All of this back and forth bickering on TUSCL
TheeOSU
FUCK IT!
How about some jokes?
The Devil was sitting in hell when three men showed quickly one after the other. Pop, pop, pop! This peaked the Devil's curiosity and he thought he would ask the men what they had been doing at the time of their deaths. He thought their deaths may be related.
So, he goes to the first man and asked what he had been doing at the time of his death. The first man said he was at work when he got a call that his wife was cheating on him and she was with the man in their apartment and he could catch them if he hurried. He immediately left work and raced home. He pulled up to the entrance of the apartment building and threw his keys to the valet. As he entered the apartment building, he ran into a man coming out that he did not recognize. He heard the man ask the valet to get his car. He then ran to the elevator and took it to the 24th floor to his apartment. He fought with his key but was eventually able to get into the apartment. He said he found his wife in bed but alone. He then ran through the apartment looking for the other man. He could not be found and the man sat down to think. It was at that time that he remembered the stranger leaving the apartment building. He thought this must be the man. He ran to the balcony and saw the valet pulling up with the man's car. He was so angry that he grabbed the refrigerator and wrestled it to the balcony and pushed it off. He then felt a sharp pain in his chest and then showed up in hell.
The Devil looks at the man for awhile rubbing his chin. He then goes to the second man and asks him what he was doing before he died. The man said he had gone to visit his mother for her birthday in an apartment building. A valet brought his car to him and after getting in a refrigerator fell on him and killed him.
The Devil looks back at the first man and shakes his head. He then asks the third man what he was doing. The third man said he was just minding his own business sitting in a refrigerator . . .
The Devil was sitting in hell when three men showed quickly one after the other. Pop, pop, pop! This peaked the Devil's curiosity and he thought he would ask the men what they had been doing at the time of their deaths. He thought their deaths may be related.
So, he goes to the first man and asked what he had been doing at the time of his death. The first man said he was at work when he got a call that his wife was cheating on him and she was with the man in their apartment and he could catch them if he hurried. He immediately left work and raced home. He pulled up to the entrance of the apartment building and threw his keys to the valet. As he entered the apartment building, he ran into a man coming out that he did not recognize. He heard the man ask the valet to get his car. He then ran to the elevator and took it to the 24th floor to his apartment. He fought with his key but was eventually able to get into the apartment. He said he found his wife in bed but alone. He then ran through the apartment looking for the other man. He could not be found and the man sat down to think. It was at that time that he remembered the stranger leaving the apartment building. He thought this must be the man. He ran to the balcony and saw the valet pulling up with the man's car. He was so angry that he grabbed the refrigerator and wrestled it to the balcony and pushed it off. He then felt a sharp pain in his chest and then showed up in hell.
The Devil looks at the man for awhile rubbing his chin. He then goes to the second man and asks him what he was doing before he died. The man said he had gone to visit his mother for her birthday in an apartment building. A valet brought his car to him and after getting in a refrigerator fell on him and killed him.
The Devil looks back at the first man and shakes his head. He then asks the third man what he was doing. The third man said he was just minding his own business sitting in a refrigerator . . .
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On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.
"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."
The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?"
The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."
That must have been really cold on his bare ass!
You’re sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of Wheaties, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of the milk carton.
She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.
"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most: cars
and men."
"What's your name?" she asked. He said, "B.J. Titsengolf."
stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom.
I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat
embarrassed,
"Doin' just fine!"
And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"
What kind of question is that? I'm thinking this is too
bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can
when I hear another question:
"Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me.
I figured I could politely end the conversation. I say:
"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then I hear the person say, nervously:
"Listen, I'll have to call you back.
There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my
questions!!"
million bucks.
The bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his
attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you
embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million
dollars is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're
talking about!"
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the
bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says: "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't
tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase
buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
"This is the brain of a lawyer who went to Harvard and graduated at the top of his class," says the salesman. This brain will cost $50,000."
He continues to the next one. "Now this brain belonged to a former brain surgeon from Oxford University. He was considered one of the best surgeons in the world, so the brain will cost you $100,000."
The salesman moves on to the final brain. "This is the brain of a Trump supporter. They did not attend college or have any career whatsoever. It will cost you one million dollars if you want this brain."
The sad man was confused. He asked, "well if they had no education or career and supported Trump, why on earth is this brain so much more expensive than the others?"
The salesman responded, "because it has never been used."
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, 'I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, 'I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die.' He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, 'My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.'
The little boy said, 'That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag...'
Nerdy inventor goes to a lawyer: "Mr. Jones, I've invented an oil. Rub it gently on pussy and it'll give pussy an Orange flavor. Here check it out. Can we find a way to start selling this?"
Lawyer stares at the bottle. Has a confused look and stares some more. Finally returns the bottle. Says "So you come up with something that'll make pussy taste like an orange. No good. Come back with something that'll make an orange taste like pussy - and we'll both be rich."
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get a stiffy. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, "ONE, TWO, THREE...UUUUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I just couldn't get a hard on."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?!!" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!!!"
Did you take comedy 601 at OSU? ;-D
................ They're afraid to look down.
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear."
Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"
The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear."
The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."
The doc is horrified. "You old goat, don't you know that could be fatal?"
The old man says, "Well..if she dies, she dies."