Having "feelings" or "attachments" to strippers.

54 comments

• san_jose_guy

  •

  9 years ago

  JS69 was making fun of me something horrible over my explosive GFE encounter with Purple Dress Vietnamese Donna, who I had first seen outside a side door of the AMP, washing her car. My whole point of presenting that was to show that the selection process is everything. Are you engaging with the girl just because she is on the menu, or is it because you really like her? If you can break out of the usual selection box, then it can be explosive. But he has been 1000x more involved with his DS than I ever was with Donna. But the simple fact is unless you are putting up some sort of special barriers, you are going to feel extremely attached to the women you engage in sex acts with. All the more so if these are done GFE style. So why fight it? Why not instead meet the women half way and encourage it. Show them the kind of concern and affection that they want, and then enjoy what happens? SJG [view link] Mick Taylor and Keith Richards Gimme Shelter instrumental outtake [view link]
• just_the_nuts

  •

  9 years ago

  Bull Winkler plus +1
• warhawks

  •

  9 years ago

  Learned the hard way. But sometimes those are the best lessons.
• Papi_Chulo

  •

  9 years ago

  I can def see an inexperienced SCer feeling this way; but anyone that has tried to have a “relationship” w/ a stripper or being around the game for some time, should know better. Some SCers claim to have had “good relationships” with strippers and that may be; but I would think that is the rare exception rather than the norm. IMO; most strippers are w/ custies just for the $$$; and the rare few that do genuinely want to be with you, you probably don't want them to.
• seaboardrr

  •

  9 years ago

  The only feelings I have are for mrs sea. Sorry if this sounds crass but a stripper is simply a toy we both get to play with.
• alabegonz

  •

  9 years ago

  Feelings, if you haven't figured it out, can be both awesome and a bitch. It's tough not getting burned when I choose to play with fire.
• gawker

  •

  9 years ago

  I wrote an article a year or so ago titled, " Never Fall in Love With a Stripper". I stand by the sentiment, however what led me there was about 10 years of escorts. When I was on the road, I'd call a "service", spend an hour with a nameless woman, get my rocks off, and sit around lonely till bedtime. Some were pretty; some not. Some were fun; many not. All were transitory and some carried baggage ( I.e. Husband banging on my hotel door, pimp calling the room, etc.) When I met my ATF stripper and we started a multi-year OTC "relationship", I developed feelings for her. I never had visions of riding off into the sunset together, but sex and closeness going hand in hand beats anonymity with regard to sex.
• tumblingdice

  •

  9 years ago

  "Feelings",what the fuck is that?
• rickdugan

  •

  9 years ago

  Ok, I know that I've given a lot of people on this board shit about this and even sounded "douchey" (as one poster called it). Perhaps I was being a bit unfair. Were I in the same shoes that some of you are/were in, I suppose it is conceivable that it could have been me. Two things have helped me avoid that trap... First thing is that I have been in live-in relationships, including two marriages, for most of my adult life. For the last decade, I have been married (again), this time with kids. This keeps me very much grounded. No stripper is worth the loss of my intact family household. My family is the center of my world and being a good father is part of what defines me. Everything else is just a sideshow. Second, during the early days of clubbing, when we are most vulnerable to this sort of thing, I watched a good friend get systematically taken apart by a romance hustle. This girl was both very smart and old enough (in her 30s) to know exactly how to play him. He was lonely - going through a divorce - and she was part therapist, part lover, part faux friend and 100% siren. She even had him over her house for Thanksgiving during their weird ITC/OTC combo deal. Then, when he could no longer afford to keep coming in weekly and dropping $1 -2K+ on her, the party was over. As he was filing for bankruptcy, she disengage gracefully enough that he still didn't get what just happened. I watched all of this played out, like seeing a train wreck in slow motion, and the lessons were never lost on me. This helped me spot and avoid romance hustles in my early days, until m own experiences and instincts caught up. But if I had neither of these things, who knows how my defenses might be. Perhaps I would be one of those guys posting these things.
• rh48hr

  •

  9 years ago

  You can be friends with a stripper but as soon as you develop feelings you're toast. Think about what happens in a normal relationship, You talk or text everyday. There's a good chance you will see them most days. You are going on dates regularly. And most importantly you are not giving them money after you have sex with them. Do you pay for the sex in a relationship? Sure - dinner, movies, birthday presents etc. But are they returning the favor? Do they buy you gifts just because? Do they get you a birthday present? Do they offer to pay for the night out? If you are only seeing them itc or otc for sex, check your emotions because you are an atm not a boyfriend. They may have conversations with you about their life but that doesn't mean you're in it. The sooner you realize "you ain't the one" and enjoy the club for what it is, a chance to have a hot girl in your lap that would not give you the time of day if you were standing next to each other in line at the grocery store the better off you'll be.
• mrrock

