tuscl

Darwin wins Darwin Awards.

Avatar for shadowcat
shadowcatAtlanta suburb

People have had sex with pit bulls, donkeys and even parrots, but this incident is on another level.

Rupert Darwin, 59, kept a 12 foot alligator tied and blindfold for the last month, sexually assaulting the reptile multiple times a day.

Florida Man Arrested for Having Sex with an Alligator

Darwin is a relatively unknown fisherman who lives in the outskirts of the remote town of 400. Residents say he sticks to himself and described him as “odd.”

Police responded after a man out of a nature hike happened to walk by Darwin’s house and saw Darwin having sex with the alligator in his backyard.

The witness heard Darwin say, “next time you try to kill a man, you best get the job done. Now you’re my bitch forever.”

“It was the damn strangest thing I’ve ever seen,” the witness told police. “The gator didn’t even move. It was like it didn’t give a s**t that man was having sex with it.”

Collier County Sheriffs responded and arrested Darwin on multiple counts of animal cruelty and one count of illegally keeping a wild animal.

Excerpt from Darwin’s police statement:
The gator tried to eat me and this was revenge, pure and simple. I don’t have no sexual attraction to gators, but I wanted to teach this bitch a lesson. I could have just killed her, but that would have been too easy. She was getting what she deserved.

Darwin also told police he had planned to chop off the alligator’s tail and pull her teeth as part of his revenge scheme and had even considered performing noise torture on the reptile by playing what Darwin described as “nigger music” over and over.

Darwin claimed the alligator had gotten a hold of his pant leg when he was fishing in a swamp and tried to drag him into the water. Darwin was able to escape without injury, but that had set his resolve to get revenge.

The alligator is being treated for relatively minor injuries and is expected to be released back into the wild within a couple weeks.

Comments

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Avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02

Kill him before he moves on to humans

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Avatar for jackslash
jackslash

Q. What STD do you get from an alligator?
A. Gatoraids.

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Avatar for DoctorPhil
DoctorPhil

"Residents say he sticks to himself and described him as “odd.”"

always with the labels.

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Avatar for ATACdawg
ATACdawg

I notice he didn't try getting a BJ!

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Avatar for MrBater2010
MrBater2010

blindfold??

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Avatar for crazyjoe
crazyjoe

Crazy shit

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Avatar for 4got2wipe
4got2wipe

This is seriously non-brilliant! I feel sorry for the alligator!

I wonder if he was also pulling a Bill Cosby on the alligator! Maybe crushing up some antihistamines and slipping the gator a Micky!

It would be brilliant to send the guy to Australia and point him towards a saltwater crocodile! I bet they wouldn't be so mellow!

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Avatar for 4got2wipe
4got2wipe

"I notice he didn't try getting a BJ!"

Brilliant!

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Avatar for crazyjoe
crazyjoe

Funny he didnt try to get dome!

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Avatar for gawker
gawker

Jackslash +1

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Avatar for motorhead
motorhead

He suffers from reptile dysfunction

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Avatar for EarlTee
EarlTee

Hoax.

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Avatar for ATACdawg
ATACdawg

Lol, moto

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Avatar for crazyjoe
crazyjoe

Moto...now that is fucken funny

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Avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69

Seriously. Every time I read a story like this I think "that's the most fucked up person on the planet." Then a week later I always read a story about a person who is even more fucked up.

So what could be more vile than a guy that repeatedly fucks an alligator? I have no idea, but we'll find out next week.

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Avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69

And his name is Darwin. That's really funny. I wonder if there's a video on you tube?

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Avatar for PhantomGeek
PhantomGeek

Maybe over on YouPorn.

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