Getting Played, thoughts

It sucks, RTP, that's SS in action.

I've been there too. Remember what my favorite pulled on me the last time you and I got together at the club? Well I forgave her and then she pulled the same shit on me last Saturday.

Just remember another bus will be along shortly. I know I have 2 others lined up for today.

What was the point in telling you to pick her up?

Tell her exactly what you saw and not to bother you again. When you fail to make a commitment and deliberately at that, no respect can be retained from that.

She found a bigger player, plain and simple. Remember, yours was a transaction based relationship.

I feel for you, RTP. I think some (if not, most) of us have been there at some point or another. I had an arrangement where I was getting nudes from a hot dancer in my area (paid her well, no club involvement), and never seemed to seal the deal on OTC despite me being good for the money. You have to chalk it to experience, a transaction based relationship as impala put it, and move forward with the next fave or even switch up things. I'm thinking more along the lines of the E word since it's more straightforward. I enjoy strippers on a lot of levels, and they are out to first and foremost profit (no question there) but the least some could do to narrow the field is be honest about the hustle, even when it comes to OTC.

It's what many strippers do, it's in their DNA. (Not all but many). Phone issues, set things up and renege, don't call for weeks or months and then call out if of the blue as though you guys has just talked yesterday. Some just don't have common courtesy. Others are just hustlers trying to part you from your money.

How you decide to move on is up to you. You can move on to other fish and/or you can try with her again with stipulations.

There's no reason you can't start working someone else and still try to get with her. But with other options on the table you won't be so concerned if she keeps being flakey.

If you're dealing with strippers you are going to get played. But this was blatant and disrespectful. She should have called you and told you her mother was sick or some other lame excuse. Walking by you to see another guy is too much.

Like most are saying, we've been there in some way or form. I suggest you move on, because there are just too many to pick from (or pick up)!

Move on from her, plenty other fish in the sea.

I've had miserable luck with arranging same night OTC. Even if she agrees to it I usually assume it won't happen because it usually doesn't. But I've never been treated that disrespectfully.

While I usually advocate not getting emotional over dancer rejection, in this instance I would've been really pissed. Sure she can choose a bigger spender, but to not communicate with you and walk right by you is the height of disrespect. I would not only never spend a penny on her again but I'd sit right at the stage ever time she's on and refuse to tip a penny. And Id spend a bunch on other dancers in front of her. I know that's not the mature thing to do but that honestly is what I'd probably do.

The way your story started and was heading, I was thinking something much worse was about to happen - robbery, ect.

Be thankful it was nothing worse and move on. As others have said it's just part of the game.

Getting into a tic for tat spat with a stripper? Not sure if I can think of anything more pathetic or lame.

If you *want* to do OTC with her, just lay it out. "I understand if you got a better offer, but how about a quick text to let me know it's off, instead of having me cooling my heels in the parking lot."

If she takes offense, then you know where you stand?

Tough story man! I've been played like that, too, just not quite so bad...

Depending on where I was in my SC career, I would have given you different advice. In my current phase, I'd say, no matter how much you want more dances from her or still want OTC, move on. No amount of hotness is worth tolerating being treated like a bitch -- and that is exactly the way you were treated -- and certainly not going back to her to spend even a cent, which would prove that she made the right call in treating you that way. Really, you'll find another girl who you like just as much or more, and having the slightest shred of dignity and self-respect is worth it. So "lost status" is not enough, just move on. No reason to cuss her out, no reason to interact with her at all, no reason to obsess on her, living well (or SCing well) is the best revenge, just move on.

I like to play poker.

There are some poker rooms that I do great in. There are some that I have won significantly and also lost significantly in. Then there are those casinos that I have only lost, and never won in, and those are the ones I swore never to return to.

Strippers are similar. Some are great, some are so-so, some are horrible.
Some deserve a second chance and some should be written off, never to be bothered with again.

With your stripper, she probably got a last minute, better offer which likely equaled her making some money. When you think about it for a minute, you can't blame her if that was the case. What if your boss had called you and said "I need you to immediately come to work right now. I'll pay you what you make in a 2 weeks for 2 hours of work tonight." Most of us would probably dump the stripper and take that offer.

Where she screwed up, she should have stopped by your car and explained why she's not coming with you and apologized, but then again most young naive people would not think to do that. She may have gone to do OTC with that guy, or maybe just going somewhere to party.

You said you've been talking about OTC for 3 months, I don't think I have ever worked anyone for that long, so it may be time to look elsewhere for OTC if that's your main goal.

Fuck...dat...bitch.

She got a better offer and didn't have the courtesy to tell you she had a change in plans. Rude people suck especially when they waste your time. I wouldn't spend any more money on her. If she comes back later it's up to you if you still want to mess with her.

