BF frequents Asian Parlors - need male's perspective
AsianGF
My boyfriend of 4 years just told me that he has once paid for a private dance by an Asian 'professional' at a sex store. He is 40 and I'm 36. He said it was to evaluate our relationship, and how much he appreciates me?! Does this make sense? He said whereas the girl was extremely sexy, he also felt how lucky he was that I am hotter than her. To him, it was just pure experience of seeing and touching a naked body (her boobs included) of another woman other than me. However, he didn't want to touch her 'nasty' pussy (so he said). So when he comes home to me, he'd appreciate me more. He said he never got a happy ending, and he would never pay for sex. He WOULD pay watching 2 girls pleasing each other for entertainment purposes, but he wouldn't pay someone for sex or a BJ. He couldn't get aroused. He said his penis didn't get hard while she was closely dancing for him. He just touched her skin because she looked soft. She asked if he wanted more than touching her. He said he had a girlfriend and she is very hot. After telling me about this experience, he also expressed how he would like for us to get a 'sexy' massage together. He'd like to have someone to be our 'toy' and pleasure both of us. I asked: so, you want a threesome? He said, no not a threesome, but a sexy, sensual, body rub. But if I were to enjoy her to pleasure me, he'd love to watch me. I told him I would entertain the idea of getting a couple sensual massage. Then he showed me ads from Backpage and Craigslist.
Last night I tried to role play and acted as if I was a professional and asked how he'd like it, a full service, I'd do whatever he'd pay me for. He immediately got turned off and said: "I do pay for sex!! That's why I never told you things! You always bring want to bring what I told you into our life. I told you I do not pay for sex. I want to keep my worlds separated! If I want a hooker, I can get that anywhere else! Stop wanting to act like a hooker!" ......needless to say, my feeling was hurt. But I told him, I thought it would turn him on so I wanted to role play. From this and his knowledge of Backpage and CL, I suspected that, he has done this more than just once. So, I did what I was not supposed to do. I looked the phone record. Sure enough he has called and texted 2 Asian Massage parlors that advertised on Backpage. Though I am not sure whether he visited one or not. My assumption is yes since he was coming home about 1:30 hours after the phone call.
About us, I'm pretty open when it comes to fulfilling his sexual needs. I enjoy watching porn and don't mind him watching it and masturbate to it when he is alone. I LOVE giving him blowjobs. As a matter of fact, I was the first person who gave him a BJ. He always said how amazing my BJ skill is. He told me about his kinky fantasies and I told him I'm down for it. Though we haven't pursued those fantasies. The only thing I have somewhat said no to is anal sex. But I told him I am willing to try if he wants to. So we tried, but it hurt. I told him it takes a lot of preparation to a butthole for anal sex to be pleasant. Upon that, he dismissed anal sex because it seemed like too much work. He loves Asian women. And I'm his first Asian he has ever had. I must add that everyone he knows said that I am pretty. I'm built very differently than your typical Asian women. I have a nice round ample butt and thick thighs. My breasts are small B, but perky. My stomach is flat - no pooch. Overall, I am built very fit, but curvy. He LOVES my butt. And he has expressed many times how lucky he is to have me. He has looked but there are no other Asians that are built like me. He said I am perfect. My vagina is tight and pretty. I squirt a LOT every time I come. I love talking dirty while we have sex. I'm loyal. He fully trusts me. I carry myself very well. He always said I look classy sexy. I'm a great cook. He always has a great meal waiting for him after a hard day of work. I own a real estate company and make my own money. I can hold intelligent conversations. I don't flirt with other men behind his back (and definitely not in front of him) as I find it to be disrespectful toward him. I would think I fully satisfy him sexually. .....or at least, that's what I think until I found out about his visits to Asian massage parlors.
So....now I'm confused and asked myself: "Am I not enough?" Even though he said he only wouldn't pay for sex and have anyone touched his private part, can I really believe that? I think I just want to understand him and the psychology behind it. What is missing in us that he gets from the massage parlor? Is that something I can do to fulfill that need? Or is it something he doesn't want to or can get from his partner?? He said it was for entertainment purposes and the experience of it. But I feel it is more to it than that. I tried to ask him in the past if there was anything he would like to do and make our sex life better. He said nothing. It is perfect as is. Maybe the only thing he would like to do is to watch me being pleased by another woman. To which, I have expressed my discomfort. Any opinion will be very appreciated. Thank you.
