Ghosting a dancer

31 comments

• jackslash

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  6 years ago

  Sorry for the double post.
• EzilyConfuzd

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  6 years ago

  Ghost. That is the way dancers typically handle this. The normal rules of relationships do not apply when you are dealing with someone who uses a nom de guerre. There really is no nice way to say "your face and drama make it so paying you for sex is no longer cost beneficial."
• Subraman

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  6 years ago

  Tell her you're not interested. 1. Being transparent and honest -- but polite -- has always been a winner for me. You never know what these crazy bitches will do if they get insulted that you ghosted or whatever, and a "I really appreciate our time together but I'm looking for for variety right now, I hope you understand" seems to always cut that off at the pass. 2. You're exactly right -- ghosting is what strippers do. Are you a 22 year old girl who has so mis-managed her life that texting an octogenarian to come in to give her a dollar is the best use of your time? No? You're a vaguely mature responsible adult? Act like it... At this age we're supposed to be a bit more self-aware and not imitating the immature behavior and low emotional IQ of lost youngsters
• Pox

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  6 years ago

  ^^^^ This. Every bit of this.
• Cashman1234

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  6 years ago

  The mistake made was having her to your house for otc. If you ghost her online - she could show up at your home. Generally whores become more persistent when they need money -
• Dolfan

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  6 years ago

  As usual, sage advice from Subra. Just because strippers do it doesn't make it right. Complete and brutal honesty may not be required, but at least responding and saying you're not interested seems like a reasonable compromise. If you do just ghost her, don't complain about it happening to you.
• shailynn

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  6 years ago

  What can I say? You have computer screen cleaner and a BMW. She’s addicted.
• JohnSmith69

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  6 years ago

  I agree totally with Subra’s advice.
• ppwh

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  6 years ago

  I'll go with the variety thing. Any explanation that goes into even vague detail will probably amplify any current drama x 5. After all, you're the one who picked her out. Also, the variety explanation could help defuse it for if/when she sees you in the club with other dancers. If you have already told her you were looking for variety, she will have less cause to accuse another dancer of stealing her customer.
• Longball300

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  6 years ago

  I would have to concur that communicating with her that you are no longer interested is the best path. Text or in person is up to you; whichever way you think she would handle it best. Maybe with some embellishment that due to financial reasons you have to back off the arrangement. She will fade away once an new mark is found.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

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  6 years ago

  I wouldn't model my behavior after that of the worst strippers, but that's just me. I would politely explain that I'm moving on and wish her luck. Also, she knows where you live (a whole other topic...), so your ability to ghost is very limited.
• Dominic77

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  6 years ago

  I do what subra has suggested. Some form of: “I’m looking for a little variety tonight.” .. gets the point across. It’s best IMO to say as *little* as possible. But be polite and firm, smile and make eye contact. Ghosting is passive aggressive and that’s what teenagers do, not emotionally mature customers.
• EzilyConfuzd

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  6 years ago

  Strippers are not your friends. If I quit dealing with my car dealer, I wouldn't feel compelled to send him an explanation. Now if I add to that the chance that my car dealer would start giving me drama if I tried to politely dismiss him, that would only double my resolve to ghost him. Don't ghost women you are dating. Don't worry about ghosting women you are paying for sex. Also, don't get butt hurt when they ghost you. In the original post jackslash mentions being ghosted in the past, but he doesn't seem upset about that, which seems to me to be the right attitude. I will also second the sentiment that OTC should be in a hotel and not at home.
• stripfighter

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  6 years ago

  What you decide to do separates the boys from the men. Little boys are passive aggressive, men have no problem being direct. Doesn't mean you have to be rude or confrontational.
• Bj99

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  6 years ago

  An easy white lie is that you’ve met someone, like a gf. Or if you are married, that you need to cool it for awhile.
• Dominic77

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  6 years ago

  This is just my own experiences and I’m not saying this is the only right way, though I have found strip clubs to be a pseudosocial environment. As much as we like to paint dancers as perfect economic actors — like a car salesmen — they don’t tend to act entirely that way. Iron fist with a velvet glove I say.
• shailynn

