Loving a stripper
gawker
Older than dirt
This is an old topic for me and those who are tired of my diatribe should just move on.
In summary, I've been seeing my ATF for 9 years. She is 40 years younger than my 72 years and is a serious heroin addict. There's not much we haven't done and surprisingly her appearance has not been adversely affected by the abuse. She is entering detox for what seems like the hundredth time but this time she seems to be approaching it with different expectations looking for a different outcome.
For the past 6 or 7 weeks she's been living at my townhouse condo. She has the upstairs bedroom, full bath, and a large loft. She's paid no rent other than fucking me every few days. She worked a couple of weeks, stripping at a Providence club and sucking dick for money and earned good enough money to support her $150 per day habit.
Her theory and belief are that her stripping and hooking are a function of her addiction and readily admits that she can't do one without the other. From past experience she knows that she'll be sick for a couple of weeks following detox and she wants to stay with me for a few months getting her affairs together. She has lost her license years ago and needs to regain that. She needs to find & work with a therapist to come to grips with her trauma ( one rape & some abuse from other customers) and seek prescription meds for anxiety, depression, and possibly some other mental health issues. She wants to find a low wage part time job while doing this and wants me to continue to drive her to all of her appointments, give her room & board and have me assume a new role with no sex included. I understand what she's looking for and also realize how hard it will be after years of intimacy. Should I do this to help her break the cycle which if not broken will kill her? I was surprised to learn that she harbored anger and resentment towards me for "using" her ( forgetting the approximately $300,000 I paid her). I apparently was the first to talk her into OTC and that by paying her an exorbitant amount of money allowed her recreational habit to become a full blown addiction. Guilty as charged I guess, but now can I or should I assume a role more like a father than a customer???
In summary, I've been seeing my ATF for 9 years. She is 40 years younger than my 72 years and is a serious heroin addict. There's not much we haven't done and surprisingly her appearance has not been adversely affected by the abuse. She is entering detox for what seems like the hundredth time but this time she seems to be approaching it with different expectations looking for a different outcome.
For the past 6 or 7 weeks she's been living at my townhouse condo. She has the upstairs bedroom, full bath, and a large loft. She's paid no rent other than fucking me every few days. She worked a couple of weeks, stripping at a Providence club and sucking dick for money and earned good enough money to support her $150 per day habit.
Her theory and belief are that her stripping and hooking are a function of her addiction and readily admits that she can't do one without the other. From past experience she knows that she'll be sick for a couple of weeks following detox and she wants to stay with me for a few months getting her affairs together. She has lost her license years ago and needs to regain that. She needs to find & work with a therapist to come to grips with her trauma ( one rape & some abuse from other customers) and seek prescription meds for anxiety, depression, and possibly some other mental health issues. She wants to find a low wage part time job while doing this and wants me to continue to drive her to all of her appointments, give her room & board and have me assume a new role with no sex included. I understand what she's looking for and also realize how hard it will be after years of intimacy. Should I do this to help her break the cycle which if not broken will kill her? I was surprised to learn that she harbored anger and resentment towards me for "using" her ( forgetting the approximately $300,000 I paid her). I apparently was the first to talk her into OTC and that by paying her an exorbitant amount of money allowed her recreational habit to become a full blown addiction. Guilty as charged I guess, but now can I or should I assume a role more like a father than a customer???
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49 comments
It will be an adjustment for both of you. It will be difficult at times. But her commitment must be very strong - as her addiction appears incredibly powerful.
Without the sex, how will she compensate you for her room and board? It seems a bit one sided - from her perspective. She seems to have a decent living arrangement, and hopefully she won’t take it for granted.
I don’t recommend it for just anybody. It’s not for everyone.
Gawker loves her and will of course do whatever she asks. She will lie to him and use him and blame him for her own bad behavior. She will never change. And neither will Gawker.
Q. Why is loving a stripper like riding a roller coaster?
A. There are a lot of ups and downs, everybody gets a turn, and when you get off you want to throw up.
I also agree that loving a stripper is hard. I fell in love with my ATF in 2016 and am still not over her. As she herself says about the succession of "druggies and thuggies" that she falls for:
"The heart wants what it wants!"
I admire gawker for his honesty in sharing this saga with us and hope it ends well.
As for what to do, I'm not the right one to give advice. Some days I would say do what you can to help her, other days I would say throw her out she will OD soon and stop being a drag on your finances and emotions. It really depends on how I'm feeling about my own problem lol
The cost of these programs can get very expensive. Like $1K/day for in house rehab. I'm sure your finances are not what they used to be. You need to find a charitable or government program that is free. I think a year in jail might be better than what you are proposing to do.