At least you didn't give her any money up front, right? So, while you did get played, a little, at least you didn't lose anything but time.

@georgmicrodong - I did not give her any money up front. I learned that lesson about 10 years ago. To many - clearly she got a better offer and as most of you say, it is business. I know better than getting emotionally tied up, but with a few drinks and the little head doing most of the thinking, it happened anyway. I will not get any dances from her again. Think I need to go back to Atlanta and visit with Shadow and the Bigdog.

Sorry that happened but things like that are not too rare. I'd advise to certainly never give her any more $ for dances or whatever, to ignore her completely & go back to her club and buy lots of dances from her co-workers when she is there. Last year I had a similar situation (but not as bad as yours) with a dancer saying she's into me & wants OTC etc. but she completely ignored me after I got a VIP at the club with her. Turns out it was for the best as later that same night I met my ATF dancer at the same club which made it easy for me to forget about the other loser.

That would be it for me. Wouldn't give her another dime.

@RTP: My tolerance for being gaffed off like that is fairly high, at least for girls I consider to be worth it. I probably would have told her when *making* the plans in the first place to let me know if she changed her mind. Then if she gaffed me off without saying anything, I'd be done. :)

I'm not in your shoes, but one incident like this wouldn't make me kick her to the curb without some aggravating factor you've perhaps left out.

I'd also likely have had a backup plan. :)

The dancer in question should have stuck to her original plans with the OP. I say screw her for what she did, laugh it off, and move on.

However, I don't necessarily agree that somehow it would have made things better of the dancer had stopped by the OP's car to say she was heading home with someone else. I mean, exactly how was that supposed to go?

Dancer: "Oh hey, thanks for waiting for me in the spot I told you to wait for me in. Sorry, but I got a better offer from someone else and am going to head home with them. Maybe next time, right?"

OP: "Thanks for letting me know. That was nice of you. I understand not wanting to come home with me now since some other guy made you a better offer. Have a great time!"

Uhhhh, no. Once the dancer decided to not follow through with what she agreed to do with the OP, it was best to just have it end the way it did - as tough as it may have been at the time for the OP.

I had a slightly similar experience last summer in which I arranged to meet a total babe at her club at a certain time in the afternoon to do a VIP room. Even though I informed her that I only had about a 45-minute time window, she arrived after me, took a half hour to get ready, and emerged from the dressing room at the time that I had told her I had to leave -- and sat down with someone else! I left immediately and came back three hours later to try again. This time she saw me but went outside to smoke in her car with her boyfriend/dealer. After 15 minutes of that I left again, texting her "You have no respect for my time. I'm out" and actually stayed away from her club for about five months, not to punish her -- she wouldn't even have noticed my absence -- but because the whole situation left such a sour taste in my mouth. I'm happy to report that I have been to that club five times so far this year, she's gone, and the other dancers are better than ever :) There are truly many fish in the sea.

If I were in your shoes, I would consider her actions so disrespectful of my time and feelings that I would never spend another cent on her and would buy lots of dances from others when she's working, as others have suggested. I would not, however, sit at her stage and refuse to tip her -- that would be petty (though understandable).

I think Shailynn's approach is fine way to approach it. But, to be a bit contrarian:

-->"With your stripper, she probably got a last minute, better offer which likely equaled her making some money. When you think about it for a minute, you can't blame her if that was the case. "

My experience is, it's not always easy to divine stripper motivations. A better offer will do it, but I absolutely know strippers who'll fuck customers over because, say, the other customer has drugs, or because she thinks it'll be more fun to do a two-some with her stripper friend, or she's just decided on a whim to change her plans. If I were to bet on anything, it's that while still in the club, she was telling the other stripper and customer, "OMG guys, I have another customer waiting for me in the parking lot. HAHAHA!" ... and then while walking out with them, "Hey, there is he is in that car, shut up stop laughing, don't look over! Haha!" I know this because I've been on both sides of the "customer screwed over" and "guy who gets the benefit of customer screwed over".

For me, I think there's a lot of rationalization going on for finding reasons to get treating unacceptably, then just go crawling back -- or to let yourself get treated any old way, and then talk yourself into why you deserve it.

There are strippers -- in fact, plenty of them -- who would have handled the situation different. Yes, with strippers there's some level of bad behavior we have to put up with, otherwise we'd not be able to consort with strippers at all, but for me there's a world of difference between "she's 30 minutes late" or "she cancelled at the last minute", and the humiliating, disrespectful way OP was treated. I couldn't possibly respect myself if I didn't move on to a better stripper.

gmd, what other aggravating factor could there possibly be? Did she have to spit in his face as she walked by? I still say dump the bitch and get even. But don't talk or text her about it, cause she won't care. Talk with your money.

