So you older guys want a young stripper - read this!
Young women, but the same old problem. William, 45, has always dated younger women. It was only recently, however, that he detected a pattern in those relationships. “I end up raising them — helping them solve their problems, grow up and expand their horizons,” he says.And what’s wrong with that, you might ask? Plenty, says William. “Sure enough, they always leave me for a younger guy.” So why does he keep going back? We asked relationship expert April Masini, L.A.-based author of the best-selling book, Date Out Of Your League, why guys like William persist in putting the men back in mentoring.
Besides ego-boosting good looks, what does a younger woman offer an older man? “There is actually quite a bit that young women have to offer older men besides looks alone,” Masini says. “On the most obvious level, there’s that fun, young energy they have. There’s naiveté, which can be attractive when compared with the cynicism of some older women. There’s a playfulness — a lack of the seriousness that can sometimes accompany being an adult and having responsibility. And, for some men, there’s the fact that these young girls look up to them — as father figures and as mentors. That, in and of itself, is very attractive.”
All of these things, though mutually beneficial for a while, eventually wear thin for most women. “If the relationship is… based on the man being a sort of father or mentor figure, problems can – and likely will – arise once [the younger woman] really begins to grow and come into her own,” Masini notes. “Even for couples where there is little-to-no age discrepancy, people often grow in different directions, leading to the dissolution of the relationship.”
Add to that a generation gap and you’ve got an even higher chance that the direction each person moves will be away from the other. Masini explains: “Like any child breaking away from a parent, she may want to establish more of an independent life, depending on him less and less, perhaps even becoming resentful toward him for the power he has wielded over her.”
The result can be a nasty break-up, because as she tries to break away, he realizes he’s losing her along with his control. That often spurs a role reversal. “The man she once looked up to begins to become more and more insecure, more possessive, more demanding and more needy as he tries to regain control of the relationship and her,” Masini says. And, unfortunately, this behavior usually does just the opposite. “Not only is he unable to regain his position of power in the relationship — he succeeds in driving her away for good.”
Is there hope for William and his brethren to break the cycle? Yes, Masini asserts. The older man/younger woman can increase their odds of staying together if they:
· Are motivated to grow together in the same direction
· Share interests, goals, values and belief systems
· Commit to making it work
· Accept that they will both go through changes as individuals – and that their relationship will change, too
Success in this arena is dependent on what each party wants to get out of the relationship. “If he simply likes the physical attraction or energy of a younger woman with little concern for what lies beneath the surface, both parties should beware,” Masini continues. “Fortunately, there are some [women] out there who have their lives together, who aren’t looking for a father figure, and who just find the stability, wisdom, and maturity of an older man attractive. But if he’s drawn to girls who will idolize and defer to him, he enters into these relationships at his own risk – knowing full-well these can only go so far or last for so long.”
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61 comments
I've also found that when an older man befriends a young woman, he's not usually interested in sex, he just enjoys her company. And that's why she enjoys his company too, because she isn't getting hit on all the time like she usually is with guys her own age. Attractive girls really get tired of that.
My reality, which is everyone knows is correct, is that older guys should want young strippers (plural) assuming the older guys have blood running thru their veins and eyes to see with and a tongue to taste with . . .
Hey it works for the religious establishment and the government and the fashion biz. Why NOT it put to a humanitarian use? :)
Of course, I'd rather just pay the $$$. But, for the cheap or romantically challenged . . .
The way I feel is that if I need a written contract, then I don't want to lend you the money in the first place. Also, I only want to lend money that I would have no problem giving as a gift. BTW, my friend is far more successful than I am. So I guess all the legal bs is the smart way of doing things . . .
Back to wanting a young stripper for a girlfriend. Does the old man really want to settle for an old lady merely because a young woman can be a pain in the ass? Last I checked an old woman can be a pain in the ass as well. Personally, I find that an old lady my age is probably more compatible--but if compatible is my goal I guys friends are also compatible without being a pain in the ass. I NEED the young woman to have satisfactory sex--perhaps to other old men the sex is good regardlesss of the woman's age. I need a healthy, attractive, young woman. Attractive and old would probably require a healthy dose of viagra and does that have anything to do with desire? The young stripper or young woman easily wins over the oldster in my book.
