Some while back someone posted about needing to re-invent ones self, after a divorce.
I would have posted this on an older thread, but now they all close automatically.
I do think such re-invention is necessary. After all, you have suffered a horrible set back. No matter what you may thing of the institution of marriage. You did not enter it believing that yours would be so horrid.
So you end up having to examine everything thing in your life which brought you to that place of going along with marriage, and then to now where you stand.
I don't dislike my ex, and I really don't blame her.
And I also know that many others on this site have had horrid marriages and that their ex's really were completely impossible.
SJG
Clapton, Let It Rain youtube.com
Replies (50)Latest
SJG, healing for yourself often begins with forgiving others. Chalk up the past to the random shit life throws at you, and move on. You’ll make yourself miserable and sick brother dwelling on the past.
Sorry HG, but you are full of it.
SJG
Anyone knows, you don't talk about someone else's stuff.
Go soak your head.
SJG
Oh well, I tried. LOL!
Sure creep, you post about your EX-wife leaving you then tell people that they're not to talk about it.
Here's your theme song....
When you were here before Couldn't look you in the eye You're just like an angel Your skin makes me cry You float like a feather In a beautiful world And I wish I was special You're so fuckin' special But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't care if it hurts I want to have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul I want you to notice When I'm not around You're so fuckin' special I wish I was special But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. She's running…
Your wall of privacy blows.
I'll give it a shot too. Past performance does not necessarily predict future results.
What happened really sucks, man. You didn't deserve it.
ppwh said: "What happened really sucks, man. You didn't deserve it."
I'm pretty sure that's not true at all.
Maybe he did something that contributed. I challenge you to argue that she didn't as well.
If she had been his match, I don't think it would have turned out that way, though.
Sometimes you just have to walk away, let it go and try to heal.
You gotta know when to hold em. Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away and know when to run.
ppwh said: "Maybe he did something that contributed."
Like be a self-absorbed, creepy-as-fuck lunatic?
@TheeOSU I was actually thinking of a song by Beck
One woman's trash is another woman's treasure. The pairing might have brought that out in him. A different pairing could have balanced him out and soothed him.
SJG...if you reinvent yourself in hopes of stopping the divorce it wouldnt not change anything. the new you would not have prevented the old you from divorce, especially if she initiated. Women will put up with, cheaters, abusers, job less, criminals, junkies to be with the guy they want to be with. Your ex didnt want to be with you, and theres nothing you could have done to change her mind. If you flip it, a women will still cheat on a man who has his life together.
ppwh said: "A different pairing could have balanced him out and soothed him."
By pairing, I assume you're referring to his meds regimen and dosages. If that's the case, then I agree.
"I was actually thinking of a song by Beck"
No doubt it's this, the creep's back up anthem....
I see your Beck and I raise you NIN:
Divorced from wife #1. Current wife likes going to the strip club I think this will work out fine
The idea that after a divorce one needs to re-invent ones self did not start with me. The idea and the specific language came from another member, posting about a year ago. It has nothing to do with trying to save the marriage, trying to keep the marriage together, or about trying to make any subsequent marriage work.
Rather, it is simply that after suffering any major life loss, one has to carefully look at themselves, at all the things which led up to the loss, put them into a situation where that would happen, and then at what there real priorities are. One has to rebuild their identity, build a new identity.
My ex did all sorts of things which made life impossible. But still I do not hold this against her. Rather I see external forces as being at cause.
Anytime someone suffers a severe loss, they need to re-examine it and re-invent themselves. And unfortunately, sometimes people are unable to do this.
SJG
And for some, swingers clubs are the way. Some married couples are completely committed to them.
SJG
^^^ This guy’s A goofy fucker, right?
Meanwhile, the yin and yang of morality:
Testosterone vs. Oxytocin. We got it. We wanna give it to you
You desperately need counciling by a professional. But you wont because it would force you to take responsibility for your life by being introspective. You are the ultimate rationalizer and externalize all of your life failures on others and "society".
If you heard voices in your head you would never believe it was possibly of your own subconscious. When your neighbors dog starts telling you what to do I suggest you dont follow his advice.
Definitely. I saw him licking his balls the other day. I was OK until he made eye contact. Awkward!
^^^LOL@ppwh
Upright and some others here, trolls, because they know no one would let them get away with talking to them like that f2f. Keyboard creeps!
SJG
Actually I would say that you post this stuff on here since you probably cant get anyone f2f to listen to you IRL. Did you ever wonder why?
I have wondered why this sight draws trolls and shit heads like Uprightcitizen.
SJG
Resorting to simple name calling. Boring. Why not some obtuse insult this time? Cmon the board deserves better than that from you!
It must be tough for you Upright, pressed against your temple, being forced to read posts, not allowed to use ignore.
SJG
The third option is that he might actually care about you on some human level. The worst thing you can do to someone isn't hate them, it's to ignore them.
I don't see him trying to run you off the site, all I see is civil interaction.
^^^^ Interesting slant, but he is engaging in senseless and unprovoked belligerence.
Do people let him do this in other realms? I think not. I certainly wouldn't.
