Tips for first SA date?
TonyT2
what the worlds needs now is love, more love.
I have my first date with a woman from SA this week. What advice can you give me about meeting this woman for the first time, making sure she’s interested and ensuring we both get what we are after. I know none of the norms. Looked for a previous discussion on this topic, but only found slighhtly related.
Context: I’m married so all dates will occur during work or very late at night. I don’t know if she can host. This first date is just coffee. But we have lunch plans later in the week if coffee is a success.
How do I make sure she’s not crazy? How do I protect my safety and be discreet? I’m open to whatever wisdom you guys wanna share. I hope others get something out of this too.
With this arrangement she’s probably gonna take half of my monthly fun budget, so I want to make sure it will be worth it.
Context: I’m married so all dates will occur during work or very late at night. I don’t know if she can host. This first date is just coffee. But we have lunch plans later in the week if coffee is a success.
How do I make sure she’s not crazy? How do I protect my safety and be discreet? I’m open to whatever wisdom you guys wanna share. I hope others get something out of this too.
With this arrangement she’s probably gonna take half of my monthly fun budget, so I want to make sure it will be worth it.
89 comments
"How do I make sure she's not crazy?"
If I had the answer to that question, I'd be driving a nicer car. That's going to take time to see what she's like when she's not on her best behavior. And while that time is passing, you'll want to be extra cautious. Keep in mind that she is also evaluating you to figure out if you're a lunatic. You might be worried about your marriage and reputation, but she's worried about her safety.
"How do I protect my safety and be discreet?"
Again, you'll find a lot of this in previous discussions on stripper OTC. But, here's a few things that I do (specifically with strippers):
-- Host your date away from home and places where you might run into folks you know.
-- Have your fun at a mid-range hotel, not at her place (at least not until you've resolved that "crazy" part of the equation).
-- Get a burner app on your phone or a burner phone. Different guys on here have different thoughts on which are best.
Here are some additional issues that I'd think about if I were you:
-- Have a story/excuse lined up and ready to go if you do run into someone you know while out with your SB. Make sure that your SB is on board with this story (I assume that she knows you're married).
-- Don't connect with her on any form of social media.
-- Don't take pictures of your time together. Don't let her take pictures of your time together. In other settings, that's called 'evidence'.
-- Be really specific and honest with her about what you want from the relationship and lines that will not be crossed. Ask her to be just as specific and honest with you.
-- I don't care how hot she is, when you see a red flag climb into the escape pod and jettison yourself out of there. You obviously have a lot to lose, and there's a lot of hot women on SA. Trust your gut and know that it's okay to be picky.
I'm also brand new on SA. No dates yet, but one in the works possibly. I'm not married or in a relationship, so I don't have the same risks. Yet I'm still going to follow most of the advice I'm giving here.
I recommend don't set your expectations too high, just be sure to ask a lot of questions.
It won't take long to find out what they are really like.
Most of this advice I have been following, but I was going to ask,if she could host. I like the suggestion to use a hotel until I know she is not crazy. I always use a burner app for calling and testing strippers. I once gave my real number to a stripper who was special to me to make it more convenient to text and use the features of iPhone verse crappy app. I haven’t regretted this yet. I have just as much on her as she does on me. I have slightly more to lose, but I think it is balanced. I’ll update when she starts texting my wife.
I’ll update the results of my first sa date tonight. I’m
OH GOD! THIS IS HORRIBLE! SHE STABBED HIM MID COMMENT!
(but was nice enough to hit 'Post Comment' while cleaning the knife on his shirt tail)
Well it’s an hour before our first date.”
Where are you that “41 minutes” before 0850 EDT is “tonight?”
I believe her because she seemed really ready to meet. Very little exchanged. I’m glad she didn’t fake it and get me sick.
The saga will continue.
Call.me.ishmael, that was funny as fuck.
She said she wanted to skype today, but me better in person so maybe just a call. I don’t know if I want to see her while she has koodies.
