Need CF Help

IMO the default is to just ask her what up. I'm tempted to say that the 'wait til close' is a setup for OTC so she doesn't have to give the club a cut. However, since you 'friends' OTC and aren't doing P4P, I'm pretty confused as to what's going on.

Drop her like a bad habit.

@mjx1-ill ask the next time i go in. I would have the last time I saw her, but I didnt realize the trend til I left. Did I get put in some weird stripper friend zone? Money is money so I don't get it. @Jackslash I would but currently in this club, she is the only one I am extremely attracted to..so it kind of sucks..why go to a club when you cant get who you want.

Your situation is not that uncommon.

Often times dancers (at least the non business-wise types) will take their regulars for granted once they have them on the hook.

Most likely she holds you off until the end of the night b/c she knows she has you hooked and you are sure $$$ - so she probably is investing her time with other customers since she knows/feels she doesn’t have to hustle for yours ($$$).

As long as you let her set the rules; you are going to be getting the short end of the stick IMO.

If you start getting attention/LDs from other dancers; she’ll probably show you more attention and more respect.

My statements are *not* irrefutable facts; just my 2 cents.

@papi_chulo: I thought that might be what it was, but sometimes we wont even get around to the dance..she'll just chill talking and leaning on me til closing time. Which is nice but when u want a dance its disappointing. I get dances from other girls in the club (once one came to talk to me and she jokingly said..that i was hers, but i looked at her like 'wtf' so she doesn't do that anymore.) So she is my fave but most times I get LDs from multiple dancers.

IDK the particulars of your SC – but for me, I often get much better QoS in off-peak times - e.g. weeknights when there are often much less custies. Perhaps seeing her on a slow night may get you more attention from her.

Also, just go ahead and ask her when you feel like getting dances from her. If she either says no (or not right now); or gives you uninspired dances – then you may want to seek someone else that will want to give you dances/attention.

JMO.

Whoa – just looked at the OP's profile

1) The OP SCs in San Diego – not the best SC experience from what I’ve heard/read

2) the OP’s profile states the following – “SCing for almost a year now..pretty sure I am addicted since normally i'm frugal as fuck on everything else. It sucks that you cant just discuss strip clubs with everyone since all they do is judge you for going..especially as a woman..so here I am..where I fit in”


i.e. the OP is a chick – don’t know if this changes the equation any?

Agreed..I think I need to stop being regular and find another club...I swear its hard find a good SC without running through a bunch of lemons, so I settled for a while..but it is probably time to change it up

@PC: oh shit, good observation.

@CC: In light of the new evidence... you need Lopaw's advice.

Yea SD options aren't so great.
As for me being a chick..could be. She is Bi so she isnt freaked out by that..but maybe she just feels like giving men dances at the moment..I am bi too and go through phases where i only want women so I could see that

Why not go to TJ like everybody else?

Ive heard a little too much about TJ and am a bit intimidated by going alone.

“… go through phases where i only want women …”


I seem to be perpetually stuck in that phase

Perhaps TJ may not really offer what a lady SCer is looking for?

Tons of bisexual girls in TJ clubs, you will probably get service that blows everything out of the water for what you're currently getting in SD.

I am not sure how there is a market for SD clubs when TJ exists. I realize people can be scared but it's really not that bad.

Maybe next time I come to SD, I can show you around TJ?

Center Field?

Girl or guy, the simplest course is to just ask her what's up. And make sure at some point you tell her what you really want, whether that's outright sex or just hot lap dances.

And pay attention to lopaw. :)

Papi's got it. I do think that you have walked into PL territory. She may just feel like cuddling (two females) and she really cares for you. More likely, she is just trying to maximize her cash. I do think that females in clubs are usually in that group bachelorette mode. Fewer are regular customers. A regular female PL is kind of rare. Maybe she doesn't quite know what to do with you?

Maybe she was trained to have an aversion to homosexuality as a child, so it's hard for her to dance for women.

"Maybe she doesn't quite know what to do with you?"

At first I chuckled at this but then I realized that looneylarry may be right. If you have not told her what you want then she probably doesn't know how to read you and is playing it safe with you. She can obviously get her $$$ from other customers in the club, so she has you on ice. I think that you need to be firm in telling her what you expect from her, whatever it is. She might simply see you now as a "friend". You may have become someone that she can chill with and talk to. It's often hard for dancers to really open up and chat up guys with personal info. I have been in your situation a few times but I made it clear to the dancer what I wanted and it worked out fine. The fact that both of you identify as bi and neither one of you is gay can make it even murkier.

And don't be intimidated by TJ. I've been there a few times and had my SKO by some amazing chicas down there. It's an experience that you won't soon forget ;)

CC, it appears that your dancer of choice treasures your 'friend' relationship more than the potential physical intimacy. You either need to accept that or take more actions to ensure your needs are being met, likely by CF's coworkers. Or say to her "I come here to get some quality lap dances. Can you do that for me or do I need to hire Nina over there?" Of course she may say go do Nina and come tell me about it. Be prepared for anything.

Lopaw you really need to write a " how to" guide for female customers who lose their way :)

@ 3LM: Great summation of the circumstances and recommendation!

@ curiositycat: Please do keep us posted on your progress on this subject. I find this fascinating. Glad to see Lopaw commented. Take note of her comments any time you see them.

Often subjects will repeat themselves on TUSCL after I period of time. When I see a "rerun," I have to decide if I'll make the same comment I did last time, or just pass on commenting altogether. This is definitely a new one!

cc,

I left you a PM. Check it when you get a chance.

