Has a dancer ever asked you why you don't get dances from her?

I would just tell her that I just want to chill. While I scope out the ones I want to engage in front room friendliness with.

SJG

Yes. I have had that happen too many times and it rarely comes out good. I start with no thanks and then I get a "why". I try to answer with you're not my type. That is met with "what is your type?" It goes on and on with some even playing the race card.

In the end we both wind up pissed off. Her because she doesn't make any money and me because she won't take "No" for answer.

On the other hand, if the girl is that forward, verbally, if you like her, try out front room friendliness, with some front room money.

:)

SJG

LOL shadow - that's why I just get to the point vs trying to sugar coat-it - once I say "I like thick girls" they know what this means in a black club in particular and then they usually just leave me alone - as has been often posted in the past, trying to sugar-coat things w/ dancers instead of being direct usually does not work out well.

I'm into thick girls, and the skinny girls that ask me for dances I tell them my preference. Surprisingly pretty much all of them have been cool about it and just moved on to the next customer.

I've had girls I've gotten dances with before ask me why I don't get dances with them anymore. The main reason is usually they put on too much weight, but I just tell them I like variety.

^^^^^^ Get your thick girls onto your lap and proceed with a front room makeout session, with tipping as a show of respect.

SJG

When I started at 18 and went to 18+, no alcohol, SC. I got a dance from a girl once, maybe twice. She wasn't really my type and her personality was so so as well. On a different visit later, she asked why I don't get dances anymore. But i don't remember what I said. I remember her LDs was wack, basically no touching, while another dancer with a huge rack allowed more touching....go figure

-->"Yes. I have had that happen too many times and it rarely comes out good. I start with no thanks and then I get a "why". I try to answer with you're not my type. That is met with "what is your type?" It goes on and on with some even playing the race card."

That is the classic pattern. While sometimes, this might just be a good-natured extension of her hustle, most of the time it's a hyper-aggressive pattern (even if you don't realize it at first), meant to fence you into a corner and/or humiliate you or accuse you of being a racist or liar ... many times, it's not even meant to hardsell you into a dance, just to ruin your day and let her feel better about herself for doing so.

As a result, I just don't even play into it, I'm not there to let some low-self-esteem psycho use me to make herself feel good. The main thing here is to nip it in the bud -- I don't answer the "why not?" question, and if I don't answer, she can't go into her little cycle. Sometimes, I just re-dismiss her and turn away. If I'm feeling playful and I feel like she's just extending her hustle rather than going into aggression mode, I'll play with her a bit, but my rule is simple: I will NOT answer any of her questions, or get caught in that cycle of her controlling the conversation by asking questions and me answering. Instead, I'll work things right away to me in control, and her answering ... "Who is my type? Who do you think is my type?" ... "Her? Why do you think I like skinny bitches?!" and on and on, I ask a cute question, she answers. I lead, she follows. If she doesn't like it, she pretty quickly realizes what's going on, cuts bait and leaves. Sometimes, she'll play along, I'll like her style, and now I have a new drinking buddy. Perfect outcome in both cases :)

I think Subraman needs to start a PL consulting business

:)

I agree Papi, Subra kinda nailed the playbook down I'll have to admit I do pretty much the same thing when it comes to not answering their questions sort of flip the script type of responsees, but I never tried to rationalize it the way he does.

You'd never think paying girls to wiggle around on my lap until I splooge my tightie whities would be so fucking complicated

^^^You da mane

I've had plenty of variations of the following:

Her: Why don't you like me? Me: I have certain preferences and you're just not it.

Over half the time that's enough right there, but about half the girls who start down this road feel compelled to keep going, usually with something like:

Her: Why not? [and/or] What do you like? Me: What's the point in talking about this more? I'm not spending on you tonight and that's it.

Now usually it will stop there, with her storming off and maybe saying something snarky on the way. But every once in a while, often when it is a black chick, it will go on to:

Her: I think you just don't like black girls. Me: Or maybe I just don't like you. But thanks for stopping by.

When this starts, I find that a healthy asshole moment really helps to move things along. It helps that I don't care in the slightest what she thinks of me. If she thinks I'm an asshole, racist or both, then so what? My one goal is to encourage her to leave as quickly as possible so that I'm free to pursue more promising prospects.

black hoes are a bit sensitive. when I tell them I like white girls, they play the race card with me too.

I'm fair-skinned and pass for Anglo instead of a Papi Chulo - I tend to play the Anglo/gringo angle w/ the barely English speaking Cubanas at the South FL clubs (or any club I may find Cubanas including Follies) o/w I feel they think I should get dances from them b/c I'm a compadre.

not to say I'm exclusive to white girls or aren't into any black girls but I get why they would pull the race card not that I agree or condone it but it could be to subras point, they just want to spoil your evening to make themselves feel better. as a matter of fact I think the black guys may have it worse because they feel we owe them just because.