1. On Flaking: Expect her to flake, cancel, postpone -- SA girls have a higher rate than strippers of this. I realize she's already postponed on you, but I would have said this regardless. Wherever you're meeting for coffee, make sure you text her about an hour before you leave to see if she's still on -- if you don't hear back, don't go.
2. On Pictures: Just as with match.com, or escorts: 80% chance she doesn't look as good as her pics (anywhere from "just sliiiiightly worse" to "those pics must be 10 years old"), 15% chance she looks as good as her pics, 5% chance she looks better than her pics. If she looks as good as a hot stripper in a good club -- she'll almost always be in that first 80%.
3. On Payment and First Dates: I don't pay for dates in which there's no intimacy, period. For a simple first meeting (I don't do coffee, and have my own reasons for that), I don't pay, period. If she's coming from far away, and she's claiming super poor, I have on occasion volunteered to pay for her parking or uber or whatever. Beyond that, I press that I think it's fair that the benefits should be mutual, and most women back down -- the rest I jettison.
4. On Her Being Crazy: I think you need to strike a balance between irrational fear, and being smart about things. You're having a coffee date, so you get to start to see what she's like; just as with strippers and OTC, you'll need to stay aware as her real personality comes out more and more. And follow simple safety rules, same as with OTC: e.g., she doesn't come back to your house until you know her VERY well; she doesn't know which hotel you're meeting at until you've finished having drinks with her and you're walking there.
5. On where to do it: The general choices are hotel, hot tubs, your place. Your place is out for quite a while. Hotel or hot tubs. I always meet the girl for drinks before any "date", and if we're going to a hotel or hot tubs, I book the hotel on my phone while we're having drinks, never before (see On Flaking). I do always have the hotel picked out in advance (though I don't tell her where we're going, other than where we're meeting for dinner/drinks), so that we can just walk from the restaurant/bar to the hotel.
You're talking like you two are in an arrangement already :) You realize there's an amazingly high chance she'll never show up at all, or if she does show up, she won't look that good, and/or her personality will be meh. Most of the guys on tuscl use SA as a simple replacement for bottom-trawling backpage -- that is, they just plan to fuck whatever shows up if she's above a 6 -- which is why they score on every date. If you're looking for an actual ongoing arrangement, IME you'll be the luckiest punter in the world if you don't have to go through at least a handful first. If you set your expectation there, then it'll be a fantastic score if your first SA date turns out to be your first arrangement
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That's what I've done in the past, and if it's a nice afternoon, my best M&Gs have involved meeting at Starbucks and taking a walk (rather than sitting inside). There's something about walking that gets the endorphins flowing and makes for a nice meeting. Also, if there's absolutely no chemistry, you can duck out early.
If you're trying to weed out escorts, just insist on a few unpaid platonic meetings.
You hear stories about married guys getting extorted, but I think it's very rare. I have these girls over to my house, and I've never had any problems in 2.5 years. Put it this way: she's probably a lot more worried about you than the other way around.
A few weeks back I had mentioned I was coming to Vegas and I used SA as a means to meet women.
I saw some huge differences in how the game is played here than other parts of the country.
But to give you a bit of encouragement Tony
She showed up on time.
She was exactly the girl in the pictures
She actually has a job and a career ( late 20's)
She knew more about the ins and outs of the strip clubs around Vegas than anyone else I have ever talked to about them.
We drank at the bar, had dinner and went back to the room afterwards. She left sometime around 3 AM this morning.
Set your standards high and walk if for any reason something doesn't feel right.
Keep your word. It's okay to have a budget but do not be cheap.
And treat them like a person ( most guys don't which increases the odds of her flaking out on you)
FWIW I am a hard grader on a person's looks---this girl was a solid 8.5 --a fitness buff.
They are out there and if they are not a stripper looking to find a side arrangement ( nothing wrong with that but it is a different vibe) chances are she is just as concerned about meeting you as you are about meeting her.
Yeah, it's OTC by another name. I personally look at the huge population of strippers on SA as a feature, I love it, and think of this as a jackpot, just as much as I think of a more classic arrangement girl as a jackpot -- basically, anything that's not escort-ish "let's meet tonight for an hour", I'll consider. But yes, they can have a different vibe, just need to figure out which you like.