Last night I tried to role play and acted as if I was a professional and asked how he'd like it, a full service, I'd do whatever he'd pay me for. He immediately got turned off and said: "I do pay for sex!! That's why I never told you things! You always bring want to bring what I told you into our life. I told you I do not pay for sex. I want to keep my worlds separated! If I want a hooker, I can get that anywhere else! Stop wanting to act like a hooker!" ......needless to say, my feeling was hurt. But I told him, I thought it would turn him on so I wanted to role play. From this and his knowledge of Backpage and CL, I suspected that, he has done this more than just once. So, I did what I was not supposed to do. I looked the phone record. Sure enough he has called and texted 2 Asian Massage parlors that advertised on Backpage. Though I am not sure whether he visited one or not. My assumption is yes since he was coming home about 1:30 hours after the phone call.
About us, I'm pretty open when it comes to fulfilling his sexual needs. I enjoy watching porn and don't mind him watching it and masturbate to it when he is alone. I LOVE giving him blowjobs. As a matter of fact, I was the first person who gave him a BJ. He always said how amazing my BJ skill is. He told me about his kinky fantasies and I told him I'm down for it. Though we haven't pursued those fantasies. The only thing I have somewhat said no to is anal sex. But I told him I am willing to try if he wants to. So we tried, but it hurt. I told him it takes a lot of preparation to a butthole for anal sex to be pleasant. Upon that, he dismissed anal sex because it seemed like too much work. He loves Asian women. And I'm his first Asian he has ever had. I must add that everyone he knows said that I am pretty. I'm built very differently than your typical Asian women. I have a nice round ample butt and thick thighs. My breasts are small B, but perky. My stomach is flat - no pooch. Overall, I am built very fit, but curvy. He LOVES my butt. And he has expressed many times how lucky he is to have me. He has looked but there are no other Asians that are built like me. He said I am perfect. My vagina is tight and pretty. I squirt a LOT every time I come. I love talking dirty while we have sex. I'm loyal. He fully trusts me. I carry myself very well. He always said I look classy sexy. I'm a great cook. He always has a great meal waiting for him after a hard day of work. I own a real estate company and make my own money. I can hold intelligent conversations. I don't flirt with other men behind his back (and definitely not in front of him) as I find it to be disrespectful toward him. I would think I fully satisfy him sexually. .....or at least, that's what I think until I found out about his visits to Asian massage parlors.
So....now I'm confused and asked myself: "Am I not enough?" Even though he said he only wouldn't pay for sex and have anyone touched his private part, can I really believe that? I think I just want to understand him and the psychology behind it. What is missing in us that he gets from the massage parlor? Is that something I can do to fulfill that need? Or is it something he doesn't want to or can get from his partner?? He said it was for entertainment purposes and the experience of it. But I feel it is more to it than that. I tried to ask him in the past if there was anything he would like to do and make our sex life better. He said nothing. It is perfect as is. Maybe the only thing he would like to do is to watch me being pleased by another woman. To which, I have expressed my discomfort. Any opinion will be very appreciated. Thank you.
40 comments
You should bale.
Guys, thanks for your input so far. But seriously, I need some real advice. I would like to understand him better - maybe in hope to improve our relationship? Do I like that he visits Asian Massage Parlors? No. But am I willing to understand and accept his needs? Yes. I think I am more hurt about the fact that he hides it from me. I would have been fine, had he openly talk about it ala: "hey, babe. I was at this Massage parlor today...bla bla bla". I would have been fine if we were to set a boundary where we will only visit as a parlor, not solo. However, I know he would have not stuck to it. I would have also been fine if this was a two-way street. Not that I want to 'whore' around, but it should be fair. If he does it, then it should be ok for me to do it, too. If he doesn't want me to do it, then it should be the same for him. Though I know he would have not accepted for any man to touch me.
Maybe I'm just naive and should just walk away. But how can one throw away 4 years we have built? To him, as long as he provides and never lets me down, he is free to do whatever - quite selfish if you ask me..........To be honest, I'm confused. On one hand, I understand everyone is different. Every relationship is different. I'm willing to make it work so everyone is happy. But he does not communicate with me like that. He always gets defensive if I was to ever bring anything up. On the other hand, it is messed up and I feel unappreciated. I have many things to offer that many men wish they could find in a partner. I feel I enjoy many things that many women would simply say no to. But yet I'm not enough to make him only desire me.