I think it's more that black girls have it harder in mixed clubs from getting hired to getting dances - in most mixed-clubs it's mostly white guys and most white guys are probably into white girls - like chess said it's not right to pull the race-card but it's probably desperation - many a stripper will pull any card to make the sale such as "my dad is in the hospital and I need money for his surgery" sympathy card.

Not too long ago at Follies I had a dancer pull the race card on me. She was a white chick and accused me of only liking black ones. I had to laugh at that one. :)

I have had this happen a lot and it's usually black dancers who end up playing the race card. It's really frustrating because while I tend to avoid black dancers, some are worth my time.

I also remember at one of my old favorite clubs that a lady used that line and I more or less said it was because she got lost in the shuffle, with all the other hot ladies there. She was one of the last favorites I had there.

There are several ways i might go about it. If she's seen me get dances, i might say i'm about danced out or i just got dances to give her the hint, but then she'll probably say something like, but you haven't gotten any from ME. Which then i'll say, but i can't get dances from everyone, to further cement the hint.

Maybe she's been paying attention to me for awhile and noticed me still getting dances and comes to me again. I'll just tell her i have someone else in mind. Of course the nosy bitch will probably say WHO? At which point, i could just bluntly say the name of a girl or the girl who is obviously very different from her. Or i could just be snarky and say, i don't know her name, but she's clearly not you.

i guess you could just turn it back on her, and ask her why do want to get a dance from someone that doesn't want to get a dance from you? Have you forgotten that i get dances for me and not for you? Or my favorite, hey if you pay for the dances, i'll get as many as you want. Which still isn't true. Some of these girls couldn't pay me to dance with them.

one time a skinny girl with glasses and a cups asked me 'why not me?' i said ok. lets go! once the curtain closed it was like unleashing a wild animal... we were naked in seconds and she was all over me... great passionate bj and sex... damn. time for a cigarette just remembering it... :) hope to encounter her again.

It totally depends what mood I'm in, what club I'm in, and how I read her.

In the black clubs in Miami, I'm usually pretty straight up about it. I prefer the slimmer girls, so I tell them that. Its rare that that I have an issue, since as PC said the slimmer girls don't get a lot of love & the thicker girls are usually the most sought after. So, its usually a thicker girl who's usually popular and is genuinely curious why I'm the only dude who's not into her. Often, they get this big grin on their face and come back with their skinny friend who's hyper excited she's got someone who digs her type. Sometimes they're just like, okay, cool, cya. Worst case scenario in black clubs that don't have tip parades a 2-3 dollar tip and a pat on the ass usually ends any conversation amicably. Any black stripper who tries to place the race card on a white guy, sometimes the only white guy, in a black strip club has to be retarded.

Other times, I take a variation of Subra's approach. If I get the bitchy vibe, I won't play along. I'll refuse to answer and change the subject to take control of the conversation. Sometimes that doesn't work out, as once I have control of the conversation I usually drive it to a dead end on purpose. The really stubborn ones will come back around to their original question and I don't want to waste my time repeating the process, so I just ignore them.

At clubs I visit regularly where I have a favorite or a reputation as a spender, I answer the question honestly & without hesitation. "You're not my type" if she presses, I'll tell her exactly what's wrong with her. I start out with a positive or neutral spin, "I prefer smaller boobs" or "I prefer " but when that doesn't work I won't wait long before I tell her her ass is too flat/fat, her tits are too saggy, her belly is to flabby, her teeth are fucked up, I don't fuck with girls with track marks (yeah, I visit some shady clubs), she smells, whatever it is I don't like.

Every now and again, I don't have an answer, she's hot and I do want a dance. So I answer: because you never offered, why don't we have a drink and get to know each other a bit...

Dolf: yep, just flowing according to your mood always works in general. My one rule is, she doesn't get to drive the conversation. Otherwise, I get bad vibes from her or just don't have the patience? I shut her down, not quite as rudely as Rick does it, but not far off, either. I get good vibes from her and feeling playful? I take us on the 20-questions Tango, but I'm the one leading.

ANd you reminded me, once in a long while it IS someone I want to dance with, or at least would consider. Then I switch us straight over to banter, often starting with, "The question is, why haven't YOU come over to ME? Too busy with your regulars?", which begets banter back (often "You're so popular I couldn't get near you", I've heard that a bunch), which begets shots, which begets more shots, which begets VIP

^ I just don't have the patience to play those games anymore and I haven't for quite some time. Girls who go down that road generally are generally looking for one of two possible outcomes: (1) To shame/bully a guy into paying them; or (2) To wallow in feelings of justified anger and emotional confirmation that they are being rejected because he's a racist rather than because of something else about them.