Go to the bitch direct and let her know she's a cunt, then take her worst enemy to vip immediately.

An "aggravating factor" would be like the one I mentioned, e.g. I'd asked her specifically to let me know if she changed her mind.

@maho: No, I wouldn't expect her to *tell* me she'd gotten a better offer. A simple "can't make it, sorry," would be sufficient.

Of course, having done this for a while, I know that means she either chickened out, got a better offer. In the latter case, I'll either raise my ante or wait for another opportunity. If it's the former case, there's nothing to be gained with some absolutist "one strike and you're out" attitude. I can be patient, if that's what it takes.

It's also possible she never had any intention of meeting, but that explanation will become more obvious with experience doing this sort of thing.

Always have a backup plan. That said, if I liked her enough, I'd give her a chance to see what she has to say about it. It might be enough to leverage a better offer or better deal. Otherwise, if it bothered me enough just Next her and move on...

The only thing I could add, if you just cannot overcome the urge to contact her, is to text her "sorry I couldn't meet you the other night.". It's a major PL move and if she actually saw you waiting in the parking lot it would not work.

But your best bet is to dump her and find a hotter girl.

Damn, I agree with chessmaster. And I'm not even high.

dude you are in an enviable situation in that you travel a lot on business. unless that twat that stood you up is an 8 or a 9 then she should be easily replaceable. my advice to you would be to go to another club and target a few potential favorites in your next club visit. another tip is to target better clubs to go to. for example the clubs you checked out in the nyc area i wouldn't even set foot in even if someone paid for my admission. do your research before so you can maximize your club visits in any city you're traveling to.
read my post on what to do when a dancer cunt pisses you off.

I had a dancer who gave great private dances overcharge me for a session (but I didn't cause a stir as I figured I'd be on the losing battle with management). The next time I was in the club and she came up, I asked her if she remembered me (she said yes, as she had previously told me she never forgets a face). I then respectfully told her, then you'd know why I can't get dances from you anymore. Immediately her face went pale and she knew I knew. She tried to apologize and say she was going to make it up to me when she saw me again, but I held my ground and now every time she's on stage, she glances at me and quickly looks away. I love it.

gmd-->" If it's the former case, there's nothing to be gained with some absolutist "one strike and you're out" attitude."

george, I don't think anyone has a "one strike and you're out" policy. Hell, I'll go so far as to say, any who has a "one strike and you're out" policy, better also have a "I don't go to strip clubs" policy, but you'd better get used to some strikes if you're dealing with strippers! That said, EVERYONE has some limit as to what they'll take. If she stole your wallet, is it one strike and you're out? If she roofied you, is it one strike and you're out? Of course it is. What we're all arguing, I think, is along the sliding scale of "I'll just let that slide" to "she better do something to make up for it" to "one strike and she's out", where does OP's story lie? Some of you guys have insanely high tolerance for being treated badly, being humiliated, etc., some guys have less. For me, OP's story, plus the fact that she's not even a fave, makes it an easy call. There are plenty of strippers who treat their customers better, this is an awesome opportunity to find one. Also, there's this:

wildbourbon-->"but I held my ground and now every time she's on stage, she glances at me and quickly looks away. I love it."

Not allowing yourself to be treated like a bitch or humiliated, can be incredibly empowering, IMO. Having decently high standards for yourself will effect your entire outlook at the club. For me, at least, making excuses for why I should let a stripper treat me badly does the opposite. Again, I don't mean "she's 30 minutes late; one strike and she's out", but the OP's story is well beyond how I'll tolerate being treated.

She’s just playing hard to get

:)

Up to a couple of years ago I used to have a one-strike and you’re out stance – don’t treat me right once and that was the end of it.

But – it is the nature of the beast – I rarely take it personal anymore unless it involves stealing my $$$ (outright stealing-it or her failing to hold her end of the bargain after I gave her $$$ for something – which I don’t do – anymore).

I’ve had some falling out w/ some dancers and then they’ve rocked my world on another visit (the nature of the beast).

I am perfectly aware that 99% of dancers don’t give a shit about me and in all reality I accept that since in all honesty I really don’t give a shit about them beyond what they do for me – not saying that I treat them bad; not at all; just that the extent of my “relationship” w/ them is just the exchange of good$ for services.

Been there too similar type situation. These strippers are SO unreliable that it just blows ones mind. You just gotta remember that there's a reason they are strippers and don't work a normal job. They are not right in the head most of them.
BUT for every night like that another night will work out and you'll have a great time. You don't have to see her again but there's plenty of fish in the SC.