  •

  9 years ago

  What RH said.
• Daybreaker

  •

  9 years ago

  What RH said x's 100. As a patron, I am well aware I'm in fantasyland every time I step inside a strip club. As a future dancer, I worry when I read accounts of excessive emotional involvement on the custy's part. I worry because my personality is very direct and no bullshit, so I'm not sure how to gracefully handle that sort of thing. Either way...I love reading accounts from customers who know just what they're getting, no illusions, but dammit they're enjoying every minute of it. That's how it's supposed to be.
• Daybreaker

  •

  9 years ago

  And also, I know you guys call yourselves PL's but, I've never really understood the taboo of paying for sex. So you're an atm to her. She's in this business, she knows exactly what she is and what she's doing. Is she blowing your mind? Are you having hot sex with a woman you consider attractive? Good for you that you can afford the experience, live it up! Sounds great to me! My two or three cents. ;)
• Clackport

  •

  9 years ago

  Chess, you're still young, eventually you'll develop feelings for a stripper or two. We all do at some point.
• sharkhunter

  •

  9 years ago

  I develop feelings towards strippers on occasion. If I drink too much or they aren't grinding good enough, those feelings quickly go away.
• Bavarian

  •

  9 years ago

  I would say the vast majority of PLs that take the CF, ATF, DS approach are more likely to develop feelings. It comes with the territory. I just can't approach strip clubs like Papi Chulo does. I like familiarity with the stripper. I know what kind of service to expect and she is more at ease because she knows me.
• tumblingdice

  •

  9 years ago

  RH,have you been in a relationship with a stripper?Because what you stated above is spot on.
• Daybreaker

  •

  9 years ago

  "They may have conversations with you about their life, but that doesn't mean you're in it." Best quote of your post @RH48hr, btw.
• Subraman

  •

  9 years ago

  I'm not sure I know any SC regulars who haven't made the mistake of getting too emotionally involved once or twice, I certainly have. So I don't see any reason to completely humiliate and ridicule some FNPL who is making the same mistake that most of the rest of us made, but coming here to vent or seek clarity. Give him a little brotherly tough-love, sure, and rough him up a bit if he keeps making the same mistake despite the advice he gets here, absolutely. I don't see any reason to discourage FNPLs from posting their regular-in-love stories (or even their "she gave me her number and now she doesn't answer my text" stories), and I haven't yet gotten bored of addressing the same topic over and over. I'm in a point in my SC career where I almost feel like I'm immune to it, I don't seem to fall for strippers anymore, at least the past few years. Which has really brought my enjoyment level up a whole lot.
• Clubber

  •

  9 years ago

  Anyone may say whatever they wish, but my relationship with my ATF was just that! Love her, but not as one might expect.
• jackslash

  •

  9 years ago

  I'm in love with a stripper. [view link]
• Timex345

  •

  9 years ago

  I just got my heart broken by a stripper. I should know better. I have a new policy of never giving a stripper my number. If she contacts me outside of the club to ask how I am doing and when I can visit, it only encourages those feelings for her. I actually have had to stop on visiting certain clubs and take a break from patronizing clubs to stop those feelings from developing. I just have never been able to keep love out of the equation when essentially having sex on a regular basis with the same woman. Some girls I can keep it simple and just fun. The latest really hurt me because she did a number on me. I learned a valuable lesson. She would never contact me on the weekend. She would only contact me during the week when she was working. I knew she would just send a mass text each Monday to her regulars tempting them to come in to visit. I recently quit seeing her. It was too much. It sucks. I enjoyed the fantasy for awhile but couldn.t handle not getting what I wanted. I think she is supporting her boyfriend as well. Had to get out from seeing her. She straight up told me without me even asking about OTC, that she has a man and that she doesn't meet men outside of the club. Of course, she told me she doesn't drink. I visited the final time last Friday and she treated me horribly and she was drinking with her customer. I just walked away knowing deep down I am just a walking ATM to her. NEVER FALL IIN LOVE WITH THE TALENT. YOU WILL GET YOUR HEARTBROKEN EVERYTIME!
• JohnSmith69