But all of this is dependent on whether or not you are willing to give her up. And don't forget that you are not a young man any more. You may become ill and not physically be able to fulfill the things you are offering her. I know. If it was't for my kids help, I would have been in a nursing home for months during 2016.
I'm just afraid that we have not heard the last of this. So like the rest "Good Luck".
Not being a professional, I don't know the best way to "help" her. If gawker really does care about her, I suggest he seek professional advice and follow it.
Then again, is there really any better place to get life advice than on an internet discussion board for strip club enthusiasts? I doubt it.
Penalties for Drug Possession in Singapore
Under the Misuse of Drugs Act, the prescribed penalties for possession of small amounts range from fines of up to $20,000 to a maximum of ten years in prison. The Central Narcotics Bureau has a complete list of controlled substances you should not bring into Singapore.
As per Section 17 of the Act, you are automatically presumed to be trafficking in drugs if you are caught with the following amounts:
Heroin - 2 grams or more
Cocaine - 3 grams or more
Morphine - 3 grams ore more
MDMA (ecstasy) - 10 grams or more
Hashish - 10 grams or more
Cannabis - 15 grams or more
Opium - 100 grams or more
Methamphetamine - 25 grams or more
As per Schedule 2 of the Act, the death penalty may be prescribed if you are convicted of possessing any of the following:
Heroin - 15 grams or more
Cocaine - 30 grams or more
Morphine - 30 grams or more
Hashish - 200 grams or more
Methamphetamine - 250 grams or more
Cannabis - 500 grams or more
Opium - 1,200 grams or more
As of January 2013, changes to the law give judges a little more wiggle room: instead being required to hand down death sentences for drug smuggling, judges are permitted to impose life sentences instead.
Good / harsh place to see if she values herself or drugs more.....
If his belief is she loves him and herself more than drugs , he should feel secure in knowing she will stay clean and if not, she will not throw him under the bus
It was more a commentary on how much he trusts and believes in her than the actual trip to Singapore. Any doubt in mind as to her ability to survive a trip there, then he has his answer.
I don't think he holds any illusions about how much she loves him. He was super pissed the other month after she asked him "Don't you know it's all just a hustle?"
https://www.tuscl.net/?page=post&id=5325…
You don’t have to take my advice, but to me it sounds like it’s time to move on and help both of you find healthy resolutions. Just my opinion.
It's also possible for her rock bottom is jail or a grave, unfortunately. Addiction sucks and is sad.
I had an older brother who for decades cause nothing but sorrow for my family. We loved him wanted to help him couldn't understand how he turned out that... Blah blah blah. I finally told myself and my family that I was thru. Love has to be a two way street. He loves drugs. He doesn't care about shit else. His brain has been hijacked he is not the same person we all love and grew up with. It was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
18 years layer met a stripper we hit it off. Yeah and where did hit it off it was like she was talking to my soul. Ya like we were soulmate. I never believed in that before. She got popped for an outstanding warrant. Talked to her damn near every day she was in jail (about $650 in a month for a little over two months). She got out, moved in with me. I ignored some sign that I can clearly see now. Anyways 11 days after she got out she OD. Tore my heart out of my chest.
Still I got lucky. That shit could have gone a few years and I'm sure I was so in love I would have gone along for the disaster of a ride.
She enjoys sex with hot guys occasionally, but right now can take it or leave it. She most definitely doesn't enjoy sex with me - she tolerates it. Occasionally she'll get off while we're dancing the horizontal mambo but usually she's just concentrating on my pleasure which is what a good sex worker will do. A couple of nights ago she let me man the vibrator and we both got wet.
She called a few detox facilities today and was unable to find a bed, so she bought dope from a trusted source (ha ha) and says it's garbage - been cut too many times. So she's anxious to get going tomorrow.
I know my shrink is right but like most addicts I want "just one more time".
So I guess I'll string it out for awhile ( she recently completed a month long rehab program and has been in longer ones before). She really has no other friends who can help her. If I throw her out her only choice is the couch in a studio apartment with a bisexual guy she worked with for a month about 4 months ago. She thinks he offered cuz he wants to get in her pants - she doesn't think they'll fit.
Your ATF is not at peace with herself, and given her mental problems, depression, bipolar, etc and trauma growing up, being sexualized at a young age, sexually abused, etc might never be at peace in the long run. But there are some moments when you both experience sexual satisfaction together, and perhaps for a moment are happy together. I bet also you both are happy sometimes in each other company, just talking or having dinner, or watching a movie or TV show or even walking.
Your ATF is unpredictable and you can't trust her, and she is the only one that can get sober if she really want to, in spite of costly recovery programs.
