Unintended consequences
I've been divorced for a longtime. In that time I've gone through a lot of strippers itc and OTC. I mean a lot of women, probably 100's.
Over the last few years I met and became infatuated with one in particular that for whatever reason struck a nerve with me. Actually that's not true, she's the most incredible woman I'd ever met. Open sexually like no one else, besides the obvious pysical appeal she got inside my head and learned everything about me. I allowed that to happen and enjoyed it at the same time. I brought her around friends family customers and clients. Trips gifts I spent serious money on her and enjoyed doing so. Those that know me best saw me at a level of happy they'd never seen before. Of COUSE deep down I knew it was total bs but I did enjoy her company.
About 6 months ago a good friend said something that finally snapped me out of my stupor. He said in response to my comment about this chick being the perfect woman "is she that way because she wants to be or is it because it's her job to be!" Ok point taken. So I backed off financially to see what would happen. The obvious happened, she wasn't interested in spending time with me unless being compensated. So... I started on an absolute rampage of pussy parade trying to fuck her off my mind. I've gone though conservatively at least another 70 women or so over the last 6 months, sometimes 2 & 3 at a time. In doing so I also spent time on myself and lost a lot of weight.
Sorry to be so long winded but here's my point. I've gotten to be very direct with strippers. I tell them exactly what I want, how I want it when where price terms conditions you name it. It's so easy pick choose etc.
Out of the blue I look at what I've been doing and it's all empty and meaningless albeit lots of fun. I think I'd like to meet someone "real" not the paid fantasy land I've been living in. So... Sure enough I meet a woman who is absolutely "perfect" on line. Same ethnicity, background age etc. we meet and she's a big girl. But everything else is right. She hides it well too so I decide to be myself with her. Or the "new" myself. I'm direct and she responds. Long story short I wind up in a hotel with her last night. My first unpaid pussy since 1991. On one hand I'm happy because she's everything that I should want except the looks. On the other hand I can't get the young hot stripper pussy off my mind while I'm with her. In fact I have to think about all the other women in order to get off with her. Hence the unintended consequences.
I'm not sure of the point of all this but I can't sleep thinking about it either. She definately is into me and wants to start a relationship and see each other again. Like tonight. I don't think I want to do that. I just wasn't into her but I should because everything else was right about her. Now I'm thinking I should not see her and instead date someone else I've been talking to that physically is more appealing to me. It's like the strippers have taught me to be more direct and confidant with normal women but at the same time the strippers have ruined "normal" women for me because they're not in the same league physically i.e. Early 20's or 30's and 8's 9's and 10's.
I'm sure the trolls will come out on this but I am being serious. A few people that have responded to my other discussions did bring out and make valid points so that's why I've posted this. I'm interested in other perspectives because unlike my normal friends the people on this board are seeing strippers. I can't really talk to my friends because they don't have the stripper experiences that I do.
Anyone else go through this? Strippers vs "real" women? How have you dealt with it?
Over the last few years I met and became infatuated with one in particular that for whatever reason struck a nerve with me. Actually that's not true, she's the most incredible woman I'd ever met. Open sexually like no one else, besides the obvious pysical appeal she got inside my head and learned everything about me. I allowed that to happen and enjoyed it at the same time. I brought her around friends family customers and clients. Trips gifts I spent serious money on her and enjoyed doing so. Those that know me best saw me at a level of happy they'd never seen before. Of COUSE deep down I knew it was total bs but I did enjoy her company.
About 6 months ago a good friend said something that finally snapped me out of my stupor. He said in response to my comment about this chick being the perfect woman "is she that way because she wants to be or is it because it's her job to be!" Ok point taken. So I backed off financially to see what would happen. The obvious happened, she wasn't interested in spending time with me unless being compensated. So... I started on an absolute rampage of pussy parade trying to fuck her off my mind. I've gone though conservatively at least another 70 women or so over the last 6 months, sometimes 2 & 3 at a time. In doing so I also spent time on myself and lost a lot of weight.
Sorry to be so long winded but here's my point. I've gotten to be very direct with strippers. I tell them exactly what I want, how I want it when where price terms conditions you name it. It's so easy pick choose etc.
Out of the blue I look at what I've been doing and it's all empty and meaningless albeit lots of fun. I think I'd like to meet someone "real" not the paid fantasy land I've been living in. So... Sure enough I meet a woman who is absolutely "perfect" on line. Same ethnicity, background age etc. we meet and she's a big girl. But everything else is right. She hides it well too so I decide to be myself with her. Or the "new" myself. I'm direct and she responds. Long story short I wind up in a hotel with her last night. My first unpaid pussy since 1991. On one hand I'm happy because she's everything that I should want except the looks. On the other hand I can't get the young hot stripper pussy off my mind while I'm with her. In fact I have to think about all the other women in order to get off with her. Hence the unintended consequences.
