Saying No
JohnBuford
Massachusetts
I just read a review of a club where the reviewer said he was put off by the attitude of the dancers when he told them "No." They seemed genuinely hurt and disappointed. I work in sales and hear lots of "No's" too. The difference is, it's not personal, it's business. They are not saying no to me per se, but rather my products. So, do you guys try to "cushion" the no with some sort of explanation or is straight up no ? And does it bother you if she seems hurt and/or disappointed ?
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But ..trying to cushion the no with some sort of explanation is -- and you'll pardon my forthrightness here -- fucking retarded. It will backfire 9 out of 10 times. For many of these girls, even the hurt and disappointment is an act, a desperate effort to manipulate you into offering an explanation or saying something else stupid, and now she can re-engage... and some of the meaner girls will just use the opportunity to engage you in an effort to humiliate you (plenty of examples over on StripperWeb).
My philosophy: smile and say "no thanks". That's it, always friendly, always respectful -- you might change your mind later and decide you want a dance with her, so don't burn your bridges, and really, she's a person, be nice to her until there's a reason not to be nice. No explanations, and especially no spineless passive-aggressive lies (e.g., "maybe later", unless you really mean it)
I do like some of them, and I don't want to hurt their feelings if that's what it is. True, most often, it's a ploy on their part to make some cash. I was in sales also, I know the rejection factor. That's life.
I basically politely and with a smile on my face tell them no. If they have done something that appeals to me, like giving me a little teaser lap dance, I will give them a small tip.
I have found that the women who dance in showclubs do just fine if I choose not to be a customer for awhile. I have bought a dance from a girl simply because she was nice and invested so much time with me. Although I was not attracted to her physically. My current problem is that I started buying dances from two women at the same club who always work
or almost always work at the same time. Awhile back, one of the women. Of course the one
who I am most attracted to took some time off from work. So, I relied on the other for dances.
Well, the one who I really want to see came back. Now, I can't say no to the one without offending the other. They are sisters which makes it tricky. I would prefer to be cool with the one and buy dances with the other. But, I know I will ruin a good thing if I don't keep up the current trend of buying dances from each. It is hard to say no to the one less attractive girl because she is the friendliest of the two and always makes time for me.
I finally get why girls love the bad boys and just want to be friends with the nice guys.
I am doing the same thing in reverse to this girl. It is more exciting with the girl who ignores me as crazy as it sounds.
If you say 'no' with a cushion, so to speak, then many dancers complain "Why can't they just say 'no' politely?"
It is often a no-win situation.
Sometimes I just say "No thanks." Other times, if a dancer approaches me and I'm not interested, I won't let her get too far into her routine before I'll say, "I want you to know that I'm not sure if I'm buying dances tonight. I get that this is your job, so you may want to move on to greener pastures." Very often, depending on the talent walking around, that's not bullshit on my part. Most dancers have responded pretty good to that.
Ishmael
Now I remember overhearing some guys say something like, "I don't want any fucking dances, bitch, move on!"
I think she remembered that. She wasn't bad looking either. She had an issue of following in the footsteps of a bitch of a dancer. I initially said no to her as well but she countered that she didn't even ask for dances.
Strippers aren't always the most emotionally mature women, many can be incredibly entitled, plus they are in an industry where rejection can feel very personal, plus you don't always know what other stressors she's experiencing (fight with her b/f, whatever). So, a stripper can be hurt or pick a fight over just about anything. The best you can do is be friendly and respectful, and if she chooses to be hurt or pick a fight after that, it's not your fault. I can't think of anything better than a friendly, "No thanks, but thanks for asking" or whatever variation -- friendly tone, clear and direct, respectful of both her feelings and her time. In my experience, it's by far the best way to handle things, even with aggressive hustlers.
On the other hand, the girls can and do (and arguably, SHOULD) re-engage if you give them ammunition to. Go read the thread I just wrote about guys who say "No thanks, but I'll find you later" on SW -- the girls are furious because in SWland it's perceived as the customer taking control, plus they think it's a lie and they're furious about that.
