Patience vs. Obscession
rockstar666
Illinois
I have a new CF that is absolutely my type, and I am hers as well. I say this based on the conversations we have as well as our sexual compatibility ITC, which only involves mild extras so far although there wasn't even that until last night. Last night was the 4th time I've bought dances from her and she spent the whole evening with me (again) even when my wallet was already empty. Initially I was focused on getting her OTC so the money I spent would be for sex, but she's made it quite clear that she doesn't do OTC, and even apologizes for it. I don't take it personally or as a sign she's not into me at all because she spends the whole time I'm there with me, but I also refuse to just get strung along even if that's not her intention.
So for now I'm biding my time, but at some point it's time to cut bait and move on because frankly a platonic relationship with this particular dancer isn't going to work for me. I have a few choices. I could let her know this particular ATM will move on if she doesn't make arrangements, but seeing how she ignores other regulars for me makes me think she'll also ignore me if I make ultimatums. She's like that...very strong minded when it comes to her personal choices. Or I can cut my budget down while waiting her out and see what develops; maybe only see her every few weeks. But how long does one wait? Any "system" here I should follow?
I had a steady civi g/f attending to my needs but she recently went back to her husband so I'm now available again, and actively looking for steady sex partner. I'm curious: how long do you guys work on a dancer for OTC that's not a pro at it and isn't an OTC type? She won't even see my band! Does giving it 2-3 months make sense like it does for a civi girl? Normally I'd just move on right away but this girl is worth some extra effort and patience. It's like she's not even a dancer...a sex worker who doesn't have sex? I sure do pick them huh. (For Clubber, she's the goth Japanese girl with a Russian accent so you can relate to how hung up I am on her!)
When does patience turn to obsession?
So for now I'm biding my time, but at some point it's time to cut bait and move on because frankly a platonic relationship with this particular dancer isn't going to work for me. I have a few choices. I could let her know this particular ATM will move on if she doesn't make arrangements, but seeing how she ignores other regulars for me makes me think she'll also ignore me if I make ultimatums. She's like that...very strong minded when it comes to her personal choices. Or I can cut my budget down while waiting her out and see what develops; maybe only see her every few weeks. But how long does one wait? Any "system" here I should follow?
I had a steady civi g/f attending to my needs but she recently went back to her husband so I'm now available again, and actively looking for steady sex partner. I'm curious: how long do you guys work on a dancer for OTC that's not a pro at it and isn't an OTC type? She won't even see my band! Does giving it 2-3 months make sense like it does for a civi girl? Normally I'd just move on right away but this girl is worth some extra effort and patience. It's like she's not even a dancer...a sex worker who doesn't have sex? I sure do pick them huh. (For Clubber, she's the goth Japanese girl with a Russian accent so you can relate to how hung up I am on her!)
When does patience turn to obsession?
Got something to say?
Start your own discussion
31 comments
I still play with her in the club occasionally when I don't have a better option, but I completely given up on an OTC or more involved relationship. Admittedly, having the DS made this a lot easier but it was the right thing to do regardless.
Most likely a PL will not be able to pressure a dancer into extras or OTC via ultimatums, innuendos; etc – and this may actually piss her off and make her dig her heels-in even more – similar to a dancer hitting us up for dances when we are not interested; the more they persist; the more annoyed we usually get.
I *do* think there is always *some* chance the dancer will at some point give in either b/c she may become very comfortable w/ the custy or b/c she may find herself in an unexpected extra difficult financial situation – but in the end I think there really isn’t anything else a PL can do but test the waters every now and then by asking and just accept it for what it is.
A PL should keep spending on her if he still enjoys his time w/ her – but not b/c he thinks this will get him closer to the cuchie b/c this will probably have the opposite effect – i.e. if she gets the PL’s $$$ w/o putting out; then why put out.
My 2 centavos.
Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't, but I've had a few long-term hold-outs eventually come around when they got comfortable and/or had other cash needs pushing them along. I always have at least one girl in the OTC rotation at any one time, so I'm not under pressure to convert the next one. If I really enjoy visiting a girl ITC, then I will continue to do so until I no longer enjoy it, though she will never make a fortune off of me. If the girl I really enjoy eventually converts, then great for both of us as I now have a better OTC girl and she gets a lot more of my club spending. If not, then eventually one or both of us will move on.
