I'm 34M. Sometimes I dread this hobby because I feel like I should be looking for a relationship. I actually do want relationship but I am not putting in the time to look for women. I know I should probably do some public events or join some type of coed group. I really want to get a woman in her early 20s, but I need to do it in a way that doesn't seem like I'm stalking a university.
Any advice from the married or divorced guys. I think most of you are above 50 years old.
When is this "Old enough to know better" supposed to kick in?
Sadly prob gotta go with the apps (try hinge) or do speed dating or bar hoping.
You are too young to be fucking hookers and strippers
@shadowcat
"Old enough to know better" supposed to kick in?
It kicks in after you aren't young enough to do it anyway
60s.
Why do you want a relationship? Will you still want your 22-year-old when she's 37, even if she has crows feet and has put on weight? Are you up for marriage and kids?
@Owlyoung_ggofv
I will play along and comment on your discussion.
Q: How old are you guys? A: Old enough to know that:
“In this country, you gotta make the money first.
Then when you get the money, you get the power.
Then when you get the power, then you get the women.”
~ Cuban refugee Tony Montana (Al Pacino) in the movie Scarface (1983)
Q: Any advice A: Prioritize your physical and mental well-being through regular exercise, healthy eating, and stress management.
Invest in your career by developing your skills, networking, and seeking opportunities for advancement.
Cultivate strong relationships with family and friends, and be open to new connections.
Finally, embrace continuous learning and personal growth to navigate the evolving landscape of life with resilience and purpose,
And make as much money as possible, and become as powerful as possible. Think wealthy businessman Edward Lewis (Richard Gear in Pretty Woman 1990 American movie)
And don’t forget to be careful out there.
I am 69 and had a similar problem in my thirties. Dating was easier in the distant past when most people lived in small towns and knew everyone in the town. The anonymity of big cities and spending most of your time interacting with strangers makes it harder to date. Many young women like to know a guy a little before they will date him. There has also been a decline in the numbers of helpful matchmaker types compared to the past.
In addition to this, there is less female focus now on marrying and having children and more focus on careers. Many of those women end up as middle aged cat ladies or dog moms and make a big fuss over their pets. This affection would have been directed at children instead in the past. Many of these women appear to me not to be particularly happy late in their lives.
Join a club or social group that does something you like. See 8f you hit it off with anyone.
I wish this website had editing, so I could add to my OP.
To begin, I want an early-mid 20s female because I want to have children. I need a woman with a working womb. I am willing to deal with a woman who has one child already. It's not a preference as much as a need for having my own biological kid.
No apps. That's a game I'm not paying for and no longer trying. I have seen the statistics on apps. The reality is that there are an overabundance of men on there who will smash anything. The women only want 5% of the men on there at best. The pareto principal is 80/20, but dating apps take it to the extreme simply do to the simplicity of swiping right or left.
One of you also mentioned the problem with apps. Many women on apps are not desirable due to having multiple kids and being overweight yet still think they can land a Chad provider. I'm Smart enough to know I'm not looking for a supermodel. Actually I would prefer a homely girl who wants good man and we a relatively decent sex life. Twice a month is good enough for me. There are a lot of scammers on there, if anyone tells you to meet them off the site then that's an automatic scam.
I can go into way more detail about online dating but that would completely derail this post.
"addition to this, there is less female focus now on marrying and having children and more focus on careers. Many of those women end up as middle aged cat ladies or dog moms and make a big fuss over their pets. This affection would have been directed at children instead in the past. Many of these women appear to me not to be particularly happy late in their lives."
I have actually seen more women trying to have both and not getting what they want. Many women actually have kids in their 20s, no mention of a father and most of these women don't even marry the father of the children.
I used to think if a woman has a child for a man then surely you must love the man. Apparently I was mistaken.
I'm still learning at 75. and marriage is not an option. I did that for 35 years.
I still like what Chris Rock said, “you’re either married and miserable, or single and lonely.”
I think if you’re single in your mid 30s and unironically use the phrase “Chad provider” then you will scare any woman off regardless of age and eventually become a Passport Bro.
Yesterday I food shopped. Mowed the lawn. Drank vinho verde and swam in the pool for a few hours. Had sex Played nine and went our for margaritas and some food. I love being married as we sail through year 36 together. I'm going to be 68.
OP understands the dilemma. There are women out there that will uniquely meet your criteria, but how the hell do you find them amongst all the chaff?
Keep your eyes open at places they all have to go, like the grocery store. I once tried to get involved with being a volunteer for Red Cross disaster relief. Lots of women available in the organization, and they automatically think well of you for being a volunteer. Single moms wouldn't have much time for that, though.
I'm in my late 40s, and I am so glad I have my family and don't need to worry about finding a partner for sex and going out. So many women are just delusional about what they should get from a relationship v what they bring to it.
