Types of Dancers

The GPSer - "dances are $20 but I charge $40 b/c I'm so hot"

The In denial Queen - "i'm not like the rest of these hoes - so you wanna fuck in VIP"

Da`Krazy - "No one will believe me but I'm pretty-sure I did a VIP with an alien once"

The Juker - Knows what she's doing and right as your LDKing stands up to avoid any mess

The Snail Trail - Why are you even working today?

The Imposter - 'No, this ass is real gal'

The Scholar - I'm just doing this until I graduate gal.

The Buzzkill - O.M.G. Did you just get a boner while I was dancing for you?

The Germaphobe - prior to the dance puts sanitizer on your hands; sanitizes the whole dance area; and puts a cloth b/w you and her even though she's wearing a double-thong at least

The bareback is no big deal queen - tries to mount you bareback w/o even asking

The no-game dancer - has to team-up with a dancer buddy

The Wannadance queen - I'm just here to make $$$ not socialize

The VIP only bitch - apparently dance $$$ is beneath her

What about the Lot Lizzards

The multiplier - instead of using addition to add the songs she uses multiplication (aka the over-counter)

Lot Lizzard Lives Matter too

The Add-Ons girl - "dances are $20 but if you wanna touch my breasts then they are $30"

No means yes dancer - "let's go get a dance" - "c'mon it's just $20" - "what you don't have $20" - "what do you come here for" (aka the pushy dancer"

The Overseller - "You have no idea what I'm gonna do to you if I get you in the back" - then proceeds to give you a low-mileage dance

The Sympathy Dancer - "my dad is in the hospital and I need to make $X to pay his medical bills"

The Crazy Baby Voice ROB - thinks using a creepy “cute” voice will trick you into spending $200 for a half ass air dance

The Emotional Manipulator - "thank you for not touching me at all during the dances; you are such a gentleman - you're the best customer I've ever had - I wish all customers were like you - you made my day by coming in today"

The PL buys every word and eats it up like a ham-sandwich

The half-song queen - always starts dancing right away in the middle of a song and charges you for a full song/dance

The low-mileage talker - tries to engage you in convo constantly thru the dance in order to avoid having to give you a real (good-mileage) dance

No idea what customer service is dancer - thinks it's perfectly fine to talk on the phone, or be texting, or talking to another dancer, while dancing for you and charging you of course

The fake newbie - tells all the custies she's new to dancing even though she's been dancing for 5 years

The I'll say anything to sell dances dancer - "you know what I actually LOVE small penises"

I love these, as I've encountered dn near all of them. I HATE that tiny high pitched voice one. So phony that it's a huge turn off.

And the VIP only dancers, never had one because I have to test drive first. Anyone ever had one of them? Do they actually deliver in VIP or is it like I expect......a rip-off.

The '$10 extra to touch me' dancers..... there's a club in Northern California (Gold Club Centerfolds) where at night time it's pretty much the standard. So every dancer says contact dances are $30, no touch dances are $20. They successfully converted the entire club, this is the only place I've encountered this.

The Buzzkill, thankfully only encountered this in low mileage clubs that I'll never set foot in again. Or girls that trip off of you adjusting yourself.

Man these are great, keep em coming!

The take you for granted dancer - you've been with her several times b/f - then after a while she comes up to you when she sees you come in the club, says hi and tells you she'll come back - then proceeds to work the room for 2-hours b/f coming back to you

Omg the half song queen hahahahahaha. This happens all the time!

The Lot Lizzard - shell blow you in the parking lot for a ride home

The ATM Lover - Cmon let's go to the ATM!!!

The Disney Bitch - I'm a princess dammit!

The Anderson Cooper - I'll dance for you but truth be told I don't even like dick

The Nina - Hang on I need to go in the back and smoke real quick

The take you for all you have bitch - "so - how much do you have on you"

The Sneaky Hungry - Saddles up next to you and after a 2 minute convo asks the bartender for a menu

The party girl 2 - fucks around all night w/ her dancer buddies then 15-minutes b/f the club closes is freaking out b/c she hasn't made any $$$

The Papi - I can ass clap. Watch this! proceeds to uninhibitedly twerk

The Nina.....LMAO!

The Rents Due gal - momentarily hard up, usually doesn't do favors but is in need. You want to find this gal.

