I don't understand the concept of a mistress

For simplicity, I'm going to treat mistress, sugar daddy, and long term otc relationship as basically the same thing and call them having a mistress.

The reason you have a mistress while married is because your wife gets old, ugly, fat, and becomes a sexual slug. A mistress does what your wife is supposed to do but won't. The wife didn't start out this way which is why you married her in the first place, but that is what she has become.

The reasons vary for why you don't divorce the slug even though you have the mistress, but usually they involve the loss of money that a divorce would involve, or other relationships like kids that would be damaged by divorce.

As for why not play the field (ITC, otc with different girls, etc) instead of a mistress, the two things are not necessarily mutually exclusive. I have a DS that I see every week, but I also visit clubs and occasionally do otc with other dancers. I like variety, so although the DS gets most of my time and attention, I don't put all my eggs in one basket. However, the reason I stick with the DS is because she is the most awesome dancer I've ever known and she gives me a much better experience than any dancer ever. Why would I not stick with a gorgeous young woman who fulfills my every sexual fantasy more than I ever thought possible? Why would I want tons of variety when she is everything I want? Plus variety takes time, and you often strike out or spend a bunch of money on a dud. A mistress eliminates those risks and provides a consistently satisfying experience.

Seems pretty simple to me. Unless of course the DS is all in my head. If that's the case, then I must be in some sort of psychotic freak so don't listen to me.

I guess the only way you could have a mistress is if you could live two separate lives.

Correct, it takes two separate lives. That is expensive and time-consuming, but it's better than a single life with a slug.

Sexual Slug - brilliant term!

No, I understand the 'slug' situation, lol.

Here's the thing, there was this documentary on tv where this real guy did indeed live a separate life with a mistress. He had set her up in her own home, he had provided her with a driver (minder), a lavish allowance, etc.

I guess if it were me, I would have spent that money differently. Or stayed with the wife. Or married the mistress. It's hard for me to understand all that money and trouble to live a double life. But I guess to each his own.

Friday nights are for mistresses,Saturday nights are for wives.

I would say a lot of time the mistresses don't want the commitment. It's all the sex, money and perks without all the crap. i.e.:kids, washing his clothes, cooking dinner, taking care of him when he's sick, same boring stuff every night. Having to deal with a guy for a few hours a few nights a week and then having the rest of your time to yourself might be exactly what they want. Just like a stripper wants you for a few hours a month and all the cash you brought. She gets the money and the rest of the time she doesn't have to put up with the boring parts of an actual relationship.

Plus, like john smith stated; divorce can be messy and expensive.

You have to remember before modern society that marriage was always arranged. That usually meant the woman you marrIed was not the woman you loved. I can see why you would want a mistress in that situation.

I had one for a few years. It was during a time where my wife and I weren't getting along well at all, and I felt like I needed something to keep me from going crazy. Imagine coming home to yelling and no sex every day, but the kids you love are there.

Divorce would have been an expensive option but not impossible, but custody laws are extremely biased against fathers unless the mother is a drug addict, etc.

Just because you're married doesn't mean the marriage fulfills any sort of emotional need whatsoever.

@tumbler: Have you ever heard the British Royal Navy toast for Sunday?

"To wives and sweethearts, may they never meet!"

Hats off to Johnsmith and goodsouthern for summing my thoughts

It is usually in more conservative societies than our own that a man would have a mistress. In these societies divorce is more frowned upon, and civilian women are not as fast and loose.

But it is only wealthy men who can afford mistresses.

But as far as things that are posted about here, I take exception to some of the more vocal posters who are cheating on their wives. Why not just divorce. Stand up for what they believe in.

Though it was very hard and only done after the olive branch was held out for many many years, I have divorced my wife.

I am now trying to restore friendship with her. But this is very hard. But I am convinced that marriage is toxic.

SJG

SJG, just curious, did you and your wife live in your mom's basement, or did you move in there after the divorce?

Fix, you seem to have a very extreme example in mind of what it means to have a mistress. Setting her up with a home, car, allowance, etc is extreme and unnecessary. My DS and I live totally separate lives except we date once a week, I see her at the club a few times a month, and we've gotten in the routine of taking a short trip together every couple of months. It's not like I have two wives to support and take care of. I have a wife and a sex buddy girl. That is different than the mistress situation you describe, and easier to manage.

After the divorce my life has been more disrupted. I don't want to live the way I did before. It is going to be different. I have big plans.

But a basement, my mom's basement, no. That would be a nightmare.

I think the home, car, allowance, etc are more to be found in more conservative cultures, where the mistress is supposed to remain exclusive.

SJG

Going thru a divorce is extremely painful, especially when you have in good faith tried to make the marriage work.

But I keep telling my ex that she is not bad and I am not bad, it is our society which tries to use marriage to control people.

Fact is, she was completely destructive. But telling her this has always just made it worse.

SJG