Going for a walk is a great idea for discretion as well as conversation encourager.
I maybe counting my chickens but I don’t plan on seeing her again if she isn’t the sweet woman she’s been so far and is too far from her pictures.
I am very gonna and personable to the women I meet in this industry. Almost too much sometimes. Respect is important and if you show it you get it (mostly).
So very sad...
Yay, that's me! Met 3 and 2 of them have lasted at least a few months each.
With my current I defined arrangement (otc) I have come to good spot in my head. I’m still crazy about her but I get what she is after.
Been texting this afternoon...she sent me one that said "can we do 300 for gas and time travel"...and then a minute later said "sorry, was texting my ex about a trip for my kids"...dunno about that! Scared the shit out of me for a second.
Is she going to go back in time a couple hours so she can fuck you good long time for the 1hr rate?
Yeah I'm thinking she sent that and then thought twice...hell she might be a pro, who knows.
That awkward moment when you find out that Dr. Who is on SA.
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/7961520403…
You probably don't want her knowing where you live.
100% of my first meetings with girls who are 21+ are at bars that serve appetizers and food (even if it's just small plates). I pick a pretty cool, higher-end bar where we can get great drinks and food. I try to be the one who proposes the meeting place first , but if she asks first and suggests coffee, in my response I counter-propose drinks, and it's rarely an issue.
Coffee typically translates to Starbucks which in my mind is not a good place to meet for a first time SA date. Overall it's about the level of openness. Women relax and talk more about themselves when they are eating ( even if it is just an appetizer)
And food means a longer time to get to know each other---coffee is drink and run at times.
-->"@Subraman what's your reasoning for the coffee thing?"
Short answer: I don't like meeting people for the first time over coffee, nor do I think it's a good way to meet people... and so I'm not interested in driving up to an hour each way, arranging for my kids to be somewhere, forgoing doing something with my buddies, etc., all do engage in an activity I don't enjoy and don't think is a great way to get someone to open up, anyway.
Longer answer:
I actually love going to coffee with someone -- I just don't think it's a great first date. Among the reasons:
1. It's not great for getting someone who is a little shy to open up, nor is it a great way to see what they're like in the type of social settings I enjoy. Frankly, my requirements for a sugarbaby are: 1. she's hot, 2. she's crazy fun. I of course also enjoy it if she's smart, can hold a super intelligent conversation, etc., and she'll get lots of bonus points for that, *if* she makes the grade on number hotness and fun-ness. But for me personally, I have a civilian dating life that I'm prosecuting with sometimes good and sometimes bad results, but between my civilian dating life, work, etc., I'm not even close to lacking for intelligent conversation, any time of the day. I know what I need from an OTC/sugarbaby, and that's that she's fun... and meeting at a fun place and having some drinks is the best and most fun way for me to know what she's like in my native habitat.
2. If she's shy at all, then nothing helps someone stifle their personality even more than being in an environment like a coffee shop. Which might not be a problem if her "fun factor" wasn't a big deal for me, and I was just looking for dry casual conversation. But for me, I might rule out girls that I wouldn't, if we just fast-forwarded her comfort level with one drink.
3. As RM mentioned: "Also, if there's absolutely no chemistry, you can duck out early." This is not only true -- but the coffee shop meeting is basically optimized for ducking out early, over all else, at least to my thinking. There are other reasons women might prefer coffee shop meetings, so I realize not all women who insist on coffee shop meetings are unsure/unenthusiastic and would rather optimize to duck out early; but, it is definitely true that all women who are unsure/unenthusiastic insist on coffee dates. And again, I'm not interested in driving up to an hour each way, getting my kids looked after, etc., for a meeting with someone who can't even be bothered to socialize without a super-fast escape plan. I'll do that with the understanding that we'll order awesome drinks and appetizers, see how we like each other, and when the drinks and appetizers are done, we can part or order more, whatever.