By taking the asshole approach I short circuit all of that nonsense very quickly. They may hate me when they walk away, but that was going to be the likely outcome anyway.

Wasn't criticizing you Rick, everything you said is right on (although you forgot the #3 possible outcome -- she paints him into a corner, makes some remark to humiliate him, and walks away). I just have a lot more patience than you, so personal-style wise, I take a different tact. I think the biggest mistake -- and honestly, not just a mistake, but often a sign of weakness -- is to just let the girls take you on the 20-question Tango and simply sit there and meekly answer each question. Otherwise, shut it down, turn it around, whatever suits you.

Dancer: Why don't you ever get dances from me? Me: Don't want to. Dancer: Why? Me: Because. Dancer: Because why? Me: Because I said so. Makes me recall about 58,000 conversations with my parents when I was a kid.

If a dancer talks like that, I would interpret that things are going slow and that she is inviting me to talk to her. You can talk, and give her front room money. If you like her, you might steer it to front room GFE.

But otherwise politely shine her on and done waste her time. Don't every say anything contemptuous though.

SJG

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How do you think this would work....

" I'm holding out for someone who wants to play OTC."

In a way, maybe a bit more subtle, I think that would work. In a nutshell that is The System (tm).

And buying dances is a chump's game.

SJG

flagooner - It might work but what if she is a fugly and accepts your OTC offer?

Because of that reason, you have to decide right off if you like her. If not, politely shine her on. If you do, then front room GFE.

SJG

Then you low ball. If she is still willing, go ahead and fuck her.

Everyone wins.

:)

SJG

I've had this happen as well, though fortunately not too often. Subra and Rick have the right of it. Reflect the questions back, give an "is there a point to these questions after I've said 'no thanks'" response, or simply ignore her.

You gain nothing by answering past the first one.

Yes, there is no point in directly answering her. You should never do that.

SJG

I've been in that situation where a dancer asks for a dance and I say no and she starts w/ the "why not ..." interrogation - but the reason for my OP was based on two incidents:

1. about 6 months ago at a black dive - late dayshift about 10 dancers - got multiple dances from about 6 of the girls and was getting dances pretty-much the whole time I was there ($10/dance) - got dances from mostly the thick girls, or the slim-thick curvy girls - a pretty, and light-skinned young ebony (21?) approaches me and tells me - "you've gotten dances w/ everyone here except me and it makes me feel like there is something wrong w/ me that you didn't get any from me". I really didn't get dances w/ all the girls but w/ most but since I was constantly getting dances it made it look like I was getting dances w/ everyone

2. this past weekend at a different black-dive - got dances from about a 1/2-dozen dancers an often locked them down for 15-minutes+ getting dances which were $5/dance - a young slim ebony approaches me and tells me "you've gotten dances w/ everyone but me"

So it wasn't a case of them asking me for a dance and me saying no and then them saying "but why not me" - off the bat they both asked why not them even b/f asking me for a dance as if they felt left-out or something wrong w/ them - dances are also on the floor at both these clubs so very evident who's buying/spending and who's not, and how much they are spending

In both cases I told them I'm into thick girls which non-thick AA dancers kinda take as a put-down since thickness is often the desired quantity in most all-black clubs - it could also be that the thin AA girls at these all-black clubs may be used to the few white-guys going-for-them/preferring-them and thus they being confused as to why I would not go for them like other white-guys.

You have to decide on her right off. If yes, then deflect dance offer, onto your lap and moving towards front room GFE.

If No , then shine her on.

So her dance offer always gets deflected, always. And her follow on questions get evaded.

SJG

Yeah bro, this gets on my nerves too I just hit them with the staight up answer. I dont really care if its rude, I'm not gonna pay for something I dont want or something thats not gonna lead to something OTC. There's no reason to pay for something I dont want. On top of that she wouldnt even be talking to my big black ass if I wasnt spending moeny so WTF? I asked one of them "Why do you feel the need to ask me?" The answer is cause im spending money, not because you just want to come sit with the 300lb black guy. You can imagine how rude i've gotten over the years when asked this. "Your 30+", "Your as old as my mom", "your older than my oldest sister", "I could've gone to chuck-e-cheese to see stretch marks", "Let me see your ass first....Nah", "Do you ask guys at the mall, why they don't ask for your number?", this one girl MIA at showcase really got it from me, black girl with fake ass and tits. Stereotypical black girls have nice asses, I came to see and feel on big black booties. "The same $20 I spent on your little black booty I could've paid to feel on that big ol black ass.", "Why didn't the most popular boy at your school ask you to prom?" like seriously what kind of question is "Why haven't you gotten a dance from me?" Cause you not pretty/sexy enough, Duh. Sometimes I'll get a dance and they'll try to face me and ill tell them to turn around cause there teeth are jacked up, they usually never offer again. They get the point.