  •

  9 years ago

  Yes I've obviously had feelings for one of my strippers, so what? I don't think it's possible to have the best sex of your life, with a gorgeous multi orgasmic freak, who is a perfect 10 to you, who does everything, who fulfills your every desire, who is barely out of high school, who does it all natural and uncovered, who acts in every way sexually as your perfect girlfriend would, and not develop some type of feelings for her. I could not construct a more perfect sexual companion. The fact that I have "feelings" for her does not mean a lot of the things that people assume. I know she's not and never will be my girlfriend, I know that she does not and never will have feelings for me in the same way, I know it's completely a paid relationship for her, and whatever other mantra you want to recite. I know all of that. And I don't sit around the house thinking about her, or constructing some stupid fantasy about our life together. I do have a firm grasp on reality notwithstanding those who think otherwise. But it doesn't change how she makes me feel. She makes me feel alive sexually in a way that I don't think any other woman ever will. For those of you who regularly do OTC and have never felt any of these things for a stripper, you are either lying, or you are cold hearted, or you simply go for the less expensive, high mileage talent. Nothing wrong with high mileage talent, I play with them sometimes too. But if that's all you do, then you have not experienced a whole universe of pleasure and sexual intimacy that a low mileage provider is sometimes capable of providing. I've told the sex stories. Based on those you should understand how I could develop feelings for the erotic young woman in those stories. This is only a bad thing if you can't distinguish real from fake. If you begin to think and act like the fantasy is actual life, then you're in serious trouble. But I don't think any such thing, and have never come even remotely close to it. It's quite possible to have feelings for them, and also fully understand and appreciate the purely paid nature of the relationship. In fact, if it's a perfect GFE sexually, having feelings for her can further enhance the experience. You just have to keep a firm grasp on reality and always know that you are part of her life only in a business sense. If you keep your feelings in check like this, it's an awesome ride. At least mine is. Seaboard, yeah your comment sounded crass to me but you are in a totally different circumstance than the rest of us. You bring your romantic interest into the stripper arena, so it makes sense that your feelings are all for mrs sea. Who by the way we all want to meet. Your experience is atypical. SJG, I have admitted many times that I think there is some level of validity to your treat strippers like civilians system. But that only holds true for low mileage providers who rarely do OTC. You carry it too far, and your stories (like purple dress car washing Donna) are unintentionally hilarious. But your viewpoint with appropriate modification is not totally wrong.
• Timex345

  •

  9 years ago

  Twenty years ago I had a roommate and friend who was dating a stripper. He would take her to work and bring her home. During the 6 to 8 hour period she was at work, he would literally lose his mind. I wasn't a club goer at the time. He did introduce me to strip clubs. But, I never forgot about watching my friend's anguish when his then stripper girlfriend went to work.
• Timex345

  •

  9 years ago

  Run like hell if you fall for a stripper. I feel like she is rubbing her hands together devishly saying, "Excellent". All the while using your emotions against you to quickly and efficiently drain your wallet.
• JohnSmith69

  •

  9 years ago

  Timex, you have clearly gotten in way over your head and absolutely you should run away. But it doesn't have to be that way. If you have a firm grasp upon reality and your place in it, and if you know and can follow the rules of the strip club game, there's no reason to be so fearful of some close sexual intimacy with a gorgeous young woman.
• shailynn

  •

  9 years ago

  Late to the party... If you read Gawkers post, my experience is similar... I would travel a lot, and would use escorts. Like Gawker said, they would come do their thing and leave. Rarely an attachment, they all had their own rules and were different. Some wouldn't even kiss you. One day I met one who for some reason fell in love with me. She had an orgasm with me which she claimed she wasn't able to do for 2 years. Now, I was in my 20's (like you chessmaster) and she was actually 2 years older than me. She was probably fucking guys twice her age all the time so I was something different to her. Anyway when I would be back in town every other month I'd make the last appointment of the night with her from the escort agency then she would spend the night with me. I didn't have an attachment to her, but she did to me. One day she just quit the business and disappeared. Out of curiosity I booked another girl from the agency when I was back in town and asked what happened - and she said the girl I used to see met some wealthy guy and quit escorting and moved in with him. Now eventually I moved to strippers and it was more of the same thing, until I met one in Vegas one day and ended up having a 2 year relationship with her. I couldn't see how anyone could avoid get attached to her especially because of her calm and nurturing disposition. I went in just looking for sex, I went out with someone who wanted to be my next wife. When people do more stuff than sex (I was taking her to shows in Vegas, out to eat, out to clubs, etc.) feeling are going to develop. I am older now and learned a valuable lesson from that experience, from here on out I have only met strippers strictly for sex and on a rare occasion I will take one out to eat. I ask very little about their personal lives, and if we are having a drink or dinner somewhere I talk about non-personal stuff, like sports, music, a hobby, TV shows etc. I had enough nights on the phone with that stripper (I call her my "retired ATF") crying to me that was wanted to live with me!!!
• impala