Today I learned that there are freelance writers who get paid to help SBs put together their profiles, because for a small but significant subset of these women it's their career (and a lucrative one).
I'm fascinated by weird little subcultures like this.
She showed up. Early even. Nice enough but today she texted a lot. Felt clingy.
Whatever.
Get there and she kinda looks like her pics, if you add 30-50 pounds to her ass and add 10 years.
You ain’t 30, bro!! She’s got a 17 year old son for one thing.
Nice enough. I stayed and had a couple of beers. Will not see her again.
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...assume you're talking about TUSCL
"Today was a bust"
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Well, yes, that's the purpose of scheduling a quick and informal meeting before investing too much effort.
Texted twice to ask how she is feeling and to say I’m looking forward to tomorrow. No response. She may be flake. But I did spent 2 hours with my OTC friend today, in the club.... she is an unbeliavably good kisser. So I’m good if flaked on... on the the next one. Will keep you updated.
A man can't really evaluate that until you've already gone, spent the money, then reflect on was a good value. So you're putting the cart before the horse. Plus I think you need to go on lots of first dates or second dates before you settle on one woman. You get better with experience plus you get a better feel for the type of woman you are looking for out of this, if you cycle through a few of them. Plus the dating and social aspect will feel more natural, and you'll attract better quality women at that point. Just seeing one girl, and just seeing her once of twice doesn't tell you anything, nor does it teach you anything. Also, few women worth their salt will make you jump thru this many hoops just to date them (paid or not). I'd move on, too.
PS: I'm in a similar boat where, when I strip club, even at my non-touching, non-extras club, the visit takes roughly half my fun budget, too. For the months that I go, at least. For me, it is worth it. Calm down and have fun.
Just insert the tip. It's a first date after all! ;)
The only problem was that she was a hooker (which was obvious within 5 minutes of talking to her) and her pimp showed up after a couple of hours and tapped on the door.
She was hot enough and performed well enough that it was worth the $300, though. At least once.
What do you mean the pimp knocked on the door -- he knew your hotel and room? Not to take the thread off track, but it sounds like you let a massive breach of security slip through, maybe?
The tone of the above is that you're kind of complaining, or stressed about this. This is not a stressful situation. The women of SA are on SA because they need extra cash, and "playing" is what gets them that cash, so I don't think you should be surprised if you make a good impression during the initial meeting, she might propose heading to a hotel right then. If you're up for it you can go; if not, I just tell them I was planning only on an initial meet-and-greet and I have other obligations but I can't wait to schedule playtime "later this week" or whatever. Sometimes, I even tell her before the meeting that I'm planning only on an initial meeting, but if she prefers an option to start our arrangement right away if we get along (she'll know what that means) to just let me know so I can be prepared for that. A few women insist on keeping it meeting-only, but most want at least an option for an immediate playdate afterwards
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This is a troll @Subra. You can really be dense.
Anyway, this thread has generated some really useful thoughts and tips for SA. If TonyT2 is a troll, then I wish other trolls would follow his more-helpful example.
(1) He's only been here a month, yet posting about "the chase" which is a standard TUSCL meme for middle-aged johns paying for sex. The chance of this being a coincidence is near-zero.
(2) The time-stamp on his posts don't make any sense. See @MicroDong's first post.
(3) His tagline "what the worlds needs now is love, more love" is obvious satire on a stripper board.
(4) He drifts in and out of incoherence.
I think it's pretty good trolling, actually.
(1) Seems like many TUSCLers use SA as a glorified Backpage. There's nothing ethically wrong with that, but I guarantee that SA doesn't want, or need, that kind of business. These days you're asked not to message about pay-per-meet arrangments when signing up, and there are self-reporting tools to get rid of obvious escorts. The more men and women treat SA like Backpage, the more likely it will come down under FOSTA.
(2) SA may have changed the openness to sugaring permanently, regardless of whether SA goes down. Without SA, I can't imagine that we would be living in a society where college girls are sleeping with AARP guys to pay college bills; the cultural change will probably live on if SA fails. And why not? How is some middle-class college girl expected to pay $30K to $50K per year by working at $11/hr?