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  6 years ago

  ^^^ don’t go getting all San Jose guy on me!
• Salty.Nutz

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  6 years ago

  Ghosting is perfectly acceptable, and the bigger jackass/asshole you are the better. im just saying this as a guy that didnt get laid a lot by playing nice. However, i actually enjoy being a jackass to women/strippers in general. Try it, its fun.
• Salty.Nutz

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  6 years ago

  for example, if a stripper has a mole you can see, ask her if guys have to get really drunk to fuck her after they see her mole or if her eyebrows come off when she washes her face. if she has real big feet ask her if shes a real fast swimmer? be playful so she doesnt break down and cry. if she starts crying just walk away.
• Dominic77

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  6 years ago

  Shai, ah jeez, you sure know how to insult a guy, don’t ya?!?
• Cashman1234

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  6 years ago

  If the dancer didn’t know where you live, you could be as asshole-ish as you want about saying you are no longer interested. Since the dancer knows where you live, you need to be tactful in your letting her know. I’d suggest a simple message saying you aren’t feeling it. If she isn’t a scammer - and she’s not a loony toon - hopefully she will move on. I think it’s worse to block her - or to tell her to fuck off. You don’t want to wake up and find a dead fish (or horse’s head) in your bed!
• NinaBambina

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  6 years ago

  Think of a cordial way to let her know she is wasting her time. It is rude and immature to ignore this girl who is reaching out to you, even if other girls have done it to you. You can even tell her something like, "sorry hun, I've been seeing someone else a bit lately. I'll definitely let you know when I'm free, though. Take care." That way, if she sees you in the club, she won't think you're a liar. And you won't have to duck and dodge her shifts. AND you can still keep her in your back pocket as a second option if you can't find what you're looking for. If she responds with something bitchy, then just say something along the lines of, "You didn't have to be mean about it. I would have seen you again, but your attitude was such a turn off when I was just telling you I needed some space." Now the guilt is on her. Problem solved.
• azdd

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  6 years ago

  Confirm what she already suspects, you fucked her and are now no longer interested.
• Papi_Chulo

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  6 years ago

  Most people are not comfortable saying no nor having a convo when they don't want to, that's why many people today prefer to text instead of call and why people often screen their calls by letting the answering machine take the call.
• san_jose_guy

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  6 years ago

  If she is texting you with drama, probably all that means is that she needs to be fucked. SJG
• georgmicrodong

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  6 years ago

  In addition to not being a little bitch, Subraman’s advice gives you the opportunity to see if she’ll up her game, if you so desire. There isn’t really a *good* way to tell her she’s run her course with you, she’s likely to be at least disappointed no matter what you say, but being polite about it lets her be polite as well.
• ppwh

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  6 years ago

  Dangit, I can feel my crush on NinaBambina reactivating. Must. Resist. fagboner just kind of ghosted me, though, so I'm in an emotionally vulnerable state right now!
• Huntsman

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  6 years ago

  I don’t imagine that this is a good tactic to get an OTC started but I tell them that up front that I see other ladies and also that the frequency of my activities will vary depending on how busy the rest of my life is and what my mood is. All of the above is true and let’s her know that I probably won’t be a consistent source of income. I’m sure it costs me some opportunities but I don’t want to bullshit my way into pussy. If she is still game, then we’re good to go. When it’s time to move on, I just politely tell her. I tend to over communicate up front but I think it weeds out some relationships that would otherwise end up poorly and I think it’s worth it in the long haul. And I don’t think ghosting is ok, even though they might do it to us. Even in the p4p world being respectful and classy is the right thing to do, whether or not I’ve been treated that way. Yeah, I know, I suppose I’m not all that classy in the first place but I think being at least decent about it is the way to go.
• Liwet

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  6 years ago

  Would you fuck her for free? Tell her the costs are prohibitive and see if you can get it cheaper or free. Otherwise be honest about your reasons.
• larryfisherman

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  6 years ago

  Ghost ride the whip
• wiffle shwaffle

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  6 years ago

  Ghost her. Especially because she got a hold of you with some drama bullshit. I use a Google Voice number so customers can reach me. When they get annoying/whiny/try to hang out outside of work, I mark it as Spam and ghost them.