I just looked at her and said, "You realize that I have been offering you two hundred dollars for an hour or two somewhere else, right? Two hundred you don't have to share with the club, or bouncers, or waitresses, or anybody, right?"
She just kind of looked at me for a few minutes.
I texted her the following week, asking her if she was working that night, and her response was "Yes. Want to meet before I go?"
The rest is, as they say, history.
Maybe in some instances, but all too often it is just another way in which the girl tries to hustle more out of a guy. You don't want to be the guy that she starts calling for rides, lunch, "loans", etc., while some other guy is fucking her, which all too often is how these ambiguous social OTC things end up working out.
To each his own I suppose, but I don't do casual OTC meetups where p4p sex is not on the agenda. Truth be told, I don't have either the time or patience to sit there and listen to most of these girls for hours, or to constantly fend off requests for xyz, etc.
@ Rick: Yes, I was the platonic go to guy for a dancer as I wrote about a couple months back, and I didn't mind because she's cool. This situation is different because the other girl likes girls so my prospects were limited. In this case I am looking for a cheap and tawdry affair, and it remains to be seen if she'll stoop that low or not.
As for safety, that is obviously a valid concern for any dancer. However, I go out of my way to a assure dancers of their safety. I usually get to know them for a little while first. And everything we do on the date except for the sex is public -- dinner, shopping, hotel, etc. if anything happened to her, I'd be arrested in less than 24 hours because I'd be on surveillance video with her all over the place.
You are not the first PL, nor will you be the last, to become some dancer's gofer. The problem, in my humble opinion, is that Gofer-ism is the worst form of PLdom. The gofer is the guy who does what a BF would do for a girl without any of the real benefits. He also reduces his chances of ever actually getting in her pants as she realizes that she can get shit from him without having to give him anything, which in turn causes her to lose whatever little respect she might have had for him in the first place. Once you get firmly placed in that gofer category in her mind, you never get out.
When I was a regular in a club up north, one of my OTC favorites had a very loyal gofer. He would deliver shit to her and even run out to an ATM to get her more whatever money he could spare. I would watch him hover sometimes, waiting for a break so that he could hand over the goods or cash to her. Then she would come back and joke about the shit that she got him to do. I understand how it happened, since it took me 6 months to finally get this girl OTC myself (she was hot, fun and smart), but I would rather have come up empty than behave like that dude. And he was doing all of this without ever getting into her pants.
I've seen other situations like this as well. A gofer may win a hearty thank you for doing something, but never really wins respect or a chance to get in her pants.
Moral of the story: Don't be a gofer. ;)
You don't need money, you just need to be lucky, be at the right place at the right time.
And...
Once that happens, do not expect it to happen again.
I am having a hard time understanding what is going on. You say the girl says she doesn't do OTC. But I understand that as meaning P4P OTC. You say you are available. So why do you keep going to the club and why do you even talk about OTC with her. Why not just invite her out on a civilian date, and completely separate your relationship with her from the SC?
SJG
That is a valid point – but some dancers are just wired differently or may have differently life circumstances – thus why they would want the extra $200 or w/e it may be – may be analogous to someone having a straight 40 hour job and then freelancing on the side for a bit extra $$$ even though it may not be huge $$$.
Additionally – just like it would not make sense for a dancer to do OTC for $200 or w/e the amount may be –analogously many will say it does not make sense for some PLs to pay a dancer a couple of $100 for the dancer just to sit w/ him and keep him company – many would say that does not make “financial sense” yet there are some PLs that do this.
And w.r.t. safety – that is also a very valid point – but men and women have engaged in P4P since the beginning of time and it seems this will not stop anytime soon even though there are some risks to *both* parties involved.
If you ask her out in a completely civilian manner, you should have no problem.
"I don't go out with customers", my first experience with a Go Go Dancer.
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=1…
SJG