Anyway, more than a few dancers that I've known will lose respect for a man who helps them without demanding some type of compensation.
Trying to buy real affection seems like a sure loss.
Another dancer wanted to stop accepting money from me because she thought it was wrong to take money from a friend. That ended a very good relationship because I didn't want a real girlfriend and she wasn't willing to continue selling to me.
Anyway those are the exceptions because usually the dancer is gone too quick (the really attractive ones don't usually stay at the clubs I frequent). Also, I'm trying to buy a fantasy so I'm NOT seeking anything other than some fun without strings. My income is also a restraint. I can't spend nearly as much as I would like to so that makes me less outgoing.
Is there something wrong with her seeking out a sugar daddy? Is there something wrong with him seeking the affection of a hottie? There is always the possibility that looks are irrelevant to her . . . she may find power or status far more attractive . . .
So the young girl is after the old man for his $$$ . . . the old man is after the young girl for her beauty and youth . . . seems like the old man is getting the MUCH better deal . . .
The old man gets his feelings hurt? That is sad . . . he should be old enough to know better . . .
My two cents: Share the f**king wealth and have a good time and more importantly use the big head NOT the little head . . .
This one dancer was just physically perfect. Wonderful personality. Excellent skill. Even after many months should refused to sell a fantasy. Her reason was very straight forward. She said that if she started pretending to be my girlfriend she might actually start believing the lie. More $$$ was rejected--She had NO interest in role playing.
So I continued to buy her services and accepted her limits. She was NOT going to be fake even if that is what the customer wanted.
The point is that by the time you are an old man I thought--incorrectly--that you've been battle hardened. For every hundred women who may hate or NOT care about you one way or another, there may (should) be at least one who is crazy about you. Only problem is you may NOT like her even a little. :)
In my never ending battle to dissarm all stereotypes related to dancers I must tell you Mouse that I have gone out with dancers who were 10 to 15 years younger than me and didn't pay them a dime. I also don't buy dances in the club from women that I see outside of the club. My feeling has always been that, if you want honesty from a dancer you ave to remove cash from the equation.
Here is what a reader on Amazon had to say about the book:
gotta wonder, March 22, 2004
Reviewer: A reader (San Francisco)
I'm not even going to elaborate on why almost every review below sound exactly like author April Masini's press releases, word for word. All I have to say is that if you're after a truly worthless piece of dating advice along the lines of what momma used to preach, then this one is a "gotta have". You'll learn that you need to keep your finger nails clean, lose weight if you're heavy, and keep your (expensive) car tidy because all women are after is appearance and money. Yes, by all means - if that's the kind of chick you want, it's a great book. If you want someone a little more substantial then either buy another book from an author who has something a little more meaningful to say, or save your money and join a local activity group to meet a nice gal.
Or read here: How to Date Out of Your League
She's a goddess. You're a mere mortal. Here's how to make her worship you By: Matt Fitzgerald
http://www.menshealth.com/cda/article/0,…
Or here: Out of Your League and in the Bag
Think an average guy like you doesn’t have a chance with the hottest girl in the room? Think again. Hillary Quinn shows you how to land a bigger trophy than you deserve. Maxim, May 2004
http://www.maximonline.com/world_o_sex/a…
".....Frank the guy who snagged an exotic dancer claims there’s another way to find out if a gorgeous woman will be attracted to an ordinary-looking man (especially if you’re a little older). I always ask her if she’s a daddy’s girl or a mama’s girl. If she’s a daddy’s girl, she’ll look at you and see her father and that will tell you everything you need to know about your scorability. A woman who’s comfortable being coddled is going to see that, not your looks. That’s good news for you.
Even if you don’t want to wander into Freudian territory, the message is the same: You can (hopefully) offer her the stability, security, and undying admiration of a trusting, loving family member. Katie explains she was perfectly willing to overlook her boyfriend’s lack of looks because, He was really well-traveled, intelligent, sophisticated and a bit of a father, really.
