I know this has been brought up before, but lets see what the consensus is. I'm married (18 years) I'm 50, I frequent clubs when I travel on business, almost all of the time by myself, I have one buddy at work that occasionally we go to a local club. Other than him no one in my "circle" knows I go to clubs. I know Clintown keeps his clubing private, how about the rest of you?
Bones, Lol, I was wrong. I thought maybe you were in your twenties the way you kept hitting the clubs without getting tired of them. Now I look like the young guy. It might be true that the younger you are, the less disposable income you have to throw around as well. When I see how my two brothers lives are with their wives, I'm very happy to be single.
I don't know that my clubbing is an insult to my wife, as much as it is getting something that she has no interest in providing, and doesn't put any value on--that it, coquettish, flirtatious behavior that is centered on a man's sexuality (and/or nut). My wife is a very successful middle-aged professional woman, and does not have a lot of time or concern for the kind of teasing/tempting /erotic behavior of strippers. To be fair to her, she wasn't that way when she was 25, either, so it's not as though I was misled. by anyone It is best that I be discreet about my clubbing not because I am getting something that my wife would rather I get from her, but because I am getting something that my wife thinks that no one (most of all, me) should be getting in the first place.
All the above analysis applies regardless of any level of entertainment that I might or might not be getting in a strip club.
I'm in my mid-forties, and married for 20 years. Most of the inner-circle of guys that I work with, know about my "hobby".
Although a few visits to clubs have been discovered by my wife, I do everything I can to keep it a secret. When I visit, it's usually on business trips, and when not on trips I have very elaborate alibis to cover myself. On the few occassions that my wife learned of my visits, she didn't go balistic about it, but would keep saying "I can't believe you went there" for weeks after the visit.
I prefer that she not know, because deep down it is somewhat of an insult to your wife that you have to find something in a club that you feel you need, and that which is not being obtained from your wife.
For those that say they wouldn't go to clubs if they were not single; Married or not, I would be "clubbing". If you go to clubs for the reasons that I do, I don't believe that you'd stop going if you were not single. For me, the allure of "clubbing" is being able to sit in a club and know that pretty much ANY dancer there is within your grasp. The ability to basically snap your finger at THE hottest girl in the place and have her come over to be with you is pretty exciting. Sure you mght have success in a bar once in a while, but how else can you have nearly a 100% chance of playing with the girl of your choice?
I'm different. I would hope my wife changes, too, by no longer dating other men and going to bed with them. If strip clubs were as harmless with me as Playboy magazine I'd have something to squawk about.
I'm married, in my 50s, and go alone to strip clubs. When other guys talk about clubs I'm pretty non-committal but don't deny that I've been. It's been years since I went with a friend but I'd do it again if the friend suggested it. I don't think I'd intiate the idea.
I have a great story about a friend who is in his 30s. He went to Vegas with a few friends for a bachelor party for one of them. His wife was cool and knew they'd be going to the strip clubs. He was getting a lap dance with his cell phone in his pocket and some how the phone called home. His wife didn't answer but the message on their machine was pretty clear what was going on. She was very cool with it and thought it was hilarious. I even talked to her about it. I couldn't believe it! My wife would not have talked to me for weeks. Which is why I keep it a discreet.
"When two people get married, the husband hopes that his wife will never change and she hopes that he will. They're usually both disappointed." I wish I could remember where I read that, I think it's very profound.
And I think that's the root of the problem that we're discussing here. For example, when we were young my wife gave me a subscription to Playboy as a Christmas gift, now she'd get pissed if I brought one home. She's become much more conservative in her views as we've aged, especially about sex and morality; I haven't. And I think that's pretty typical among couples. She didn't used to care if I went to strip clubs, now she does.
My first serious girlfriend after I started going to strip clubs told me she didn't expect me to give it up just because we were living together, as long as I remained faithful, of course. I went to clubs a few times but didn't enjoy it. For me, it's fun only when I allow for the possibility of behavior that would be totally unfaithful.