@owl I don't understand why you are prioritizing such a narrow age range. Early 30s should be fine if your main thing is physically and emotionally healthy kids. There are some 18-year-olds who have figured out what they want long term better than the typical twentysomething.
Many people have kids without really signing up for the demanding responsibility of nurturing them the way they need. The best odds of meeting someone who has made a well-considered decision to have kids is by joining a church (or mosque). If you're skeptical of the existence of the Great Sky Dad, you could try a Unitarian church. But, probably a higher proportion of fur baby moms.
You sound like maybe you're the type of guy who makes it hard for himself by expecting women to be better than he is. Both genders have their 5% who are sexually tempting to the primitive parts of the brains of the opposite gender. You shouldn't judge that temptation in a woman harder than you judge it in yourself.
Your mention of sex twice a month seems oddly low. Are you assuming you'll have enough privacy for frequent wanking? Some people think love means being able to walk in on you in the bathroom.
Waot until you are 45-50 and have money. 25-35 year olds will be lining up for you to put a baby in them
@Owlyoung_ggofv
Sexuality and marriage in the capitalist system of today have significant economic implications.
But is not that different from the capitalist systems of the past.
I would refer you to Demosthenes (384 – 12 October 322 BC) ~ Greek statesman and orator of ancient Athens.
In this list is the view of the wealthy and powerful of Greece regarding women in the classic age.
In today’s world we have:
It is about having wealth and power that would give you the freedom to have choices.
Just don’t forget that typically you get what you pay for…
if you don’t have the money or you can’t afford it economically, mentally, morally, emotionally, physically, intellectually etc etc etc then don’t buy things you can’t afford…
In any case; Let’s be careful out there there.
:D
Seems like we have this same discussion every few months. But to answer OP’s question, I just turned 60.
I think 34 is still too young to be buying strip club pussy. OP should be out getting “free” civilian pussy.
When I was single, relationships were very cyclical. I would go for long dry spells, but then whenever I wasn’t trying or looking for a girlfriend, I would land one. And then once I was in a relationship, other girls would be attracted to me and make themselves available just so I would fuck things up. Like it was feast or famine. There’s something about girls being attracted to guys who are already in a relationship - I think that guys carry themselves with more confidence and less desperation that girls find attractive.
I feel sorry for guys dating these days with iPhones and all the technology that makes it literally impossible to be somewhere with someone who you’re not supposed to be.
@icey are you referring to physical attraction? “It doesnt matter what you say” is one of the most nonsense things… everything is dependent on that. Especially on these dating apps. Saying the right thing vs the wrong thing is what makes the difference between actually meeting someone off a dating app or being ignored, blocked, unmatched etc
What you say also represents your beliefs, which can cause friction if someone has wildly different religious, social, political beliefs
Finally, the proof is in the countless ugly guys with hot ladies and good looking guys with no ladies
If it was all or even mostly about attraction you wouldnt see those scenarios
Your one of the most delusional guys on here who simultaneously spends thousands on a girl then says she likes you because of your looks and intimidating appearance
@iknowbetter i have heard it is because chicas pick guys on a whole host of factors unlike many guys who go for looks over all else. So when she sees you already in a relationship its sort of a preselection- means you already likely have a bunch of those things chicas are interested in. If you werent already with the chica, she would have to get to know you to find out you have those things
It was interesting in one interview dan bilzerian mentioned how he would pay this hot chica he knew, just to go out on dates with one of his guy friends. The chica would go up and talk to other girls at different places- and the guy ended up having a bunch of women going after him- all because of having basically a hot escort accompany him to all these dates
@Puddy “ got my greatest "bucket list" item in a month”
Do you mean like a P4P bucket list item thing?
@owl you said “ There are a lot of scammers on there, if anyone tells you to meet them off the site then that's an automatic scam.”
Im confused, are you talking about dating apps or seeking arrangement site or what exactly? There are plenty of chicas who will offer their phone number on tinder or other dating apps. That definitely isnt correlated to being a scam. I mean maybe if they quickly send you a phone number as soon as you match… its some sort of scam. Its always possible. But it definitely is common to exchange numbers on those apps. It might be a burner number on either side…When i first used tinder i used to give out my real number to some ladies… eventually i figured its easier to use a burner number… sometimee the same burner i used with strippers p4p girls…
Life (and youth) is short. If you want to get laid, then get laid if and however you're able, as long as it doesn't involve deceiving or otherwise hurting anybody. Don't get hung up on arbitrary rules, like you're too young to pay for sex.
Seems kinda weird my post that just asks for clarification from the OP gets downvotes.
"Many people have kids without really signing up for the demanding responsibility of nurturing them the way they need. The best odds of meeting someone who has made a well-considered decision to have kids is by joining a church (or mosque). If you're skeptical of the existence of the Great Sky Dad, you could try a Unitarian church. But, probably a higher proportion of fur baby moms.
You sound like maybe you're the type of guy who makes it hard for himself by expecting women to be better than he is. Both genders have their 5% who are sexually tempting to the primitive parts of the brains of the opposite gender. You shouldn't judge that temptation in a woman harder than you judge it in yourself.
