Ghosting a dancer
jackslash
Detroit strip clubs
Last month I met a dancer and spent money on her every visit to the club. "Candy" is blonde with big tits and is DTF--everything I usually want in a stripper. But I soon grew tired of her. When she came to my house for OTC, I found her face did not look that good in normal light. And then she sent me a couple texts with drama, which is not what I want. So last week when she texted me about meeting ITC or OTC, I replied that I was tied up. Not true. I went to the club on a day she did not work.
Monday of this week she texted a couple times, and I did not reply. And again today she has texted me about seeing her one day this week. I'm thinking I won't reply to her at all and let her reach the obvious conclusion.
However, I feel a little guilty about ghosting someone. It's an easy, non-confrontational way of ending a relationship. But I'm usually honest and upfront with people. Dancers, on the other hand, have ghosted me in the past and didn't seem to have any qualms.
Should I continue to ghost Candy or just tell her I'm not interested any more?
Monday of this week she texted a couple times, and I did not reply. And again today she has texted me about seeing her one day this week. I'm thinking I won't reply to her at all and let her reach the obvious conclusion.
However, I feel a little guilty about ghosting someone. It's an easy, non-confrontational way of ending a relationship. But I'm usually honest and upfront with people. Dancers, on the other hand, have ghosted me in the past and didn't seem to have any qualms.
Should I continue to ghost Candy or just tell her I'm not interested any more?
31 comments
1. Being transparent and honest -- but polite -- has always been a winner for me. You never know what these crazy bitches will do if they get insulted that you ghosted or whatever, and a "I really appreciate our time together but I'm looking for for variety right now, I hope you understand" seems to always cut that off at the pass.
2. You're exactly right -- ghosting is what strippers do. Are you a 22 year old girl who has so mis-managed her life that texting an octogenarian to come in to give her a dollar is the best use of your time? No? You're a vaguely mature responsible adult? Act like it... At this age we're supposed to be a bit more self-aware and not imitating the immature behavior and low emotional IQ of lost youngsters
Just because strippers do it doesn't make it right. Complete and brutal honesty may not be required, but at least responding and saying you're not interested seems like a reasonable compromise. If you do just ghost her, don't complain about it happening to you.
Also, the variety explanation could help defuse it for if/when she sees you in the club with other dancers. If you have already told her you were looking for variety, she will have less cause to accuse another dancer of stealing her customer.
Also, she knows where you live (a whole other topic...), so your ability to ghost is very limited.
Some form of: “I’m looking for a little variety tonight.” .. gets the point across.
It’s best IMO to say as *little* as possible. But be polite and firm, smile and make eye contact. Ghosting is passive aggressive and that’s what teenagers do, not emotionally mature customers.
Don't ghost women you are dating. Don't worry about ghosting women you are paying for sex. Also, don't get butt hurt when they ghost you. In the original post jackslash mentions being ghosted in the past, but he doesn't seem upset about that, which seems to me to be the right attitude.
I will also second the sentiment that OTC should be in a hotel and not at home.
Little boys are passive aggressive, men have no problem being direct. Doesn't mean you have to be rude or confrontational.
Since the dancer knows where you live, you need to be tactful in your letting her know. I’d suggest a simple message saying you aren’t feeling it. If she isn’t a scammer - and she’s not a loony toon - hopefully she will move on.
I think it’s worse to block her - or to tell her to fuck off. You don’t want to wake up and find a dead fish (or horse’s head) in your bed!
It is rude and immature to ignore this girl who is reaching out to you, even if other girls have done it to you.
You can even tell her something like, "sorry hun, I've been seeing someone else a bit lately. I'll definitely let you know when I'm free, though. Take care." That way, if she sees you in the club, she won't think you're a liar. And you won't have to duck and dodge her shifts. AND you can still keep her in your back pocket as a second option if you can't find what you're looking for.
If she responds with something bitchy, then just say something along the lines of, "You didn't have to be mean about it. I would have seen you again, but your attitude was such a turn off when I was just telling you I needed some space."
Now the guilt is on her. Problem solved.
SJG
There isn’t really a *good* way to tell her she’s run her course with you, she’s likely to be at least disappointed no matter what you say, but being polite about it lets her be polite as well.
I tend to over communicate up front but I think it weeds out some relationships that would otherwise end up poorly and I think it’s worth it in the long haul. And I don’t think ghosting is ok, even though they might do it to us. Even in the p4p world being respectful and classy is the right thing to do, whether or not I’ve been treated that way. Yeah, I know, I suppose I’m not all that classy in the first place but I think being at least decent about it is the way to go.
I use a Google Voice number so customers can reach me. When they get annoying/whiny/try to hang out outside of work, I mark it as Spam and ghost them.