One bad lap dance that sticks out in your mind

9/2/2012 8:05:01 PM

Man you guys, I got duped by this pretty italian stripper a couple weeks ago. I should have went with my gut, but I didn't. Her beauty won me over and I ended up regretting it BIG time. Sometimes, you can get an idea of how a stripper will be at giving lap dances by just watching her on stage. This girl was very boring on stage, and I had a feeling she wouldn't be a good lap dance giver, but I ended up getting a dance from her anyway because she was one of the most attractive strippers I saw that night. When we got back there, the first thing she tells me is, "before we start, let me go over the rules" lol. I've gotten dances at this club for a few years now and if I'm not mistaken, I've never had a stripper say that. I knew right then it would be a lame dance. She tells me no touching her titties and some other bullshit that I can't remember at the moment. Her dance was LAME. It was very robotic and she didn't even get up into my lap and cradle me the way strippers usually do when they give you a lap dance. She just lightly rubbed her ass on my shorts and every now and then she would just barely put her tits to my face. To top if off, I noticed all the guys around me were getting much better dances by girls who, in my opinion, weren't as attractive. Perhaps looks don't mean everything.

What makes it even worse, is that at this club you can't just buy one song. You have to buy two songs or more. So, if you get stuck with a lame lap dancer giver, you're fucked. I was pissed. That's $50 damn dollars that could have gone into my tank.

33 comments

Jump to latest

3LeggedMan

•

12 years ago

GoVikings, perhaps you'd be kind enough to identify the offending dancer. Naming the girl and the club would not cause any LE issues, and you'd be doing a tremendous service for your TUSCL brothers.

GoVikings

•

12 years ago

I don't remember her name. But she's italian, has very long hair and a tight body. She works at the Paper Moon in Richmond, VA on the weekends.

C'mon guys, I know I'm not the only one who has received a shitty lap dance, share your stories!

TortillaChip

•

12 years ago

My worst lapdances I usually repress right outta my mind, but I had one recently that hasn't been booted quite yet. Got this hottie back to the couches. She starts in on a dance and isn't quite in my lap yet when I detect this stinky odor, kind of like two week old gym socks or someones rottn shoes. I thought it was the couch at first and I was thinking about suggesting we switch to another but then she got in my lap, turned around and stuck her booty close to my face and it was like BOOM a Tyson left hook when the odor hit me. It was her bikini bottoms. I wonder when the last time she washed them was? I'm surprised she couldn't smell it herself. Maybe she could and thought it was me bwahaha! I weighed the benefits of telling her about it but since I wasn't very familiar with her decided telling a strange woman she stunk was inadvisable. I just got the one song and done.

shadowcat

•

12 years ago

Several years I did accept a 2 for 1 dance at Columbia Platinum Plus for $20. Like the OP, it turned out to be a not touch, in a high mileage club. Half way through the first song I could see it was going no where, so I just got up, tossed the $20 on the couch and walked out.

Clackport

•

12 years ago

Aah those Italians. I'm a sucker for their tan skin, long legs and big butts.

Thankfully most dances I receive are pretty good. I guess I've just been lucky. Suprisingly one of the girls I tipped had one of the worst stageshows I've ever seen. No energy, she made no eye contact with any of the tippers, but she turned out to give one of the best lapdances I've ever gotten. I'm glad I took that chance :)

My only real bad experience with lapdances is when a stripper will try to charge me for two when I only got one.

crazyjoe

•

12 years ago

i was at a club last nite and one of my favorite dancers and i watched another dancer try to scam a guy. she kept saying the did 10 songs and he said 5 songs. it got pretty heated. in pretty sure he was right. i saw them go back to the private area and come off when they were done. there wasn't enough time for 10 songs. the guy stood his ground

crazyjoe

•

12 years ago

i had a dance from a really hot Asian girl once. i had to stop after one because her crotch smelled like garage truck juice.

GoVikings

•

12 years ago

@ ranukam- I'm a sucker for that as well.

I guess I've been lucky when it comes to how they smell. If I remember correctly, I've never ran into a stripper with a bad odor. All the one's I've gotten dances have smelled great due to whatever type of perfume they use.

Around here, customers and strippers arguing over how many songs they did together won't happen, because you have to pre-pay for your lap dances. Yeah, it sucks, but at certain clubs it's just the way things work.

mmdv26

•

12 years ago

Anytime butt odor is involved, it's a BAD dance!