Your mention of sex twice a month seems oddly low. Are you assuming you'll have enough privacy for frequent wanking? Some people think love means being able to walk in on you in the bathroom."
I may have to go back to regular church attendance. I just didn't think of church as a hook up place. It's religious and we should respect the religion.
I don't expect women to be better than me. I just want someone who wants a serious relationship with a man who is doing the best he can. I'm not rich but I make a good income, 84K, for the area l live in. I just want regular sex.
I chose 2 times per month because I know most women don't like to have sex alot. Unless that's a myth, I was always informed that women in general don't like to have sex all the time. Obviously, it's going to be higher at 18-28 age range but then sex drive tends to fall off for women. Or more accurately, I think women become more discriminatory about it.
That's the other reality I'm facing. Typically older women are MUCH more selective about who they date.
" woman's fertility decreases and likelihood of birth defects increases drastically at 35. Depending on how many kids you want, a woman slightly younger than you is safe.
Most early 20s women are just dumb. "
I realize that 25 to 30. is good enough for me. But 30 is pushing it. I am not this discriminatory in hooking up with strippers. It only matters now because I'm thinking of kids.
I don't mind if she is dumb. That actually works to my advantage because she will most likely want me to stay in her life (which is what I want anyway). She is also more likely to agree to it anyway.
Damn, I wish life was like the 1980s where a PL could just court a down on her luck stripper and attempt to turn her into a housewife.
"Waot until you are 45-50 and have money. 25-35 year olds will be lining up for you to put a baby in them"
I honestly hope that is the case. I'm probably going to have to switch companies first.
" think 34 is still too young to be buying strip club pussy. OP should be out getting “free” civilian pussy.
When I was single, relationships were very cyclical. I would go for long dry spells, but then whenever I wasn’t trying or looking for a girlfriend, I would land one. And then once I was in a relationship, other girls would be attracted to me and make themselves available just so I would fuck things up. Like it was feast or famine. There’s something about girls being attracted to guys who are already in a relationship - I think that guys carry themselves with more confidence and less desperation that girls find attractive."
I have been told that I'm too young for this by multiple strippers.
What your describing is pre-selection bias. Women are naturally more attracted to men who already display signs of being attractive. Unfortunately I have too few of those displays. I know I need to be more social, but I need to find a hobby that has Men And Women. I am never going to be a Chad, but I can be a better person. That's all I can do.
" Sounds like you have some self-esteem issues. 99.9% of your time together won't be spent in bed. Do you want your genes to meld with a dumb woman's, and have dumb kids? Do you want someone who's going to fuck up basic household management tasks? "
I'm just in a bad situation. I just really want to have kids. I want a real connection. I have sex because it gives me an escape. But I'm growing tired of the theatrics.
Ironically perhaps, your chances of meeting a good person to be in a relationship are best when you are doing something which you'd do even you weren't interesting in meeting a good person for a relationship. So, yeah, don't go to church just for dating purposes. Are there any adult education classes in your area that interest you?
From what I've seen, unhappy people don't become happy by finding a mate or having children. They pair up with somebody unhappy, the combined unhappiness is more multiplicative than additive, and they make miserable kids.
So you can't get FS without theatrics? The most likely reasons are you are not being polite enough, you're too unwilling to move/travel to places with more good sex workers, and/or you have a strong desire for strange. Wanting strange doesn't bode well for an LTR working.
Is your desire to be married with kids based on more than envying people you know who are happily married with kids? Having kids to find meaning in life is an infinite recursion.
Maybe there are opportunities to do volunteer tutoring in your local school system. Would be a good thing to try before the no backsies step of having kids.
I have planned and will eventually execute a strategy for more social outings I can participate in.
I do not mind giving strippers a chance for relationships, but I have learned the hard way that the type of women working in the industry are typically not good wife material. Women are different just like men, but I notice a pattern of dependency that makes me question their motives.
My desire for a family is genuine. I admit that I have not taken all the advantages I can with it.
It can be hard to be married to somebody with a sales job. Sales involves being manipulative, and, like they say, when you've got a hammer. Women with low interest in sex are less likely to cheat. (That's why female genital mutilation is a thing.) But, that has its negatives, unless the husband also has a low sex drive, or has necrophiliac tendencies. A wanna dance stripper, who's a cold fish in the couch room, has a better chance than average to be non-manipulative, and to lack temptation to cheat. Or, if you're lucky, she's romantisexual. She will rock your world, and yours alone, if you can keep the love alive.
Dating and being in a relationship aren't the same thing and require a different skill set, in the same way getting elected and then governing competently, aren't the same thing and require a different skill set.
Get out there. Enjoy life. Go to bars. Join clubs. Go to places women are. Museums. Concerts. Approach them. Ask to get to know them better. Walk away if they decline your invitation.