point in hurting her feelings, but maybe it's therapy for you.

My wife doesn't know -- but cheating with millennials is meaningless, animal fun and nothing more.

nicespice

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6 years ago

Hmm...I’d say don’t bring it up, but be willing to answer any questions she has directly, if she has any.

I’m happy for you that it’s going well. I dislike it whenever I feel the need to hide things.

MackTruck

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6 years ago

I hope it continues to go well

Papi_Chulo

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6 years ago

One thing is to be honest about going to SCs if you feel that is the way to go to get it of your-chest or w/e other reason - but telling her about your visits I see zero point in, it's kinda rubbing it in her face - why would you feel a need to tell her about what an awesome chick you met at the club - I don't see the point/value in that.

wallanon

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6 years ago

If you brought it up once and got away with it, just let the rest of it go unless she brings it up herself.

PaulDrake

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6 years ago

My wife is definitely doesn't think strip clubs are innocent. She thinks all strippers are prostitutes.

strippercutie404

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6 years ago

I want to have a very honest relationship, I don't know yet if I want to be married but I want to have the kind of connection where neither of us hides anything from the other. It feels absolutely open and you don't feel constrained by your partner. that's what i'm looking for.

gawker

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6 years ago

After I got “caught” in a full blown affair, my late wife and I went for marriage counseling. After several sessions she told me to do what I needed to do, but don’t rub her nose in it. So for the next 33 years I was discreet. That worked well for us because we loved each other.

Mate27

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6 years ago

Can’t help you. I don’t make friends at the strip club, with anyone, even the dancers. So it’s easy for me to keep my clubbing on the down low.

By the way, tell your wife it’s safer for you to go to the strip club than a bar. You’d have a better chance of
Having an affair with a girl at a local bar, because the dancers don’t want relationships, they want you’re wallet. Use the club as entertainment value, and you’ll be much happier at home, for both you and your wife.

Warrior15

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6 years ago

My advice is to go ahead and interview divorce attorneys. Might as well be prepared. Maybe you will be lucky and have a wife that will be OK with it. But I think most will not be.

My wife knows I go into clubs. But her image of a club is guys sit at the stage and throw $1 bills and drink beer. I'm not going to do anything to change her image.

Liwet

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6 years ago

"Yeah I figure the reason this image is popular is because PLs want to keep it under wraps."

Not all of us.

jimmyblong

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6 years ago

I told my wife about my SC habits and some OTC meetings about 20 years ago as a way of being honest and trying to work on saving the marriage. She blamed herself for driving me to seek out these other women and went into a sever depression and many years of therapy that cost way too much money. We are still together and things are great but my SC habits continue, but I will NEVER-EVER make the mistake of opening up and be honest about them. Not only did it cost a ton of cash, it really hurt her and she did nothing to deserve it.

georgmicrodong

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6 years ago

My wife has known about me banging strippers since *before* we were married, so my answer to the “what’s a healthy amount of information to share” question would be “everything”.

I am so incredibly happy I don’t have any need whatsoever to lie to her.

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