Stiletto25

•

12 years ago

I dont give bad dances, at least I dont think I do. Customers keep coming back so I must be doing something right. However, I do go over the rules and pricing with a customer before beginning. That way we both know what we're getting into

jester214

•

12 years ago

I bought into a lap dance from a true beauty at a local club one time, solid air. Had never seen anything like it. She had the gall to ask for a tip.

DandyDan

•

12 years ago

I don't know that I ever had a bad lap dance. Maybe lackluster, but not horrible. Generally, the worst ones I got were ones involving counting malfunctions.

ButterMan

•

12 years ago

I had a horrible one once. And I still remember it to this day. It was a Babes west in Indy. I don't remember the girls name. She was cute and I was waiting on another girl who has with a regular so I decided to give her a try. It was by far the worst lap dance ever!

jackslash

•

12 years ago

I had a bad lap dance last week. I always go for the most beautiful dancer, and so I approached a new, young girl. In the VIP booth she removed her top and sat in my lap, but then told me I couldn't touch her tits. No touching the tits in a Detroit strip club? WTF? I should have walked out right then, but I stayed for 1 dance. Then she tried to charge me for 2 dances. The horror! The horror!

3LeggedMan

•

12 years ago

I usually get a single lap dance first with any prospective VIP entertainer, but I met a hot Asian dancer, the first and only one I've seen at my central Illinois club. At the tip rail she was very touchy-feely and I just couldn't wait to get her to VIP. So she comes off the stage and I buy the 30-minute VIP. In the VIP, it's mostly air with a little grinding. One-way contact only. Way below standards for that club. As the dance is ending, Lana says to me "Sorry that the dance was lame. The girl across the room is the biggest snitch in the club." Well, thanks much. If she'd warned me of that when we entered the room, I'd gladly wait for the "snitch" to finish and leave before we started. Anyhow, I might have given her another chance but I never saw her again after that.

motorhead

•

12 years ago

I can't even remember my last air dance but my worst dance ever was with with a drunk girl at the Hip Hugger in Kokomo, IN.

When I say drunk - I don't mean "fun" drunk - I mean can't even stand up drunk. When a dancer is so drunk she falls off of your lap, she doesn't deserve to be paid. After about her third fall, I told her we're done and threw down ten bucks abd went back to my seat.

big_d_2011

•

12 years ago

Worst dance I have had was from a dancer at PP in Columbia. I made the mistake of buying a pitty dance because she seemed nice enough and gave a great stage show. We get back to the back, it is halfway through the first song and she starts. I should have stopped her right then (I learned from this and have not made the same mistake since). She gives me a mostly air dance with a little grind for a minute and a half and the song stops. Then she says it will be $10 for massage my neck and $20 for the dance plus a huge tip. I laughed gave for $30 without saying a word and I warned the other guys in the club about her tricks. Needless to say, I did not see her give another dance the next two hours I was there and she stayed on the other side of the room.

By far my worst. I have never had a dancer ask for money for a neck massage. Live and learn though. This was about 6 months ago, but if you are at PP in Columbia avoid Jersey!

10inches

•

12 years ago

worst dance that I've ever had was in the VIP room at PP in ATL. girl was a 9 with at smoking hot body. great stage dance. took her to VIP. first couple of dances were okay, then she started grinding her ass on my boner. she had a marvelous, firm, full ass but one hell of a tail bone. thought she was going to break my dick with that thing. kept shifting trying to make it easier but she just got faster and harder with her ride. had to go to bathroom afterward to make sure I wasn't bleeding !!!

Player11

•

12 years ago

My worst lap dances were at a couple of Montana clubs as they don't allow two way contact like Houston. A total waste of money.

Dougster

•

12 years ago

I can remember three times girls delivering air dances. Half way through I told them I would pay for the full dance but wasn't staying to the end, so just left half way through.

Alucard

•

12 years ago

If you decided on looks alone, well...were you drunk?

As to the prepayment problem, you may need to take a long road trip to deal with that or find a different kind of sex worker for entertainment. Only you can decide if your $$$ is well spent.

Rod8432

•

12 years ago

Worst LD was at Brad's Brass Flamingo in Indy. Although a well-known high-mileage club (two-way touching except for the pussy), a dancer informed me as the dance started that boob-touching is only allowed in the VIP. WTF? I maybe should've left, but proceeded anyway, even though the entire dance was mostly air and very disappointing.