(3) I'll probably get flamed for this: Just in a practicle sense, finding a sane, responsible, partner is a big deal to me. I'm the only guy in existence who finds blow-jobs boring -- but I live for unprotected sex. Finding someone sane, who's willing get and share written STD results, means that the arrangement can go unprotected. I only have one partner at a time. There's still a big risk, but it's no bigger than the risks I was taking in my 20s. I'm also hosting at my house and it only takes one crazy girl to ruin your life.
(4) Call it white-knighting or mentoring if you like, but if I'm pissing money away on sex, it's a nice feeling that the money is helping some college girl get through school.
You're not the only one. I'm the same way and totally agree. I'm just not willing to give up unprotected sex with the wife to get it. :(
Kinda sorta. It was my hotel, and she was upfront about the fact that her “roommate” would be picking her up in a couple of hours. That was only one of the many “hooker tells” she gave off.
In fact, when we got done with our coffee and prepared to retire BCD, I explicitly told her that I thought she sounded more “pro” than “sugar baby,” and she made no effort to even hint at a denial.
Full disclosure, I “cheated” a little bit. When my “pro” suspicions were mostly confirmed, I took a bathroom break and posted on a local board asking if anyone had seen her. I wasn’t really expecting a quick response, and I was prepared to put off playtime until I got one, but it wasn’t more than 5 minutes before someone I knew posted. The gist was “def pro, still worth the $. ‘Boyfriend’ will show up when time is up.”
So I went for it. I’ve carried on every single one of my SA meet-ups and dates, and I was fairly confident I could fend off a repeat of an earlier incident I’ve described here before. And the guy who posted is one I’ve met, so I was prepared for something, even though I wasn’t expecting much.
It was definitely worth it, she was sober, well spoken, interesting to talk to, with a flawless spinner Latina body. But I’d told her after we agreed on price that a a pro thing wasn’t really what I was after, so I was probably not going to repeat. She was ok with that.
Don’t regret it at all, and I’ve sent a couple others her way since. At $300 for a session, she’s at the higher end of the escort trade in Louisville. I guess she’s still an option, but I’m not done experimenting with SA yet, and almost every stripper I’ve taken OTC is as much fun as her, and less expensive.
Well, at least you had some g-2 going in. I wouldn't have made the same call, even with the g2 -- "boyfriend" showing up at my door is non-starter, period, end of story -- but at least you had some prior inside info
I AM a newbie on this site and with SA. I have only had one “SB” and it started at a club. This relationship, which surprised me (after ten years of casual club visits), led me to seek the advice of this forum.
So I really suck at SA! Two women I have been chatting with, blocked me today. I’m a nice guy but maybe that is the problem.
I am going to do a new post about my current “SB.” But before then let me finish my post on these two first dates. The one that flaked this morning hasn’t texted me back. Last I heard she was getting her friend to “a meet” last night and I’m a little worried about her but from what y’all say flaking is normal, so I won’t worry too much.
I also had a date with an SA woman this afternoon for drinks that she convinced (unfarely with some photos) to make it potential play. However she hasn’t responded texts since 10am.
This world is difficult but thrilling. I may have to go back to OTC attempts because there are so few women meeting my criteria on SA was n my area.
Thanks for all the feedback on this and sorry for my terrible typing and pathetic noviceness.
I feel like I’ve found other like minded people on this forum and hope I haven’t offended anyone, because I need you guys!
That's par for the course for me ... the girls flake often, anywhere from the night before, to just a few hours before, to no-text no-shows, so if I don't hear from her immediately before I leave the house, I don't go. I have occasionally had a girl re-schedule and actually show the 2nd time, so I don't write them off completely unless they no-text no-show
My answer--I never did use backpage and nothing could be further from the truth. As a rule I use SA as my main source of entertainment although this was not always the case. When I find someone in the area I look for the long term partner and as much as possible I view the relationship as a part time relationship, mostly because as my tag lines states I am never in the same place for long. SA if you haven't noticed has management polices that favor the females, not the males. After about the 2nd year out it started to become obvious. Much of what they don't tolerate is to protect the women--it's odd since for the most part the revenue comes from the guys.
