Saying No

Eh, they're women. What did you expect :)

I think rejection when you're trying to sell new tires, is less personal and intimate, than rejecting a stripper, IMO. You're rejecting her beauty, charm, sexiness. That said, it's still a job, they should at least be acting professionally, or better yet, big smile and "okay, let me know if you change your mind, have a fun time" -- that impresses me, and if I"m sitting on the fence on her, a good attitude could help me change my mind later.

But ..trying to cushion the no with some sort of explanation is -- and you'll pardon my forthrightness here -- fucking retarded. It will backfire 9 out of 10 times. For many of these girls, even the hurt and disappointment is an act, a desperate effort to manipulate you into offering an explanation or saying something else stupid, and now she can re-engage... and some of the meaner girls will just use the opportunity to engage you in an effort to humiliate you (plenty of examples over on StripperWeb).

My philosophy: smile and say "no thanks". That's it, always friendly, always respectful -- you might change your mind later and decide you want a dance with her, so don't burn your bridges, and really, she's a person, be nice to her until there's a reason not to be nice. No explanations, and especially no spineless passive-aggressive lies (e.g., "maybe later", unless you really mean it)

No I don't cushion it. Plenty of bitches told me no and like subra said its probably an act for most of them.

It depends on the gal and the moment.
I do like some of them, and I don't want to hurt their feelings if that's what it is. True, most often, it's a ploy on their part to make some cash. I was in sales also, I know the rejection factor. That's life.

Do they really want to hear an explanation of why I said no? When I decline a dance from a skinny goth chick with sleeve tattoos and black lip stick -- I doubt she wants to hear my true feelings. A polite "no thanks" will suffice.

@subraman:"fucking retarded "...lol. @ Motorhead: sleeve tats and black lipstick. I hear you man. NOTHING turns me off quicker than that look.

I agree with Subraman, women are not wired to get naked in front of men who are strangers. In almost all other situations, men have to work hard to get a woman to take all her clothes off, and when she does, the woman expects a positive reaction. That said, rejection is a major part of the job, and the dancers better get used to it, or they need to do something else for money.

I basically politely and with a smile on my face tell them no. If they have done something that appeals to me, like giving me a little teaser lap dance, I will give them a small tip.

I am caught in a no win situation. I typically will say no to a girl if I get a bad vibe from her.
I have found that the women who dance in showclubs do just fine if I choose not to be a customer for awhile. I have bought a dance from a girl simply because she was nice and invested so much time with me. Although I was not attracted to her physically. My current problem is that I started buying dances from two women at the same club who always work
or almost always work at the same time. Awhile back, one of the women. Of course the one
who I am most attracted to took some time off from work. So, I relied on the other for dances.
Well, the one who I really want to see came back. Now, I can't say no to the one without offending the other. They are sisters which makes it tricky. I would prefer to be cool with the one and buy dances with the other. But, I know I will ruin a good thing if I don't keep up the current trend of buying dances from each. It is hard to say no to the one less attractive girl because she is the friendliest of the two and always makes time for me.
I finally get why girls love the bad boys and just want to be friends with the nice guys.
I am doing the same thing in reverse to this girl. It is more exciting with the girl who ignores me as crazy as it sounds.

I don't say a thing.I just give them a look like Ray Liotta in a Jose Cuervo commercial.

If you just say 'no' politely, then many dancers will get hurt (or at least *act* hurt). Sometimes it's genuine and sometimes it's a guilt-based sales routine.

If you say 'no' with a cushion, so to speak, then many dancers complain "Why can't they just say 'no' politely?"

It is often a no-win situation.

Sometimes I just say "No thanks." Other times, if a dancer approaches me and I'm not interested, I won't let her get too far into her routine before I'll say, "I want you to know that I'm not sure if I'm buying dances tonight. I get that this is your job, so you may want to move on to greener pastures." Very often, depending on the talent walking around, that's not bullshit on my part. Most dancers have responded pretty good to that.

Ishmael

Some dancers don't remember who they talked to 15 minutes later. So it doesn't matter what you say unless you make a really big impression. No thanks, maybe later, no, these dancers have a memory of 5 minutes, maybe less if you move in the club.
Now I remember overhearing some guys say something like, "I don't want any fucking dances, bitch, move on!"
I think she remembered that. She wasn't bad looking either. She had an issue of following in the footsteps of a bitch of a dancer. I initially said no to her as well but she countered that she didn't even ask for dances.

