My wife knows.

Scary thread. It's easy to get complacent when going to the clubs regularly. I often head over to the club right after work, and usually forget to take my ID badge off before I walk in, so I usually just toss it on the table and never really gave it much thought. It has my full name on it, along with my picture. More than a few times a girl has picked it up and looked at it, or asked me a question about it. From now on, I will make it a point to leave the damn thing in the car!

I agree with Chitown's post, I don't give out a lot of specific personal information unless I've gotten to know a dancer well enough that I trust her a great deal, and that's only happened a few times. But I'm not that concerned about them knowing my last name, it's common enough that it won't do them much good unless they know where I'm from and I'm always vague about that. But that doesn't mean I am safe, anymore than a dancer who uses a false name is safe. If someone is crazy enough to really want to, there are numerous ways they can find out anything about you regardless of how secretive you are. If a stripper (or anyone else for that matter) decides to really screw up your life, there isn't much you can do about it. Although I think we are safer going to strip clubs than we would be coaching a little league team or being a scout leader these days.

I've heard of a stripper trying extortion before. Big fat ugly bitch had sex with a customer with some community rep, got his business card and demanded $xxx not to reveal it to his wife. (In her case I think the customer could just have credibly said "come on, if I were going to spend money don't you think I could have done better than her?")

Anyway, perhaps she had extortion in mind all along? She'll go all psycho and demand to be paid to go away. At least report her so it doesn't happen again.

My suspicion is that the crazy girl wanted more money and is upset and striking out however she knows. Of course now I would not try to call the crazy stripper or reason with her since the cat is already out of the bag. I may consider getting an unlisted home phone number and changing the one you have to stop unwanted phone calls if it continues. I've heard of some nasty stripper revenge stories. good luck with your wife.

"Marriage is a wonderful institution if you wish to be institutionalized" Anonymous Married Man

Chitown's right. I never give last name. If I had an unusual first name, I'd make up something else. My occupation is a little unusual, so I tell them something else; something I know enough about that I could fake it for a while with someone in the industry, and indefinitely with the average stripper.

Some strippers are wonderful people. Some are crazy, some have no problem with theft, some have theiving boyfriends. Most wouldn't go out of their way to harm a customer--but a few would.

In the interests of lighting a candle rather than cursing the darkness (and not to kick this guy when he's down), but I do hope that none of us are giving our last names to strippers without some serious contemplation as to the potential ramifications of that action. The implication of the first message he posted on this thread is that the dancer in question found out his 'phone number by use of his uncommon last name. There is no reason a dancer needs to know your last name. I have no trouble giving dancers my real first name, because it can't lead to anything (during the year I was born, probably 4-5% of boy babies were given the same first name as me, which turns out to be a huge number in absolute terms.. I was never the only person in my class with my first name). However, giving the dancer your last name, especially in conjunction with a real first name, is (as my grandfather used to say), "the sort of thing out of which no good can come." Good heavens, with the search engines on the Internet, you can find someone's home address and telepone number for free in a couple of minutes.

Sometimes dancers ask me for a business card, probably because they don't think I'm really a lawyer. I NEVER give out business card in strip clubs. I'd rather have a dancer that I may never see again think I am a bullshitter than to give her the key to my real life.

What I find scary about this thread is that it could probably happen to any one of us. Strippers aren't the only ones who can be stalked.

Chitown, I was actually interested in your opinion of a restraining order precisely because you'd know more of what that entails than I do and be able to lay it out.

If you did give her substantial money outside the club, or more in the club than would be normally spent I think things are a whole lot worse. The stripper may see busting up your marriage as a way to keep a mealticket. She may see it that way regardless, but if she never got any substantial money I think you are a lot safer.

As I see it there are two problems. Clearing things up with the wife, and getting the crazy stripper out of your life. I don't think the first will happen till the second does. If she has a phone number for the wife that probably means home rather than cell, so she most likely knows where you lives. After calling the wife, it might not be about money since telling the wife was probably the last resort (with the possible exception above). Now it's probably about revenge.

Coming clean with the wife is the first step, but I can't see her moving to the next stage (as Chitown describes it) while the crazy stripper is still calling. If all she did was call changing numbers might be enough and she may have had whatever revenge she wanted.

Even though I'm not married these are some of the reasons I typically don't do OTC. I've had enough crazy women for one lifetime.

AN, from a legal point of view, I would agree with you that a restraining order is a way to deal with this situation. Of course, it only helps with people who are sane, and those who are moderately crazy...a real nut is not going to be stopped by a piece of paper. You can have her arrested and even held for a time for violating the order, of course, but you need to stay focused on your main goal...which in this case seems to be putting his life back together.

I am a little concerned about whether this guy wants to make a matter of public record his involvement with this woman. He will have to file a sworn declaration concerning his complaint, and may also be subject to questioning by the Court, and potentially by a lawyer for the dancer, if she should be some strange quirk decide to contest the petition for restraining order. Does he want to spread this matter of record in his local courthouse. Most courthouses keep a box in which the deputy clerks deposit copies of matters filed that day that the press might find...interesting. The local reporter on the courthouse beat then picks them up for potential use...does he want to risk this publicity? What if, during the hearing, the judge wants to get into the particulars of where they are likely to encounter each other..in order to tailor the order as narrowly as possible, as the Court is legally obliged to do...does our hero want to testify under oath to his strip club forays, with a court reporter blithely typing away from a distance of ten feet?

I'm not contesting the legal correctness of what you say, because I think you are absolutely right. I'm just urging a "big picture" view of this situation, especially given the implications of asking the Court to resolve your disputes. Even after all these considerations are taken into account, the restraining order may be the best of a bunch of bad alternative...but that depends on how this guy sees the above factors.

Not being a married guy I'll nonetheless venture that this Valentines day is going to cost you more and get you less.

Chitown, restraining order? I think most phone companies have policies about harassing phone calls. If you can get it on record somewhere that the bitch is crazy I think that protects you from any escalation on her part.

AN is right. I'm afraid that you will not be seeing the inside of a strip club for a long time, maybe never. In your circumstances, with a couple of kids, I suspect that your wife does not want to get divorced, and probably wants to believe that you were stupid, rather than that you were screwing this girl.

If you want to stay married, your wife probably won't insist on a divorce, even if she thinks you screwed the stripper. However, from this point until further notice, your life is going to be work and family, period. I wouldn't even count on nights out alone with male friends...or even take them if they were available.

So, the good news is, I bet a year from now you're still married to this wife, if you want to be. The bad news is, your life is going to be hell until further notice (I predict a lot of conversations involving he phrase, "I just don't know if/how I can ever trust you again." Don't take it seriously. Women never trusted us in the first place, for good reason, so restoring trust is a impossible and irrational goal.)

350,000 men died in the CIvil War to outlaw slavery, but I'm afraid all that blood was spilled in vain, as far as your future is concerned...

Might also check into a restraining order against the girl. It usually takes some sort of physical threat on her part to get one, but if nothing else it puts the authorities on notice that the bitch is crazy and you want nothing to do with her in case she decides to make false accusations to someone other than your wife.

I thought you said you didn't spend ANY money on her. Either way, you're lucky to have a wife that's understanding of any part of this. There's no figuring out the stripper bitch, so don't strain yourself trying. Hell hath no fury...

That sucks. Hope things work out. When you mention the money I hope you mean only the money you spent in the club, and you didn't give the stripper any. If that is tha case you are probably on more solid ground. I'd try the truth, you broke things off because you realized this girl was trying to scam you, and while the fantasy was fun the reality of actually cheating on the wife and going broke paying a strippers bills was a wakeup call.