(2) SA may have changed the openness to sugaring permanently, regardless of whether SA goes down. Without SA, I can't imagine that we would be living in a society where college girls are sleeping with AARP guys to pay college bills; the cultural change will probably live on if SA fails. And why not? How is some middle-class college girl expected to pay $30K to $50K per year by working at $11/hr?
My answer-There have always been situations where older men have dated younger women--before SA Two and Half Men made a hero out of Charlie Sheen ( who was for all purposes playing himself on the show) and his exploits. What has changed is women feel more comfortable doing what they want and getting what they want out of life without being judged, or at least not caring if they are .
(3) I'll probably get flamed for this: Just in a practicle sense, finding a sane, responsible, partner is a big deal to me. I'm the only guy in existence who finds blow-jobs boring -- but I live for unprotected sex. Finding someone sane, who's willing get and share written STD results, means that the arrangement can go unprotected. I only have one partner at a time. There's still a big risk, but it's no bigger than the risks I was taking in my 20s. I'm also hosting at my house and it only takes one crazy girl to ruin your life.
My answer--again this is why SA beats escorts and strippers--it's why I am there. I commented yesterday I have found strippers on SA ( never found an escort yet) and they can be fun but I treat it differently because I realize it is different. Still can be good but its not why I am there. I find a girl that doesn't know how to give a blow job boring. One who knows how is not. I don't host at home or even near my home base. It's that simple. If you look at my older comments -nurses, grad students, artist, are where I find the best partners. Ages 25-35.
(4) Call it white-knighting or mentoring if you like, but if I'm pissing money away on sex, it's a nice feeling that the money is helping some college girl get through school.
My answer--yes, or paying off student loans.
(1) Many guys on TUSCL use SA as a glorified Backpage, even if that doesn't apply to you. If enough men and women use SA for quick hookups, you'll see more and more escorts. Some fraction of those escorts will be trafficking victims, even if they're not underage. It only takes one over-zealous DA in some deep-south state to sue SA into oblivion, and that would be a shame.
(2) Yes sugaring has always existed in one form or another -- but SA popularized and legitimized sugaring in a way that no other influence has in the past. I'm guessing that the cultural acceptance will live on if SA is taken down. As I said, it's also a function of tuition costs that have exploded compared to previous generations.
I probably owe you an apology @Tony, but I'm too petty to say so.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWnPEM41…
He's a wimpy-looking Asian guy -- but he's a smart guy and a lot richer than I am.
>It only takes one over-zealous DA in some deep-south state to sue SA into oblivion, and that would be a shame.<
First of all I take exception to that statement isn’t the state going after Backpage your home state of California and my Deep South state (Florida)is much more enlightened in the southern part of the state than the northern part.
;)
No gunfight, never even drew. If she knew I had it, she never let on and didn’t seem nervous. Pimp’s knock was a polite rap, rap, rap, after we were done and both dressed.
Not at all like the time I actually had to draw. :/
@Subraman, I probably wouldn’t have done it either, if she wasn’t exactly my type and did basically everything I wanted. :)
These days, there's the risk of the whole site going down
On another note, one of the SA girls I chatted with is like best friends with my current SB. The SA girl outed me to my SB. My current SB, the sweetheart that she is, just laughed and we had a good time joking about what if I had accepted a meet. She's a keeper. I may be done with SA as long as she is in my life.
Then, it's not available at all to use as a sugar relationship site.
I will also mention again that at least in my area, there's an enormous number of strippers and ex-strippers on SA. Or, to put it another way: not all the girls on SA are strippers, but every stripper is on SA . The above all sounds less like nervous-civilian-girl style flaking, and sounds like classic stripper flaking instead.
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no, no, no.. according to StripperWeb they all make $200K and date billionaires on the side.