  •

  9 years ago

  Anyone who has clubbed for any time has been there. Sometimes it's hard to differentiate the difference between love and lust. I've actually turned down sure things with civilians because I wanted to head out to the club to see a particular dancer, only to find out she wasn't working that night. But, hey, that's why we're called PL's isn't it!
• rickdugan

  •

  9 years ago

  JS posted: "For those of you who regularly do OTC and have never felt any of these things for a stripper, you are either lying, or you are cold hearted, or you simply go for the less expensive, high mileage talent. Nothing wrong with high mileage talent, I play with them sometimes too. But if that's all you do, then you have not experienced a whole universe of pleasure and sexual intimacy that a low mileage provider is sometimes capable of providing." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok, now I tried to show my understanding and non-"douchey" side on this when I posted above, but enough is enough already, lol. I think it's fair to say that I've done OTC with as many different girls as almost anyone on here and more than most have logged. I'm not remotely bragging when I say that - it is just a reality that has been driven by a combination of living and work circumstances (travel, freedoms from owning a business, clubbing in areas with little ITC activity). A decent % of these girls, at least my local faves and I'm sure some of my travel friends, were either low mileage or certainly gave a wonderful GFE experience. I don't fuck pigs or skanks dude. Control, perspective and self respect are the reasons why I (and I suspect others on here) don't get fucked up by good providers. Now have I grown fond of some of my favorites? Of course, but that is as far as it has ever gotten for me. I never forget why my intimate provider is there (perspective), don't need or seek emotional validation from her (self-respect) and don't get all fucked up in the head just because I have a great orgasm in her (control). Now maybe all of that is as cold-hearted as you suggest, but if you don't learn to operate more like this then you are eventually going to come across a girl with enough skills to use your emotional weaknesses against you.
• GACA

  •

  9 years ago

  ^^^RBD has made one great point. They will prey on Emotional Weakness (low self-esteem) if they can.
• JohnSmith69

  •

  9 years ago

  Rick Dugan has a non-"douchey" side? Still waiting to see that.
• alabegonz

  •

  9 years ago

  Guys, these are the kinds of conversations I have with my buddy who is 10X a strip club goer than me. He's been a goer for more than 15 years and he is proud of that number. We talk a lot about feelings and emotions about girls we get, but one thing I noticed when I started hanging out with him inside the club was he spends more than me, talks more than I talk, tips more than I tip, more vibrant than I could possibly be. The thing that I think I'm better at is I get the hottest girls without doing much anything on my end. I get more girls by doing less, that's why this dude hangs out with me. Take note of this well, since girls do all the talking and I am just there listening, I am more vulnerable to falling to the hustle. My feelings are definitely more exposed because I am the one getting worked on by these awesome girls. I can't help but engage this girl who I call CF2, she's the best girl I've ever got to bed with. With that, all of my feelings are now just one of the game pieces that are now in play. And I do believe getting this girl is worth the pain that will ever come out of my stupidity.
• shadowcat

  •

  9 years ago

  I think it should be mandatory that a guy be married for at least 5 years before being allowed to go to a strip club. Then we wouldn't need topics like this one. :)
• san_jose_guy

  •

  9 years ago

  I nominate shadowcat for Most Angry Divorced Man on TUSCL. SJG
• JohnSmith69

  •

  9 years ago

  Shadowcat angry?? SJG I think you're hitting the gravy a little too hard these days.
• lopaw

  •

  9 years ago

  I fell hard for about a dozen strippers during my first rookie year. Of course it was just lust, not love- but at the time I couldn't tell the difference. As time went on I was schooled on what the deal really was. Every once in a while, even now, I'll get all spun up about a new face, but just as quickly its clamped off and I give myself a reality check. Then I move on to the next pretty face.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  9 years ago

  I think someone who deliberately puts up a wall against emotional attachment is angry. But in saying that shadowcat is angry about marriage, I place myself just behind him. JS69 has not even begun to look at himself or at what has happened to him. SJG
• Estafador

  •

  9 years ago

  what kept me away from the trap is that I'm young and NO stripper, not even one your own age, wants to hang around young bucks because they're all "broke" and all hoes want a man with 6 digit figures so I'm eternally out the game till I'm 30. but by then I'll probably have a girlfriend and won't need to date a stripper anymore.
• Papi_Chulo