Answer - NO. A photo may help us get a better understand your circumstance.
Yeah, and I'm not falling for this crap either. Someone doesn't register at a SC site and post up requesting relationship help from complete strangers about a BF who visits AMP's. This is the last place I would go to looking for relationship advice.
Lots of guys will turn to sex workers when they want outside action. There they can do it with low risk of their Significant Other finding out. That is the etiquette of Pay 4 Play sex, they don't talk.
Lots of guys will want outside action.
But as this guy is telling you about it, he is trying to stir things up in your relationship with him.
So I think you do need to draw a line. Unless you are really willing to have an open relationship with him, then you need to tell him to stop now and stop completely.
It makes no difference what he does or doesn't do with these women. Most such shops offer Full Service anyway. He does what he wants. It is all still infidelity, even spending the time and the money.
So unless you are really okay about it, then you need to make it stop.
If dressing sexy and acting slutty is what he wants, that is great! I love that.
But if you are there living with him, and he won't be faithful and you are not comfortable with that, then you need to get out.
If you don't live with him, then you need to be honest and lay out your ground rules, and then pull back, until he is willing to comply.
It is almost universal that a guy will want outside action. But this guy is using it to cause a problem for you. No reason he should need to tell you about it.
I used AMPs for outside action when I was in an unworkable marriage. The AMPs were safe. But I never admitted it.
Eventually making a new commitment to myself to try and make the marriage work, I stopped.
But then as it still wouldn't work, I did return to occasional AMPing in order to try and stay sane, as the marriage was a nightmare.
Overall, if I had started AMPing when I was younger and before I was married I never would have gotten married to the sort that I did. For her sex was not very important.
So in the final years I had to keep my side of the street clean, as I was drawing a line with my spouse. Either she was going to facilitate actual partnership, or the marriage was not going to be. She held to her unworkability, so she got what she deserved.
So now I use AMPs, but it is because I want to live outside societal norms. So I know AMP girls on an off the clock between the sheets basis.
I don't know how it goes with your BF, but you have to get him to operate in territory you are comfortable with, or discontinue it. You can't let him force you into realms not acceptable to you.
You might consider relationship counseling, if he is important to you. You might want to try and make it work with him, including sexy dressing, and also just so you can learn and understand how it failed. But if resolution is not quick in coming, then I say you need to exit. And you always need to be firm about what is and what is not acceptable to you.
Most of these TUSCL members are cheating on their wives. This same advice goes out to them as well.
SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/…
Joe Bonamassa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1OyF1Gk…
Well it depends. If you want to know about relationships with frigid wives/girlfriends or strippers, this is the first place to come.
As for the original post, if it is real, I suspect it involves a frigid girlfriend notwithstanding "her" protests to the contrary. This, in a strange way, this might be a logical place to post the question.
Hard to say, but you will find some very bitter and angry guys here. I'm including myself in this of course.
AsianGF,
Sexy dressing and making up is great. It takes the encounter out of the mundane realm.
But this alone may not fix your relationship at this point. And you still have to get your guy to agree to stay within the limits you are comfortable with.
Lots of married guys post here about their regular exploits at strip clubs. So I ask, are these girls licensed marriage councilors? Licensed divorce attorneys?
You don't find many such at strip clubs, but there are a few. These are the sorts of people who can help them.
Just fooling around does not really solve anything.
SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/…
Joe Bonamassa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1OyF1Gk…
Lopaw, well said.
I agree that in some cases an open relationship may be the only answer. But this guy is not approaching this in an open and honest way.
And also Lopaw, what you are saying seems like an argument that there be different rules for different people.
Some people have open relationships, but as I know this is not always possible, and the actions of this BF are not conducive to it.
Some people do end up in a sexless marriage because their partner becomes chronically ill or disabled. But they are still expected to be faithful and this has always been understood as one of the realities of marriage.
Most of the women I have known see this is as so, and they would never have kept on going out with me if I was not conducting myself as marital material.
SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/…
Santana 2000
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48z01HxV…
Do you want:
1. Sexually open relationship, like maybe going to swing clubs?
2. Dressing and making up slutty for him, as I always like girls to do, especially in AMPs.
3. Just to dump him because he is not being honest and not being faithful?
4. Just to dump him because the relationship was not working anyway?
5. Relationship counseling?
Once you have decided, then you do have to lay down the law. If it is to be swing clubs, then that is it. Or if it is to be anything goes and covert is okay, then okay. But usually female infidelities are punished much more severely than male infidelities.
Anyway, once you have decided for yourself, then you can be straight with him. You might want to suggest counselling too.
But in the end, if he won't be honest and straight, then I think you've got to dump him.
You aren't quite there yet, but eventually you will have to ask yourself if you can continue to stay with him.
My ex-wife was never sexually unfaithful and she never would have been. Sex was not that important to her. And also, she wanted to be right. She wanted to be able to claim that she had done nothing wrong.
Her infidelities were in her idolatrous relationship with money, and with the sorts of people this brought her into contact with. It made repairing our relationship impossible.
Also, I was willing to look much deeper into my own life than she was into hers.
And she never was willing to be open and honest, even through two courses of marriage counseling.
Good Luck, and please do feel free to keep posting on TUSCL. Having more female posters helps, as does your own openness and honesty.
SJG
I agree that unless both parties agree to an open relationship and also agree to discuss their experiences, any one talking (or bragging) about their extracurricular activities to their SO is an idiot. Nothing good can come from that.
As far as sexless marriages- yes of course that is a major reason for many to stray. But for some of us that is not the case. I have a great sex life with my wife. I simply want more, from a variety of women. What the OP has to understand is that some of us are leopards that simply cannot change our spots. She and other women occasionally come here to question why we mongers do what we do. She, just like all of the others who ask, simply cannot understand. It is something that they will never accept. You can never really "reform" someone who truly cannot stop. The choice will become to either live with it, join it, or walk away from it.
AsianGF
sharkhunter wrote,
"Another possibility is that he hasn't had much sexual experience with many girls and is curious if some girls are a lot better at it than others."
This is possible. But things are the way they are.
AsianGF had written,
"He said it was to evaluate our relationship, and how much he appreciates me?! Does this make sense?"
.
.
.
"So when he comes home to me, he'd appreciate me more."
AsianGF, you're going to have to decide what you can live with.
When some couples go to swingers clubs all they do is watch or have sex with the person they came with. Often it takes years before they become "hard core swingers" who go beyond this.
Then there are some like FullPress and her partner.
SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/…
Buddy Guy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQZ1cguJ…
Eric Clapton has said that Buddy Guy is the greatest living guitar player.
CCR, Have You Ever Seen the Rain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bFxFCIu…
Notice that this is done with the studio recording. To make such a recording, you need to have a piano. It should be a full length concert grand. It is the nicest sounding part of the recording, although I do also like the draw bar organ. But with the live performances they don't have the piano. You can't fake it with the bass guitar.
If he was just going to strip clubs to get dances from strippers that's different, that is plausible. But I'm not sure why you call an amp unless you're looking for sex.
But just that they guy is spending time or money there, it is still infidelity, and he is using it to pressure and invalidate his partner.
Sorry, but at this point she is the one who has to act. Decide what is alright with her and establish rules and make the guy comply. Maybe they will decide on openness or on swinging, but that will be their decision. What this guy is doing now it not okay.
Sorry to see so many TUSCLers trying to excuse the guy or saying, "different rules for different people"
SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/…
Emerson, Lake, and Palmer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1Robezb…
Since I can't be 'variety' to him, I am going to agree on us bringing in a 'third person'. However, we can only do things as a couple, no solo actions. Somehow I doubt he'd stick and be able to commit to it. If he can't, we'll just have to have an open relationship, which I know he would refuse, as he doesn't want any man to touch me. But fair is fair, right?
BTW, to answer the above question, he has a fair share of women - probably more than many in a lifetime - since he used to be in the bar business. DRUGS AND SEX were plenty. However, I has never been with an Asian unti me.....the more I think I more I wonder what I'm doing with him. Everything he does points to characteristic of a narcissist. I guess it is his good side that has kept me with him this whole time. :(
What does it matter? Asian is all that matters. :)