SJG
@SJG - You talk a lot about how other people are acting innapropriatley torwards you or at least what would be uncouth f2f. Maybe if you look at one interaction on it's own that could make sense. But can you point to any example where these types of interactions don't involve you? The reality is that the community here doesn't see any value in you and actively wants you to leave.
Thats the spirit! Much better.
PaulDrake, you are displaying yourself as another useless good for nothing shit head.
I would say this might help you, but you might already be too far gone:
You are a troll, turning a simple thread, started about a particular topic, into a chance to dump your negative meta.
SJG
I find it endlessly amazing, SJG, that you consistently use vile insults against people who basically try to "speak" at least civilly. Language which, in fact, you say that you wouldn't accept "f2f". I think that you should clean up your own act instead of acting like the northern end of a southbound mule.
Just so you don't miss any part of the above sentence, that would be a sterile half-ass's ass.
ATAC, were they able to get that 10mm slug out of your foot?
You know that if you are fondling your peace, then that is what will happen.
I am very civil, I don't insult people until they ask for it.
SJG
SJG. For the record, that should read, "fondling your piece", unless your ignorance is as much a sham as your "organization".
Omg - Ppwh and uprightcitizen - lol! The comment about taking advice from a dog - lol!
To be honest - reinventing oneself isn’t always the way to go. If attempted in an effort to save ones marriage - it must be an honest long term commitment to change. If it’s done as a last ditch effort - and without true introspection - it will only prolong the inevitable.
If one attempts to reinvent oneself after a failed marriage - it can be a good thing. I say this because a reinvention can feel like a fresh start. Many folks need a boost after the pain of divorce. Some folks start going to the gym regularly. Some find a hobby - that they’ve long put off - and get deeply involved. In those respects - it can be therapeutic.
The pain of divorce requires introspection - and possibly once the introspection is complete - then changes can be undertaken. There is emotional frailty after a divorce - and rather than finding another partner immediately - the reinvention process can help one to overcome the pain (without getting tangled in a new relationship immediately).
Thanks to ppwh and jsully63, the only one's who have tried to further the discussion, instead of trying to start an attack meta-narrative; that is a conversation about the conversation.
Here, this is the earlier thread which inspired this one: tuscl.net
I think TXbananas has got it right. But I also think there is more too it. No one goes into a marriage thinking it will be a disaster. Even if they don't believe in marriage, they still must think that they can make it work, that it won't turn into a death trap.
So then when it does turn into a living nightmare, once it is over and the have recuperated some, it is always necessary to re-examine and then reinvent oneself. But sometimes that is extremely hard.
SJG
Chaka Khan, 1985 Germany youtube.com
Chaka Khan - Live At Roxy (1981) youtube.com
Night In Tunisia youtube.com
How many feel like I do that the above song is very similar to: youtube.com
Miles Davis & Chaka Khan: Human Nature (live in Montreux 1989) youtube.com
Stanley Clarke Herbie Hancock & Chaka Khan Live , gotta see this youtube.com
I was hoping someone would get the Son of Sam reference with respect to the dog but alas...
Getting to at least a little bit of signal, instead of just noise:
SJG
Bro-Topia amazon.com
Devil's Bargain amazon.com
also good: goodmenproject.com
SJG
To re-invent one has to examine all facets of their past life. They have to learn new things, and they also learn the most by getting involved in intense principled political conflicts. I am doing all of these things.
SJG
Arnold Schönberg: Pélleas und Melisande op.5 (1903) youtube.com
Support Single Moms images10.newegg.com
This is a really interesting anti-motivationalism book. First read much of it over 25 years ago. Reading now.
Written by a musician - composer
SJG
Never thought about this 25 years ago when I was first reading some of Robert Fritz. I felt then that it dealt with the occult. Now today I am sure this must be so. I feel that his idea of deciding what you want, which I live by, comes from Aleister Crowley's "Do what thou wil't".
Maybe Fritz is not aware of this. His stuff is good.
He is also close to Peter Senge.
SJG
My ex would have had to have made herself into a highly sexualized person, if that was what she wanted. But by the time I knew her, that was highly unlikely.
So I was fighting to claim my own sexuality, you could say, and eventually would be wanting to move in the direction of much more sexualized women, like the ones I've called the "Beloved Latina Escorts".
My wife was never going to be anything at all like them. Just not in her makeup, not for this lifetime.
SJG
FILM: Rise of the Nazi Cult (Pt. 1 of 2) - A conversation with Peter Levenda youtube.com
If I had wanted a more sexualized girl, then that would have meant selecting one who would not necessarily remain sexually faithful through thick and thin.
Mine was sexually faithful. But in otherways she was 100% disloyal.
SJG
Any kind of major life set back it really is necessary to re-examine everything, all the things which have led to one's current identity, and especially things which went badly and which one has never been able to resolve. To be able to go forward one has to reconstruct a new identity based on a new understanding.
SJG
Gertrudis, Revolutionary Army General, and becoming greater than life via the boxcar legend: trainboard.com
Like Water For Chocolate - Gertrudis Ad youtube.com
Working Women in the Mexican Revolution latinamericanhistory.oxfordre.com
SJG
Re-Invention is necessary. My ex never was with me.
SJG
Gnostic Mass youtube.com
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