The Dr Jekyll Ms Hyde dancer - all friendly till she has a few drinks in her then she goes all MMA on a custy over a minor disagreement

The James Taylor - Approaches you with a friend and is more worried about her fiend making money

The I don't believe in change dancer - you get a $25 dance and hand her 2 $20s - she says thanks and takes off

I hope Founder is working on a catalog...

The StripperWeb dancer - "I've always been the top-earner at any club I've worked - and I don't allow customers to touch me"

The overachiever - "I graduated valedictorian of my class and have two masters degrees but I prefer to dance"

The SJG - she is passed out in the corner (maybe drugged) and hogging the good seats

oh jeez this is pretty good

The Kung Fu dancer - expertly blocks your hands from touching her anywhere

The Helen Parr (ala Elasitgal from Incredibles Movie) - How... did... you... just... do... that... move....

Lmao at Kung fu!!!!

The Juice - this is a disheveled looking gal that looks like she just did something she didn't sign up for in life

The Juice dancer 2 - she's so broke she'll actually take food-stamps as dance-payment

The Crisis Counselor: "My rent is due tomorrow and my ex-boyfriend just stole all my cash, can I get $400?" "My car broke down! Can you paypal me $200?"

The West Virginia 7-ups - the ones with most of their teeth

The Weave Bitch - Spank me, cum on my face, just do... not.. touch... my... hair...

The Patchouli Lady - Smells like incense at first until you get that whiff of armpit and unwashed pussy

The Self Admirers - spend most of the dance looking at themselves in the mirror

The TUSCL dancers - aka they know the deal dancers

The dark-skinned Papi dancer - she's so dark the DJ keeps calling her name to get on stage even though she's up there already

The GW - more concerned about getting singles on stage than getting lap dances

The Unicorn - Hot, dirty, and cool and just your type. Get them digits, these gals don't come round often.

The Buzzard - You're drunk as fuck, already spent money & this gal approaches you like you just walked in

The Unicorn 2 - super-hot - great sense of humor - super-easy to get along with - loves sports - then you find out you click w/ her so-well b/c she's actually a dude/tranny - not that there's anything wrong with that

The Bayou Bitch - Where are you from? She says some town you've never heard of population 29.

Lol! I've experienced the Unicorn 2.

The I'll work with you dancer - "dances are $20 but I'll work with you and do 2-for-$40"

The FML - when you realize that the dancer has probably had sex change operations and you're too drunk to care and just think 'god bless that surgeon.'

"... Lol! I've experienced the Unicorn 2 ..."

Could you imagine what Subraman goes thru SCing in San Francisco - again not that there's anything wrong w/ that - you do you Subraman - no judging here on TUSCL unless it's a RIL (a tranny fave falls under "everyone has their type")

The Wifey - she's cool and did nothing wrong, you just have problems saying 'I'm looking for dirtier' because you don't want to hurt her feelings.

The I'm really exotic dancer - "I'm part Irish; part Japanese; part Native American; part Mongolian; part French; and part Somoan - really"

@papi the unicorn 2 is a story for a different thread. lol

The Wife 2 - she's danced for you before - after that approaches you every time as soon as you walk in the club - sits next to you and never leaves your side - if she does have to step-away she leaves her belongings w/ you to mark her territory

Damn - I"m running out of steam - I need a Red Bull

The Kung Fu dancer, I had one that had to be a fucking 3rd Dan in that shit. I'm talking about before my hands could even make contact on a boob, she was doing that wax on wax off shit from Karate Kid. Matter of fact you could call her 'The Matrix dancer' also. She was dodging my hands like those agents would dodge bullets. Those dances were frustrating as fuck but looking back, I gotta admire the gal's skills lol.

I hereby appoint Papi _Chulo to be the author of "Tuscl Handbook of Dancer Types"

The OMG - everything is awesome and she uses omg, idk and abbreviations to talk in real life

The Mean Girl - talking shit about every dancer in the buildng

The Jersey Shore - thinks she is JWoww looks like a fat and is a much uncooler version of Snooki

The D - From Detroit, shell fuck you for a $40 and a meal at the Waffle House

The Daddillac dancer - she'll take you for half a mil before you realize you've been Daddillac'ed*

(*discussion board inside joke)

The egg dancer - her tits are like two eggs, but fried

The Orange is the New Black gal - just got out of jail, ankle bracelet, but "Its cool yo"

The Putin - a Russian bitch that will ROB your ass blind

The Keeper - Doesn't ask for much, rubs your balls under the bar for forever until you buy her a dance

The Bottom Bitch - secure in herself, she likes targeting innocent younguns for you to test drive

The Fried Wonton - aka the elusive Asian dancer

The Nicole94 - variation of The Scholar, specifically going to law school to kill it on the Senate Floor while eating Takis.