I have encountered some dancers who were extremely determined to dance for me. Extreme can mean arguing with me instead of taking no for an answer and walking away to come back later. One dancer argued for over 15 to 20 minutes until I had enough of her and left her at the table I had been at. One dancer just wasn't my type. After seeing through my flimsy arguments, she was still determined and offered free dances no strings after repeated no's from me. Then she was probably bluffing but upped her offers past that. Why would I want to go home with her if I refused to get dances? One dancer heard me say no but decided to do a table dance right in front of me anyway.

To add on a little bit:

Strippers aren't always the most emotionally mature women, many can be incredibly entitled, plus they are in an industry where rejection can feel very personal, plus you don't always know what other stressors she's experiencing (fight with her b/f, whatever). So, a stripper can be hurt or pick a fight over just about anything. The best you can do is be friendly and respectful, and if she chooses to be hurt or pick a fight after that, it's not your fault. I can't think of anything better than a friendly, "No thanks, but thanks for asking" or whatever variation -- friendly tone, clear and direct, respectful of both her feelings and her time. In my experience, it's by far the best way to handle things, even with aggressive hustlers.

On the other hand, the girls can and do (and arguably, SHOULD) re-engage if you give them ammunition to. Go read the thread I just wrote about guys who say "No thanks, but I'll find you later" on SW -- the girls are furious because in SWland it's perceived as the customer taking control, plus they think it's a lie and they're furious about that.

Also go find the SW thread about guys who say, "Thanks, but I don't have any money" -- the girls all look at this as a way to stay engaged, pointing out there's an ATM, sometimes grabbing a guy and leading him there. If I remember right, one girl basically plucked a $20 out of a guy's wallet who offered this explanation (basically stealing), to the cheers of the other SW girls.

Every extra bit of nervous blabbing and explaining you do, is either an open door for her to stay engaged (something any and every good salesman at least considers), or an open door for her to try to verbally humiliate you (you'll see tons of examples on SW). Just do yourself and the girls a favor: be clear, concise, direct, respectful.

I usually say "Not now, thank you...I'll let you know if I change my mind". This gets the message across, but leaves the door open for later.

bubbletop: obviously, if it's working for you, that's great, keep at it. but if you'll let me be argumentative for a second... what would happen if you didn't say "I'll let you know if I change my mind". Would the door NOT be open later? If you just say "no thanks", then change your mind later, the door is somehow closed for some reason? What possible advantage does adding that in give you?

I actually think the SW position this is ridiculous, and as usual lots of cuntish venting, so I think you're being perfectly reasonable ... but I do also think the SW view has at least some real-life stripper adherents, too. So while you're being perfectly reasonable, I don't see any percentage in adding in any more information

I'm with Subraman. "No thanks" is sufficient, and if it's not, it's her problem, not mine.

@motorhead: Feel free to send the tatted goth chick my way. Or at least introduce me to her. :)

They are hurt when you say "no" and when you say "maybe later". Unless a girl is aggressive or downright rude I say things like "You're a pretty lady but I have a preference for blondes/brunettes tonight", it usually works.

“... I think rejection when you're trying to sell new tires, is less personal and intimate ...”

LOL – nice, simple, accurate, way to put it

For many dancers no matter how you say “no” they won't be happy unless you say “yes” and give them $$$.

IMO most of these dancers seem to barely tolerate us even when we are spending $$$ on them; one can only assume how they feel when we don't give them what they want.

Best to adhere to the K.I.S.S. principle; anything more than a simple “no thanks” as Subra states is sorta opening the door to their potential wrath and contempt for most of us.

I usually don't take offense if a guy says no or comes up with an excuse not to get a dance with me. If I have been having good conversation with the guy even if he claims he has no money, Ill stay with him and just chat. Some nights if its slow I may walk up to a guy and him flat out tell me he is broke and isn't going to buy anything. I tell him that's alright and just start talking with him cause I mean hey its dead, and if hes good conversation then I may stay there for hours. (Its not really something I do on purpose but most of the time it pays off and even if he didn't want to get a dance with me cause I'm not his type then he will usually give me some money for talking to him for so long, I never expect it when it happens but I appreciate it. And usually continue talking with them till they leave or someone else wants to get a dance with me.)