I was one and done with that girl, which makes me wonder why she did that? Did she thing she'd make more money because she'd withhold some of the goods in the hopes I'd shell out more? Instead, it took her energy and time to sell me on the LD room, only to bust. Had she not done that, I would've sprung for 3 or 4 dances. It seems a customer you already have is better then the presumed ones you don't, plus the ones you disappoint wind up telling their neighbors (as I did to a couple guys around me) to avoid that dancer. A loss for all concerned...

Omega22

•

12 years ago

I have had my share of dances with little contact and my share of dances with plenty of contact. So I cannot really point out any dance in particular. I have noticed that the girl will usually give a better dance after you have paid for a couple already. Most of the time it is you get what you pay for.

Bishop4224

•

12 years ago

The worst dances I got were the pity dances I used to buy before I learned to just suck it up and say "no". Worse was a dancer at Silk in Milwaukee (not sure she's there anymore) with the rotten meth teeth I could barely understand.

Second worse was at On The Border in Franklin (Milwaukee burb) with this Eastern European blonde who must've been a serious work out addict and perhaps body builder with bolt ons. Very pushy, bad dances and finally taught me how to say "no"

txtittyfan

•

12 years ago

Air dances from a hot girl are still way better than the excessive painful grinding of some.

GoVikings

•

12 years ago

@ Alucard- lol no, I wasn't drunk

Good stories everyone, thanks for sharing. To be clear, this was a rare occurrence. I've only had this happen like twice and this one sticks out in my mind the most.

For the most part, I'm usually always pleased with the lap dances I've gotten. But this was a $50, 2 song lap dance which at this clubs gets you 2 way contact and it was AWFUL. I've had $10 lap dances at other clubs that were better than this.

lopaw

•

12 years ago

ultra hot dancer = ultra lame lapdance. Almost guaranteed.

stenton1

•

12 years ago

The worst lap dance I ever had with with a dancer whose name I can't remember at the Outer Space Lounge, a hole in the wall dive in Philly.
I met a dancer with a great ass, that apparently was the gift that kept on giving. We did 3 dances with her gyrating all over my crotch.
When I got in the car and looked down at my pants, it looked like an 18 wheeler had locked up his brakes on my pants! Skid marks everywhere!! I was amazed that she didn't smell.
Needless to say, those pants hit the outside trash can when I got home. I still recoil in terror when I think back on that fateful night. Needless to say, Outer Space is off of my rotation.

3LeggedMan

•

12 years ago

Reading these stories reminded me of another set of dances, worse than the air dance I posted about earlier. At another club in the south suburbs of Chicago, I was approached by a lovely dark-skinned AA with a Jamaican accent. She was whispering in my ear and rubbing my crotch while we stood in the main room. That convinced me to buy a 5-for-60 set of dances. At that club, it's not a big deal... songs are limited to about 2:30. Anyhow, we go back to the dance area and the song starts. This crazy woman starts bouncing up and down on my unit like it's a trampoline. Perhaps if we were naked this would feel great. But as I'm fully dressed, it must be considered blunt force trauma. I weathered the storm, but was sore for days after. If I ever see this girl again, we're going to talk before I pay for a single minute of her "dancing".

Dougster

•

12 years ago

Not sure what lopaw is talking about. IME the hottest looking girls generally give the best dances and are the most likely to do OTC. Win-win.

steve3003

•

12 years ago

Geez, whining bout a couple of fucked up dances. That stuff's worth talking about? WTF.

likes2look

•

12 years ago

I was visiting another city awhile back and decided to try out the new girl. She had just started dancing after being a cocktail girl in the club. Whoops! She plopped down on my lap and lightly rubbed her ass on my thighs for most of the song, only turning around near the end so I could see the titties. Needless to say I was one and done with her. You can't always pick a winner.

topmandd

•

12 years ago

Three items come to mind. One at Spearmint Rhino in Dallas. I'm sure that this chick was on something, but it was almost a crying effect through the whole dance and heard about all her troubles. Then when we get done with the song she's all pissed that I stopped her at one. I'm like outta here. Second would be at Little Darlings in LV back before alcohol. This one gal just sits down at my table and starts carrying on. I'm trying to be nice enough and all and she's just not my type, and then I tell her flat out not interested in dances and she get's this all WTF attitude about her that she's 'just trying to talk' - I'm like hey you are wasting MY time too. The last one was back to the B.O. aspect at Rhino in LV. It's nice and all that girls shake their ass in your face, and don't get me wrong, we had 3 guys and 2 girls in a private area with WAY too much alcohol. This one starts rubbing her ass in my face, but hard part was, that close - it did smell a bit too much ass... LOL. But I just made sure not to be in that position again.

You must be a member to leave a comment.Join Now