I'm sad because I have a 12-year old, high-pitched voice

The itty bitty dancer - gives you an air-dance for most of the song then grinds on you for a little itty bitty during the last 10-seconds to sucker you into another song/dance where she repeats the process

The Nicole-94 2 - like the dancer that was valedictorian of her class, but from back to front

The Obama - Overpromises, underdelivers

The GW Bush - starts a locker room war just because

Oooooh the itty bitty hate that shit

LOL - "the Obama"

The Preview - gives you a sample, you go to the 'movie' and the preview was better than the movie.

The acrobat: the dancer who wants to show off flexibility and athleticism during a lap dance.

The Bernie Sanders dancer - "we should all get paid $100,000/yr just to dance on stage and just work 2 hours per shift - that would be fair - omg really - ok bye"

The ARCO - sighs. I just need gas money.

The Clueless Romantic - loves to talk to you about how awesome her boyfriend is and how good he is in bed

The Fosta - I'm just here because they shut down backpage and I don't know where to go.

^ LOL - good one

The Ferragamo - judges a customer solely based on his shoes. Avoid.

The Rookie - has no idea about stripping - thinks guys will throw tons of $$$ at her just b/c "she's hot/cute" - thinks custies will just give her $$$ for her just talking to them and she may not even need to take her clothes off

The Glitter Bitch - no description needed

The OJ Simpson - bitch got whacked by a possessive regular (no one on TUSCL of course)

Mrs Perfume - dayummmmmmm that shit is strong! Was there a sale of cheap perfume at Ross?

The Caviar bitch - charges an arm-and-a-leg for a tiny portion

Holy shit, I could swear that some of y'all have been to a strip club.

Door Vulture - Stalks those walking in

Nooooooooo!! I only just got my drink and haven't even seen your stretch marks yet!

The Psuedo Intellectual - Prides herself of being smart and witty and wants you to know it

I have also heard of physics! Please tell me more...

The bareback is no big deal queen - tries to mount you bareback w/o even asking

Well... OK, you are exactly the kind of girl I would want to raise children with. (I'm not even shitting you guys, I swear she could tell)

The One Trick Pony - lap dances are boring for the most except for the 20 seconds she knows what she is doing even though she doesn't know what she is doing, The One Trick Pony can be harmful to your wallet. Hint: it doesn't get better.

The Matriarch - both her daughter and granddaughter dance with her at the club

'Holy shit, I could swear that some of y'all have been to a strip club.'

Uhhhh yeah, some of us misogynists go from time to time. Lol

Oh wow forgot about the matriarch.

The Wet Willy - Bitch I swear if you lick me one more time...

Yes SirDance agreed on Lady Gaga

The Max Headroom - just stands there shaking her head back and forth like a bobble doll

The Horoscope Bitch - Asks your sign up front, runs away when you say 'Whichever one swallows.'

The IBRB gal - she leaves her half empty drink you paid for next to you then makes her rounds for the next hour

The Linzee - yeah we all want to bone this gal

The Ricky D - tells you it's $200 for otc then by end of shift it's $50 if you rent a motel with HBO

The Nina Mambina - "I'm a total-winner and you're a total-loser - and we can argue about this as long as you want"

Oh man I've run into a few twekaholics!!

The Ricky D - tells you it's $200 for otc then by end of shift it's $50 if you rent a motel with HBO

The Grand Wizard...

youtube.com

The Show is too epic to be left out, though:

youtube.com

too many goddamn types of strippers in this thread, there's only two types, a fine hoe and a not fine hoe

The Man n Cheese - so simple, nothing special, you've outgrown it, but reminds you of why you got into the Stripper World and are happy to have it served every now and then

*mac n cheese damn auto correct lol

The Lil Baller Ho - So happy to have a real man she calls anything over 3" a real dick

i'll have you know bitch, my dick is well over 8 inches and thick

sometimes my hoes tell me its too big and they run to find pistola's tiny little cock after i've thoroughly worn them out

sometimes my hoes tell me its too big and they run to find pistola's tiny little cock after i've thoroughly worn them out

My bitches keep wanting to fuck pistola, too, but I haven't formulated a rationalization yet

Youre so awesome lil b.

The Kwanzaa Bitch - I don't know what holidays she is talking about, I just play along.