On another note there I one time I did truly take offense and got upset. It was a dead night 3 people were there (and at this club you didn't sell drinks which sucked cause I got offered for a guy to buy me one!!!! I could have made some cash off of drink selling at least) I spent hours and hours talking with these 2 gentlemen and it was ok conversation I found out the guys likes and it sucked cause it was apparently country night at this place and dancers had no say in the music and the dj was very rude about it. I felt that if I could have danced to what he liked at least then maybe I could convince him to get a dance but like I said dj wouldn't even let you pick your own country music out (which sucked cause I feel most country is singing but I have a handful that I find easy to dance to) Anyway some girls where coming in late and he kept making eye contact with this one girl as she walked by. (I knew that he must have been her regular from the way they passed smiles to one each other when she passed.) She didn't come up to him while I was sitting with him, but as soon as I went on stage, BAM! sat down right next to him. This distracted him and he barely even looked at me dancing! This girl looked very similar to me maybe just a little thicker, tan and assuming her hair wasn't dyed we had almost the same exact natural hair color a dirty blond. I think that's what made me upset was he couldn't tell me he was waiting for a certain dancer and the fact that the certain dancer was sooo similar to myself except tan. Also she didn't seem anything like his type from our conversation, but I guess people can be surprising. I found out later too that many of the girls there did extras and illegal stuff in the back rooms, so I figured they probably had some business going on. He did get a dance later with her as soon as me and my friend were leaving I seen him getting one. I figured it was going to happen, but I couldn't help that I felt jealous over it I put the whole night into talking to him practically and got hardly anything for it. (and it wasn't like there was really anyone else to put time into the others where the same or they wanted sex plain and simple which I respected the fact that the guy wanting sex just flat out said it.) Either way I know it was petty of me and I usually don't get upset over stuff like that, but for whatever reason that night it hit me hard and I was furious about it and ranted to my friend with me on the way home. (I never let those kinds of emotions show while I'm on the floor though)

I was at a SC last night – it was a sorta blue-collar mixed SC - there were a good # of dancers thus competition for selling dances – got 2 $25-dances from a Cuban chick plus a tip; you know; since I'm a nice-guy.

She comes by me 30 minutes later flirting w/ me asking if I wanted some more dances – I do the polite “no thanks” with a smile – in a literal split-second she goes from being flirty to making an ugly face at me and taking off in a huff.

Give a stripper an inch ...

Some women just don't seem to understand “no means no”

All good responses. I'm pleased this thread generated this kind of interest.

If I know right off the bat I'm not attracted to her, the line "I'm waiting on someone" works great.

If I find a girl attractive and she sits down, but after talking with her am no longer interest, the line "think I'm going to just hang out a little bit for now; maybe we can talk later" seems to drop the hint that I'm not interest.

Think both approaches are fairly polite ways going about saying "no".

@Phoenix133 I love when they feel the burn of wasted effort. Especially when they ditch a guy because a suit walked in and only yapped her head off with no room for dollars. Simply love it. Bet you they wish they didn't deny the young buck who was willing to spend a hundo then do they? Mwahahahahah!

A polite no thanks usually works for me.

To Esta being mean just to be mean is kind of scum baggy don't you think.

To Phoenix most of the folks here that have ever tried any type of sales get a bit bummed by rejection, but the mark of a good sales person is to let it run off like water on a ducks back . It isn't personal even though it feels like it sometimes,

If everything else fails try farting.

Papi-->" I do the polite “no thanks” with a smile – in a literal split-second she goes from being flirty to making an ugly face at me and taking off in a huff."

I have to admit that these days, that sometimes (literally) makes me laugh. Maybe I've gotten just a bit too confident and laid back in the club, but all these little obnoxious social gaffes crack me up. When that big fake smile goes immediately to a "if looks could kill" face! There's one girl I know who simple, drops her smile and walks away -- she doesn't say anything, just turns around. I guess for these kinds of girls, their need to show their disdain for any customer who says no, overrules the smart move of smiling and being pleasant so she can come back to him later (or on another trip)

A lot of dancers in Detroit will respond to "No thanks," by demanding a tip. I have 2'' square buttons that say "Why should I tip you when you haven't done anything." If a remember to pack one, I just give it to her. The word gets around--quickly.