Also go find the SW thread about guys who say, "Thanks, but I don't have any money" -- the girls all look at this as a way to stay engaged, pointing out there's an ATM, sometimes grabbing a guy and leading him there. If I remember right, one girl basically plucked a $20 out of a guy's wallet who offered this explanation (basically stealing), to the cheers of the other SW girls.
Every extra bit of nervous blabbing and explaining you do, is either an open door for her to stay engaged (something any and every good salesman at least considers), or an open door for her to try to verbally humiliate you (you'll see tons of examples on SW). Just do yourself and the girls a favor: be clear, concise, direct, respectful.
I actually think the SW position this is ridiculous, and as usual lots of cuntish venting, so I think you're being perfectly reasonable ... but I do also think the SW view has at least some real-life stripper adherents, too. So while you're being perfectly reasonable, I don't see any percentage in adding in any more information
@motorhead: Feel free to send the tatted goth chick my way. Or at least introduce me to her. :)
LOL – nice, simple, accurate, way to put it
Best to adhere to the K.I.S.S. principle; anything more than a simple “no thanks” as Subra states is sorta opening the door to their potential wrath and contempt for most of us.
On another note there I one time I did truly take offense and got upset. It was a dead night 3 people were there (and at this club you didn't sell drinks which sucked cause I got offered for a guy to buy me one!!!! I could have made some cash off of drink selling at least) I spent hours and hours talking with these 2 gentlemen and it was ok conversation I found out the guys likes and it sucked cause it was apparently country night at this place and dancers had no say in the music and the dj was very rude about it. I felt that if I could have danced to what he liked at least then maybe I could convince him to get a dance but like I said dj wouldn't even let you pick your own country music out (which sucked cause I feel most country is singing but I have a handful that I find easy to dance to) Anyway some girls where coming in late and he kept making eye contact with this one girl as she walked by. (I knew that he must have been her regular from the way they passed smiles to one each other when she passed.) She didn't come up to him while I was sitting with him, but as soon as I went on stage, BAM! sat down right next to him. This distracted him and he barely even looked at me dancing! This girl looked very similar to me maybe just a little thicker, tan and assuming her hair wasn't dyed we had almost the same exact natural hair color a dirty blond. I think that's what made me upset was he couldn't tell me he was waiting for a certain dancer and the fact that the certain dancer was sooo similar to myself except tan. Also she didn't seem anything like his type from our conversation, but I guess people can be surprising. I found out later too that many of the girls there did extras and illegal stuff in the back rooms, so I figured they probably had some business going on. He did get a dance later with her as soon as me and my friend were leaving I seen him getting one. I figured it was going to happen, but I couldn't help that I felt jealous over it I put the whole night into talking to him practically and got hardly anything for it. (and it wasn't like there was really anyone else to put time into the others where the same or they wanted sex plain and simple which I respected the fact that the guy wanting sex just flat out said it.) Either way I know it was petty of me and I usually don't get upset over stuff like that, but for whatever reason that night it hit me hard and I was furious about it and ranted to my friend with me on the way home. (I never let those kinds of emotions show while I'm on the floor though)
She comes by me 30 minutes later flirting w/ me asking if I wanted some more dances – I do the polite “no thanks” with a smile – in a literal split-second she goes from being flirty to making an ugly face at me and taking off in a huff.
Give a stripper an inch ...
If I find a girl attractive and she sits down, but after talking with her am no longer interest, the line "think I'm going to just hang out a little bit for now; maybe we can talk later" seems to drop the hint that I'm not interest.
Think both approaches are fairly polite ways going about saying "no".
To Phoenix most of the folks here that have ever tried any type of sales get a bit bummed by rejection, but the mark of a good sales person is to let it run off like water on a ducks back . It isn't personal even though it feels like it sometimes,
I have to admit that these days, that sometimes (literally) makes me laugh. Maybe I've gotten just a bit too confident and laid back in the club, but all these little obnoxious social gaffes crack me up. When that big fake smile goes immediately to a "if looks could kill" face! There's one girl I know who simple, drops her smile and walks away -- she doesn't say anything, just turns around. I guess for these kinds of girls, their need to show their disdain for any customer who says no, overrules the smart move of smiling and being pleasant so she can come back to him later (or on another trip)