I understand that some married guys here have a different kind of relationship or a different attitude about what constitutes cheating. What I don't understand is the seeming conviction that theirs is the only realistic approach. I know too many cases of friends who were prodigious pussy hounds at the singles bars right up until they settled down with their present wives. They wouldn't dream of going back and putting themselves in a position that tempted them to cheat. That's how I am, and it's based on experience, not some naive wish.
Hearing these horror stories about wives, I'm just delighted I never got one for myself. :) It just stuns me how adult human females seem to have some kind of concept that it will be their right to "control" their partner male's sexuality.
If she's a danged human heterosexual female, why does she dislike the way that human heterosexual males act? Yeesh.
Unless your situation is very unusual, you and your SO are almost always going to have some significant differences of opoinion on some issues, and some of those differences are likely to be emotionally charged. Personally I prefer to avoid the mine fields. We don't debate our differing religious views either. It wouldn't accomplish anything constructive.
I think you start having secrets when you realize if you tell people, it'll upset them or possibly cause you trouble when silence does neither. I like the phrase "I could tell you but then I would have to kill you." Or someone asking a guy at the counter if he's worried about setting his wallet on the counter, then he describes in a few detailed moves how he could seriously incapacitate you if not break a few bones.
I may have a big list of what I don't want in a SO. If she consistently complains about me looking at other girls, need to get rid of her. I don't need a nag. If you're not cheating, I don't see a problem.
I'm at the final stages of a divorce. Have been an off and on clubber for years. Through the years there was a tacit approval but the last 2 years (admittedly more often visits) were met with disapproval. I dont hide anything. I think people should go where they want, do what they please. Why should anybody criticize someone else? Do what you enjoy.
Well aren't you just the paragon of virtue, TacoGoblin. :)
At some point in your life you may find that you notice that you're wired differently again. Like, you might have a sig.other but still want to go to a club. Maybe even, get DRIVEN to run around behind her back. For now, you've escaped the culpability not because you've managed to resist the temptation, but merely because you weren't tempted in the first place. Beware that complacence ...
"Think" I'd give it up? Naw.. I "know" I'd give it up. That's just the way I am. If I had a girlfriend, I'd have my intimacy needs taken care of and wouldn't need to be in a club. I'd feel like it'd be disrespecting my SO, and that's a no-no. When I'm with someone, typically my blinders go on.. not by design, just seems to be the way I'm put together. I even catch myself doing it if I'm sitting with my ATF at the bar, I stop checking out all the other dancers.
FONDL, what do you find so amusing about it? You said something similar once when I posted about my attitude on the question. I've given up clubbing when I've had a serious girlfriend, and I expect to again. Why shouldn't I?
I remember that old feeling, of "having to" go to a club because I "couldn't" get a girlfriend. Now I just "have to" go to a club and I don't even TRY to get a girlfriend. But when I DID have a girlfriend, I still "had to" go to a strip club ...
I find it amusing that some of the unattached guys think they would give up clubbing if they had an SO. I probably thought so too, although it's too long ago to remember.
I agree with Chitown, "discreet" is definately the correct term.
I like lopaw's answer. Early on, I got quite a thrill out living a Secret Life at strip clubs. Since those days, my secret has been shared too much, and strip clubs have become too commonplace. But I still get some excitement at the thought that if only they knew how deep I went.
57, married 36. I've taken her before. I don't make a big deal that I go, but it isn't a secret. I know she doesn't know how often I went before I retired. Went with friends after work and by myself when work took me out of town. She doesn't know about my ATF, inside or outside.
I've been with my SO for 13 years. I hide my activities or else I would feel her wrath, and should she ever learn of my adventures, I'm sure I would be disemboweled in my sleep.
Keeps my life exciting & dangerous, just how I like it.
I'm single, no girlfriend.. I don't hide it. I could really care less who knows since I'm very much the amateur. Perhaps if I had more of a habit, there'd be something worth hiding. If I did have a significant other though, I wouldn't be going to clubs at all. That would cease and desist immediately.. that's just how I am.. wouldn't have a need to go.