I believe that you dilemma is more than purely economic, even if you could afford her $150 or more a day, room and board etc, she would not be happy being a keep woman, she would still be looking for something to fill the void created in her life by experiences in her existense...
For reference, ny friend had a similar ATF. He, put his ATF in an apartment he signed a year lease, gave her thousands a month for her to be "stable" so she could get clean any get custody of her son back. End result she ran around with others wasted all the money in drugs for her an others caused damage to the apartment, etc etc etc. My friend was set to go all in and continue trying to help her, luckily for him a new ATF, nicer and better asked him to get back to her and he did.
In your case I said go "ALL IN"; with eyes wide open and realistic expectations for your own benefit and happiness, if that means sex often in exchange for what you are providing for her so be it.
I hope she sees that that is a good fare deal for her too and she should be happy with the deal, if she says or acts unhappy about the deal tell her deal is off and move on to a new better ATF.
In any case a do wish you and yo ATF
good luck and happy times together.
Please let us know about the next chapter in your fascinating life.
Again hope for the best and prepare yourself for the worst so there will be no surprises....
I sincerely hope you can find a resolution to this whole thing man. It sounds like it’s getting more toxic by the day.
Maybe, if she maintains sobriety, she will adjust and see the world differently? I’m not sure if the effects of heroin addiction remain with someone long after they have reached sobriety.
She shouldn’t turn against you. She needs to take responsibility for her addiction. It’s possible - this recent me too movement has gotten her thinking. But, her logic might be clouded.
I agree, you are also somewhat addicted to sex with her. I view this from two perspectives: 1. I think it may be a form of compensation for being her source of housing and stability. 2. You enjoy the sex - it’s amazing - she knows how to pleasure you like few other women. It’s going to be difficult for you to cut ties too.
In the end, I think you both need to split. I hate to say it, as I think it will be more detrimental to her situation (if she can’t get her addiction under control). For you - it will be painful for a bit. But I think you will find another outlet.
That's the real tragedy. And that's what hurts the most. All they really needed was an emotionally safe environment to develop and both would be fine and quite honestly incredible contributing members of society. My brother was a math genius (really like Einstein level) but my ghetto ass parents kept trying to make a tough man out if him. My soulmate, she was super creative artist but for real not fake shit. She was definitely molested when she was younger. Her mom was a keep it quiet type and no crying about it. So of course my baby went through life looking for love and acceptance and lived in a region where that kinda of personality is dangerous for a girl to have....
When we met she was filled with so much regret. Heartbreaking the entire thing. No offense but I wish a lot of these emotional brutes to hell. They are the most un—evolved pieces of human excrement and the reason their us suffering in the world.
Kk. Off my soap box
First, because you are long past being able to erase the past and becoming a true moral authority for her. She will never see you as anything other than the guy who paid her for years to have sex and even went to extreme lengths at times to enable her behavior.
Second, and to some degree this is tied into the first, you are too weak to consistently enforce standards of behavior as a condition of your help and she knows it. Not only is this another reason why she can never view you as a moral authority, but it also gives her a constant escape hatch if staying clean and sober while living at your condo becomes too tough for her. All she has to do is suck your dick a couple of times and then she's good to go.
Shadow is right; she needs a long term rehabilitation program. All you are is a serial an enabler who will cave the very next time that her aversion to sucking old man dick is overpowered by her need to get high while keeping a place to live.
I understand JS. You much prefer to come across as a creepy jackass by writing 500+ word essays romanticizing stripper pussy while liberally throwing around the term "dream stripper" for every decent looking girl who will take large amounts of your cash in exchange for sex. This has to be a painful diversion for you. Anything else you'd like to add? ;)
@gawker: Speaking of JS' dramatic tendency to romanticize stripper pussy, you have long been the poster boy for this. She is a drug addict that has been using you for money for a long time now and has damned near cleaned you out. I say this not to be even more of an a-hole than JS believes me to be, but to put the proper perspective around the guilt that you are feeling. At the very least, you used each other. Unlike the vincemichaels of the world, you did not find a 14 year old girl and shatter her innocence and screw up any chance of a normal life - this girl was well into her 20s when you met her and likely already using. It is also likely that, if you say "yes" to her request, she is just going to keep using you and will have a low chance of any real success. Just a few final thoughts on the topic.
But loving a stripper and denying that that is what is going on, that's gonna be really bad.
SJG
Appreciate all comments and wisdom
Praying for everyone is all I can do
As much as I wish the best for gawker, especially with the hard road he has had to travel himself regarding his spouse, it is quite hard to imagine an outcome within which she gets and stays sober and he continues a sexual relationship with her.