Is that a bad thing? Nope. At the end of the day, the kind of gorgeous women you see in shampoo ads will never use you for your looks. But if you offer them enough testosterone-fueled patience, support, and regular-guy enthusiasm, they’ll still fall for you hard. Thank God one of you isn’t shallow!"
Why in the world would you want the old(er) guys to keep a grip on reality? We (I am not OLD...just older!) go there because it is a place to get a young thing to be somewhat intimate with you, with no strings attached! Fantasy rules!
And also, who cares if they make fun of us? If an older guy is asking the dancers out, it is either because he just wants to get in her panties, or he is a hopeless romantic. Probably the first one, since we are talking about a STRIP CLUB! But when I was single, I was going to strip clubs and asking the girls out (this was when I was young(er)!) because I wanted to get in her panties AND I am a hopeless romantic who believes that one could carry on a relationship with a hot young woman. Fantasy? Of course, but who cares...
Now that I am married, I go just to get the young hotties to pay attention to me, and to get somewhat intimate...with no strings attached.
It almost seems like you are trying to "fix" us older guys, when I don't think we need fixing. Thanks! Let us have the fantasy...if we get carried away from time to time and want to ask the stripper out...all she has to say is no. Then we go on to the next one... :D
comments?
If the girl is doing her job, then I don't care too much what her personal opinion is. I see it as hiring an actress and the more convincing she plays her part the better and the more I will care about her even if she is 100% acting. I generally care about people who consistently do a good job for me and that especially includes dancers or hookers or paid girlfriends.
Heck, you can be friends with dancers or care deeply about dancers and they may even have similar feelings. But, a real relationship relationship? Seems too farfetched . . . Hell, I can always start buying visits from dentists and some may care about me but it is a long way from caring to attraction and wanting a relationship.
And, why o why would I want to date or build romantic relationships with old women?
Look I want a young stripper with a super hot body. Screw all the psycho babble about mentoring and growing apart and shared interests and etc. I trade $$$ to get a service. Part of the service involves young and hot. I have zero interest in a woman my age unless she looks 20 years younger than her actual age and is super hot to boot.
Hell, if even I want my young stripper to behave like a girlfriend, then I know it is a FANTASY!!! You know it is fake. Every once in a blue moon a real relationship may blossom . . . but, it is NOT what I pay for or what I want.
If the young stripper can fake a GFE, then all the better.
I could have learned from him, but I wasn't interested in making the intense emotional connection that he was able to generate. In fact, I like to avoid intense emotion like that unless it is a fantasy situation.
A childhood friend was also very successful with the ladies and he was really poor and jobless and fairly dumb. So you are 100% correct that $$$ doesn't have to be an issue. Heck, even at a strip club that is 100% correct.
For me, $$$ is definitely an issue. I really dislike under-paying a person for a job well done. Yes, I like receiving a bargain, however, there is a line. I've gladly paid double what was requested--and it was still a bargain--the person didn't comprehend their true value. The reality is I'm a different person when $$$ is tight.
Your solution of short visits isn't something I'd like to do. I like hanging out at the strip club especially if it quiet. If a dancer asks, then I tell them that I'm poor. And, that is very true compared to my friends and relatives. To some dancers, the very poor ones, I'm wealthy. Some have such a low self-esteem that they think anyone who spends $ on them night after night must be wealthy. I remember this one sweetheart was stunned that I wouldn't pay $6 for a sandwich. She said you spend more than that on me--as if the sandwich was anywhere near her true value. That was really truly a nice girl--she'd give people the shirt off her back if they claimed to need it.
Member since 2009 with no threads, comments, or reviews. And then suddenly decloaks to comment twice on a 2004 thread and a 2013 strip club review. This is like finding a neolithic PL frozen in an iceberg and reviving him.
Move over Lil_Baller 🤣
Was founder watching The Lone Gunmen while doing his algebra homework in 2004?
One, in the middle of a conversation, just dropped in "by the way, I like being showered with gifts and surprises." Bitch, if I wanted P4P I'd choose someone honest about it.
Self-possessed, confident women are sexy to me, even if they aren't a status symbol on my arm.
🦈 heeheehee