@gsv: What kind of range of girls are in TJ? Ethnicity? I have to admit that I am whitewashed and am mostly attracted to blond white women (I'm not white so hopefully this doesn't come off as racist) . Also what type of pole tricks which is also what I tend to enjoy as well. If it it turns out favorable to what I am looking for, if I decide to venture to TJ, I'll definitely hit you up.

@looneylarry: Yeah you might be right, I know she has tried to sleep with a friend of hers but it did not end successfully

@ibbaicnl: If that was the case, she seemed alright with it all the other times that she gave me dances/contact enthusiastically

@lopaw: Definitely see why everyone has been telling me to look out for your comment. I think about it more and think you are right. She is Bi but hasn't been with a woman yet, I have been respectful because I don't want to come across as only about sexual motives. I think I have been friend zoned, I guess I'll just have to ask. I am almost torn between asking, because i either find out i've been friendzoned, or she'll go back to dancer/money making mode to please me.

@georgemicrodong:direct approach will probably get me the answers instead of wondering. You may be right about her preferring me as a friend and if I think about it perhaps she just isnt attracted to me
@3leggedman:ill start looking at my options for LD replacement.
@clubgoer:I hope to go this weekend..if she is there and I get the courage to flat out ask..I will come back and update..otherwise just assume I am still a PL chasing after her til I get tired or accept that she is just not that into me

@Lopaw I think maybe you're drinking too much of some people's kool-aid.

Broadly speaking, society considers dancers to be victims and/or losers and/or trash. So most dancers are iconoclasts who care little about what society in general considers to be true or right. Iconoclasts open up to other iconoclasts, some only with those with similar thinking, some only with those who have an examined life worth living.

When dancers want you to think that you special cause your old, young, female, lesbian/bi, etc. normally that's part of a sales pitch.

I have no illusion of feeling special in a club. i understand a job is a job and some people do their job well. The confusion sets in because my money is like anyone else's. If I am giving it to her for her job..why doesn't she want to take my money. She is not homophobic as we've talked extensively on the subject and on the recent subject of marriage equality. Im just going to ask her and stop wondering.

"@Lopaw I think maybe you're drinking too much of some people's kool-aid."

wtf?

Tijuana, Mexico, as the location may imply is pretty much all about Latinas. Not white women. I love latinas, because I suppose not everyone shares that.

Pole tricks, you'll find some pretty talented dancers who put in more effort than American clubs, yes, and pretty much anything you could want (really good lap dances all the way up to sex at affordable prices) is available.

Nevermind kinda bad taste to use that expression in front of the Guyanese chick.

I wasn't offended by the expression (not Guyanese). I just don't know wtf you were talking about. I may be many things, but gullible in a stripclub sure as shit ain't one of them.

For anyone wondering the outcome..I got friend zoned as suspected. She feels weird taking my money in the club and dancing for me. On the bright side, she buys me drinks itc and doesn't mind me finding another dancer in her club to take her place. Lesson learned..don't take numbers and try to be friends, keep from blurring the lines and you'll stay out of my trouble

Bro... Tell her you want to be in the friend with benefits zone. It could work!

@zipman: ship has sailed on that.. she hasn't slept with women yet, I think she is bi but not as sexually attracted as she is emotionally attracted. She sees me more as a friend so the initial attraction to me as someone for sex has dulled..and she doesnt want to 'lose' me by crossing the lines and not have it work out..AKA friend zoned so hard my head is spinning

Well, there's nothing wrong with friends, even without benefits. Is that something you're OK with, or were you just there for the pussy? (No judgement either way; after all, *I'm* only there for the pussy.)

If you don't mind the friend zone, and she doesn't mind you getting up close and personal, or even intimate, with others, then at the very least you have a friend in the club that can point you to potential good dancers.

I was there for the pussy just like most people here. I don't come into the club to make friends, I come for the ass and titties- and the pole tricks .. but yeah i'm okay with being her friend. She is fun and does provide insider info..just unfortunate that another in the club hasnt caught my eye as she has. I have been given numbers by dancers and I dont even ask them for it so I must have some kind of stripper friend stamp on my head..maybe they deal with a lot of catty bitchy female friends and im a change of pace..who knows. .either way..next dancer I have my eye on..I will stay away from with a 10ft pole in regards to friendship or maybe I should look into escorts..hmm

CC, keep doing your thang and you'll hit pay dirt. Maybe try out Tropical Lei in Upland or any of the clubs in COI-I just went to Synn last night and I had a blast. Keep us posted on your various adventures.

Thanks for the encouragement SlickSpic. I will work to increase my odds and add Tropical Lei as a destination. I start to wonder though..does being a regular possibly help odds rather than being a new random? Or is it more likely hitting up clubs where extras are mentioned in reviews? Are reviews usually accurate for that? Or is it usually YMMv?

“… *I'm* only there for the pussy …”


I wish I could be as much of a romantic as george :)

“…. Bro... Tell her you want to be in the friend with benefits …”

Zipman – if you read some of the earlier thread comments or the OP’s profile – OP is not a “bro” – OP is a chickie

“… I don't come into the club to make friends …”


Actually neither do 99.9% of the dancers IME.

I think the dancer may feel uncomfortable getting close and personal with a female customer? I’ve read something along these lines in some of the comments in stripperweb.com

Dancers rarely turn down $$$ b/c they want to be “friends”. Not saying this is absolutely the case in your situation – just my 2-cents.

@papi:I definitely believe that they arent there to make friends..only issue is she initiated all of it..got my number from ny friend (cause I didnt think she was serious), I've been to her house a couple times, I've met her kids, etc... And I dont think she is uncomfortable with women because she did a lot more with me in LD previously that would say otherwise(also of which I never initiated or asked for). But yeah I think 'losing' a friend isnt the truth..its more likely..losing income lol or just not attracted to me after getting to know me