I'm not sure of the point of all this but I can't sleep thinking about it either. She definately is into me and wants to start a relationship and see each other again. Like tonight. I don't think I want to do that. I just wasn't into her but I should because everything else was right about her. Now I'm thinking I should not see her and instead date someone else I've been talking to that physically is more appealing to me. It's like the strippers have taught me to be more direct and confidant with normal women but at the same time the strippers have ruined "normal" women for me because they're not in the same league physically i.e. Early 20's or 30's and 8's 9's and 10's.
I'm sure the trolls will come out on this but I am being serious. A few people that have responded to my other discussions did bring out and make valid points so that's why I've posted this. I'm interested in other perspectives because unlike my normal friends the people on this board are seeing strippers. I can't really talk to my friends because they don't have the stripper experiences that I do.
Anyone else go through this? Strippers vs "real" women? How have you dealt with it?
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42 comments
As for me, women my age (60's) don't appeal to me at all. I could not make myself have sex with a woman over 60 (with the exception of Christie Brinkley).
Around 6 or 7 years ago I started an intense relationship with my ATF, spending a lot of time with her in bed and out. She was more fun than any woman I've known. I wished she wasn't a stripper. Then I realized if she wasn't a stripper she would not be spending any time with me.
You seem to have reached the level of self-awareness to recognize a woman's physical appearance is important to you, so what's wrong with making that one of your criteria in looking for a 'real' relationship? Depending on the other traits you're prioritizing - intelligence, compassion, sense of humor, mutual interests, etc. - you're probably not going to find the ideal mate in the ranks of "pay4play" women you've been marauding through, so the search won't be easy but you have to decide what you really want from this endeavor: another hot girl you can tolerate just long enough to bang, or someone you're genuinely attracted to in a way that can last long after her looks have faded.
I'm sure if I was single and offered her a stable living arrangement (marriage, live in GF; decent car to drive; etc) she would take it. I imagine the sex would stay good, since we've both established we don't mind sharing. This aspect is what might help you.
If your civvie girl would be open to becoming a SC wingman (wing-girl?) and occasionally allowing another girl into your bed (like my SA girl does; she's already been in more _actual_ strip clubs and had sex with more _actual_ strippers than SJG has), then you could still get the occasional thrill of sex with an 8,9,10 hottie but the day-to-day emotional connection and regular sex from the other girl.
Your well developed confidence with women should make it easy for you to bring this up with the civvie girl. And, if she doesn't go for it, then it doesn't sound like your heart will be broken.
What do you have to lose if you give it a shot?
Being in strip clubs a lot changes the way you look at women if you let it. When I’d go out to eat, I’d talk to the waitress like I’d talk to a shot girl in the club. When I was clubbing hard, I’d go through 5-6 different strippers a week, in 3 or 4 week day visits after work.
After getting divorced, I started dating civie women (along with still going to the clubs), but I slowly transitioned to just dating civies.
In answer to your question, in as to how to best deal with it, I think the answer is to remove yourself from the Club lifestyle for awhile. Things will slowly start to return to normal, once you are out of the bizzaro world that is strip clubs.
If you need to think about other women to have successful sex with your civilian date, then do not get into a relationship with that woman. Consider what it will be like 6 months or a year from now when that new relationship smell has gone away...
That said, if you're done with strippers, then you may need to accept that you're also done with fucking out of your league (at least to some degree).
You probably didn’t find your wife from the very first girl you went out with, so you’re probably not going to find a new girlfriend on the very first date you go out on.
I do agree banging away strippers is a soulless task, but sometimes we need that, and then sometimes we just need a change.
I think you have impulse control issues, which is leading you to keep jumping head first into all of these things. Calm down and approach this with some patience. If you aren't remotely attracted to the woman that you slept with, then you'd be doing her and yourself a disservice by moving along something that will never ultimately work out.
Why don't you test the dating waters a bit and see if you can improve your civilian options? You might also want to find some hobbies and social groups to spend with. It sounds like you're lonely, which I'm sure is contributing to all of this impulsive behavior. Strip clubs are very dangerous places for guys who are struggling with loneliness, so you really could use some other things to do. Unless you are independently wealthy, you are going to go broke with all of that stripper binging.
I've personally dated seriously 2 dancers, only one I met in the club. Both were clean dancers not extras girls. Both were relatively sane for that environment. But still its a trial.