  •

  9 years ago

  ^ yeap; dancers will not bother to “seduce” a non-spender; if one aint's got the candy ($$$); they ain't bothering to come trick-o-treating on your door
• Estafador

  •

  9 years ago

  i've noticed that a lot of these romantic hustle stories always include the non-colored man, from age 25 and up. It seems that when it comes to the black man, strippers don't even try to hustle them? Is it due to the racial stigma or what?
• Papi_Chulo

  •

  9 years ago

  Brothas keep it real and many have graduated from the school of hard-knocks; many grow up having to watch their back and are thus street-smart and thus not easily-taken.
• Daybreaker

  •

  9 years ago

  I have a boyfriend. I don't do so well with other women's personalities....just their bodies, so....
• Daybreaker

  •

  9 years ago

  I'm the "don't talk, just show me your tits" type.
• Estafador

  •

  9 years ago

  @papi Unfortunately for them, I do have the candy. If they want to be ignorant and assume that all young men have no money, then fuck 'em it's their loss. Its why most young people these days don't care too much about relationships. Most women only care about his wallet, and nothing else.
• Papi_Chulo

  •

  9 years ago

  Custies w/ $$$ are only good from a dancer's POV if they are spending it or they can easily be manipulated into spending it – kinda like me; just put that phat ass in my face and my $20's start flying out of my pocket
• Estafador

  •

  9 years ago

  @Papi ah the school of hard knocks. Gotta appreciate it for the things it teaches that suburbia just can't do.
• Papi_Chulo

  •

  9 years ago

  ^ true dat
• GACA

  •

  9 years ago

  ^^^eh. You can learn to be skeptical in suburbia too
• Estafador

  •

  9 years ago

  @Papi next year probably during the summer, we are hanging out my friend. I AM coming to your neck of the woods and partying with you.
• Papi_Chulo

  •

  9 years ago

  Cool!
• sharkhunter

  •

  9 years ago

  If you know how to work several girls to get what you want, then you are more on an even playing field with many of the strippers. They meet tons of guys every week attempting to hook up and she likely already hooked up with a few of them and settled on one as her bf and knows how to string along all the newbie customers in a club. She knows what to say to get them to spend more, keep them interested in her. If you are new to strip clubs, just remember it's like meeting up or playing an online game as a newbie and you are immediately meeting some experts. They will know how to play you in ways you may never have thought of. If she's not so hot and is new herself, then you may only be down a few notches from her skill level.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

  •

  9 years ago

  I think it's possible to have a good "arrangement" with a stripper. It is sometimes possible to have a good friendship with a stripper. A good romantic relationship with a stripper is a rainbow unicorn, and the quicker guys figure that out the better.
• san_jose_guy

  •

  9 years ago

  Lots of the strippers where I am are not much different from girl's you'd meet anywhere else. No big deal. They are very datable and the strip club is a good place to get to know them. SJG [view link] The Jimi Hendrix Experience, rare footage [view link]
• s88

  •

  9 years ago

  Dont confuse love and lust. Go spank your monkey and those feelings will go away. When you goto a SC, you are paying a fixed set of $ for a fixed set of goods. No judgements, no 3 AM phone calls about breaking up or suicide, no stories about her sister's BF kicked her out and she needs $60 to pay for a motel room for her sister, no "if you love me you will X" shit. A SC is a very fair system. The relationship in a SC starts at the door, and hopefully ends at the door. Your wife can call your boss, make shit up, and get you fired. Tell your bros you admitted to her you kidnapped and strangled that kid they found on TV. A stripper can't do any of that. Senior strippers's personality consist of 4 words, "Hi vant ah dahnce?" Some new strippers play GFE since they are new and dont know any better how to hustle. Some strippers are professional enough, that you cant tell if they are new, or just delivered a perfect fantasy to you and were lying the whole time. Whether they are new, or perfectly faked that they are new, doesn't matter, like their real name and your real name dont matter. It is a mystery that leaves you second guessing if their intentions were genuine or fake (they were fake). If they leave you feeling like that, they get a 10 out of 10 for job performance, but it is all an act. A act for 15 minutes, but an act that you pay for (or not sometimes, if they forget or dont want upsell you other services). If you start getting stalker feelings for a stripper, step back, cool down, goto some other SCs in your city. You need to look for a new DS. Or go travel somewhere and visit some SCs just once. Sometimes the memory of a stripper is best left in your head as a one time meeting. The 2nd and subsequent times will never top the memory of the first time you met her (unless 2nd time is BBFS). Variety is key, strippers know when customers are obsessed, there are many more girls out there to meet, dont stick on one, it is unhealthy and the end of you.