I'm single. I don't hide it, but I don't go out of my way to tell everyone either. Most of my friends and family know about it. I try to be discreet about it around work, but the cat's gotten out of the bag there a few times, too. I usually tell girls I date about it so it doesn't become a shock later on, if there's a later on. They're always cool about it.
I used to live in a very small town and I started to wish at one point that everyone at work didn't talk about my adventures at some local strip clubs. One guy kept asking if I had any more sexy pictures of strippers. One girl at work asked what I thought about her going into stripping. Another girl boldly hit on me in front of the whole department of coworkers. I'm not sure if that was due to knowledge of me going to strip clubs though. Years later, I got a new job and was hoping to be more discreet about what I do in the evenings. At least now, I don't feel like I'm what everyone talks about.
I'm single, so I have less to worry about. But I don't tell my family, because I know the way they are. One of my ex-girlfriends knew, and she wanted to go with me once, but we broke up before it could happen. Some of the people at work know, although I wish the head honcho at my job didn't know, because he likes to bring it up every so often and frankly, that was a time I wished would be forgotten.
28 comments
All the above analysis applies regardless of any level of entertainment that I might or might not be getting in a strip club.
Although a few visits to clubs have been discovered by my wife, I do everything I can to keep it a secret. When I visit, it's usually on business trips, and when not on trips I have very elaborate alibis to cover myself. On the few occassions that my wife learned of my visits, she didn't go balistic about it, but would keep saying "I can't believe you went there" for weeks after the visit.
I prefer that she not know, because deep down it is somewhat of an insult to your wife that you have to find something in a club that you feel you need, and that which is not being obtained from your wife.
For those that say they wouldn't go to clubs if they were not single; Married or not, I would be "clubbing". If you go to clubs for the reasons that I do, I don't believe that you'd stop going if you were not single. For me, the allure of "clubbing" is being able to sit in a club and know that pretty much ANY dancer there is within your grasp. The ability to basically snap your finger at THE hottest girl in the place and have her come over to be with you is pretty exciting. Sure you mght have success in a bar once in a while, but how else can you have nearly a 100% chance of playing with the girl of your choice?
I have a great story about a friend who is in his 30s. He went to Vegas with a few friends for a bachelor party for one of them. His wife was cool and knew they'd be going to the strip clubs. He was getting a lap dance with his cell phone in his pocket and some how the phone called home. His wife didn't answer but the message on their machine was pretty clear what was going on. She was very cool with it and thought it was hilarious. I even talked to her about it. I couldn't believe it! My wife would not have talked to me for weeks. Which is why I keep it a discreet.
And I think that's the root of the problem that we're discussing here. For example, when we were young my wife gave me a subscription to Playboy as a Christmas gift, now she'd get pissed if I brought one home. She's become much more conservative in her views as we've aged, especially about sex and morality; I haven't. And I think that's pretty typical among couples. She didn't used to care if I went to strip clubs, now she does.
I understand that some married guys here have a different kind of relationship or a different attitude about what constitutes cheating. What I don't understand is the seeming conviction that theirs is the only realistic approach. I know too many cases of friends who were prodigious pussy hounds at the singles bars right up until they settled down with their present wives. They wouldn't dream of going back and putting themselves in a position that tempted them to cheat. That's how I am, and it's based on experience, not some naive wish.
If she's a danged human heterosexual female, why does she dislike the way that human heterosexual males act? Yeesh.
I have no problem with calling it a secret. In fact, a secret sounds more fun to me than being discreet.
At some point in your life you may find that you notice that you're wired differently again. Like, you might have a sig.other but still want to go to a club. Maybe even, get DRIVEN to run around behind her back. For now, you've escaped the culpability not because you've managed to resist the temptation, but merely because you weren't tempted in the first place. Beware that complacence ...
I agree with Chitown, "discreet" is definately the correct term.
Keeps my life exciting & dangerous, just how I like it.
Dancer: So, are you married?
Me: Me? WHAT!?? AAAAACkkkkkKKK HEAVEN'S NO!!!!!