Take yourself out of it, allow time to recover in all ways, and try to build a Real Life. Only then, you can return to SCing for kicks and fun, and be stable enough to keep it in the proper category. Good Luck.
Also, you’ve found one girl online who shares your interests, but who doesn’t have a body type that you enjoy. I’d recommend you keep trying. Let the heavy civilian girl know that she’s not your type. She might think you are being harsh and superficial - but it’s better to not stick with her if she doesn’t arouse you.
Clubbing can spoil some guys. It can be a challenge to come back to reality. Everything you say won’t be witty to civilian girls. The conversations might not be as light either, and that’s ok too. Bodies of civilian girls might not be as hot as dancers - but there’s lots more to a civilian girl - than just a hot body (geared to separate you from your money).
As I’ve aged, I’ve found that strippers don’t intellectually hit the mark for me. The desire to chat isn’t there with a dancer I met the other night. The stripper bodies are hot - but there is stripper baggage that will follow them too - and it’s messy - very messy! Civilian women have baggage too, but it is usually more normal. There are fewer civilian women with psycho part time Pimp ex boyfriends!
I’m good at compartmentalizing my emotions - and that’s not good. It’s best to find someone who satisfies your emotional and sexual needs - if you desire a real civilian relationship. It will be much more fulfilling for you too.
Positive: Knowing I have a smoking hot 22-year-old to have sex with, has prevented me from having desperation sex with older women. Which means: 1. I didn't get buzzed and have sex with a woman I'm not really attracted to, and wake up hating myself for it, 2. I didn't possibly risk hurting the feelings of that woman when I never called her again. It's helped me consider only the emotional connection with the women I date, without being driven to do anything I'd regret due to runaway horniness.
Negative: The other side of the coin above: The fact that I'm having sex with hot 22 year olds does effect my judgement of older women, and there are definitely women who I didn't give a chance, even though we seemed to get along well, because I just didn't feel like accepting this much compromise in sexual attraction ... but meanwhile, if I wasn't comparing her to a 22-year-old, I might have become sexually attracted to her in time, as we connected emotionally.
In all, I think pursuing this probably on balance is making things a little harder for my civilian love life
I do this to myself about once a year: I put the clubs on hold and go on a few online dates, and I always regret it afterwards. Finding a super-attractive girl on a dating site is hard. Almost impossible. The best looking ones often get wifed up pretty early in life and we're left with the rest. The smoking hot ones who DO date online, well, they receive so many messages daily that it's almost impossible to get their attention. And then even if you do get their attention, what are the odds that they will have anything in common with you, as everyone here has already observed? And I wouldn't want to meet anyone through my friends or colleagues, that would be extremely uncomfortable if it doesn't work out. I think some guys are probably just better off paying for sex. It's a lonely life sometimes, but it is what it is.
First, as I think most of us recognize, a paid sexual companion can never be perfect because they are paid. It’s an amazingly fun journey, but fucking young strippers only meets a PLs physical needs, not his emotional needs. At some point in his life, every man wants a woman who satisfies him sexually because she wants to, and not just because he is paying her to.
Second, for a man, a full time romantic companion must be physically attractive to him. She doesn’t have to look like a 20 yo red headed DS, but her naked body needs to get you hard. If it doesn’t, no matter how great the rest of the relationship is, the relationship will never be truly fulfilling for the guy.
It’s natural that guys who have spent years having sex with the most beautiful array of young women imaginable will have trouble getting the images of those young women out of their head. So I wouldn’t worry about that. But still your companion needs to turn you on sexually without you calling up Images in your mind of fucking attractive younger women. It’s ok to have those images, you will probably never get rid of them, but she needs to turn you on independently of those images. It is possible to find older women who turn you on sexually, but it does take work to find them.
Third, if you want a life with civilian women, you must break it off with your DS. This is what I did. I told my “perfect” sexual companion that I could not see her any more. It was a difficult thing to do. But it was definitely the right thing for me. I think its probably the right thing for you too.
Best of luck.
Lol
LOL - yeah - seems hard to find a woman that you really like as a person but also really turns you on
I don't have much to add except:
1) you may be overdoing-it w/ the strippers and kinda having a bad-reaction to over-whoreing - maybe if you focused in quality over quantity you may not feel the same way
2) strip-club bizarro-world is a turnkey operation - hot young strippers willing-and-able - just add water ($$$) and you get what you want - in the real-world it takes more effort and it's not prepacked like strip-clubs - i.e. if you keep at it better-chance of finding a suitable civvie
NFL football did survive without Howard Cosell, Dennis Miller, and Chris Berman. I guess this too shall pass.