What's the worst news a stripper ever told you?

Mine... I don't do BBBJ....

@aroundtown: I had one try to tell me that one. Unfortunately for her, the fact that is been snipped some 15 years prior made it statistically unlikely, even considering that this was still well within my "rubber for everything" period.

As for the actual worst, I'll leave that as an exercise for the reader.

Sorry GMD, but at least you seem to have done more with less

@mikey: What choice do I have? Sit home and mope about it? Not a chance. You play with the cards you're dealt. Or you don't play. I decided not playing was not for me.

Toss up between:

a). "This is my last night, I start nursing school tomorrow"

b). "This is my last day, I just got my real estate license"

"That was my boyfriend. He just got out of prison and he's coming right over."

I have ebola.

Oh...I forgot. #ebola.strippers

I won't be around for awhile, LMN is picking me up tonight in his dad's ferrari

Don't pull on the string!

Or maybe:
The rubber just broke and I'm allergic to the pill and am not on birth control. I need your number just in case I get pregnant. I said OK my name is J. Biden and my number is 202-555-1212

She told me that she didn't feel like working today but she needed the money. A few days earlier 3 masked men forced there way into her apartment, held a gun to her boyfriends head and blew his brains out while she watched. Then they held the gun to her head before robbing her of $1200. Then she asked me if I wanted to do a VIP and I was so devastated that I had to say no. Her story was corroborated by several other people during the course of the next few days.

Shadow:
How could that happen to her BF after all strippers date such nice guys who never hang with the wrong people.

Tiredtraveler - most of us suspect he was drug dealer.

Shadowcat - did she need money to get the carpet cleaned?

gawker - probably that and her panties.

I really appreciate you getting us a $400 hotel room at the airport the night before I leave for Hawaii, but I'll be away for several months and want my BF to have been the last guy to fuck me.

I'm pregnant

“GIVE ME MY DAMN MONEY” – so have told me a couple of ghetto black dancers in a ghetto and aggressive way in the black dives I hit when they have tried to overcharge me (I did not pay up)

I can't see you anymore, cuz I met a great guy named GMD, and he's way bigger than you are.

Stripper: "Your such a nice guy"

Me: "Holy crap I'm doing it wrong...again"

I was caressing her inner thigh that is so close to her (bleep) and she says...

"I don't feel anything"

"Do you want me to cook some breakfast....but I'm out of bacon"

"I have quit stripping because it made my boyfriend uncomfortable."

@shadowcat I remember you telling us this story before. That shit is still terrible and I still can't believe it's not butter...I mean that it's true...yeah....

I can't remember. It must have been a few months since I've heard any serious SS.

"She told me that she didn't feel like working today but she needed the money. A few days earlier 3 masked men forced there way into her apartment, held a gun to her boyfriends head and blew his brains out while she watched. Then they held the gun to her head before robbing her of $1200. Then she asked me if I wanted to do a VIP and I was so devastated that I had to say no. Her story was corroborated by several other people during the course of the next few days."


She randomly showed up for a shift out of the blue one day a while back. I haven't seen her since that random show up since.

"You mean that was a loan. I thought it was a gift."

Probably the most funny thing: It was a week before a masseuse's wedding. She was telling me all of her woes and stresses (yeah, like I really wanted to feel her stress when I'm supposed to be relaxing). One of those stresses: "I don't think my fiancé trusts me." Never mind that she was giving me a handjob at that moment.

When I was at my old favorite club way back when, I asked my favorite dancer what happened to the old bartender, a guy (this in a club where all the bartenders were guys, which I think is weird) she had apparently been seeing away from work, and she told me he hung himself. That marked the only time I didn't want a dance from her.

When she said, "turns out those bumps on my pussy were more than a shaver burn. You might want to get checked for STDs."