The Freeloader - before she leaves you, she is gonna get something be it a drink, a dance, a cigarette, or a nickel.

The Shamu - daaaaammmmnnnnn I thought this gal was retired

The Crazy Eyes - gut says no, dick says yes, you'll regret it later and you knew this

This looks like a shootout between pistola and Papi Chulo. I cant tell who won

The Granola girl - only uses natural deodarants, usually has dreads, is vegan, has a wierd funky smell to her or smells like weed

Can't keep her accent dancer. The dancer who puts on a fake accent and can't keep it going. Often it's and fake Asian or EU accent that keep switching to standard local American.

Tell you her life history dancer. Within first sitting down, you know more than you ever want to know about her dead beat fiancé, three kids with different fathers, car and house she just bought.

Automaton Lapper. Sits on your lap in one position through out the dance, motion and speed never waving.

Hey everyone I am giving a dance, dancer. Dancer who talks loudly in the next booth over while you are trying to enjoy your dance.

Fitness coach. A usually hard bodied dancer who lets you know her workout routine in complete detail, and gives out fitness advice. Extreme cases even try to get you to join them at their fitness club.

Nutritionist. Similar to Fitness coach but talks about nutrition instead.

The J Lo - she looks 40, is 40 and tells you how she looks 25 and only dates guys in their 20s

Shootout at the PL corral

The Disco Dancer - more preoccupied with dancing to the beat of the music as she was at a house-party vs giving you a dance you actually enjoy

Lol this thread is hilarious thx to PC. Wouldn't be surprised if founder makes a list and a link winds up on the pink site!

The Doorbelll - No matter how many times you try, nobody's home

Lol I guess not to many NJ/NY or MA guys here, but dont forget "The Brazilian" This is a smoking hot FOTB girl who speaks conversational english and will act like she's your GF for 30 minutes, blow your mind in the LD room, and be able to move on to the next guy like nothing happened.

^yessssss good one

The Bruce Springsteen - she acts like the queen bitch boss, other dancers and the bartenders fear her, until they yell Shift Change

The Honey Badger - a ruthless bitch who will try to steal from both you and her fellow dancers and is usually in the center of locker room drama involving broken locks

Right

The Subraman - she won't dare give another PL a dance when he's at the club "if she knows what's good for her"

The Dugan - "my life is in chambles so I'll have sex with you for whatever you give me"

The Papi - her butt is so big she requires two stages - not that that's a bad thing though

The Papi - her butt is so big her bottoms are designed by parachute makers

Dream Stripper - easily gets middle-aged PLs to spend their children's entire inheritance on her

My ATF is cuddly wuddly and the BFF and I'm okay with that :)

Excellent ... loved "Kung Fu" and yes I too forgot about "Matriarch" ... ROFL ... and there are also ...

The Broadway-Bound : she knows how to high-kick, has a choreographed performance prepared, uses a top hat or a cane, asks "how did you like my routine". Broadway-Bound can transmogrify into ...

The Special Effect : fire-spitting, or bathing in giant champagne glasses, and always ready for a pole-trick when unnecessary.

Generally neither The Broadway-Bound nor The Special Effect gives anything like a worthwhile lap-dance. There are also Circus Acts (really, I ride a unicycle to work! really! with my pet anaconda!) and Acrobats or Aerialists (I once did a number suspended from three cables over Niagara Falls ...). You get the gist.

The Peek-A-Boo - This dancer has some long ass pussy hairs creeping out of her g-string

The Betty White - a babe in her day, grandma really needs to retire from stripping

The Walmart - Everybodys been inside her at least once

The Narcissist she stares at herself in the mirrors as often as possible is easily distracted by her image in the mirror.

The Vladimir Putin - Russian and proud with a great rack but usually a hustling ROB

"The Walmart - Everybodys been inside her at least once"

This girl can also be called the village bicycle or the neighborhood mattress.

The Starlet - Just dancing until she gets 'discovered.' Play here is to tell her your cousin's best friends daughter is an intern for Rob Reiner and you might be able to make an introduction.

The Sippy Cup - After 5 minutes you realize she acts likes she hasn't hit puberty yet

The Clearance Sale - past her prime in age but she's keeping her body tight and offering discounts or upgrades to keep her income up

The Big Frog - a 7-9 dancer who works in a dive club ("little pond") where the other dancers average no better than 6

The Double-down - still in her 20s but has had two or more kids with the same on again/off again baby-daddy

^hahahahahaha The Double Down! That's hilarious